Chapter Six #2
We finally make it back towards the bar, only for a familiar face to appear through the crowd.
"Ewan!" Brooke crows.
His head snaps around before a grin spreads across his face, his eyes glued to his girlfriend. "There she is! How’s my girl?”
Brooke smiles widely. "Good.”
“Good,” He nods. “I’ve been looking for you for bloody ages.”
Brooke waves a dismissive hand. “I got kidnapped.”
He frowns. “What?”
Abi points to herself. “It was me. I stole her.”
Ewan glances between us. “I don’t think I even want to know.”
Brooke lets out a tinkly laugh, lighter now he’s here. “Probably for the best.”
My eyes drift over his shoulder almost automatically, searching the faces behind him but there is no one there. "How did the football trials go?"
"They were good." He nods enthusiastically. "Really good, actually."
"And..."
"And what?"
I shrug, trying to sound far more casual than I feel. "Who made it?"
A smirk tugs at the corner of his mouth. "You asking about Josh?"
Embarrassment works its way through me. Am I really that transparent? "No. I was asking…” I wiggle my fingers. “Generally."
"Mm." He coughs a laugh. "He smashed it." His grin grows. "Made the firsts."
I get this stupid little rush of pride for him. “I’m really pleased for him.”
"I'll tell him you said that."
"You don't have to do that."
"I probably will anyway."
I roll my eyes. "Is he here?"
"He was." Ewan cranes his neck, scanning the room. "Think he went to get another drink. He's about somewhere."
I find myself looking again but there are too many people. I catch sight of three dark-haired boys who aren't him, someone wearing Josh's build but not Josh's face, somebody in a football hoodie that makes my heart jump before they turn around and become a complete stranger.
“He'll turn up," Ewan says, following my line of sight. "You can't lose Josh for long. He's about six-foot-three."
I cross my arms to my chest. "I wasn't looking for him." Liar, liar, liar.
"No?"
"No."
"Mhmm." He gives me a look that says he doesn't believe me.
Brooke nudges him in the ribs. "Leave her alone."
He flutters his lashes innocently. “I’m not doing anything.”
“You’re winding her up.”
“Alright, alright.” He titters, palms up. “I’ll leave it.”
I roll my eyes and decide there's no point trying to defend myself and, if Oscar is anything to go by, boys seem to enjoy winding people up far more than is strictly necessary.
The four of us stay by the bar, watching the dancefloor and moving along to the music.
Out of nowhere Brooke turns to Ewan and kisses him.
One of his hands goes around her back, hers curls into his hair, and then they’re just snogging beside us with literally no concern for the fact Abi and I are right there.
Abi catches my eye and pulls a face before talking at me at breakneck speed, only to grab my arm mid-sentence and gasp, “Oh my God.” I follow her stare to a pale, dark-haired boy standing across the room. “Be right back.”
She disappears into the crowd before I can ask where she’s going, then glances over her shoulder and mouths, Voldemort, throwing me an enthusiastic thumbs up.
I laugh, noticing he really does look like the kid who played teenage Voldemort. When I look over again a minute later, she’s got one hand buried in his hair and her tongue in his mouth while he grabs at her.
Bloody hell. That’s fast work.
I take another sip of my drink and turn back towards the dancefloor, but without Abi talking in my ear, I start noticing everything else.
People are shouting over each other three-deep at the bar, someone keeps knocking into my shoulder, the lights are flashing straight across my eyes and there doesn’t seem to be a single patch of floor without somebody standing on it.
Jesus, is it hot in here?
I fan myself and look around at everyone. It suddenly dawns on me that this is what eighteen-year-olds are supposed to be doing.
The last few years haven't exactly been spent in places like this. They've been spent recovering. Going to therapy. Trying to get better. While everybody else was meeting new people and going out every weekend, I was just trying to make it through the day.
I learnt pretty quickly that time keeps moving whether you're ready for it or not. People keep growing up without you, and friendships quietly become memories instead of part of your everyday.
