Chapter 5 Viol #2
Over the next few moments, I regained my breath and my bearings. Being thrown into the past like that was jarring. Why’d my stupid brain decide to show me those particular memories? I swear, the damned organ was out to get me.
Grunting, I slapped my palms against my cheeks. I was awake now, all right. But I remained disoriented. The Violet from my dream was a different person. He was distant, inaccessible. And yet, I’d seen those same images and heard those same sounds with my own senses.
I clenched my eyes shut and sank back into bed with a groan. I wasn’t dizzy anymore, but I still felt wired.
Even now, I couldn’t make sense of my decision that day. Had it been the best choice of my life? Or had it been the worst mistake?
A sharp rap of knuckles knocked at my door.
Oh, for fuck’s sake...
I was tempted to toss my alarm clock at the door as a clear sign to fuck off. But then I had the deranged idea that it was Poppy on the other side instead of my annoying brothers. That thought alone deterred me from throwing objects. I hauled my ass out of bed and dragged myself to the door.
“Who is it?” I asked hoarsely.
“Jade.”
My eye twitched. I threw the door open.
“Oh, good,” I growled. “You made it easier for me to wring your neck.”
Jade didn’t react. Strangely, he didn’t look amused at my threat like he normally did. He almost seemed subdued, which was weird. It put me on edge.
“Good morning,” Jade said. “How do you feel?”
“Like shit. Any other stupid questions?”
Examining my face, he stated, “You didn’t sleep well.”
I must’ve had dark circles around my eyes. I probably looked like Thystle with his ridiculous emo make-up. I rubbed my face self-consciously, then scowled at Jade.
“Did you come here just to piss me off?” I asked.
“Poppy’s downstairs.”
My mouth fell open. What the hell did he just say? I smacked my ear, suddenly suspicious I’d slept on it wrong and screwed up my hearing.
“What?” I demanded.
But Jade had already disengaged. He turned on his heel to leave. In a tone that left no room for argument, he asked, “You’ll join us for breakfast, won’t you?”
Asshole. Of course he’d drop a bomb on me and then walk away like nothing happened.
I took longer than necessary to wash up in the bathroom.
I splashed cold water on my face, hoping to shock my senses into reality.
When I met my reflection in the mirror, the dark circles were prominent.
I clicked my tongue in frustration. I didn’t want to show anybody all this shit was getting to me.
Or worse, invite questions about what was wrong.
Those asinine questions always infuriated me—where the fuck should I start?
The longer I stared at myself, the worse I felt.
I looked tired and weary. I wasn’t the fresh-faced young dragon who wanted to explore the world anymore.
Now I was older and pissed-off. The thought of facing anything new or different made me balk.
I just wanted the comfort and safety of what I knew, even if that meant shrinking behind my spiked shell.
I wrenched my gaze away from my reflection. That man looked pathetic. I didn’t want to look at him anymore.
I threw on a black long-sleeved shirt and a pair of dark jeans, then slipped into my black leather jacket.
The weight of it was reassuring, although in the grand scheme of things, it did little to calm my nerves.
I wouldn’t be able to relax until this forced breakfast gathering was over. Maybe not even then.
Dreading every step, I trudged downstairs to the kitchen.
The space between my ribs was a tar pit.
My heart felt like sludge. But I couldn’t avoid seeing Poppy.
If I ran back to my room with my tail tucked between my legs, Jade or one of the others would drag me downstairs, and I couldn’t bear that humiliation.
Better to bite the bullet and get it over with.
When I entered the kitchen, I found it sparsely populated. Jade poured himself a coffee, while Crimson rifled through the cupboard for a mixing bowl. Their mates, Alaric and Taylor, sat at the breakfast bar.
And sitting between them was the back of a familiar white-haired head.
I stopped, my breath catching in my throat. Poppy was in my kitchen. In my house. He was sitting ten feet away from me, perched on a bar stool, looking completely natural.
My heart did a somersault that barely stuck the landing.
“So, you made it,” Jade greeted.
I glanced at my brother, still perturbed, but kept my mouth shut. My voice would alert Poppy to my presence, and I wanted to delay that for as long as possible.
