Chapter 10
Poppy
I shuddered.
The bottom of my mug was empty. I stared at the hot chocolate dregs, wondering when I’d sipped so much of it.
Muzo noticed and leapt off the couch. “You want more, Pops? Coming right up!”
“I—”
I’d opened my mouth to tell him I shouldn’t have any more sugar—especially not so late in the day—but he’d already grabbed my empty mug and scampered off to the kitchen to refill it.
I slumped against the back seat with a sigh. Recounting memories was exhausting, and I still hadn’t gotten to the point. I felt guilty for taking up so much of my friends’ time.
Taylor and Alaric looked tired, too. Hours had passed since we nestled on the couch together. They were probably sick of listening to me, but were too polite to interrupt.
“That’s enough for now, I think,” I mused, flashing a sheepish smile. “It’s already late afternoon. I should head back to the hotel and leave you all in peace.”
Alaric scoffed. “You think this place is peaceful without you? Please. It’s a zoo. I’m shocked the dragon brothers and our children haven’t stormed through the living room in a tornado of chaos.”
“He’s right,” Taylor agreed with a shrug. “This is probably the quietest it’s ever been. I bet they heard us talking and gave us space.”
“Dragons? Tactful? What a novel concept,” Alaric remarked.
I rubbed my knees, which were tucked against my chest. I’d spent all day at the castle. Wouldn’t they want me to leave by now?
“They serve dinner at the hotel, so I should get back before it’s too late,” I murmured.
Alaric pulled a sour face. “Oh, Poppy. Hotel food? Really?”
“What’s wrong with it?”
To my surprise, Alaric put his arm around my shoulders while sighing dramatically. As usual, he smelled like baby powder. The familiar scent was comforting, as was his affectionate touch.
“Nothing, if you’re a pedestrian contestant schmuck,” Alaric said dryly. Beside me, I noticed Taylor rolling his eyes. “But you’re our guest. That means you’ll enjoy dinner here, with us.”
“No, I couldn’t possibly impose any longer,” I blurted.
Alaric’s catlike gaze sharpened into angry slits. “I don’t recall asking. I’m telling you, wolf.”
“But—”
Taylor’s milder voice chimed in. “What he’s trying to say, Poppy, is that he wants you to stay here for dinner tonight.”
My cheeks flushed. They still wanted me to stay? But all I’d done was recount dusty old memories all day long...
My mind drifted to the long list of what-ifs. What if nobody else wanted me there? What if there wasn’t enough food for a surprise guest?
What if Viol didn’t show up to dinner because of me?
My chest clenched painfully hard. I grasped my shirt, twisting my fingers into it. That thought was the worst. Anxiety started pounding through my veins. I couldn’t bear the idea of Viol avoiding me again.
Alaric snapped his fingers in my face.
“Stop spiralling,” he said sharply.
The abrupt noise forced me back to reality. “Huh?”
“I recognize that expression,” Alaric sneered. “You’re overthinking. Cut it out. Just wash up and come to dinner. I won’t accept ‘no’ for an answer.”
Taylor gave me a lopsided grin, like he was powerless to help. “You heard him, Poppy. Come on, I’ll show you the bathroom upstairs.”
It seemed like I didn’t have a choice. Sighing, I accepted my fate. I slipped off the couch and followed Taylor. As we left the living room, I heard Muzo’s chipper voice from around the corner.
“Here’s your hot chocolate, Pops—huh? Where’d he go?” A pause. “Oh well. I’ll drink it myself!”
It took me a second to get over the extravagance of the upstairs bathroom.
I splashed water on my face in front of a giant, spotless mirror above a giant, spotless sink.
Everything was so luxurious that I felt bad about using it.
Instead of drying my wet hands on the pristine cotton towel, I wiped them on my pants instead.
Taylor had already gone back downstairs. Maybe it was the solitary tiger inside him that understood when I needed space.
I raised my head to glimpse my reflection, dreading what I’d see. Dark bags hung under my eyes from last night’s poor sleep. My hair frayed in every direction. I looked like a mess. I looked like the Poppy that Viol pulled from the snowy owl’s crag, all those years ago.
I shivered as the memory rolled over me, heavy and tangible. As I lurched forward, I grabbed the edges of the porcelain sink for balance.
Why...? Why had everything gone so wrong?
