Chapter Five - Sebastian
CHAPTER FIVE
Sebastian
IT’S BEEN A week and a half since I’d had sex or anything resembling sexual intercourse. Ten days. A really long fucking ten days. Seven days since my fight with Thalia. Nine weeks until I’m married to Kiera. But who’s keeping track?
I spend a lot of time at the gym these days working out. Kiera spends a lot of time studying.
“Seb, come on, please get ready. We’re going to be late so put your shirt on because not even your muscles will change my mind about this whole sex thing,” she playfully scolds, putting in the diamond earrings I got her for Christmas a few months ago.
I prop myself up onto my elbows to enjoy looking at the view Kiera’s giving me. “Have I told you what a great ass you have?” She really does.
Kiera grins and shakes it for me, much to my delight and torture. “Dinner with my parents in thirty minutes, you might have time for another cold shower if you hurry.”
I smile at her as she spritzes perfume onto her wrists, dabbing it onto her neck. “Maybe I will,” I say confidently, standing up and shedding my pants and briefs right in front of her. The red creeping up her neck, and the way she can’t meet my eyes, tells me that she’s flustered. Unfortunately, I do end up taking a shower alone. It’s quite the blow to my ego, but still exactly how I expected it to go.
We end up meeting Kiera’s parents at one of the nicer restaurants in town, but all I really want right now is a burger. A blow job sounds nice too. A burger and a blow job. Man, that’d be heaven.
I completely missed everything her father said about how the Panthers are predicted to do next season. Kiera nudges me under the table with her foot and I sit up straighter, trying to act like I heard everything. I feel like such a jackass right now.
“I think we’ll do well. We just drafted that new running back out of Oklahoma. I’m hoping that we’ll make it past the Conference championships this year,” I say, probably repeating what he just said, but her mother only smiles. Kiera’s family is so polite. It’s nice, but a little intimidating at times.
“I’m hoping for grandbabies sometime in the next year while you two are hoping for a Super Bowl run. Kiera always wanted a minivan full, Sebastian, so I hope you’re ready for a big family.”
“Mom!”
I can’t help but laugh; I’d love nothing more than to have a household of kids. “That sounds great to me,” I say, leaning over in my seat to kiss Kiera’s flaming cheek.
“Says you because you won’t be the one giving birth,” Kiera protests causing her mother to laugh .
“It’s not all that bad. Your brother had the biggest head; that was terrible. I wouldn’t worry about it too much, sweetie. It’s all worth it for the end result. ”
Then Kiera changes the subject entirely. “Oh! I completely forgot to tell you guys, but we hired the most amazing photographer. She’s the one who did Owen’s wedding, it’s his sister actually.”
“Oh really? Isn’t his sister your ex-girlfriend, Sebastian?” her mother asks, looking skeptical. Everyone is skeptical about it except for Kiera. Why can’t Kiera see that?
She waves it off with a short laugh. “Oh, they’re ancient history. More childhood friends and siblings than exes. Thalia is really nice and so talented. Mom, you would love her.”
I cover up my laugh with a short cough because nice is not how I’d describe Thalia, nor would I describe her as a sibling. Owen has always been like my brother, but I’ve never seen Thalia that way.
Things would be so much easier if I had.
I take a sip of my water as Kiera continues on about Thalia. I haven’t been able to shake what Lia said about telling her the truth. It’s not that I purposely didn’t tell Kiera that I proposed to Thalia. It truly just never came up.
When I first started seeing Kiera, I wasn’t entirely sure about getting into another relationship. I’d pretty much shut myself off from an emotional connection with anyone. She never pressed about my previous relationship after I said it ended badly—which it did—because I didn’t lie or intentionally hide why Thalia and I broke up.
In fact, I do my best not to even think about my relationship with her. I’ve learned to do the bare minimum interaction-wise with her when it comes to holidays at her parents’ house to at least try and keep the peace.
Things went further downhill once I started seeing Kiera. Thalia’s brought home a few guys over the past few years, but with how much she travels, they only made an appearance a few times before we never see them again. The one that really got under my skin was when Eric came with her one night. That was a real surprise, and he actually stuck around for a while, but last I heard, they broke up.
If last week at the gallery taught me anything, it’s that Thalia and I have no business being left alone together.
My pride is the only reason I can think of for why I can’t apologize for what I said to her at Mimi’s funeral. Calling Thalia a bitch was a low blow, but instead of calling her that, I should have apologized. Now why I felt the need to hurt Thalia when I know this is already hard for her, I’m not sure. I guess I’m still the asshole she’s always thought I was.
A part of me was pissed that she brought up how Kiera calls me Seb. Sure, it was weird at first because I’ve never gone by it before, but I never corrected her. Hearing Thalia call me it just felt…wrong. I didn’t like hearing her call me it. I’d take asshole any day over Seb.
I don’t know how everything goes so wrong whenever I’m with her. Owen would kick my ass if he knew what happened at the funeral. I want to kick my ass for it too. I’m going to apologize to her because it’s the least I can do at this point.
On my way out, I noticed there was a stack of portraits lying on the floor that I recognized from some of the trips we took together. It’s been bringing up plenty of memories: good and bad .
Another nudge from Kiera draws me back into the conversation. I didn’t realize I’d zoned out. “Hey, where’s your head?” she asks while her parents talk, concern on her face and I smile easily. Everything with Kiera is easy and simple, just the way I want it to be. It’s one of my favorite things about her.
“I’m here. I’m sorry, baby. I think I’m just a little tired.”
