Chapter 49
“Out with it.” Jasmine handed Ava a champagne flute. “What nonsense reason did you have for not telling me?”
“Isn’t this for the toast?” Ava raised the glass and gave it a sniff.
Rolling her eyes, Michelle lifted her champagne and muttered, “ To Jasmine . Now quit stalling and answer the question.”
Ava knocked back a long gulp, savoring the tart, crisp flavor. As the bubbles danced over her tongue and tickled her nose,
she cast around for where to begin.
“I’m sorry,” she said to Jasmine. “I should have told you about Roman after the engagement party.”
“Why didn’t you?” Jasmine asked.
So Ava explained how her relationship with Roman had started as an occasional fling, something she hadn’t been ready to share
with them yet. And even though she’d broken it off after discovering Roman’s connection to Ashton, her feelings for him had
only deepened after they went to Puerto Rico together. Finally, Ava confessed her fears about putting Jasmine in the position
of having to choose between her cousin and her husband’s best friend.
Jasmine listened, and gnawed her lower lip before she spoke. “I get the concern. But Ava, you’re always going to be my family. Nothing will ever change that. We’re not just cousins, we’re friends. And we’re not just friends, we’re blood. Primas of Power forever.”
“Primas poderosas para siempre,” Michelle repeated, raising her champagne. “Put it on a T-shirt.”
“I was going to tell you after your honeymoon,” Ava insisted. “Your wedding should be perfect, and I didn’t want to ruin it...
like I just did.”
“Ava, listen to me. The only way you could ruin my wedding is by not being here.” Jasmine grabbed Ava’s hand and gripped it tight. “I also should’ve considered
how hard all this would be for you. Ashton said I relied on your help too much. I’m sorry for that.”
The validation was nice, but Ava had trouble accepting it. “I still feel terrible about causing problems for you again.”
Jasmine’s forehead creased in confusion. “When have you ever been a problem for me?”
“Other than tonight?” When her cousins continued to stare at her, waiting for an answer, Ava shrugged. “Last year. With the
move and everything. I know it was a huge inconvenience for both of you—”
“Do you think we begrudge you for that?” Jasmine interrupted. “Ava, we love you. We were glad to help.”
“Except you’re both in happy, committed relationships, and I—”
“What? You’re Debbie Downer?” Michelle rolled her eyes. “Ava, we’re big girls. We’re capable of holding space for your emotions,
even if they’re different from what we’re going through.”
“That’s what we’re here for,” Jasmine added. “As you’ve been there for us, many times over.”
Ava shook her head. “I just didn’t want to burden either of you with—”
“ Bullshit .”
Ava and Jasmine both stared at Michelle.
“What makes you so special?” Michelle’s tone was relentless. “What makes your problems so fucking special that no one can
help you carry them?”
Ava’s mouth opened but nothing came out. It was harsh, but that was Michelle.
And she was... right.
“Nothing, I guess.” Ava’s voice was quiet with the impact of this revelation.
“It’s us, Ava.” Michelle sounded almost exasperated, while Jasmine’s eyes pleaded for Ava to trust them. “What are you so
afraid of?”
Throat tight, Ava spoke her deepest fear aloud. “Losing you. Losing everyone.”
“The only way you lose us is by not letting us in,” Jasmine said, butting Ava gently with her shoulder. “We’ll always be as
close as you’ll let us be.”
Ava let that sink in, reassessing everything she’d once believed. What if accepting someone else’s help wasn’t an act of selfishness, but rather, an opportunity for deeper connection? Like with Roman. By allowing him to care for her, she’d soothed something in him, too. Each experience had brought them closer together, even when Ava had been adamant about keeping him at arm’s length. Refusing to let her mother or cousins comfort her during her times of need had only broadened the emotional distance between herself and them. But relationships were give and take. Insisting on being the one who gave all the time would only make her a martyr, and Ava didn’t want that. Not anymore.
Martyrs died. Maybe it was time to let the part of her that needed to be seen as helpful, useful— good —die as well.
In her quest to be perfect, Ava had hidden herself. She’d locked away her messy feelings, sure that no one would love her
if she revealed them. On some level, she’d thought she was sparing the people around her. But really, she was only protecting
herself, and she hadn’t trusted anyone enough to see the real her.
