Chapter 41
After Jasmine texted the group chat to say the shower was winding down, the guys finished their second round of drinks. As
they were leaving to go help clean up, Roman’s phone rang.
“It’s my lawyer,” he said, glancing at the screen.
Ashton waved him off. “Take the call. We’ve got this. See you at rehearsal, sí?”
Roman said goodbye to Ashton and Gabe and accepted the call. While he listened, he wound his way around the edges of the lounge,
where it was less populated. Most people were by the bar, or in the cozy seating areas.
“You’ll be there, right?” his lawyer asked. “I don’t think we can push this deal through without you.”
“Of course,” Roman said, even as his gut sank. He’d been hoping to cut back on his travel commitments before the wedding,
but it looked like that wouldn’t be happening.
After they hung up, Roman stuck his hands in his pockets and continued to pace the perimeter of the room, turning over everything
Ashton and Gabe had shared.
They’d spent a lot more time around Ava’s family than Roman had, and they’d seen firsthand how Ava was treated. Like Cinderella,
Ashton had said. Like love was conditional.
But the problem was twofold—she wasn’t just afraid of her family’s reaction to finding out about him, she was afraid of their reaction to her relationship with him ending . On some level, despite what she said about trust, she was still afraid he was going to leave her.
Like her ex. Like her parents.
How was he supposed to prove he wanted forever with her when she wouldn’t let him? He’d propose tomorrow if he thought she’d
say yes, but he knew it would just scare her away. Look how she’d reacted to the idea of leaving a toothbrush by his sink.
Be there . Every day .
Ashton’s directive stuck with him. It sounded simple, too simple, except... Roman couldn’t actually do it. He was gone too often. What was he going to do, ask Ava to quit her job
to go on business trips with him? That wasn’t fair to her. She had a career, even if it sounded like she was dissatisfied
with her current position. And it wasn’t like he had tons of free time while he was away. He was still working nonstop.
He recalled how Ashton responded to Roman's desire to help Ava with her family. You don’t . Stop trying .
Yeah, like it was that easy.
Mikayla’s voice, yelling at him. I don’t want you to do anything!
Who the hell was he if he wasn’t trying to solve problems for the people he loved? If he wasn’t trying to make their lives
easier and save them from hardship?
The idea flummoxed him, making him feel tense and out of control.
His mother’s words came back to him then. You can’t control everything . When is it going to be enough?
It was never going to be enough. Therefore, he’d never be able to be there for Ava the way he wanted to, the way she deserved.
A hollow pit opened in his gut, and before he could question the impulse, he called his mother. Dulce picked up on the third
ring.
“Hi, Ro.”
“Is this what I do?” he blurted out. “Fix things, instead of being there?”
“Hold on.” The sound of the K-drama in the background went off. “What do you mean?”
“For you and Mickey.” He shoved a hand through his hair and paced the corner of the lounge, walking a tight loop. “Is this
my MO? Rushing to fix, instead of, I don’t know, just being there for you.”
He heard his mother sigh. “If you’re asking, you already know the answer.”
“But fixing things isn’t bad .” He sounded childish, but somehow, talking to his mom made him feel like he was ten years old again. “Why would I let the
people I love suffer if I can do something about it?”
“Listen to me, Roman.” Her voice was quiet and firm. “You cannot change the fact that your father left.”
Her words landed like a direct hit to his solar plexus. He wanted to deny it, to say that this absolutely wasn’t about his fucking father , but now that she’d said it, put those words—“your father”—into the air, the subject coalesced into something tangible and
distracting and real.
Yes, he realized. This was, at least in part, about his fucking father.
“Maybe not. But if we’d had more money, more security, our lives would have gone differently.” And the part he didn’t say: Maybe he wouldn’t have left .
As usual, his mother read his mind. “Your father was always going to leave, whether we had one dollar or one million. He couldn’t
handle responsibility, and no amount of money would’ve fixed that.”
On an intellectual level, Roman knew she was right. But some part of him had always wondered, What if?
“I don’t remember him,” Roman admitted in a hushed tone. “But I knew you were struggling. And there wasn’t a goddamn thing
I could do about it. Except work.”
He’d felt powerless as a child, watching his mother bust her ass to pay the bills and take care of him. When he’d handed her
money for the first time, something had shifted in him, a growing sense of purpose.
Money had given him control over his situation. The more money, the more control. And the feeling of helplessness had diminished.
Yet it had never entirely gone away.
“Ay mijo.” There was pain in his mother’s voice. “That wasn’t your responsibility. It never has been.”
“Someone had to take care of you.”
“I’m an adult, Roman.” She let out a heavy sigh. “I knew I shouldn’t have let you contribute at such a young age, and I can
see now, I never should have let you take care of us after Keith died either.”
“Mami, I wanted to. I promised him that I’d take care of you and Mickey.”
“And you have, but Roman, it’s too much. I think you used that fear to drive you, and maybe, it’s driven you too far. Money will not protect you from pain. It wouldn’t have stopped your father from leaving, and it didn’t stop Keith from dying.”
