Chapter Fourteen
Saturday
Joshua:
The noise in the pub seems to swell around me as I enter.
The place is cramped, low-ceilinged, full of heat and overlapping voices.
Small wooden stools sit unevenly around short tables, legs scraping every time someone moves.
The carpet is dark red and worn flat in the places where people walk the most.
Every football team is here. Firsts, Seconds, Thirds, all of them crowded into the same narrow space, shoulders bumping, glasses clinking, everyone talking over each other.
Ewan is across the room, shouting something at a group of lads I don’t recognise. He could make friends with a lamppost, that one.
Oscar is at the far table with the other Captains, leaning back on his stool, smiling at something Axel Fitz is saying, with Cam nowhere in sight.
I turn to the bar and order a beer, feeling wildly out of place.
The bartender fills the glass, foam creeping to the edge, and I watch it like an idiot, feeling unbelievably uncomfortable.
James could talk to anyone. He’d make friends with the bloke next to him within thirty seconds.
I was always the quiet one. Still am, I guess.
Cam rocks up out of nowhere and leans his elbow on the bar beside me. “I’ll have what he’s having.”
The bartender gives a quick nod as he hands me my pint and starts pouring Cam’s, the tap hissing softly.
“You on the piss tonight?” He tilts his head toward my glass.
I look at the glass too. “I’m not really a drinker.”
“Not even during Freshers?”
“Nah.”
Cam studies me for a second. His eyes move over my face like he’s trying to work something out “You’re a bit of a closed book, aren’t you?”
“I’ve been told so.”
The bartender slides his pint forward. Cam grabs it, taps the base lightly against my glass in a small cheers, and takes a sip. “So,” he says, setting the pint down, “who’s the girl?”
“What girl?”
“The one over there,” Cam keeps his chin still and moves his eyes to a spot to the left of me. “She’s staring right at us.”
I turn my head to look. Bonnie is standing near a table, arms folded, eyes locked on me. No expression on her face. She’s dressed for a night out, red lipstick staining her lips and a tight black dress on her.
Fuck this.
I can’t spend my whole uni experience doing this.
What is she doing in this pub anyway? It’s all boys. She’s the only girl. Shouldn’t she be off making friends and living life? Isn’t that what I’m trying to do? Live my life for the brother I lost? Shouldn’t she be doing it for the boy she loved?
As our eyes meet, I’m amazed I feel nothing. I used to think she was the most beautiful, dazzling girl I’d ever seen. She still is beautiful, but the feelings it used to evoke in me have gone. Bonnie looks right back at me, almost daring me to do something about her presence.
I don’t want to go over there. I want her to go away.
“Well?” Cam presses, drawing my attention back to him.
“She’s my brother’s ex.” I lie, feeling sick with it. Or is it a lie? I don’t fucking know anymore.
Cam raises his eyebrows once. “Oh.”
“Yeah.”
He looks at Bonnie again. “She doesn’t look happy.”
“Not really my problem, to be honest, mate. It’s nothing to do with me.”
“Reckon she’s on her own?”
I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. “Again, not my problem.”
Cam lets out a low whistle. “Alright.”
“Sorry,” I take the bite out of my tone. “It’s all a bit complicated.”
“Clearly.” He rasps his knuckles on the bar once.
“All the more reason to get on the razz, isn’t it?
” Clapping a hand on my shoulder, he turns me slightly to face him.
“We’re gonna meet up with Oscar’s girlfriend and his sister Ruby soon, you should come with.
” My heart kicks at the mention of Ruby’s name.
It was nice to see her today. Cam nudges my arm.
“Come and sit with me and O.” He gestures toward the table where he’s sitting.
Oscar is sat, surrounded by football boys. There’s an air of respect that follows him. When he talks, they all fall silence. When he makes a joke, they all laugh. When he tells them what to do, they listen.
We walk over, and Oscar looks up at the exact moment we reach the table. “Alright, Josh?” He smiles, friendly and welcoming. “Grab a stool.” He finishes whatever point he was making to the lads across the table, then turns his attention back to me. “You good?”
“Yeah, yeah.” I breathe out, hoping for once in my miserable fucking existence I don’t make it awkward. I do my best to channel James. Please let these people like me. “You?”
“Yeah, all good mate.”
Cam drops into the seat on Oscar’s other side, taking a long sip of his pint. “Josh is mysterious. I like it. Hey! He kind of reminds me of Emma.”
“Emma?” I echo, frowning. “Who is Emma?”
“My girlfriend.” Oscar clarifies before he turns his head sharply. “The fuck are you on about, Cam?”
“She was all caged off, wasn’t she?” Cam says, waving his hand like he’s painting the air. “A prickly little cactus.”
Oscar stares at him, unimpressed. “What?”
