Chapter 36
The mood between them changed on the ride back down to base. Gone were the tender words and the soft laughs from their time together at the cabin. Now Ice was silent, his demeanor nearly as cold as it had been before he’d shown up to Hazard’s bedroom in the middle of the night.
Hazard was quiet too. He sat stiffly in the passenger seat, watching out the window as they drove. His heat was over but still he burned. He was hot with embarrassment that he hadn’t even made it a single night into his heat before he was howling and crying for Ice to come to him.
They pulled up in front of their barracks and Ice shut off the Jeep’s ignition. Hazard looked at him from the corner of his eye. The captain was masked again, hiding his handsome face away from everyone, including Hazard. He could hardly believe he’d been allowed to see the alpha unmasked, but he would treasure the memory and the way Ice had taken care of him.
“We should get inside,” Ice said
“Yeah.” Hazard agreed. “But first. Thank you for your help with uh... everything. I appreciate it.”
“You’re welcome.”
Ice had come for him. But it was probably only due to his alpha instincts overriding what he wanted. And probably an urge to shut him up and get the heat over with as soon as possible so they could get back to chasing Cortez.
Ice got out of the truck. After grabbing his bag, he started to come around to the passenger side but Hazard didn’t wait for him, opening the door on his own. Ice gave him a look but then backed up as if to say, I’ll leave you to it . He turned and headed into their barracks. Hazard grabbed his duffel from the floor of the Jeep and followed him inside.
It was evening, their work hours over for the day, so they were greeted by a familiar evening scene - Jax on the couch, feet up on the coffee table as he watched TV.
“Welcome back,” he said when they walked in. “Everything okay?”
The question was voiced with genuine concern but it still had Hazard’s stomach clenching tight with mortification.
“I’m fine. Sorry about the howling.”
The alpha gave him a gentle smile.
“Don’t worry about it. Our bodies do what they’re gonna do.”
After that brief conversation, he and Ice went to their separate rooms. Hazard distinctly remembered Ice breaking the lock on his door to get into his room, but there was no sign of any damage. The door and lock had already been replaced. It no doubt had been taken care of by Ortiz since only an officer could get base maintenance to do a repair with such speed. He’d have to thank her later.
Hazard dropped his duffel on the floor and sank down onto the bed. What a fucking mess. He and Ice were going to have to share living space and go back to being teammates after spending his heat together. Ice had said multiple times that they couldn’t work together and be in a relationship. Now, he understood why he felt that way.
The awkwardness from the drive down was still twisting his guts into knots. What if that feeling carried into the field? How was he supposed to work with the captain with the memory of the past three days hanging between them?
And what about his next heat? Would he end up doing the same thing, pathetically howling and begging for Ice to come to him? Ice wasn’t going to put up with that nonsense more than once. If he still had feelings for the captain the next time his heat came around, he’d have to take his ass to the omega building for lockdown. Maybe muzzle himself for good measure.
But that was months away. Right now, he had one concern. How was he supposed to go back to normal life after he’d spent hours touching his captain and feeling his touch in return? How could he get back to business as usual after gazing on the strong beauty of Ice’s face, feeling his big body pressed against his own while he thrust inside him? Fuck. The answer was, he couldn’t.
Hazard realized what he had to do.
He got up and went into the bathroom. Stripping out of his clothes, he looked at himself in the mirror. Other than the confusion in his eyes, he looked like a well-satisfied omega. He was still a little pink in the cheeks. His hair was slightly grown out and three days of beard growth covered his jaw. Bite marks littered his shoulders and chest. And there was one deep purple bruise over his left mating gland.
Hazard touched his fingertips to the bruise, remembering...
With a curse he looked away from the mark and dropped his hand. Spreading a towel over the sink, he shaved off his beard growth and buzzed his hair down to its usual level. Then he headed to the shower.
After getting clean and dressing in a pair of fresh fatigues, he left the barracks and headed over to HQ where he knew the major would be working late. The hallway that led to Ortiz’s office was mostly empty of people. When he reached her office, he knocked on the frosted glass window set into the door and waited.
“Come in!” the major called out.
Taking a deep breath, he turned the knob and went inside. He usually liked coming to this space. But tonight, he wasn’t calmed by the low lighting and soothing scent of mint that permeated the room. He stood in front of Ortiz’s desk, at parade rest, arms clasped behind his back. The position allowed him to hide the fact that his hands were tightly gripped together.
“Hazard. What can I do for you?”
“Major. I’d like to request a transfer.” He had no idea where he was going to go, he just knew he needed to get away from Ice. Maybe he could go up to the base in Alaska. Captain Grant had made it more than clear that he’d love to have him there.
Ortiz raised an eyebrow in clear surprise. After a moment, her eyebrow lowered. Her expression changed, her eyes narrowing in thought as she stared at him for a long, silent moment. Hazard almost squirmed like a guilty pup under her gaze but he held still.
“Request denied.”
Now it was Hazard’s turn to be surprised. His mouth dropped open before he snapped it shut. “Denied? Why?”
