Chapter Thirteen #2
She’s right. What I feel for Blake isn’t love.
And what he feels for me? Possession. I’m a commodity.
Marrying me is a sign of status for him and his position at work in social circles.
I know it. Kira knows it. But what I’m not ready to do is admit to her why, for right now, I have to stay.
I know she supports my dream of running this animal shelter as much as I support hers as an author, but choosing to temporarily stay in this relationship so my business doesn’t collapse isn’t something she’d understand or take lightly.
But I would do anything for these animals.
Including biding my time a bit longer in a relationship that is eating me alive.
Even if all I really want is to have a relationship that lights me on fire, with someone who can’t get enough of me.
Someone like Rhys.
“Bristol, don’t bullshit me. Who are you talking to here?
I know you better than anyone. Where’s the girl I grew up with who stood up for herself and never would have settled for something that didn’t light her on fire.
” She’s been beaten down, slowly, methodically, and there’s not much of her left standing.
“I know, Kira! I know! For fuck’s sake, I know, okay? Why are you calling anyway, just wanted to see my face and start my day off by making me feel like shit?” I snap, knowing that she doesn’t deserve my wrath and immediately regretting my words.
Kira pinches her face together.
“I’m sorry. I love you, and I know that’s not an excuse for being so adamant, but goddamn, Bris, I wish you could see yourself the way I do.
I just want you to be happy, and I know you had your heart set on a life that was written in the stars.
That’s not with Blake. But I’ll back off and respect that you’re a big girl who can make her own decisions.
I trust you, and no matter what happens, I’ll always be by your side to support you.
If that means picking up broken pieces someday, so be it. I’m your ride or die.”
“Really?”
“Really. I’ve got you. Always. In fact! I’m going to make up my shittiness to you.”
“And how are you going to start your apology tour?” I joke, the tension between us disappearing.
That’s how it’s always been, and it’s something I’m grateful for.
I wish I could lean on her through the shit I’ve found myself in, but I just need to get the shelter situated first, and then I know she’ll be the first person at my house to help me pack up my things and move out.
“Coffee, of course.”
My heart sinks. Coffee has always been my and Kira’s thing. But lately, I associate coffee with Rhys. Guilt washes over me.
“I have time for coffee. Usual spot?” I ask.
Kira winces, squinting her eyes.
“Sooooo. I overslept. Aaaaand I’m not in Bloomfield.”
“Where the hell are you if not in Bloomfield, Kira?”
“Okay, this is going to sound insane, but I’m in this tiny-ass town and just spent all weekend with a guy I met through a mutual friend in the writing world.
His name is Trey, and he’s fucking gorgeous.
He’s sweet and considerate in all the right ways, but Jesus have mercy, that man is a beast in bed.
And in the kitchen. And on the stairs. Bris, trust me when I say, I think he might be the one. ”
“Oh my god, Kira, you’re ridiculous. The day you settle down is the day cows jump over the moon.”
“Alright, whatever, don’t believe me. But I’m telling you right now, I think he could turn me into a monogamy-loving girl. My love life aside, I’ve got a plan.”
Please no.
“And that is?”
“Better than a coffee shop date, I’m going to pick up coffee and bring it to you! Voilà! Problem fixed.”
My heart sinks, wondering if Rhys will be in.
I haven’t seen him all week, and I know that is normal, but I’m not ready for them to meet.
She’ll read my face and know right away that something is going on between us.
Even if it’s innocent enough. But I also can’t tell her not to come into the shelter because that will just make her more curious.
“As long as I get to see your face, that’s fine with me.
I have a fairly slow day, which will make it easier.
” Maybe I can lock us in my office, and we can avoid him if he does come in.
At least until she leaves. My heart flips over in my chest thinking about him coming in today, wondering if he’ll show up.
By not coming in every single day, it’s made me look for him every time the door opens, wondering, waiting on bated breath.
I’ve found that on days that he doesn’t come in, I miss him. Deeper than I should.
“Done. I’ll meet you at the shelter as soon as I leave Aspen Ridge,” she says, pausing and giving me a somber look, her deep brown eyes looking so sad.
“Look, I know I’m being hard on you, but the thought of the girl I love more than anything in this fucked-up world spending more time wasted on someone who doesn’t make her feel like a fucking queen makes me irrationally angry.
I just want to see you straighten your fucking crown and be the queen I know you are. ”
I scoff. “I’m no queen, Kira.”
“Yes the fuck you are. You just need to be reminded of who you are and how much you have to offer the world.”
Kira and I say our goodbyes, and I reluctantly get off the bed, starting to pull myself together.
I could have told her that I’ve already made up my mind, that I’m leaving Blake, but I want to do it on my own terms. I need to take care of the shelter first. I just don’t have any idea how long that will take.
This whole thing just became so much bigger than just my needs and wants.
I need to give myself the opportunity to handle it all without her pressing me to get it done.
As much as I love her, she’s pushy as all hell once she’s made up her mind, and this is something that needs to be taken care of on my own terms. I want a solid, clean break from Blake, and that means separating him and the company he is so deeply involved with from my shelter.
Hopefully, once the time comes, Blake and I can have an honest conversation and separate amicably.
Unfortunately, I know it’s not quite that easy.
Our lives are tangled together. Not to mention, Blake has been getting very aggressive, not that I think he would ever physically hurt me, but in a way that makes me extremely uncomfortable.
Luckily, he hasn’t tried to have sex again since the night his coworkers were over, but I don’t know how much longer I have before he tries.