Chapter 22
Haddie was breathless, soaked, and shivering by the time they burst through the front door of the apartment. Levi must have been just as cold because goose bumps peppered his arms and legs.
They toed off their muddy shoes and peeled away their wet socks before padding into the living room, small puddles from their dripping clothes forming in their wake.
“We need to dry off,” he told her, his voice hoarse. “I’ll get us some towels.”
He spun toward the bathroom, giving her a moment to think, to wrap her head around all the events of the day that led them to right here. What came next? What happened after they peeled off their soaked clothes?
Haddie knew the ball was in her court. If she chose to call this friends with benefits, he’d probably let her.
Levi would let her live in her blissful world of make-believe, claiming that whatever they felt wasn’t real or wouldn’t last. Friends with benefits.
Cut their losses before they even happened. Safety. Her line in the sand.
“I’m crazy about you too!” she blurted out instead, and despite the cold, wet clothes clinging to his shivering torso, Levi Rourke stepped out of the bathroom, towel in hand, and smiled the kind of smile that could make the clouds part to reveal the biggest, brightest rainbow she’d ever seen.
“Oh la vache,” she added, burying her face in her hands.
He laughed. “What is that?” he asked.
She met his eyes again. “What is what?”
“The…the thing you just said. Was that French? You did the same thing that night in the hotel and today in the dressing room.”
Haddie’s cheeks burned. How had he noticed her tell so quickly? Maybe the more astute observation was that Levi had noticed her. He’d seen her, even when he barely knew her.
“When I get flustered…which is not often, by the way…my brain sort of short-circuits and I start spouting aphorisms or idioms in other languages. I got it from…um…from my grandmother.” She cleared her throat.
“We weren’t super close, but when we’d watch soccer together, she used to swear in other languages at bad plays.
” Haddie shrugged. “Now it’s my thing too.
” He stepped closer, his smile fading, and dabbed the folded-up towel under her eye.
“Oh god,” she said, a slight tremble in her voice.
“Are my eyes leaking? Did I just turn things from romantic and cute to ugh-this-girl-has-issues weird?”
He wrapped the towel around her neck and tugged her close. “I like weird, Haddie. And I like you. But you have to tell me what happens next,” he said, his voice layered with hesitation and hope.
Since Haddie was six—six—and lost her mom, she’d kept everyone at arm’s length, preparing for the moment when they’d eventually disappear.
And it still hurt when Emma moved back home.
It still leveled her when her grandmonster died, because despite their complicated relationship, they were all the other one had.
And what had it gotten her, other than a lonely existence even when the people she was meant to love were right in front of her?
Levi was right in front of her. Would depriving herself of the chance to feel something for him make it any easier to lose him once he was gone?
Haddie’s shoulder rose in a small shrug.
“Why can’t we see where this goes and deal with that when we get there?
” She cupped his cheeks in her palms and kissed him softly, drinking in the rainwater on his lips as he sighed against her.
Then she stepped back with just enough room to peel off everything she was wearing, letting it fall to a wet heap on the floor.
Levi sucked in a breath as she wordlessly helped him out of his clothes and backed him—naked, hard, beautiful, and hers—into his room.
He lay down on his back, and Haddie crawled over him, staring down at the man she didn’t want to run from anymore.
She fell back onto her heels, and he gripped her thighs, drinking her in.
“How did you imagine it?” she asked. “Our first time.”
He slid his hand up toward her hips, his thumb pausing to touch her where her pelvis met his.
Haddie gasped at his touch.
“Slower,” he told her, tracing a soft circle around her swollen center until she whimpered. “And…preferably not in a locked room the size of a small closet or under the very precarious shelter of an equipment shed’s roof where I might get struck by lightning.”
She laughed, and her back arched as he slid his thumb against her again.
“What you are doing right now”—she sucked in a sharp breath—“is making it very hard for me to want to go slow.”
“And I am enjoying watching you try to restrain yourself.” He grinned. “But even more, Haddie, I fucking love that after all these weeks, I finally get to touch you like this.”
He slid his upturned palm between them, sank a finger inside her, and Haddie whimpered. Well, two could play this game.
She wrapped her hand around his shaft and slowly stroked upward until she felt him slick against her own thumb. She slowly twisted her grip over his tip before sliding back down.