My answer is enough for her to relax because Kiera squeezes my knee reassuringly.
I want everything with Kiera; she’s shown me that life doesn’t have to be hard, and everything with Thalia was hard.
Sixty-four days, and she’s gone for good. After that, I get to spend the rest of my life with Kiera. That’s what I’m going to continue focusing on.
I laugh and smile at all the appropriate times during the rest of dinner, keeping my arm draped over the back of Kiera’s chair. There’s plenty of discussion about Kiera’s degree, and of course, the wedding.
My favorite part of the night, though, is when we go home and she takes off her fancy dress to put on one of my old T-shirts that hits her mid-thigh. The makeup and jewelry are gone except for the engagement ring donning her ring finger on her left hand. I’m sitting on the couch with sweatpants, sipping a beer when she comes out to sit in between my legs, resting her head on my chest as the action movie I’d put on plays.
I wrap my arms around her as Zeus’s tail thumps from where he lies on the end of the sectional. “I love you,” I murmur into her ear.
“I love you too. ”
I press a kiss to the crown of her head. “I’m sorry about tonight. I know I’ve been a little distant lately, and I promise I’m going to do better.”
Kiera twists in my arms to rest her hands on top of my chest with her chin on top of them. She peers up at me through her long dark lashes, worry consuming them. “Was it the talk about kids? I know that we’ve talked about it before, but I just…I don’t know, Seb. Are you getting cold feet?”
“Not at all. I want to marry you more than anything, Kiera. I want everything with you. A family. All of it,” I promise, playing with the ends of her hair. She chews her bottom lip nervously, and I don’t know how to give her the truth. I feel guilty about Thalia, but I can’t exactly say that. “I know that I don’t talk about my family much. I’m not good at the whole feelings thing. There’s a lot of pain and bad memories. There’s also a lot of good memories too. Mimi and Grandpa were great. I miss them every single day, but I’m not getting cold feet.”
Tears well up in her eyes. “For someone who isn’t very good at the whole feelings thing, you’re doing a pretty great job of making me almost cry,” she admits, and I brush her stray tear away. “I want us to have a really big family, but we might want to consider adopting at least one kid, okay? Being pregnant might sound like God’s gift to plenty of women, but it just doesn’t sound appealing to me to do multiple times.”
“Blood doesn’t make people a family, I mean look at Owen and his parents. They’re family to me. Hell, for all I care, we could adopt all our kids. We’ve got this big house to fill.” I smile widely down at her. Life really can’t get better than this .
“Oh no. We’re definitely going to have a biological kid. They’d get my genius and your athleticism; I hope they’re just like you. You’re going to be the best dad.” And then her smile dims a little. “What about Thalia?”
Wait, I’m confused. Why are we talking about Thalia now? “What about her?”
She’s back to chewing on her lip. “You said Owen and his parents are family. Is Thalia not family too?”
“It’s a little more complicated than that,” I say, choosing my words carefully. This is my chance to tell Kiera.
“Is that why you never talk about her?”
I don’t blame her for having questions, especially given how awkward it was between me and Thalia at the gallery. It’s just not that simple. “Yeah. Things didn’t end well between us. We just…didn’t work out. It hasn’t been the same between us since, and I don’t think Thalia and I will ever be able to go back to who we were before getting together.”
Fuck.
That was my opportunity to come clean and I blew it.
Kiera smiles sadly, and I start kicking myself. She’s so damn nice. “Do you miss her?”
“No. I don’t miss Thalia. We fought a lot, and ultimately we weren’t supposed to end up together.” This is where I should tell her that I proposed to her, because Thalia’s right. I can’t marry Kiera without her knowing how deep the relationship went.
“I’m not talking about romantically. Seb, I’m asking do you miss being friends with her? What if things could go back to where you’d consider her family again?”
I pause to think about it for her sake, but I don’t let my mind go there. I can’t because I know there’s no point in hoping for it. Sixty-four days. “I don’t know. I don’t really think about it all that often. In case you didn’t know, you kind of consume most of my thoughts since I met you.” I try to sweetly distract her, but Kiera isn’t done talking about this.
“I really like Thalia, and I think it’d be really nice if we could be friends with her. She’s doing this really nice thing by agreeing to photograph our wedding, and I’ve wanted her to like me for so long. Blake was telling me that she’s seeing this guy now, giving me the idea that we could invite them over for dinner? What do you think?”
I blink, momentarily stunned. Kiera just threw a lot at me in the span of twenty seconds. She wants me to invite Thalia over here to be a guest with her new boyfriend in the house that Thalia and I lived together in? The house I bought with the intention of sharing with Thalia and only her? Oh my god. No. That just can’t happen. Absolutely not.
She leans up to brush her lips against mine. “Pretty please with a cherry on top?” Kiera kisses me a little deeper, sweeping her tongue over my bottom lip.
“Sure.”
Her face lights up in excitement. Holy fucking shit. I am weak . No sex has made it possible for a simple kiss to turn me into a giant chicken that’ll give Kiera anything she asks for. Thalia is going to kill me. Owen is going to kill me. Maybe I’m going to kill me. Shit . Penelope is going to kill me. She might castrate me first like she’s always threatened.
Fuck .
“I’m going to text her right now. Thank you, thank you, thank you!” Kiera beams, leaving me stranded on the couch with the dog I co-own with Thalia Lewis. I had my fucking opportunity to tell her everything about Thalia and me, and I chickened out. Pathetic.
I don’t think I’m going to make it the sixty-four days if I keep agreeing to shit like this.
I’m a dead man walking.