Chapter 20 Sawyer
Chapter twenty
Sawyer
Orange and pink lights flash in time to the music, each beam casting mesmerizing highlights and shadows on Keira’s tight red dress.
I pulse to the tempo, the cells in my body singing in perfect harmony.
I’m loose and pliant; happy and desperate to make this feeling last. The fabric of Keira’s dress is smooth beneath my fingertips, the crushed velvet of my own bustier top lush.
I can’t stop touching either as we dance.
All I want to do is feel and dance and forget.
This is what I came for. This state of detached pleasure is what I’ve been craving.
I’m momentarily free of the memories. The heartache. The pain.
My mind is singularly focused on chasing pleasure and being pleasure.
“You feel so good.” Keira wraps her arms around my neck and pulls me closer. Her breath is sweet on my face—fruity and inviting.
I lick my lips, chasing the scent, suddenly wanting to taste it on my own tongue.
I do feel good.
I feel so fucking good right now.
No one else is here. All eyes are on me.
Pleasure hums through my veins, my arms growing heavy. With a sigh, I wrap them around Keira’s neck for support.
She pulls me closer, aligning our bodies and shifting one of her legs between mine.
Fuck.
Warmth blooms in my core, and on instinct, I roll my hips forward, grinding against her bare thigh, chasing the pressure I crave.
“You’re wet, aren’t you, pretty girl? I can feel the heat through your soaked panties.”
I’m wet. I’m warm. I want nothing more than to stay in this moment forever.
With frenzied hands, I tug at Keira’s waist to pull her closer, searching for an outlet for the compounded pleasure zipping through my core.
I giggle, the sound melodic and unfamiliar to my own ears.
Keira laughs too, smoothing her hands down my arms. Over my hips. Resting them on the cinched waist of my bustier.
She squeezes, just a little.
A moan escapes me, followed by another giggle.
I love dancing. I love this party. I don’t actually know this song or remember what I’m drinking, but I’m so happy not to be sad for the first time in weeks.
“Hey now,” a low voice rumbles, the two words vibrating through my chest in a way that tells me the speaker must be close.
For one single second, I hope.
The pleasure building inside me and the desperation that lives right under my skin hope that it’s one of them. Or all of them.
Craning my neck back, I search for the source of the voice.
Disappointment washes over me when I lock eyes with Bryant.
“Cam’s been looking for you,” he informs me, his brows pulled together in a scowl.
Oops. Daddy DD mode is in full swing, apparently.
Another giggle escapes me at his expense.
“And who’s this fine specimen of a man?” Keira mewls. “Friend of yours, pretty girl?”
I keep my focus fixed on Bryant, intending to ask where Cam is. To convince him to find her and bring her here so she can meet my friend, Keira.
Instead, the words that leave my mouth are “Dance with us, Bry!” I tug on his arm and try to pull him into the chaos of the dance floor.
He slyly spins out of my grasp, muttering about going to get backup. He’s gone before I can even register the loss of him.
I spin in a circle quickly, the head rush feeling fantastic.
I do it again. And again. And again.
I’m laughing and out of breath when I register a firm touch on my upper arms. Swiping the sweat-soaked fly aways off my forehead, I blink, focusing on the form in front of me.
“You’re here!” I wrap my arms around Cam’s neck and pull her into a hug.
Instead of coming closer like I want her to, she plants her feet.
The tightness in her shoulders and resistance to her stance are strange.
“Bryant said you seemed out of it, babe. You good?” She holds me at arm’s length, assessing me with critical eyes.
I scoff. “Pshh. Bryant is a man. He knows nothing.”
That elicits a snort from her. “Truer words have never been spoken…” She examines me again, brows pinched. “You’re sure you’re okay?”
“My god,” Keira drawls out. “I didn’t know you invited your mom to this party, Sawyer.”
In the recesses of my mind, it occurs to me that she is very aware that my mother is dead, making her comment extra shitty.
Lip curled, Cam tips her chin at Keira. “You know her?”
It’s hard to hear over the music. It’s hard to keep my thoughts untangled when my brain’s one and only priority is to feel and feel and feel some more.
Nails scrape along the bare skin of my midriff and a pair of arms wraps around me from behind. Delicate fingers splay over the stretch of skin between my top and my skirt.
Shivering, I lean back and give her my weight.
“Does she know me?” Keira mocks. “Honey, this girl right here is my best fucking friend.”
Honey.
Honey?
I jolt forward, suddenly tense, my extremities prickly. I want to scratch my way out of my skin. I might even need to throw up.
Keira holds me back, her warmth chasing away the sensations and my mind quickly drifting to other topics.
“Tell your friend to dance with us,” she murmurs in my ear, her lips lingering along the pulse point of my neck.
“Dance with us, Cam.” I break into a wide, goofy grin and sway my hips slowly in invitation.
She crosses her arms, both brows raised. “You’ve met before tonight, I presume?”
Keira scoffs, trailing her fingers down my arms. Taking my hands in hers. Interlacing our fingers.
“To know me is to love me.” She raises our joined hands overhead, moving with the music and ignoring Cam’s question.
Cam leans closer, gaze narrowed on my face.
I close my eyes so she can’t see the truth.
That doesn’t stop her from calling me out. “Are you high?”
“Oh my god,” Keira bemoans. “It’s a party, Mom. Loosen up or get off the fucking dance floor.”
Ignoring her, Cam places one hand on my arm, rubbing from my elbow to my shoulder until I open my eyes and look at her.
“This isn’t exactly what we talked about,” she says, her lips pursed like she doesn’t know what to do. It’s a different look for Cam. She’s always in control. She always has the right answers.
Bryant joins us, slinging one arm around her shoulders. “All good?” he asks, glancing between us.
Cam stays quiet.
I swallow past the lump in my throat, trying to choke back the shame creeping over me. She’s right. This isn’t what I said I wanted.
But maybe it doesn’t matter what I want.
Maybe this is all I deserve.
“I’m fine.” I give them a flippant smile, hoping like hell I’m fooling my friends from Holt better than I’m fooling myself.
When neither moves, I repeat Keira’s words. “Loosen up or get off the dance floor.”
Without waiting for a response, I spin in Keira’s hold, link my arms over her neck again, and let my mind go blank and my body move to the pulsating bass of the music.