Levi swore…loudly, and his eyes fell shut. What power to be able to make him feel like this…and for him to trust her with whatever happened next, both in this bed, tomorrow, and the days and months after that.
“Say it again,” he whispered, as they both touched and teased and explored.
“I’m crazy about you,” she admitted once more, and she wished she had the courage to tell him that she’d never said anything even close to that to any other man before.
“Top drawer of my nightstand,” he told her, his voice rough, and Haddie grinned as she reached for the drawer, produced a condom, and rolled it down his length.
Levi opened his eyes, slid his hands to her waist, and urged her down to him, his lips brushing against hers.
“Make me promise not to fall in love with you,” he whispered.
Haddie’s breath caught in her throat. “Don’t fall in love with me,” she complied, her voice a tremble of words. Because I won’t be able to take it when you fall out.
He nipped at her bottom lip and smiled against her. “Okay,” he replied. “But I should warn you that I’m shitty at keeping promises.”
Then he moved his hand between them, positioning himself where she was open, wet, and waiting for him. He lifted her by the hips—good god, the man’s upper body strength—and lowered her over his entire length, burying himself inside her.
She cried out, her vision turning to bursts of color as lighting and thunder crashed, illuminating the otherwise dark room.
Haddie Martin didn’t know what love was supposed to feel like or if she was even capable of letting herself be loved. But if she had to put one word to her jumble of thoughts, to the questions bouncing around in her brain, it would be Levi.
Levi.
Levi.
Levi.
“Yeah?” he asked as they moved together, their bodies woven into one, and Haddie realized she’d been saying his name out loud.
“Don’t make that promise,” she told him, and then gasped as he slipped a hand between them.
“I won’t,” he replied, and Haddie cried out.
She was so close. So freaking close.
“Because I can’t,” he admitted.
Haddie felt like she was pitching over a cliff, heart and body tangled together as he moved faster inside her until they were falling together in a sweaty, breathless, euphoric heap.
That night, despite the storm raging outside, Haddie never so much as flinched as she slept in Levi’s arms, dreaming about promises she hoped neither of them could keep.
***
The next morning, Haddie did her best to slide out from Levi’s embrace and sneak into the bathroom.
All she had to do was make it in and out of the shower without waking him so she could make it to the square in time to pick up the blackmail coffee that was even more important after what happened the night before.
She started the water before realizing she hadn’t shut Levi’s bedroom door. After popping back out to quietly snick it shut, she made it halfway back to the bathroom when she heard a deep, groggy, sexy voice behind her.
“Shower,” he murmured. “Me too.”
Haddie huffed out a laugh and turned to face a still-naked Levi, hair askew as he rubbed his eyes, his morning wood on proud display. She, at least, was wearing a T-shirt she’d stolen from his drawer before sneaking out.
“You want to shower first?” she asked, brows raised. “Because I’m kind of in a rush to—”
“Together,” he interrupted, and Haddie couldn’t hold back her amusement at this morning-after, caveman version of her roommate-turned-something-more.
“I have a meeting,” she lied.
“Go early too,” he responded, and then he held out an open palm to reveal a small, square package that looked an awful lot like the others she’d seen in his nightstand drawer.
Her insides turned molten and a deep, needy ache pulsed between her legs.
“Fine,” she relented. “But this can’t happen every morning.” She grabbed his wrist and tugged him toward her.
“Why not?” he asked, his first intelligible sentence of the morning.
And Haddie realized she had no good answer to his question.
“Actually…” she drawled. “You have a point. Consider solo showers a thing of the past.”
And then she led him into the bathroom where she let him lift the T-shirt over her head and lead her beneath the steaming spray of hot water.
Levi kissed her neck and nipped at her ear. “Good morning, Birthday Girl.”
And for the first time since she was a kid—and despite it being a month since the date had passed—Haddie thought she might let herself celebrate today.
“Can we have cake for dinner?” she asked him as he peppered her skin with feather-soft kisses that made her knees turn to Jell-O.
Levi dropped to his knees and kissed her pelvis. “We can have anything you want, Birthday Girl.” And then he buried his face between her legs and gave her a very generous gift.