Chapter 12
Drake
She wiggles around on my lap, and I wait for her to get comfortable before I press play. With shaky hands, she lifts her water glass to her lips and drinks, and I wonder if I’m doing the right thing by having her here for this. I think I am. We agreed to never lie or keep secrets from each other. We vowed to be equal partners and to never try and shield each other from things. If I had snuck in here in the middle of the night to read the letters and watch the video without her, I would be breaking my promise, and I’d sooner die than do that. Besides, I’d have to explain everything to her, and she would probably demand to see the evidence herself. Either way, she would end up here, and it’s best to do it only once because I know I can’t go through this a second time .
Once she’s comfortable, I wait for her to tell me to push play, only she doesn’t. I start the recording anyway, and instead of seeing my father’s face, I see Howard’s.
“It’s all set for you,” Howard says before he goes off-screen. It’s my father’s home office and it’s dated two months before his death. I remember that time. He was still fighting, and for a moment, I deluded myself into thinking that he would beat the disease. He went fast after that, and I remember every day he got further and further away from me.
He finally shows up on the screen. He’s dressed casually in a light blue pullover. His hair is all gone from the chemo, and he looks frail. Despite everything he’s done to me, I still miss this man. Not the man who conspired against me, but the father who taught me everything I know.
“Hi, Son,” he says. His voice is not the loud and commanding one I grew up with. He sounds weak, like a shell of the man I knew. “If you’re watching this video, then I’m already gone. Not only am I gone, but I’ve been gone for about a year now. Knowing you, you took your time with this. You didn’t run home and hit play right away. You had to work through it first.” My dad chuckles as if anything he's saying is funny.
Nia purses her lips, probably to keep herself from saying something smart or derogatory about my father. She wants to get this over with as much as I do. That’s why she’s quiet now.
“Speak your mind, Ni,” I say after I pause the recording.
“What makes you think I have anything to say? I just want to get through this,” she says.
“I know you. You’re pursing your lips so tight, you’ll go cross-eyed.”
“That doesn’t make any sense, Paradise.”
“Don’t hold anything back from me.” I rub the tip of my nose on her shoulder. “Talk to me. Tell me how you feel. This video is as much about you as it is about me.”
She turns and looks into my eyes. I hold her stare. She sighs and says, “Why is he acting like anything about this is funny? And isn’t it ironic that he went through all this only for him to confess it all in the end? Fucking asshole,” she hisses. I rub her shoulders. She takes a deep breath and says, “I’m sorry. Come on. Let’s continue.” She goes to press play, but I take her hand and put it down.
“Don’t ever apologize to me for how you feel.” I lift her hand and kiss it. Then, I press play.
“You've read the letter by now, I hope. If not, press pause, read it, and come back. If you’ve read it already, let’s continue. I’m not going to rehash what I wrote, which was two months ago now. I was going to write more, but I don’t have the strength, and Howard suggested we do this. The only thing I will reiterate is that Howard had nothing to do with this. Please remember that. You’ll want to take your anger out on someone. You’ll need to make someone pay, but please know that whatever Howard did, it was at my urging.
“The other thing I want to reiterate is that Scarlett knew almost from the beginning because I told her. You were so depressed, so I asked for her help in getting you out of your funk. She’s always wanted you, so it was, in my twisted mind, a way to make things up to you. I took one woman away from you, so if I gave you another, we would be even.” He pauses and looks away. He starts to cough, but the video picks up again once he’s under control.
“Well, it didn’t work. I know my son. I know you never married Scarlett. You were never into her, and I know you only proposed because you were in no danger of getting hurt by her. It was torture watching you two together. There was no chemistry. No passion or joy. You didn’t light up. I saw more sparks in the text message exchanges you had with Nia than I ever saw with you and Scarlett. With all that being said, please don’t be too hard on her. I’m the one who dragged her into this mess, and I feel so guilty about that. I used her, and I shouldn’t have involved her at all. Another thing. I told a lie in the letter I wrote. It wasn’t only because of class. It was race. Yes. Your father, the one who taught you love and acceptance could not accept the woman you love because of her race. Not only that, but I went to great lengths to deceive you. I love your siblings, but you are the one, Drake. I’m dying, and it’s going to happen soon. It’s only a matter of time, and I don’t want to leave any lies behind. I got between you and Nia and kept you away from your son because I did not want you to be with a woman outside of your own race. It sounds so stupid now that I’ve said it out loud, and I’m ashamed of myself.” He looks away from the camera, takes a breath and looks back up. “For the past few years, I’ve failed you, and I’m sorry. I hope in the future you can remember our good times and forgive me. You’re my boy, Drake, and I love you so much. I always have. Even when I did terrible things to you, I loved you. I told myself I was protecting you, but the reality is, I was doing this for myself. For my image. Even though I’m not there anymore, I know you have regained everything that I took from you, and I’m happy that you did. It was what you were always meant to have. Remember that not even death can change my love for you. You were created in love, and I loved you until I took my last breath.”
