Chapter 11 Joshua
JOSHUA
My first day on the jobsite went better than I expected. Despite a few fumbles and dumb questions that I didn’t realize were dumb until I got the answers, I had fun. And I couldn’t remember the last time I’d described any day of work as fun.
Sal met me in the parking lot and introduced me to Trey, the lead carpenter.
From there, I was basically following everyone around and trying to figure out how to be useful.
There were four guys plus Sal, and they all seemed nice enough.
Trey needed help holding up long boards while he screwed them overhead, and then Danny let me help with the demo of an old bathroom that was being completely replaced.
The only problem was that after being sedentary for so long, I’d forgotten how exhausting physical labor could be. On the other hand, while my joints and muscles were aching from overuse, my brain was quiet, and I didn’t have time to obsess over my night with Matthew. It was nice.
Nice to be busy and even nicer to be productive.
By lunch, I'd spent some time with each of the different trades and was showing an unexpected competency with electrical. Maybe it was my lack of self-preservation instinct, but I wasn’t the least bit weary at handling wires, testing live wires, or replacing dead circuits.
Bronson even mentioned that most newbies took at least a few days before digging into wiring.
Apparently, most newbies had shit to live for.
That thought brought a smile to my face as I considered how dramatically my life had recently changed and that maybe I had something to live for too.
We ate lunch out back on the loading dock. I opened the bagged lunch Matthew had packed for me and found a turkey sandwich and an apple with a little container of chips. There was even a note scribbled on the inside of the bag that said “Don't hurt yourself.”
I distracted myself by obnoxiously chewing my apple as I fought the emotion clogging my throat.
He actually cared. It was a foreign feeling that I wasn’t sure how to handle.
After that, Matthew was front and center in my mind, even as I took measurements and carried boards up and down stairs.
When I was free to let my mind wander, it went straight to the weight of his hand on the back of my head and the warmth of his skin under my cheek.
Not to mention the milk. Just thinking about it gave me a fluttery feeling in my belly that made me wish I could text him just to say hi, but that felt too needy.
Probably because I did need him. I also needed to know we were okay.
Nothing was bad this morning when I woke up, but we didn’t get a chance to talk or even acknowledge that anything was good, either.
The best night of my life had ended with me falling asleep with his soft skin still between my lips and his heart beating near my ear.
The rest of the day went quickly as I tried to soak up as much as I could before we clocked out for the day.
“How’d it go?” Sal patted my shoulder as I walked to the truck, which was parked next to his.
“Great.” I nodded and grinned because it really was great. “I enjoyed learning everything.”
“Good.” He rounded the back of Matthew’s truck and then stopped as I opened the door. “You learn quick, so I think we’ll be able to find a place for you long-term.”
“Yeah?” No one had ever told me they wanted to keep me around before. “That means a lot to me, boss. Thanks.”
“Drive safe, Josh.” He slapped the tail gate and started to walk toward his own. “And tell Matty I owe him a steak for referring his boy.”
My jaw went slack as all the words he said sank in. He thought I was Matthew’s boy. What did that even mean? Well, I kinda knew what it meant but not in the context that he seemed to be suggesting.
The drive back took longer than the drive out because I hit traffic coming in from the city. By the time I got onto the road that went up to Matthew’s house, I was tired and starving and just wanted to see Matthew.
Maybe even have a repeat of last night.
Then again, he hadn’t said anything this morning.
He’d been normal, but were things still normal between us?
A lot had changed for me, but maybe I was reading more into things that I should.
We were both adults and could have fun now and then without having to have deep discussions or labels or anything.
Maybe.
Really, that was probably the right way to handle things, especially if I was gonna be living with him for a while.
I tapped my thumb against the steering wheel and kept my eyes on the winding road, trying not to get in my head and ruin the great day I’d had.
Then again, maybe I'd pushed Matthew too far by asking for something he clearly didn't share with most people. He was obviously not ready to share that part of himself with me, but in my anxious and tired moment of weakness, I’d begged, and he couldn’t say no.
But that didn’t mean he was happy about it. Maybe he gave me what I asked for because he was afraid I’d have some kind of relapse. Maybe I would have.
I sat in the truck for a minute before getting out. I had a good day at my new job, and that was what I wanted to take inside. Not my fears and insecurities.
From the entryway, I could hear his voice traveling from the other end of the house. That low and controlled tone he had on work calls was immediately soothing. I’d gotten used to hearing him in the background, and it set my worried mind at ease.
I kicked off my boots and dropped the keys on the counter then headed toward my room.
When I heard Matthew swearing, I stopped and looked at his open door.
I wasn't trying to listen in a bad way. I just wanted to make sure he was okay…and that the house wasn’t on fire or about to be overrun by snakes.
So I took a few soft steps closer and held my breath so he didn’t hear me eavesdropping.
"I can't take on something that requires travel right now." He paused while whoever was on the other end talked, but I could hear his frustration. "I realize it's what I’ve been waiting for, but I'm gonna refer you to a company I’ve worked with in the past. They'll do right by you."
Why was he passing up on a job that he seemed to want? It took a few seconds for me to realize what the problem was. What the problem always was. Me.
There was another pause, and then he sighed. "Yeah, you know I appreciate the call, and I’m sorry I can’t help you out. You know I would if the timing were better."
Damn. I headed back to my room and slipped inside without making a sound.