Ortiz leaned forward to rest her elbows on top of her desk. “Did I bring a soldier onto my team who quits when the situation gets tough?”
Heat burned the back of Hazard’s neck at the implication that he was a quitter. “No, ma’am,” he said crisply.
“I didn’t think so. I know how to choose the right people for the job. And that’s why your request is denied. Whatever the problem is, sort it out. You fit on this team, Hazard, and I want you here. I would never have chosen you if I didn’t believe you were the right wolf for the 448.”
A small smile tugged at Hazard’s mouth at the praise from his captain.
“Understood, ma’am. And thank you for having my door repaired.”
“You’re welcome. Now get out of here and let me finish up these reports.”
Hazard nodded before pivoting to go. He left, closing the door behind him. In the hall, his shoulders slumped in relief. He had to admit that he was glad she’d denied his request for a transfer. He liked the work they did and he didn’t truly want to leave the team. The current situation with Ice notwithstanding, the 448 already felt like more of a true pack than any squad he’d previously been with.
A transfer would have been the easy way out. Avoiding his problem instead of solving it. Since that wasn’t happening, he would have to handle his shit. Lock his personal feelings down tight so he could get on doing the work he’d been brought in to do. Before he could do that however, there was something he needed to take care of first. He had to clear the air with Ice. Mentally preparing himself for an awkward conversation, he sought the alpha out.
* * *
After asking around and checking Ice’s favorite haunts, he found him on one of the target ranges. At this hour, the range was empty of other people. Ice was alone, practicing his knife throws. Not wanting to interrupt his practice, Hazard waited patiently until he was done. Even now, he had to admire the alpha’s skill. He threw each blade with both ease and power. His accuracy had each knife sinking into the target in a perfect circle around the bull’s eye.
“Hazard.” Ice said his name before he slowly turned around to face him.
Hazard almost faltered when he looked into those dark eyes. They were calm now, but he remembered what they’d looked like, burning with passion for him. He cleared his throat, forcing the memory away.
“Sorry to bother you, Captain. I wanted to come and apologize.”
“Apologize for what?”
“For calling you and making you spend my heat with me.”
“I didn’t do anything I didn’t want to do.”
That answer left Hazard confused. “But you said no at first.”
Ice nodded once. “I did.”
“Why? If you wanted to spend my heat with me then why did you say no?”
“You know why. My reasons haven’t changed.”
Their ranks. Their working relationship. Hazard didn’t think those reasons were enough to keep them apart. He thought they should be able to work together, even if they were personally involved. But Ice’s mind was made up.
He desperately wanted to ask why Ice had changed his mind and shared his heat with him. But he decided asking would make the whole situation even messier. It was better to move on and forget it happened.
“I’ll make sure that it doesn’t happen again. What we shared... it’s over. From here on out, I’ll keep it professional. No more teasing and flirting. You have my word on that.”
He held a hand out to seal his promise with a handshake. Ice accepted it, his big hand engulfing his. But when it came time for the handshake to naturally end, neither of them let go. Their hands remained clasped. Hazard thought he saw regret in Ice’s expressive eyes. But he couldn’t question it after promising to let talk of any intimacy between them drop. He tugged his hand away, ignoring the way Ice’s lingered, fingers slowly drawing across his palm before they separated.
“Enjoy your target practice, sir.”
Hazard left, determinedly keeping his eyes forward and not looking back. He wished things could have been different. Wished that this was the start of their relationship. But he had to accept that it was the end for something that never truly began.
* * *
Ice watched Hazard walk away. Once the door closed, he spun around, plucked a knife from the sheath on his thigh, and flung it at the target all in one smooth motion. It hit dead center with a solid thunk. He sighed before he went to retrieve it.
Had he done the right thing taking Hazard to his cabin to spend his heat with him? He hadn’t let himself worry about it during their time together. His focus was only satisfying Hazard’s needs and making sure he was cared for. But now that they were back on base, back in uniform, he had to consider the ramifications of his actions.
They’d just reestablished their friendly working relationship, their attraction pushed back behind a barrier. But he’d smashed through that barrier the moment he’d knocked down Hazard’s door.
So where did that leave them now? Spending a heat together was one thing. But becoming lovers was another thing entirely. He needed to leave Hazard alone. Except, what if he couldn’t? His previously silent Instinct was fully awakened now, urging him to claim Hazard as his own, to take him as his mate. He wished he could give in to that urge.
How was he going to remain on the 448 if he couldn’t silence his desire for the corporal? Maybe he should transfer out, go to another squad where solo ops were the norm. Working on his own is what he was used to. He had more experience as a solo operator than he did working on a team.
But the moment he thought of leaving, of leaving Hazard, his Instinct flared red hot in his chest, rejecting the idea. Fuck. He didn’t want to leave Hazard. Which meant he had no choice but to go back to what they were before Hazard’s heat. Squadmates. Partners. Nothing more.
Ice cursed and flung another knife at the target. He didn’t know if that would work. But for now, that was the only option he had. He might not be able to claim Hazard, but he refused to leave his side.