Instead, I gave Jade a stiff nod and shouldered past him to grab a coffee mug of my own. At least it’d give me a distraction, something to do with my hands instead of standing there like a fucking dunderhead.
“Excuse you,” Crimson grumbled as I nearly barrelled over him. He put the mixing bowl on the counter while shooting me a dirty look.
I ignored him and shoved my mug below the coffee machine. A few more seconds of ignorant bliss was all I wanted. Just another delay between me and the inevitable.
Blood pounded anxiously in my ears, but I stretched my hearing to eavesdrop on the omegas. They spoke in hushed tones, so I couldn’t understand them. Why were they being so quiet? Was something wrong? Or were they discussing a topic they didn’t want me to hear?
Crimson cleared his throat next to me. “You have to actually push the button for it to work,” he pointed out sardonically, gesturing to the machine.
I grunted and punched the button. The room filled with a repetitive mechanical groan as espresso streamed into my mug. It drowned out any ability to hear the omegas, which only irritated me further. I didn’t even want the damned coffee.
The longer I stayed in the kitchen, the more I wanted to bolt. I shouldn’t be here. Why did I bend to Jade so easily? I should’ve let him drag me down, kicking and screaming. At least I could’ve landed a punch to his annoying face for all this fucking trouble.
The machine stopped its ruckus and the kitchen went quiet again. Suddenly, my thoughts felt too loud. A panic fell over me.
Now what? What was my next step? Go sit at the bar and face the omegas?
Desperate for more time, I punched the button again.
The machine hummed in a blaring groan, shooting another acrid stream of espresso into my mug.
Then I realized how loud it was, like a big neon sign that attracted everyone’s attention.
I could practically feel their hot gazes glued to the back of my skull.
When I turned around, it’d be over. I’d have to face my fears.
The tar pit in my chest roiled. My heart sank deeper into the muck, dragged down by the weight of my anxiety. I gripped the sides of the mug so hard my knuckles paled. I couldn’t waste more time with a third shot. I had to turn the fuck around already.
I sank my teeth into my lower lip, biting hard, then stormed away from the coffee machine. There was nothing to do but to sit at the bar with the omegas. Across from Poppy.
But when I turned, the middle seat was empty.
Poppy was gone.
Alaric and Taylor glared at me, two furious cats with their metaphorical claws out, ready to rip me to shreds.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Alaric spat first. “Poppy’s our guest. Not only did you act like a total dickhead, you completely ignored him.”
My heart sank. It dropped like an anchor, disappearing under layers of black sludge until it settled at the very bottom.
I opened my mouth to reply, but Taylor hadn’t had his turn yet.
“Poppy had a rough night,” Taylor said, his voice thick and low with a tiger’s growl. “We invited him for breakfast to cheer him up, but you just made him feel worse.”
Taylor’s comment stabbed me like a sword to the back.
Fuck.
Fuck, fuck, fucking shit.
I was so angry at myself. I wanted the world to swallow me, make me disappear. At least then I’d stop hurting Poppy.
Still clutching the damn coffee mug, I ran out of the kitchen and into the living room. The scrap of relief I felt to see him curled up on the couch was nothing compared to the tidal wave of worry rearing its ugly head.
I’d made him feel awful. I was probably the last person he wanted to see right now. Wasn’t it better to leave him alone?
Indecision gripped me like prey clutched between talons. So, I stood there like a total moron, staring silently at Poppy from behind, clinging to a stupid mug like it actually meant something to me.
“Viol?”
The small, cracked voice shot straight to my core.
“Is that you?” Poppy asked without looking.
Was that hope in his voice, or trepidation? Which would make me feel better?
It was easy to push Poppy away. Facing him was fucking hard. But I’d already made him feel like shit this morning by ignoring him, and I wouldn’t do it again.
“Yeah,” I finally said, my voice just as fucked up as his.
Poppy peeked over his shoulder. When his wet eyes locked onto me, they shined with faith.
I felt my heart breaking in half, being patched together, then splitting apart all over again.