I sat on the edge of the bed and looked at my hands. There were a couple small cuts that I’d almost been proud of when I left work. Now, the grime in the lines of my knuckles reminded me of the day Matthew found me.
The day he saved me and maybe screwed himself. Because whatever surface attraction he might have to me wasn’t worth turning down work for. Important work, from the sound of it.
There was already a huge list of things I felt guilty for.
Staying in his house and eating his food was easier to brush off as things people did for friends.
But him being stuck at home because I needed his truck and possibly losing money and jobs was different.
He didn’t sign up for a permanent babysitting job.
If he trusted me to be alone for a few days, then it might not have been an issue. But he obviously didn’t trust me.
I had taken a man who was good and capable and generous and made his life worse just by being in it.
I quickly showered and went straight to bed. I didn’t know what else to do or what to say to Matthew. I just needed to think. And cry apparently, because as much as I didn’t want it to happen, tears spilled over my lids and soft sobs rocked through me.
My face was pressed into the pillow to muffle the sounds, but I heard the door when it opened.
“Joshua?” Matthew was instantly at my side, and the mattress dipped behind me as his arm came over me. “What’s wrong?” He pulled me against his chest and held me tightly. That just made me cry even harder.
He didn't say anything for a while. He just held me and rubbed up and down my arms. "Did something happen today?"
I shook my head and sniffled, trying to calm my stuttering breaths. “No.”
"Okay, then." He carefully turned me around in his arms so I was facing him. Well, his neck. “Can you tell me why you’re upset?”
I lay there for another minute and tried to come up with some kind of story to tell him, but I had nothing. Nothing but the truth. "I’m sorry I’m ruining your life.”
His fingers side up the back of my head, and he gently tugged it back so he could look at me. “Why would you possibly think that?”
I tried to turn away from him, but he kept me in place, forcing me to face him with the harsh reality.
"I know you had to turn down a job because I’m taking over your house and your truck, and now you’re losing money because of me.
” My nose was runny, so I slurped back the snot and a few more tears leaked out. “I didn't mean to wreck your whole—"
"Joshua." Matthew had rarely raised his voice and this time was different. “That’s enough of that.”
I couldn’t ignore his tone, so my eyes immediately locked with his. “It’s true.”
"Joshua, sweetheart." This time, he wasn’t confused or pissed. Just hurt. "You didn't wreck anything."
I rolled my eyes but didn’t say anything else. I didn’t trust my voice to hold if I tried.
He sighed and dragged his palm to my jaw, holding me just inches away from him.
"I turned down a project that would've been interesting a year ago, but it’s not what I want right now. I would have been on a plane three days a week for the next two months, and that’s not what I want.
" He dragged his thumb over my lower lip until it popped free of his touch. "I wanna be here with you."
Oh.
"I've been doing this work for a long time and have traveled all over the world.
I've eaten room service alone in a lot of cities and then come home to an empty house every time.
" His gaze shifted between my eyes. "And now that you’re here…
Well, this has been the best week I've had in longer than I can remember. "
My throat was tight again. "Really?"
"Really." He cocked his head and looked at me like it wasn't even a question. "And last night…" He exhaled slowly and looked up at the ceiling. "Last night was something I didn't know I was missing until it happened."
Thank fuck. "Yeah?"
He looked at me again and smiled. "Yeah."
I pushed my face against his shoulder and wrapped both arms around his neck, clinging to him like a lifeline. Because he was.
And maybe I was his too.
After a few more minutes, he kissed my forehead and then my tear-stained cheeks. “I have a lasagna in the oven. Are you hungry?”
I nodded, and my stomach growled to echo my response. “Starving.”
Matthew took a deep breath and then pressed his lips to mine, gently at first and then relaxing into a heated kiss. When his tongue teased at the seam of my lips, I opened wide and let him in.
I wanted all of him inside me, but this was good for now. And when my stomach rumbled again, he finally pulled back with a chuckle. “Okay, sweetheart. Let’s get you fed, and then you can tell me all about your first day.”
We kept things light during dinner, but as soon as my belly was full, the extent of my physically and emotionally taxing day hit me. I was practically dozing off at the table.
Matthew cleared our dishes and then held out his hand to help me up from the table. “Looks like an early night for you, huh?”
“Yeah.” I yawned and leaned sideways to stretch. “I’m gonna be sore tomorrow, but a good sore.”
“Good.” He placed his arm over my shoulders and held me to his side as he walked me to my room. “Sal said you did great today.”
I stopped walking and looked up at him. “He did?”
Matthew looked almost guilty as he shrugged. “I was curious and asked him how things were going.”
“Oh.” I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. “Yeah, it was good. I really enjoyed it, but it’s hard work.”
He chuckled and kissed the side of my head. “Hard work is good for you. But let Sal know if it’s too much. He won’t push you further than you’re comfortable with.”
“Yeah, I know.” We went to my room, and I walked inside, but Matthew stopped at the doorway.
“Do you need anything before you go to bed?”
Milk would have been nice, but I was too tired to work for it. “No, thanks. I’ll be out as soon as I brush my teeth.”
“Okay, then.” Matthew lingered for a moment before taking two steps in and reaching for me. “Good night, sweetheart. I’ll see you in the morning.” He kissed me with an open mouth but quickly pulled away.
My mouth hung open as I nodded. “Good night.”