Chapter Four
Casey
After three days of traveling and two nights of camping out, we finally reached Dr. Wolf, which I found great humor in, given that he was actually a fox shifter. Dr. Wolf was considered the expert in all things shift related. If he wasn’t able to give me answers, they didn’t exist.
The doctor spent hours combing through the paperwork I filled out, giving me different exams, having me try different supplements to see if he could force shifts, and even infusing some of his alpha power into his commands, trying to ascertain if that would make a difference. Along with all that, he did multiple blood draws and swabs and hair—why he needed my hair, I didn’t know, but analyzing that mattered, too, apparently.
And at the end of the appointment, he told me that he wouldn’t know anything today. I’d been flying under the assumption we’d get results right away, and I didn’t attempt to hide my disappointment. The day had worn me out both physically and mentally, and my ability to pretend all was right in the world was long gone. Dr. Wolf sent us back to the campsite we’d been at the night before and told us to come back the next day.
Jonah, being the wonderful friend he was, tried to keep me distracted. He picked up my favorite kind of pizza, put on my favorite music, told me stories about his job where he had a manager who really had no business being in charge of anything and who constantly created entertaining drama. At least, it was entertaining for me as someone who didn’t need to live it. He even snuggled next to me in his wolf form as I tried to sleep, offering comfort.
Nothing worked, and it was near dawn when I finally was able to snooze for a little bit. I was too nervous. This doctor was my last resort. Everything was riding on today.
And the next morning, when we showed up, Dr. Wolf didn’t need to say a word. I knew from the look on his face—I was a lost cause. My beast was not mine to control, but also, he wasn’t in control either. We were both spectators in this, and that sucked.
“I’m sorry. With your recessive genes, it looks like the DNA coding needed to control your shift isn’t there.”
DNA coding made it sound like I was in a freaking sci-fi movie.
“And I researched and researched. I only found one other case like yours, with all the same markers. By thirty, they no longer had any control at all.”
Fuck.
“That doesn’t mean he will lose control,” Jonah said, wrapping his arm around me. “That’s only one person’s experience. One doesn’t make a case. One could be coincidence. It could be something different.”
“You’re right,” Dr. Wolf conceded. “But you need to be realistic here, Casey, you—”
I didn’t hear another word he said, or if I did, I didn’t compute them. My mind was stuck on thirty being the end of one side of me. Thirty was so young and running at me quickly. There was so much I wanted to do with my life and, from the sound of it, I wasn’t going to get the opportunity.
We thanked him and gave him the money the alpha had given me for his fees, and he declined it. Said he didn’t feel right accepting it when he didn’t solve the problem. Had it been my money, I’d have insisted. But it was pack money, and as soon as Jonah and I got home, I went straight to the alpha and gave it back.
“Alpha, I have to ask you to release me. I can’t be pack anymore. I need to go.” It hurt to say, but I had to be realistic. Me being here was only going to make things harder for my family and Jonah. It was best for me to go.
“Casey, sit down a moment. We need to talk.” He wasn’t angry. If anything, I saw pity in his eyes. I’d have preferred anger.
“I will not mark you as rogue, and I will not hold you here. You can go where you want and do what you must. But understand this, at the end of the day, this pack is your home. And walking away doesn’t make you less of a member.”
It was like he could read my mind. And I guess, in a way, he probably could. Alphas had crazy powers I didn’t fully understand. At least, wolf pack alphas did. I didn’t know about other shifters.
I thanked him and, the next morning, said goodbye to Jonah and my parents and drove toward the rental that I’d booked. I was still going to do the remote thing, but in a way that wasn’t a burden to anyone. I’d had some hits for interviews for some coding jobs, and one of those had panned out. And if it didn’t turn out well, I could manage enough side work to keep the bills paid.
I didn’t love the idea of driving, knowing that I wasn’t in control of my shift, but I always had some hint that a shift was coming. It wasn’t a lot, and it didn’t happen much in advance, but looking back—thanks to the doctor—I’d discovered the pattern, and I trusted I could keep us safe.
I didn’t base my destination on location. Not really. I didn’t have a preference for what part of the country I wanted us to be in, but it needed to be isolated and reasonable and available for me to arrange without being there yet. Unfortunately, that meant, it would be a couple days’ drive away at the closest. I didn’t risk being overtired because that would only encourage a shift, and decided to add an extra day to the trip and not go quite as far at a stretch.
I pulled off the side of the road onto a little dirt road that showed no sign of being used frequently, and climbed into the back of my truck and into my sleeping bag for the night. The ground was wet here, and a hard truck sounded much better than a wet house somewhere.
In my sleep, I shifted. That didn’t happen often, but, thanks to my shitty luck, it happened during my road trip. So much for seeing the signs.
I woke in the morning to the sound of people. And, much to my surprise, when I looked up, there were three teens, or possibly college kids, looking into the bed of my truck, all talking about how they were going to take me to the shelter if the one’s parents wouldn’t let him keep me.
Fuck that.
The second they tried to get me out, I bolted.
I ran—not looking back, weaving through the trees, making sure it would be impossible for them to get to me. I wasn’t as fast as some, but I was wily. They called to me, their voices eventually becoming fainter as I got deeper in the woods.
And then I stopped, my legs nothing but putty. I looked around and realized, based on the sun, that I’d been running for a really long time. Much longer than I’d thought.
I had absolutely no idea where I was or how to get back. My twists and turns not only lost the kids but also myself.
Now would have been a great time to have a wolf. At least they could find something to eat and fight off others.
Me? I was prey. Alone. In the middle of nowhere.