Until Roman. She’d let him see her, mess and all. Partly because she’d felt safe enough to be vulnerable with him, but partly
because she’d felt strong enough to be.
It wasn’t only her family getting in the way of her happiness. She was denying herself what she wanted because she thought she was fundamentally lacking in some way.
But what if she wasn’t?
What if she was good enough as she was?
“I guess it all sounds silly when I say it out loud,” she said finally.
“It’s not silly.” Jasmine put an arm around her. “Your feelings are valid.”
“Even when they’re silly,” Michelle said in a stage whisper.
Ava glanced to her left and her right, at her two beautiful, smart, loving primas. “What’s wrong with us? Why did we all feel
like we needed to hide it when we fell in love?”
Michelle snorted. “Where do we start?”
“The toxic chisme cycle,” Jasmine blurted out.
“Outdated gender roles,” Michelle added.
“Intergenerational family trauma,” Ava said, and the other two nodded in agreement.
“Cheers to unpacking emotional baggage.” Michelle raised her champagne. Ava and Jasmine clinked their glasses to hers and
drank.
“I know I need better boundaries,” Ava admitted. “I have a hard time saying no.”
“You don’t say?” Michelle shot her a wry grin.
“Boundaries can help someone feel safe,” Jasmine agreed. “But having problems with boundaries isn’t just saying ‘yes’ to everything
and putting the needs of others before your own. It can also look like saying ‘no’ to the good things in your life.”
Ava mulled that over. Her need to make others happy because she was worried their love would be withdrawn if she didn’t live
up to their expectations had started with her parents, was reinforced by her grandmother, and then continued to play out in
her marriage and all her other relationships.
Except with Roman. From the beginning, he’d allowed her to call the shots while maintaining a steady, supportive presence.
He had respected her boundaries, even when they were silly, which showed her that she could trust him. That trust had allowed
her to expand the parameters at her own pace, letting him in little by little, until they’d forged a solid bond.
The behaviors she used as shields—always being helpful, not rocking the boat, forgoing her own desires—were trauma responses
to a childhood where she’d felt unwanted and alone.
But now those protective shields were suffocating her. She wasn’t just letting fear control her happiness. She was letting
the past affect her future.
She’d been piecing together New Ava one positive affirmation at a time, wearing her like a suit of armor, while her true self was waiting to be set free.
If she could let go of the need to be perfect, the need to please other people... if she could live authentically as herself...
what would that look like?
Not Old Ava, not New Ava, not Scared or Sarcastic or Good Ava.
Just Ava, and all the parts that made her her .
With Roman, she felt safe. She felt whole. It wasn’t that he completed her, or supplied a missing piece. It was that he gave
her the space to complete herself . Why else would she have turned to him, instead of anyone else she knew, whenever she was in distress?
Speaking of...
Ava sucked in a breath. “I need to find Roman.”
Michelle gave her an affectionate shoulder bump. “To accept his marriage proposal?”
“Oh my god.” Ava took a quick sip of champagne to cover her blush. “I don’t think he was really asking.”
Jasmine pursed her lips. “Roman Vázquez is not someone who tosses around marriage proposals lightly. If he asked, he meant
it.”
Ava shook her head. “The negotiation thing is just a game we play.”
“I want to hear more about this game.” Michelle gave a lewd wink.
But Ava didn’t reply. She was reflecting on what Jasmine had said, and remembering what else Roman had revealed.
His decision to step down as CEO wouldn’t have been made lightly either. If he was doing that, it was because he saw it as a solution to a problem...
The problem, in this case, was that he worked too much, and also... that he wanted more room in his life for her .
It still terrified her. But now that she’d calmed down and thought it over, she was unbelievably touched. This was how much
he cared about her, that he was willing to change his entire life to fit her into it.
How could she do any less?
She loved him. That much was crystal clear to her. But she needed to make it clear to Roman, as well. He’d put his heart on
the line for her time and again, and he’d been more than patient with her shenanigans. He deserved to hear the full extent
of her feelings. Right the fuck now. But as she scanned the ballroom, she didn’t see Roman.
Or Ashton.
Or Gabe.
Her eyebrows drew together. “Where the hell are the guys?”
Michelle blinked innocently. “What guys?”