The screen goes dark, and the room goes quiet. I don’t know what I expected, but I thought there would be so much more than what I got. Yes, he’s explained but so far, it hasn’t brought me any peace or closure. So, I wrap my arms around my wife, and I stick my face in the middle of her back. Nothing and no one can bring me more peace than her.
“Well, at least he admitted it,” Nia says.
“But it doesn’t make me feel any better at all, baby girl.” She turns in my arms and ends up straddling me. She runs her hands through my hair and down my face. Her eyes lock with mine, and I know she’s doing her best to read my mind.
“Maybe not yet. It’s still new and raw. You did the right thing by finally tackling this. Tomorrow you won’t wake up with this dragging you down.” She smiles, and there’s so much hope in it. I want her to be right about this too because the last thing I want is to still have this albatross around my neck. “I want you to always remember what I told you. This changes nothing. Your wife still loves you. Your kids adore you, and you’re still the best father out there. Second to my dad, of course,” she says with a playful smile.
“I’m honored to come that close to him in the father department.” She rests her forehead on mine and giggles, but I mean it. Her father and I might have gotten off on the wrong foot, but he was there for his daughter and my son when I couldn’t be. I’ll always be grateful to him for that. “Thank you. Those words mean a lot, and you’re right. This changes nothing about our life together. He’s the one who missed out on getting to know his first grandchild. He’ll never know how amazing Carter is. It’s almost sad how he had to watch from a distance.”
I wonder what he was thinking when he looked at the pictures his henchmen took. Did he feel immediate regret? Did he want to get to know Carter? How could he have looked at these pictures and not wanted to get to know my incredible son? Ever since my mom found out about him, she’s done everything she can to get her hands on him. When she learned Nia’s parents got Carter one weekend a month, I saw the wheels turning in her head. She did not stop until she started spending her time with him too. She’s loved him since I told her about him, and I don’t know how my father could have walked away, but he laid it out for me. It was because of the color of his skin, and that’s the part I’ll never make peace with.
“Speak your mind, Paradise,” Nia says, throwing my words back in my face.
“I will never make peace with the reason he did it. Never. If he were alive, I would cut him out of my life and never speak to him again. I would have chosen you. Always.”
“I know you would have.” I close my eyes and bask in the trust that she’s given me. There was a time when she wouldn’t have believed me. A time when she would have called me a liar, but those days are in the past. Now we have uncompromising trust. “But think about the alternative. Do you think we would have gotten back together if he was alive? Yeah, you would have been angry. I believe you would have cut him out of your life and would have done everything in your power to get me back, but what about the rest.”
“What rest? Scarlett? She wouldn’t—”
“Not her,” she says with a snort. “I’m talking about your family, particularly your mother. Her anger wouldn’t last as long as yours. She would want you to forgive your father. And I bet your father would have offered you the world on a platter to earn your forgiveness. Eventually, I would be the bad guy still holding a grudge and preventing family unity. The narrative would have changed, and maybe in time, you would be angry at me too.”
I mull over her words. I’ve never thought about my father being alive beyond having the opportunity to confront him and walk away. I’d have walked away from him and Paradise Construction, but I never considered how my family, especially my mother would have reacted.
They would have been angry. Mom would have been livid with him, but Nia’s words ring true. What my mother would have wanted the most would be family unity. There’s not a chance in hell she wouldn’t have heard my father out and forgiven him. She would have wanted us to be a big happy family, and she’d have been certain that therapy would've helped us get there. She would have played mediator. She’d have cried and begged. She would have told me how sorry he was and that he deserved a second chance.