My head felt as crowded as a city street—loud, overwhelming, impossible to escape. But I couldn’t leave. I’d already accepted my friends’ invitation to stay for dinner. It would be rude to leave now. Besides, where would I go? Back to my lonely hotel room just to mope all night long?
A groan escaped me. I felt so tired and worthless. The temporary comfort I felt around my good friends slipped away like smoke from a candle, vanishing into nothing. I couldn’t be around them constantly. They had their own lives, and it was rude of me to impose for my own selfish desires.
Hot shame washed over me. Why had I wasted so much time recounting my awful memories? All it did was bring down the vibe. I shouldn’t have mentioned it at all. I’d kept it to myself all these years. It should’ve stayed locked up, out of sight, out of mind.
My knees buckled and I leaned my weight against the sink. I was so stupid. I’d come to the bathroom to freshen up, not to cry. If I went downstairs with red puffy eyes, everyone would know I’d been sobbing again. I rubbed my forearm against my face to stave off tears.
It’ll pass if I sit here for a minute, I thought, hoping to manifest it. Quietly... silently...
The door flew open.
Someone stormed in with loud, thunking steps.
My heart rate exploded. I let out an involuntary yelp of fear as I slipped and fell backwards hard on the tile, smacking my tailbone.
But when I saw the intruder’s identity, my heart stopped.
Viol stood there, still as stagnant water, staring wide-eyed as if I was the last person he expected to see. A swarm of emotions crossed his face before settling into something guarded and civil.
“What are you doing here?” he rasped. Then, louder, “Are you okay?”
I nodded listlessly. My bruised bottom was the least of my concerns.
“I’m... washing up.” My anxiety flared like a beacon. “Um, I can go. If you need to use the bathroom.”
“No,” Viol barked. “I mean... it’s fine. You don’t have to do that.” He ran a hand aggressively through his hair, then blew out a breath. “Sorry, I didn’t expect anyone to be here.”
I noticed Viol’s face was flushed, but in a sun-kissed way. He smelled like saltwater and open air. Had he spent all day on the beach after we parted ways?
Viol’s gaze slid over me. For a moment I thought he’d reach out a hand to pull me upright, but instead, he sat across from me on the tiled floor, mirroring my pose.
“Long day?” he asked through a sigh.
“Y-yeah. For you, too?”
A smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth. “I’ll fuckin’ say. Gaius cornered me and wanted my whole life’s story.”
I didn’t know what inspired his sudden conversational attitude, but it was better than our awkward tension from earlier. I allowed my shoulders to relax as I hugged my knees to my chest.
“That’s funny,” I murmured. “I was talking to my friends about that, too.”
Viol’s brows lifted halfway to his hair. “You were?”
I nodded, but dropped my gaze to the black tiles. “I was just telling Alaric, Taylor, and Muzo about... past things.”
Viol’s eyes flashed, but he didn’t move or otherwise react. “Past things, huh? Like how you and I met?”
I lifted my face. “How’d you know?”
“I was telling Gaius the same thing.”
My emotions teetered at a crossroads, unsure whether to be anxious or calm.
Was Viol serious? I never expected him to open up about that.
He kept it even closer to his chest than I did, practically buried between his ribs.
Gaius must’ve really pestered him about it.
Either that, or something had changed in Viol.
We sat silently on the bathroom floor together for a while. Surprisingly, it wasn’t as awkward as I thought. It felt oddly comfortable—maybe because of our shared butt-on-floor discomfort.
“Hey, Poppy,” Viol said gruffly. “There’s no normal way to ask this, but... is your ass okay? I mean, because you fell on it. When I came in. Because I startled you,” he muttered, each word coming out increasingly quiet.
I let out a soft laugh. It always charmed me when he stumbled over his words. I did it all the time, but it was somehow sweeter when he did it.
“Yes, I’m fine,” I promised. “Is that why you sat down? To empathize with me?”
He shrugged, tossing a thumb over his shoulder. “Sort of. I also got baked out there, even in the shade, so the cold floor’s nice.”
“That does sound nice,” I agreed.
“And Gaius kept offering me these weird drinks. I don’t even know where they came from. Kept pulling them out like a fucking clown car.”
I laughed again at the mental image. “That sounds like him.”
The edges of Viol’s face softened. Somewhere beneath the harsh exterior was the young man I knew from a long time ago. The one with gentle purple eyes and a bright smile.
