5. Jasoni Ward
JASONI WARD
Rubbing my hands together, I unconsciously leaned closer to the fire I’d started.
The clouds outside had opened and released everything inside them, leaving outside covered in snow.
From the howling of the wind to the ever so subtle shake of the windows was the proof the predicted storm had made its appearance in full force.
Yesterday, Oaklyn managed to stay in her room for the entire day.
I had no clue if she ate or was even still alive.
There hadn’t been a sound, and I found myself constantly looking at her door, wondering what was happening on the other side.
Was she sleeping soundlessly, trying to forget my presence?
Was she pacing back and forth, quiet as a mouse, trying not to alert me to her uneasiness?
Or was I constantly on her mind, to the point that it angered her?
The crackle of the fire forced me to look back at it.
I knew having a conversation with Oaklyn wouldn’t be an easy task.
There had been a lot of time and things left unsaid, which had festered into something unrecognizable now.
I could vividly remember the days when she would look at me with joy and a profound sense of trust. Now, it was something dark and menacing—something I wouldn’t dare get close to if I was afraid of getting burned.
Maybe scorched was the better word to describe what I knew was to come.
Even still, I knew I had to press in order for her to understand how apologetic I was.
I sucked in a sharp breath when I heard a door open behind me.
Unable to remain unfazed, I glanced over my shoulder to see Oaklyn come walking out of her room.
It sounded like she was wearing slippers as her feet drug across the floor.
She was wrapped tightly in the comforter from her bed, and I found myself feeling thankful that the power had gone out.
It gave me a reason to be in the living room, and now it forced Oaklyn to be in the same space as me.
I grabbed the fire prodder and pushed around some wood to reignite the flames.
She remained silent while closing the distance between us.
I remained as stoic as possible when she eased up beside me, desperately in need of the heat the fire was providing.
When she started rubbing her hands together and inching closer, I silently sighed in relief.
For a few minutes neither of us spoke, and the only time Oaklyn moved was to absorb more heat from the fire.
By how stiff she was, I could tell she wasn’t comfortable next to me.
I ran a hand over my head, trying to think of what to say to break the ice.
I decided to go for a compliment. Oaklyn always had a deep admiration for herself, and my knowing she was living her dreams had to boost her confidence.
“I loved you in the movie All Bets Off,” I spat, forcing myself to stop being a nervous wreck.
Afraid that she wouldn’t respond, I kept talking.
“If you weren’t an actress, I could definitely see you as a defense attorney.
You argue too good.” I chuckled mindlessly.
In the movie, Oaklyn played a defense attorney named Aunusti, who happened to fall for her client who was on trial for murder.
“The scenes in the courtroom were my favorite. You did a really good job of making us feel every fucking word. I damn near was in tears from the closing statement. It was clear you loved that nigga by then.”
My voice dropped an octave because, to be honest, I was jealous as fuck to see another man be so close to her.
They shared kisses and filmed both sweet and intimate scenes that did a great job of selling the love story.
I couldn’t lie; Oaklyn had captivated me, to the point it was hard to turn away from the screen for even a second.
She deserved all my attention, and anytime I watched a movie of hers, she was the main character in my eyes, even if she wasn’t meant to be.
Because I was looking at her, I caught the quick shift in her eyes to look at me before returning her attention to the fire.
It felt like the world stood still as I waited for her response.
I could only sigh in relief when I saw the corner of her mouth tilt into the tiniest of grins before her stoic demeanor returned.
“First of all, boy, fuck you! I’m a Scorpio, so of course I argue good,” she countered. Even though her words were aggressive, her tone was far from it. She nibbled on her lip, debating on whether to say more. “But thank you. That was one of my most challenging roles, if I’m being honest.”
I felt a flood of relief overpower my bloodstream now that I had an opening. “Oh, word? How come?”
She shrugged slightly then turned to sit on the edge of the fireplace. I watched the fire dance across her beautiful brown skin while I waited for her response. “Mainly because I’ve never been in love like that,” she finally admitted.
Her words grabbed onto my breath and held it hostage. “You could’ve fooled me.”
She slowly lifted her eyes to mine and gave me a sad smile. “That’s the beauty in acting. I get to pretend to experience things I never have and live lives I never could’ve all in one lifetime.”
I crossed my arms over my chest and nodded.
“I can understand that. To create an emotion from your imagination is dead ass talent only God could give.” Images of a younger Oaklyn floated through my mind, and I couldn’t help but smile.
“I should’ve known you would be a great actress.
Do you remember your first movie?” My voice took on a teasing tone because it was one of my favorite memories.
It was also the reason why I thought I started to view her as more than a friend.
Oaklyn slapped a hand over her mouth to suppress her giggle, but its airy sound still filtered through the air. Another layer of tension fell to the floor. “Oh my God! I forgot all about that.”
I shook my head, running a hand over my waves. “I could never forget it. Hell, you even convinced me that you were in love with me. I’d never played a love interest in my life, but girl, you couldn’t tell me we didn’t go together afterwards.”
Her laugh was music to my ears after so many years of not hearing it. I only wanted to make her smile a little more . . . laugh a little harder . . . inhale more softness . . . Then maybe we could erase the years of distance between us.
She waved me off when she finally calmed down. “Oh, boy, please. Cut it out.”
I shrugged with an innocent expression. “I’m dead ass serious.
I think it was the part when you said . .
.” I tapped my chin as if in deep thought, but I remembered the lines without a doubt.
How could I not, when they’d shifted everything between us?
At least, in my opinion, they had. “If I give you this stick of bubble gum, can we be together forever?”
Her eyes widened in surprise that I’d remembered before I felt the air in room tighten with a grip that refused to let me go. “How do you remember that?”
Needing a break from the intensity in her eyes, I quickly sat on the other end of the fireplace.
Folding my arms over my chest, I rested my weight against the stone wall.
“I know you have your opinions about me, but one thing I have always cherished was you and our friendship. There aren’t many moments of ours that I can’t recall with ease. ”
Only when I wasn’t looking at her could I be so vulnerable. Surprisingly, being honest with her felt like a weight being lifted off my heart. I knew I failed to handle her with care over the last decade apart, but it didn’t erase the parts of my heart that used to beat for her.
I figured since I was already being honest, I should keep going. Who knew if she would give me another opportunity to express myself like this? “And since we haven’t made any new memories, I hold on to the past like my life is on the line.”
I found the courage to look at her, and the softness in her eyes burned brighter than the fire illuminating our faces.
Her little nose wiggled, and I had to fight the urge to tap it.
Looking at her gave me the confidence to gulp down the last of my nerves to finish my confessions.
“I genuinely am very proud of you, Oaklyn. From that day I knew it wasn’t a childhood dream and something you were truly passionate about.
” I gave her a small smile. “And you’re doing the damn thing. All of your dreams have come true.”
Her bottom lip poked out as tears flooded her eyes.
She blinked, allowing a tear to slide down her cheeks.
She looked away and dried her face so quickly I barely had time to register it in my mind.
“Not all of them,” she whispered. After clearing her throat, she said, “But thank you. I really do appreciate your compliment.”
And for the time being, that little amount of interaction was enough for me.
It meant, just maybe, I could get Oaklyn to accept my apology and eventually reopen the door to what could’ve been.
I found myself smiling into space, thinking about how to make that happen while nature was running its course and helping me out in the process.