Chapter 44
After sneaking out of the bathroom, Ava headed for the bar. The men of The Adonis Experience had joined the party in their
street clothes, and the crowd was louder and more rowdy than when she’d arrived. Esperanza was dancing salsa with the cowboy,
a handsome Black man with broad shoulders, and Titi Nita was grinding on the tall, red-haired Highlander.
Ava considered getting sloppy drunk, the better to spill her secret to Jasmine before the night was over, but that was the
coward’s way out, and besides, she didn’t need to add “nursing a hangover” to her already full to-do list. So instead of another
glass of rosé, she asked for a ginger ale.
Several of Ashton’s telenovela friends had placed their drink orders before her, so she settled in to wait and considered
how to tell Jasmine.
Should she do a slow reveal?
Hey, remember when I went to that teaching conference last October? Well, I met someone...
Or just blurt it out?
Surprise! I’m fucking Roman . And I’ve fallen in love with him . Believe me, no one is more shocked than I am .
Ava rubbed her temples, which throbbed in time with the Cardi B song blasting overhead. The main thing she had to figure out was how to explain why she hadn’t come clean after seeing Roman at the engagement party. Before that, it had just been a fling, and she hadn’t been aware of his connection to Ashton. But since then, not only had she known Roman was in Jasmine’s wedding, their relationship had gotten more serious. It was absolutely the sort of thing she should have told her best cousins.
How was Jasmine going to take the news?
She’d probably be pissed that Ava hadn’t told her sooner, but after that, Ava could just see Jasmine getting excited by the
prospect. Assuring Ava that her fears about the future were unfounded. That Roman was a great guy, that he wasn’t Hector,
that he wouldn’t hurt her.
Hell, she’d probably be over the moon. After all, Roman was Ashton’s best friend. There would most certainly be double dates
in their future.
For a brief moment, Ava let herself imagine what it might be like. Dinners. Events. Holidays. Joint vacations.
But Ava, who was trying to temper her expectations, couldn’t chance getting her hopes up.
Which meant she didn’t want her cousins getting their hopes up, either. No matter what, she didn’t want to be blindsided again.
She’d enjoy the time she had with Roman, but she was keeping her eyes open.
This time, when it ended, she would see it coming.
But then what? How would it affect her relationship with Jasmine?
She could see it now. Sorry, Ava, we’re inviting Roman to this one . You’ll come to the next, okay? Or worse, making them choose sides. Ashton would obviously take Roman’s side. Would Jasmine side with Ashton, her husband? Or Ava, her cousin?
This was what had happened with Hector. Their lives and families had become so entwined, it had been hell to untangle them.
She already feared that losing Roman would destroy her, but if it meant losing Jasmine too...
How could she bear it? It was the thing that had terrified her from the beginning. Not just losing romantic love, but her
family as well.
She turned to the dance floor, easily finding her cousins where they danced with their men. Under the flashing club lights,
Jasmine all but glowed in her white outfit and veil as she shimmied and twirled in Ashton’s arms. Michelle and Gabe were full
on making out in the middle of the dance floor, heedless of all the Rodriguez relatives surrounding them.
Jealousy licked Ava’s insides like fire, not because of her cousin’s partners, but at their freedom in showing them off to
the world. Jasmine and Michelle had both been unlucky in love before, and now they were incandescently happy, like Lizzie
and Darcy at the end of Pride & Prejudice . Ava knew how that felt, and she dreaded the possibility of making them support her through another breakup.
Poor Ava , their eyes would say, even if their mouths didn’t. While they waited for her to shatter so they could pick up the pieces.
Jasmine and Michelle had done enough, helping her get rid of Hector’s stuff and holding her hand while she initiated the divorce
proceedings. They had their own lives, their own loves, and Ava vowed never to burden them like that ever again.
Her ginger ale appeared on the bar in front of her, garnished with a lime wedge and a sprig of mint, and Ava dug a bill out of her purse for the tip. But when she lifted the glass and put the straw to her lips, her throat felt too tight to swallow. She set the soda back down, untouched.
She couldn’t tell Jasmine now. Not with the wedding bearing down on them. This was Jasmine’s special time. Ava wouldn’t detract
focus from that, not even a little bit.