But that wasn’t quite the face across from me. There were layers of sediment between the two expressions, worn and weathered by time. In my deepest heart, I wondered if he was still there at all—or if his old self had been stripped away from him.
Viol met my gaze evenly. “You seem down.”
“Old memories. You know how it is.”
Viol winced, bringing his hands together to fidget with his index fingers. “Listen, I’m sorry. I was being a dick this morning. I hope you’re not in a bad mood because of me.”
His apology surprised me. I didn’t feel like I deserved one.
“You didn’t do anything wrong,” I pointed out.
Viol scoffed. “Come on, Poppy. Don’t be so damned nice.”
“I’m not trying to be,” I argued. “Really, I didn’t mind.”
He narrowed his eyes as if pained. “I know I made you feel shitty. I freaked out for no reason and ditched you.”
As he spoke, his voice choked. He bit his lip and turned away, staring at the shower on the other end of the room. I could tell he was trying not to cry. Seeing him like that refreshed my own tears, and I wiped them away on my sleeve.
“Fuck. Sorry,” Viol muttered. He dug the heel of his palm into his eyes; like he was trying to hurt himself to disguise his tears. “I’m sick of doing that to you.”
My heart hurt. I wanted to reach out and comfort him, but all I could weakly reply was, “It’s okay.”
“Stop saying that,” Viol snapped, his voice breaking fully as he swivelled to face me. “It’s not. Don’t pretend it is. I’m a piece of shit! I’m a fucking asshole, Poppy!”
I sucked in a small breath. I didn’t want Viol to speak about himself that way. Not when he was somebody I cared so deeply about.
Overcoming my anxiety, I reached across the space between us and grasped his wrist. He stilled beneath my touch. His eyes darted to mine, almost fearful.
“That’s enough,” I murmured. “I don’t want to hear you say those things anymore.”
Pain twisted on Viol’s face. He clenched his eyes shut and dropped his head. A messy curtain of deep purple hair fell forward, blocking his face.
“You’re too much, you know that?” he mumbled, sounding both haggard and fond. “Man... can’t a guy degrade himself in peace?”
I frowned. “No.”
A one-note laugh escaped him. “So final. I like that you found your voice only to tell me what I can and can’t do.”
Heat crept across my cheeks. Had I gone too far?
“I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to be controlling,” I murmured.
Viol tossed his head back and laughed again. He’d brushed away the unshed tears, but his eyes remained wet and glistening, shining like dark amethysts.
“You’re fine, Poppy,” Viol said softly.
His kind words floated in the air like silk threads wrapping around my heart.
I missed this. I missed him.
Nerves choked my chest. I wanted to tell him how I felt. How badly I yearned for his companionship. How I was only able to bear the pain of revisiting those dark memories because of his presence in them.
But I couldn’t say any of that.
The words felt too big and frightening to force out of my throat. Like if I spoke them aloud, it would alter the world forever—and I didn’t know if I could handle that uncertain future.
Instead, I kept quiet. Contained the living, breathing words inside. Kept them locked away behind my door of terror.
Because if I ever let them free only to discover Viol felt differently, I wouldn’t be able to go on.
“It’s getting late,” Viol said as he slowly got to his feet. “We should head down for dinner before someone barges in here and drags us by force. My brothers like doing stupid shit like that.”
Even his irritated comment had a note of fondness in it. That lightened my mood. I stood up, grunting as my body adjusted to being upright instead of curled up on the bathroom floor.
“Are you sure you want me here? I don’t have to stay for dinner,” I said, fussing with the hem of my sleeve.
Viol shot me a halfhearted glare. “First of all, your friends would rip my face off if they found out I sent you home. Second...” He trailed off and swallowed. “I want you here, too, all right?”
My spirits lifted. “Really?”
“You can’t figure that out?” Viol grumbled.
Before I could answer, he marched out of the bathroom, but held the door open as he waited for me.
I walked past his outstretched arm, flashing a grateful smile.
He blushed and hurried ahead downstairs while never straying further than a few strides ahead.
My chest felt warm as we descended to the main floor together.
The tension in the air was mostly gone. Being by Viol was comfortable and familiar; he’d slotted back into place like he’d never left my side.
Selfishly, I wanted him to remain there forever.
But he was his own person with his own life. I had no right to dictate his actions.
I was just happy to cherish the moments as they came.