“You know,” Cam continues, shrugging. “When you first met her. She was all guarded and stiff and serious.”
Oscar’s jaw tenses for a second. “She wasn’t a cactus, Cam.”
Cam grins. “She was until you cracked her open.”
“Was that a euphemism about my sex life? Again?”
“No!” Cam protests—then immediately contradicts himself.
“But you did crack her open, didn’t you.
In all ways. I specifically remember the boys getting a nice show on my kitchen counter where I make my ham sandwiches.
” He points straight at me. “Three fingers deep, he was. Completely unashamed about it as well.”
Oscar makes a noise that sounds like someone punched the air out of him. “CAMERON. FOR FUCK SAKE.”
Cam looks proud of himself. “What? You did.”
“We live together,” Oscar hisses. “Why would you bring that up here? Now? In front of people?”
Cam’s eyes widen in fake innocence. “He’s in the group now. He deserves to know the lore.”
“I didn’t need to know that, actually.”
“I’m sorry.” Oscar’s jaw is clenched tightly. “He has no filter. Literally none. He’s like a yappy Jack Russell. No matter how hard I train him, I can’t get him to shut up.”
“It’s not my fault you’ve forced me into seeing things I can’t unsee! The sounds? The shirt? The way she grabbed—”
“CAM.” Oscar slams his pint down, not enough to spill it, but enough to make the table shake. “If one more syllable comes out of your mouth, I’m benching you next match.”
Cam rolls his eyes. “You’re a liar. You wouldn’t score a single goal without me.”
Oscar gives him a level, borderline murderous look. “Try me.”
Cam slowly lifts his pint to his lips and takes a silent sip.
I clear my throat, trying to steer the chat to safer territory. “You been with Emma long?”
Oscar’s whole posture changes; he relaxes, softens, immediately becomes wistful. “Just over a year.”
Cam nods enthusiastically. “Best year of his life. He won’t say it because he’s emotionally constipated, but he’s obsessed.”
Oscar rolls his eyes. “Ignore him.”
“You are. Everyone knows it. You’ve been gone on her since the day she cannonballed into the café and spilled coffee everywhere.”
Oscar glares again. “Cam.”
“It’s not an insult,” Cam insists. “She’s unreal. Nicest girl in the world. Sweetest. And she somehow likes you, which is inspiring, truth be told. Gives hope for the rest of us.”
Oscar huffs, but the corner of his mouth lifts.
I raise my pint. “Sounds nice, mate. Lucky.”
Oscar nods once. “It is. The best, actually.”
Cam leans back, satisfied. “Right. Who’s buying the next round?”
Oscar wags a finger at him. “You. You daft prat.”
“Alright, keep your knickers on, bloody hell.” Cam slides off his stool.
I wrap my hand around my pint, quiet again, but there's a weight in my chest that doesn't hurt for once. I could truly like it here. I could make friends here. Possibly even live a life that looks so different to the one I’d always pictured.
Watching Cam saunter to the bar, my eyes land on Bonnie. She’s chatting with a friend, a redhead that I don’t know nor have I ever seen.
The warm feeling vanishes.
“He’s a lot,” Oscar tells me, looking at Cam as he makes the bartender laugh.
I shoot Oscar a look. “But worth it?”
Oscar nods once. “Yeah. He is. He’s the best mate I’ve ever had.”
I laugh, but it cuts off almost immediately. Oscar is peering at me, an intense look on his face. It makes my mouth go dry and nerves attack me. I can feel myself start to sweat.
Is he about to ask about James?
Oscar opens his mouth and I prepare myself, but instead he says, “You’re a really good player, mate. I’m feeling a bit put out.”
Relief hits me so hard that I have to look down at my drink. “Thanks.”
His gaze is assessing. “You’ll fit in fine.”
Can he see all my doubts? “Will I?”
“If not with the whole team, you’ll definitely fit in with me and Cam.”
Not sure about that. “How do you know?”
“How does anyone know anything?” He picks up his pint which is almost finished. “Sometimes you can tell.”
I don’t know what to do with that, but I feel grateful Oscar is confident in saying it.
Cam drops his pint onto the table with a thud, and the moment dissolves fast. I feel an odd mix of frustration and respite.
Oscar wipes the condensation from his glass with the side of his thumb. “How does my sister seem, by the way? Is she alright?” His tone is casual but his lips are tight around the edges.
The question catches me off guard. Is he on about Bernardo? Has she told him? I don’t know why it bothers me, it just feels like it’s ours. “Alright? Yeah. She seems fine.”
Fine feels too small for Ruby. She is bright, beautiful, and unapologetically herself. There is nothing uncertain about her. If anything, I feel like I’m the unsure one when I’m around her. But I know I bloody love spending time with her.