Chapter 51 Sawyer
Chapter fifty-one
Sawyer
My brother refuses to sit. He’s taken to pacing in front of the fireplace.
Maybe coming in here to talk wasn’t the brightest of ideas. Every time I track Atty’s path, memories of what happened in front of the fireplace last night trickle into my consciousness.
“So you’re with all of them?” he asks, repeating the words I just said.
“Yes.” I nod once. I’m seated beside Noah, with Mercer and Tytus standing on opposite ends of the couch, like sentries of silent support. “I’m with all of them. We’re in a relationship, the four of us.”
Atty halts and pulls a face. “They’re not exactly in the same age bracket as you, Sawy.”
Tytus scoffs, crossing his arms over his chest. “We’re in our twenties. They’re in their thirties.”
He subtly glances our way to confirm, and the guys both nod. “It’s only weird if you make it weird, bro.”
My brother scowls, his green eyes hard. “Really, bro?” he says, cynicism dripping from the words.
“This isn’t weird? I’m still a little confused.
How the hell did we go from a secret relationship between my best friend and my twin to you two pretending to be married to whatever the hell dysfunctional situationship this is?
Are you really sharing her with two other men? ”
I surge to my feet, anger rising like a violent wave inside me, and jab a finger at him. “You don’t get to do this.”
“Do what?” he sneers, planting his hands on his hips.
A hand gently grazes the small of my back, then rests there in support.
Tytus.
Mercer and Noah have also inched closer, all standing within arm’s reach.
“You don’t get to throw out insults and accusations about a situation you haven’t even tried to understand.
You don’t get to talk about me like I’m not here or like I didn’t have an active role in all of this.
I chose them. All three of them,” I grit out.
“I’m the driving force behind this relationship, so if you’re going to sling vitriol at anyone, you’ll have to aim it all at me. ”
Sighing, Atty shakes his head. “Sawy, you have to—”
“No,” I snap back. “I don’t have to do anything. I’ve fought too hard and been through too much to let you or anyone else make me feel bad about who I choose to love, Atty. Are you really going to stand here and judge us? Does it make you feel better to slut shame your own sister?”
His eyes go wide with horror. “I wasn’t slut shaming you.”
“You kind of were,” Ty counters.
My brother drops his head and wrings his hands. Then he heaves out a massive sigh. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” Those green eyes are gentler now, full of concern. “I just got all in my head on the ride over, and then to find you both here, looking at me like I’m an afterthought…”
My instinct is to comfort him, to reassure him. But the usually quieter part of me speaks up, insisting I assert myself for once. I’m not interested in engaging in a conversation centered around his comfort. This is my life, and these are my choices.
But I will bring it down a notch. With a breath in, I cross the room and nudge his toes with mine. “I love you,” I tell him. “The two of us are all that’s left of our family. You’ll always be one of my favorite people. But you’re not enough.”
He careens back like I’ve slapped him. “What the actual fuck?”
“Hey now.” Noah strides toward us and stands at my side, his arms crossed.
“I’ve got this,” I tell him, a hand on his bicep.
“I know,” he murmurs. “And I’ve got you.”
A sense of ease sprouts inside me. He does.
Clearing my throat, I turn back to my brother. “I know that sounds harsh, but you’re not enough, and it’s unfair for you to dismiss my wants and needs. I deserve to be loved, Atty. I don’t want to be an obligation.”
“You were never an obligation,” he mumbles to his feet.
But I was. After a long practice, or when the guys would get home from a stretch of games on the road, Atty would call to check in. Sure, maybe he missed me or wanted to chat, but most often his outreach was driven by a sense of responsibility.
“I deserve to be someone’s first priority,” I tell him. “I spent so damn long taking care of myself.” A shaky sigh escapes me. “It’s nice to be surrounded by people who want to take care of me for once. Plus, I’m happy. Blissfully, unimaginably happy.”
He assesses me, his lips pressed together.
I stare back, letting him see the truth in my statement.
Eventually, he nods, then turns to Ty. “And what about you? Are you happy?”
“I’m learning,” Ty offers, which smarts, just a little. “It’s… nice, I guess, to have other people I can count on. And I really like the idea of Sawyer having these guys when I’m in Georgia or traveling with the team.”
Atty huffs, his jaw tensing. “You had me,” he insists. “Both of you. You have me. If this is about us not hanging out as much now that we’re at Holt, or if I—”
“No,” I say. “It’s not fair for any of us to use the others as a crutch anymore.
You’ve been making new friends, going out and having fun.
And I want that for you. But I want you to support what I want for my life, too.
You can’t be my only pillar of emotional support, Atty. Just like I can’t be yours.”
He runs one hand through his copper hair, sighing. “This is going to take a little time to get used to.”
I let myself fully exhale for the first time in several minutes.
Closing the space between us, I wrap my arms around my brother and hug him. “Take all the time you need. We’re not going anywhere.” It’s an assurance I can confidently make. This new relationship with Mercer, Noah, and Ty is rooted in abundant hope and trust. None of us are going anywhere.
Atty steps back and shoves his hands into his pockets, scanning us. “So… if you’re all… together… what am I supposed to call them, exactly?”
By them he means Mercer and Noah.
Before I can reply, Tytus barks out a laugh. “Well, seeing as how you and Sawyer are twins, and she calls one of them Da—”
Gasping, I whip around.
Mercer, thankfully, has the good sense to step forward and clamp a hand around Ty’s mouth.
The two of them scuffle, only breaking apart when Ty aims low and slugs Mercer in the gut.
Hands balled into fists, I stride over to the pair. Gripping Ty’s chin, I shake my head, trying not to laugh. “So you’re a comedian now, huh?”
He grins, clamping his tongue between his teeth as mirth dances behind his eyes.
“Wait,” Atty says. “Now I want to know. What were you about to say?”
He’s interrupted by a loud clatter coming from the kitchen. And then an even louder Arjun appears. “Presenting the triple-stacker double-crusted whipped-cream filled—”
Groaning, I turn to my guys. “We really shouldn’t have let them loose in the kitchen.”