“Mami—”
“No, please listen to me. You threw as much money at his illness as you could. But you’re not God. He was sick, and he died.
You made his last year as comfortable as you could. But you can’t prevent people from experiencing pain or heartache. No one
can.”
“I can do everything in my power to try to protect you from it. And Mikayla.” And Ava , he thought. If only she’d let him.
“That’s no way to live your life, just avoiding pain. Life is risk. Love is risk. And it’s worth it.”
“Do you still believe that?” he asked softly. “After everything that’s happened?”
“Of course I do. Did it hurt when your father left? Absolutely. Was it hard? Yes. But if I’d tried to avoid that pain, I wouldn’t
have had you. I wouldn’t have met Keith and had Mikayla. Did it hurt when Keith died? More than you can possibly imagine.
It still hurts, every single day, and I hope you never have to go through that kind of pain. But I won’t tell you to avoid love to spare you from that. Love is worth the possibility
of pain.”
Her words rang in his ears, but he had a point to make. “You can’t tell me that having money doesn’t help.”
“Well, of course it helps!” She let out a chuckle. “Money solves a lot, and I’d rather have it than not. But it doesn’t protect
you from suffering. I’ve had a wonderful life. Yes, I’ve experienced heartbreak, but I healed. I don’t want you to have a
life without joy. I want you to be happy.”
“Taking care of you and Mickey does make me happy. It’s literally all I want.”
“Don’t you see? This is why I have to move out. You deserve to have your own life, and as long as Mickey and I are here, you’re
too focused on working and taking care of us to let yourself live. Really live.”
“I don’t want you to go.” His throat felt thick with emotion.
“I understand.” Her voice was kind. “And that means more to me than you’ll ever know. But I have to do it. For you, and for
me. It’s time I start living again, too.”
With something almost like defeat, but more like release, he said, “All right. I’ll stop trying to convince you otherwise.”
“I love you so much. And I’m so proud of you. My smart, loving, hardworking boy.”
Roman let out a deep breath. “I love you too.”
She hung up, and Roman slowly returned his phone to his pocket.
And then he just sat there, staring into the distance, facing things he would’ve preferred never to think about.
If he slowed down, he’d have to see what he didn’t want to see.
He’d never wanted to believe that his father had any kind of effect on him. But in this quiet space, he could admit that was
foolish. It didn’t matter that he couldn’t remember the guy, or that he’d left when Roman was just a baby. The man’s very
absence had been a constant presence in Roman’s life, shaping who he’d become, whether he liked it or not.
He loved his mother and his sister, but he never got to spend time with them in the way he claimed to want. Having them in his home was the compromise he made with himself—he wasn’t there , but he at least knew where they were, and that they were safe.
But that safety was an illusion. As Dulce had said, he couldn’t protect them from everything.
Even if Ava decided to stop hiding their relationship, what would it matter? His work would always drag him away from her.
Ava deserved someone who would be there , like Ashton and Gabe had said. It was the only way Roman could show her how much she meant to him.
Without it, the relationship would fail.
He propped his elbows on his knees, then rested his head in his hands. He was so fucking tired of being busy .
He tunneled his fingers into his hair, gripping it like a lifeline, as the truth he didn’t want to acknowledge raised its
hand, slow and hesitant, afraid of rebuke.
The truth looked like a skinny little boy with brown hair and big, hungry eyes, clothes that were clean but definitely not
cool, and a constant knot of anxiety in the pit of his stomach.
A poor, powerless little kid who had nothing. No means, no security, no faith in his future.
Roman’s eyes squeezed tight as he faced this kid, the kid who was him , the one who’d been steering his life, operating out of helplessness and fear.
This is why you work so hard , Ava had said, after seeing Roman’s baby pictures.
Yes , the boy who was Roman said. This is why .
Making money had given him a sense of purpose and power. But now, the thought of opening another hotel or buying another business
didn’t excite him like it once had.
He’d made a different choice the night he’d met Ava. He’d stepped off his excessively scheduled path and gone down the road of spontaneity with her. Making her a drink and taking his time with it. Canceling his car and asking her to have dinner with him. The pool. The bed .
And the freedom that came with it. The joy .
If he stayed on the path before him, the path of Mr. Roman Vázquez, CEO, he was never going to have room in his life for the
things that made it worth living.
He wouldn’t have room for Ava .
He loved her. The soul-deep kind of love that required taking a risk. He wanted to be with her, like the guys had said.
Something had to change.
Who was he if he wasn’t putting every ounce of his energy into protecting his family?
Instead of running away from the question, he let the boy inside him answer it.
Just Roman.
It was enough.
You’re safe now , he told the boy. I’ve got you .
The boy nodded. Turned. Disappeared.
Not gone, just... resting. Finally.
Roman took a deep, cleansing breath.
The future he wanted was within reach. Freedom. Flexibility. Spontaneity. Connection. Love .
And Ava. All of it with Ava.
When do you get to rest? she had asked.
Now , he thought.
He pulled out his phone and called Camille.
When she picked up, he said, “I know what I have to do.”