Chapter 29 #3
There is no way I would ever tell her no. I shift onto my side, pulling her against my chest until there’s no space left between us. Her head tucks perfectly under my chin, and I wrap my arms around her.
Her fingers trace lazy patterns on my chest, and for a while, we just lie there in the quiet.
The weight of the last five weeks presses down on me—all those nights spent in a cramped room, counting the hours until I could call her.
The way her voice sounded smaller each time we talked.
The growing silence between us that I tried to ignore because admitting it meant conceding I’d fucked up.
“Rowan?”
“Yeah, baby?”
“Was it… Was I okay?” she asks, her voice small and uncertain.
What the hell?
I tilt her chin up, making her look at me. “Violet, that was the most incredible experience of my life.”
Her cheeks flush. “Stop it. I highly doubt that.”
I pull back, staring at her in disbelief. Something hot and uncomfortable flares in my chest. “You think I’m, what, comparing you to some roster of women?”
“Rowan, I didn’t—”
“Listen to me,” I say, my voice lower but no less intense. I cup her face between my hands, making sure she can’t look away. “That was the best fucking sex of my life. And it wasn’t because of technique or experience or any of that bullshit. It was because it was us.”
Her lips part, her eyes searching mine.
“Knowing I was your first?” I continue, my thumb brushing across her cheekbone.
“That you trusted me with that? Jesus, Violet. I won’t ever forget that.
You are beyond incredible, and I can’t have you thinking this was any less than it was.
And just so you know,” I add, “I came so hard I thought I was going to black out.”
She giggles, tucking her face against my chest, and I hold her tighter, not saying anything for a beat.
“I’ve imagined this a thousand times,” I murmur into her hair. “And still, nothing came close.”
She lets out the smallest sigh. “Tell me.”
“Tell you what?” I ask, my fingers trailing lazily up and down her spine.
“What you imagined. About us.”
I chuckle softly, feeling unusually exposed. Not from being naked—that comes easy for me—but from having to admit just how deeply she’s been embedded in my thoughts all these years.
“You really want to know?”
She nods, her eyes bright with curiosity.
“I used to think about waking up with you,” I admit.
“Not just the sex, though god knows I thought about that, too. But the quiet moments after—your hair spread across my pillow, watching you sleep.” I brush my thumb across her cheek.
“I’d think about you wearing my shirts around the house, stealing my coffee in the morning. ”
“Sometimes I’d imagine coming home to you after a long day,” I go on. “Just walking through the door and seeing your smile.” I pause, throat suddenly tight. “It was always the ordinary moments that got to me.”
I trace my fingers along her collarbone, watching goosebumps rise on her skin. “But I also thought about other things.” My voice drops lower. “Like how I’d bend you over every surface in the house. How I’d fuck you until you couldn’t remember your own name, just mine.”
Her breath catches, nipples hardening against my chest.
“I’d think about how you’d taste on my tongue,” I continue, my hand sliding down to cup her breast, thumb circling her sensitive peak.
“How you’d sound when you came for me. How tight and wet you’d be when I finally got inside you.
” I lean closer, my lips caressing her ear.
“And now I know, and it’s even better than I imagined.
Next time, I’m going to take you from behind so I can watch that perfect ass bounce against me while I make you scream. ”
She shivers against me, her pupils dilating as she presses her thighs together. “Rowan...”
“Too much?”
She shakes her head quickly. “No. I kind of love it when you talk to me like that.” Her fingers trace the outline of my jaw. “It makes me feel…wanted.”
“You are wanted,” I growl, rolling her beneath me again. “I need you in ways I don’t know how to describe. I crave you, Violet. Every part of you.”
Her hands slide up my chest, then wrap around my neck, pulling me down for a kiss that’s both tender and hungry. Her heart races against mine.
When we break apart, her eyes are serious and search mine. “I need to ask you something.”
I tuck her hair back from her face. “Anything.”
“The job…” She hesitates, biting her lower lip. “Are you going to take more assignments like that one?”
The question hangs between us, heavy with everything we haven’t said. I take a deep breath, knowing my answer matters more than she’s letting on.
“No,” I say firmly.
Relief floods her face. “Really?”
“Really,” I say, dragging my thumb across her cheek. “That month away from you nearly destroyed me. I’m not doing that again.”
Her eyes shine, soft and a little watery. “Okay,” she whispers. “Okay.”
I lean in, pressing a kiss to the center of her forehead, then one to her lips in a way that seals my love for her. “Let me run you a bath.”
She gives me a real smile then, and for the first time in my life, I don’t feel like I’m taking something I don’t deserve.