Chapter 26 Mercer
Chapter twenty-six
Mercer
She canceled on me.
I expected it, given the sharp decline in communication this week.
Yet when the email came through, it took massive amounts of control to resist the urge to throw my monitor across my office.
Today is the day. The one-week deadline. By now, she should have reasoned with the man-child hockey player, and we should be free to continue with our relationship.
None of that can happen if she keeps avoiding me, though.
I’m angry with myself for even agreeing to such a preposterous solution.
I’m angry with the boy. I’m angry with the whole damn situation.
For a week, I’ve let this charade go on. I’ve allowed her to struggle like this when I should have been supporting her and suffering the consequences of the fallout myself.
She and I are both in that fucking video.
I should have never allowed her to attempt to handle this on her own.
She won’t look at me. Hasn’t lifted her gaze once since walking through the doors, despite my glare. She feels it. I know she does, yet her focus remains on the laptop in front of her.
It’s ten, yet I can’t focus clearly enough to begin class. Not until I know she’s okay.
“Ms. Davvies.”
The students quiet and take their seats.
Sawyer lifts her head slightly, though she still doesn’t make eye contact.
“A word.”
Hockey boy sits up straighter, his gaze boring into my skull with an intensity that would make me shudder if he wasn’t such a pathetic excuse for a human.
I force myself to focus only on Sawyer.
She rises slowly, her movements timid. Her body language is off, her spirit shrouded by a sinister aura.
My chest cracks open once she’s within arm’s reach.
I want to hug her. Hold her. Wrap her in my arms and take care of her until the fire I adore returns to her.
The tightness in my throat makes it hard to swallow. The constricting palpitations in my chest make it impossible to take in a full breath.
“I’d like to speak to you in the hall,” I tell her evenly. Without waiting for a response, I look up and clear my throat. “Break into pairs and discuss the case study featured in this week’s assigned reading. Ms. Davvies and I will be back momentarily.”
I march toward the hall without a glance back. Now that the whole class expects her to follow me, she has no choice.
Is this what our relationship has come to? Forced interactions and stolen moments?
Once I ensure the hallway is empty, I grab her hand and duck into an alcove of vending machines.
When I’m certain we’re alone, I lace our fingers. “Sawyer, the week is up, and I—”
She pulls away, jolting, and peers over her shoulder.
Pain ricochets off my chest cavity. What the fuck has got her so spooked?
“Sweetheart, we’re alone,” I assure her. Tentatively, I reach out again, ducking to meet her warm brown eyes. “He’s not out here. He can’t touch you. How can he have you so goddamn scared?”
Huffing, she shakes her head. “I’m not scared.” She pulls her shoulders back. “I’m just… aware. I know how he can be. How he gets. I don’t want to cause a scene or make things worse.”
The hair on the back of my neck stands on end. “Worse than what?” I step in closer. “What has he done and why are you withdrawing?”
She crosses her arms over her chest, causing the pale crests of her breasts to peek out above the neckline of her dark green cardigan.
Hidden away like this, I should be copping a quick feel or stealing a hungry kiss.
Instead I’m begging for information and desperate for her to give me any sort of honest update.
“I—I can’t explain it. I’m sorry.”
“What is it, Sawyer? Are you with him?”
Are you ending us?
That’s the question I should ask, but I’m terrified of the answer, so I choke the words back.
“I don’t know.” She lowers her head. “Ty thinks we’re together. Still.”
Anger builds inside me, coming to a slow simmer. “And what do you think, Sawyer? Are you with him, and what does that mean for us?”
For me. For her. For Noah.
Jesus H.
She hugs herself tighter. “I already told you; I don’t know. I’m sorry. I’m just—I’m confused. And I feel like I’m letting you down. I promised you one week, but I think I need more time to deescalate the situation.”
I grind my molars, causing pain to shoot up my temples. “Are you asking for an extension, Ms. Davvies?”
Her eyes are hollow, watery when they finally meet mine. “No. That’s not fair to you.”
“So what?” I grit out. It takes everything in me not to shout. “We’re over? You’re with him now? Just put me out of my goddamn misery and tell me what the hell is going on.”
Sniffling, she swipes away a single tear. “I don’t want this to be over.”
That’s not enough. Regardless of her desire to be with me, I need to know if she can reciprocate my feelings, full stop.
My rage reaches a rolling boil as seeds of worthlessness try to take root. She doesn’t know the details of my past—who I was with and what he did. She doesn’t know the depth of my trauma. She’s not intentionally trying to hurt me.
And yet…
“I can’t be someone’s dirty little secret or second choice.” It hurts to even utter the words, because once upon a time, I was both.
I was both and I was so willing to take the mere scraps another person gave. To this day, the scars from loving Colton hurt more than any self-inflicted injury. The invisible wounds left behind fester and flare at the most inopportune times.
Like now. When I’m desperate for this woman to rekindle what was sparking between us.
I take a deep, cleansing breath, tamping down on the storm of emotions brewing inside me.
“If you want out, tell me you want out.”
“No,” she bites back, her default sass finally—fucking finally—flaring back to life. “I don’t want out. I want you, dammit. And Noah. I want you both, so fucking much. But what’s happening—”
“What is happening, petit diable?”
Sawyer snaps her mouth closed, her eyes fluttering shut as Tytus appears at the mouth of the alcove.
I surge forward on instinct, but before I can insert myself between Sawyer and the man-child, he’s positioned himself against a wall and pulled Sawyer against him, her back to his front.
He hooks his chin over her shoulder, his dark eyes burning into me. Smirking, he drags a hand around to the front of her body and holds her possessively.
“Is there a problem here, Professor?”
I clench my fists at my sides to keep from sending one sailing toward his smug fucking face.
“Shouldn’t you be in class, Mr. Tremblay?”
He licks his lips and smiles. Sawyer covers his hand with hers, like she’s trying to pull him away, but he doesn’t budge.
“Just came out here to check on my wife.”
I know a losing battle when I see one.
So I offer Sawyer a pointed look. This isn’t over, and she damn well knows it. Then I cooly regard the man-child who’s come between us.
“We’re done here. Get back to class, both of you.”
Tytus guides her out of the alcove, but when he tries to drape an arm over her shoulder, she swats him away.
When the door to the lecture hall closes behind them, I pull out my phone and send off a text.
Mercer: We need to talk. Meet me at Mae’s at 6.