"I'm just going to splash some water on my face," I tell Brooke, waiting until she drags her attention away from Ewan long enough to look at me.
Her brow puckers. "You alright?"
"Yeah." I nod reassuringly. "Just a bit warm. I'll only be a minute."
She looks like she wants to come with me before Ewan says something that steals her attention again, and I take the opportunity to slip away, weaving between groups of strangers.
Everywhere I turn, somebody is kissing somebody, dancing with somebody, leaning into somebody’s ear.
Brooke has Ewan. Abi has teenage Voldemort.
Everyone seems very good at getting on with the life they’re meant to be having.
I used to think I knew exactly what mine would look like too. When I was little, I imagined my future so clearly that some of it almost feels like memory now. A house. A job I loved. Some boy taking my hand and saying, I know who you are, Rubes. You don't have to explain.
A happy ever after.
I believed in them for years.
Until believing in happy ever afters started to feel like believing in mermaids or dragons or parents who don't lie. Because, like all silly little girls who dream of such things, I eventually found out real life isn't a fairytale.
It's not even close. Happy Ever Afters don't miraculously appear. They don't descend from the sky with perfect timing and a swell of orchestral music. You have to crawl toward them. You have to fight for them. You have to survive long enough to even believe you deserve one.
By the time I reach the corridor leading towards the toilets, the music has dulled enough that I can finally hear myself think again.
I take a deep breath, deciding that a splash of cold water is probably all I need, when I notice a girl a little further down the corridor struggling to stay on her feet.
One hand is scraping along the wall as she tries to keep herself upright, but her knees suddenly give and she drops heavily onto the floor. She doesn’t even seem to really notice she stacked it. She just sits there against the wall, staring ahead with this completely blank expression.
I crouch down in front of her. She’s a mess up close, silver glitter smeared across one cheek, mascara running underneath both eyes and lipstick all over the place. The smell of vodka and sick is so strong I have to breathe through my mouth.
“Hey.” I wave a hand gently in front of her. “You alright?”
She blinks at me a few times, squinting as though she's struggling to bring me into focus. "I don't feel very good."
"Yeah." I soften my voice. "What's your name?"
It takes her a worrying amount of time to answer. "...Jess."
"Hi, Jess. I'm Ruby. Do you know where your friends are?"
“I don’t know.” She slurs, her face falling. “I think I’ve lost them."
"It's okay. We'll find them."
"I've only known them a day," she sniffles, looking close to tears. "What if they don't even like me?"
"You were hanging out with them for Freshers, right?” She sadly nods. I give a despondent smile. “I'd say that's a pretty good sign."
She stares at me blankly for a second before nodding to herself. "...Yeah."
"Can you stand up for me?" She nods again and I take both her hands, gently pulling her to her feet.
She sways so violently I have to grab her before she falls straight back down again, wrapping an arm around her waist as she leans almost her entire body weight against me.
"There we go," I murmur, struggling under the weight of it. "You're doing brilliantly."
She’s seriously fucked.
Her head drops heavily against my shoulder, and I realise she's barely keeping her eyes open. "Come on." I adjust my grip, trying to take a little more of her weight. "Let's get you somewhere quieter."
She shuffles forwards beside me, taking small, clumsy steps that are more enthusiastic than coordinated. Then her legs suddenly stop cooperating altogether. Her knees buckle without warning, and she folds into me so quickly that I barely have time to react.
"Oh—" I catch her beneath the arms before she can hit the floor, but the movement throws me completely off balance. My back collides with the wall with a dull thud as I desperately try to keep us both upright, my trainers slipping slightly as I struggle to find any leverage.
“Oh, shit.” I sound winded.
“Sorry,” she slurs, slumping into me even more.
“Jess?” I breathe, trying to haul her back onto her feet. “I need you to help me a little bit.” She gets two steps before her legs give out completely and collapses into me. “Fuck—” I catch her badly, slamming back against the wall while her full weight drags at my arms. “Jess, help me. Come on.”