Because, and this was the part that scared her the most, what if Jasmine didn’t react well? What if Jasmine saw, just as Ava did, the clear possibility for mess?
Why, Ava? Why couldn’t you fall in love with literally anyone else other than my husband’s best friend?
Just the thought of it made Ava’s head pound with renewed vigor. The revelation had the potential to cast a pall over the
whole wedding. Every time Jasmine looked at the photos, she’d remember Ava’s utter selfishness, usurping Jasmine’s special
time and making it about her .
And if there was one thing Ava would not do , it was ruin Jasmine’s wedding.
I’ll try , she’d told Roman. But she couldn’t do it. Not now. She’d wait until after Jasmine returned from the honeymoon, when it was
just the two of them, and she could tell her the whole story. Somehow, she’d assure Jasmine that this wouldn’t cause problems
for her.
And hopefully, her prima would forgive her.
Just then Ronnie appeared next to her, breathing hard with exertion. She grabbed a bar napkin and attempted to fan herself
with it.
“I haven’t danced like this since the quinceanera last year,” she said breathlessly, referring to her stepdaughter’s fifteenth birthday. “Are you going to dance?”
Ava shook her head. She didn’t feel like it, not if she couldn’t dance with Roman the way she really wanted to.
“Headache,” she murmured.
Ronnie’s eyebrows dipped. “You still get migraines?”
Ava nodded, thinking of the last big one she’d had, the day she and Roman had arrived in Puerto Rico and had an argument.
He’d taken such good care of her. The man really deserved more than being hidden like an illicit affair.
Ronnie placed her drink order—Malibu and pineapple juice, the same thing she’d been ordering since they were in college—then
turned back to Ava. “I’ve been meaning to tell you. You’ve been an amazing maid of honor.”
“Even though I vetoed most of your decoration ideas?”
Ronnie laughed. “Even so. Jasmine is lucky. I wish I’d asked you to be mine.”
“Your sorority sister did a great job.”
“She did, but damn, Ava, you go above and beyond for this family.”
Ava expected the praise to feel good. Didn’t she want the validation? But it just made her tired. “You know Michelle planned
this party, right?”
“Obviously. I don’t know how she got the groomsmen to join the strippers, but that was genius.” Ronnie’s drink appeared on
the bar, topped with a Maraschino cherry. She picked it up and turned to face the rest of the club. “Speaking of, is that
Ashton’s friend?”
Ava had already spotted Roman making his way onto the dance floor, probably looking for her. She didn’t say anything.
Ronnie sent her a sly look. “He’s pretty cute. And I heard he’s single.”
A chill went down Ava’s spine. The dramatic irony was going to kill her.
“Oh yeah?” she heard herself say. She tried to summon her Resting Pleasant Face but didn’t have the energy.
“Just saying, you don’t need to be alone forever. And you could do a lot worse than a guy like that.”
Sarcastic Ava wanted to say, If I were in a relationship, who would be your last minute babysitter? But she didn’t. Ronnie meant well. Even if she did sound exactly like their grandmother.
And then, Ava surprised herself by saying just that. “You sound like Abuela.”
Ronnie blanched. “Damn, you’re right. It’s wild how their limiting beliefs sink into us, even if we want to believe we’re
more evolved and shit. Sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it.” Ava picked up her ginger ale, just to have something to do with her hands. Ronnie had unknowingly
said something extremely wise.
It’s wild how their limiting beliefs sink into us...
But Ava was too tired to fully examine it.
“I’m going to get back out there,” Ronnie said. “Feel better, Ava.”
“You too.”
The reply had been automatic, and luckily, Ronnie hadn’t heard her over the music. It was a sign that Ava was too much in
her head. She needed to get out of here.
Except...
She pressed her fingers to her eyes, which had started to feel dry and achy—a sure sign that she needed to take something if she wanted to stave off a migraine. Roman was going to be so disappointed that she hadn’t told Jasmine. No matter what she did, she was hurting someone.
Be good, Ava .
She tried. She really did. But it was never enough.
It was never going to be enough.
After texting her mother that she had a headache, Ava slipped from the party without saying goodbye to anyone.
Scared Ava was firmly in control. And it sucked.