Chapter 11 #2
Had I just been a fucking nuisance this entire damned time by refusing to participate in the Games?
I wanted to drag my fingers down my face. Hell, I didn’t know what to believe anymore...
“Sorry, Viol,” Poppy greeted suddenly.
I nearly spilled my peach juice. “Shit.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you!”
“N-no, you’re fine,” I muttered, abandoning the glass on the counter. “I was just... spacing out.” I cleared my throat. “What were you guys chatting about?”
Poppy smiled. “This and that. I caught Rorik up on... Ah, never mind.”
I forced myself not to grimace. If Poppy was recounting his story to his friends, it was only a matter of time before Rorik found out the whole truth. In that case, I wondered how Rorik felt about our shared past being aired in the open. I wondered if it would rekindle his distaste for me.
“Anyway, I didn’t want to leave you standing here all by yourself,” Poppy said. “Are you, um, going to bed?”
I snorted. It was barely eight in the evening. But then I felt stupid when I realized he’d asked that out of courtesy. His real question was: What will you do now? And what should I do?
“Don’t go back to the hotel,” I ordered.
Poppy blinked. “Huh?”
“It’s still early. Just stay here and chill. We can hang out.”
Holy shit, every word that came out of my mouth sounded more and more cringy. Was I fucking stupid?
But Poppy’s face brightened with genuine happiness. “I’d love that, Viol.”
My heart swooped. I couldn’t take it. When he looked that happy, it twisted my guts in the best way.
“Really?” I grumbled.
If he was in wolf form, I’m sure he’d wag his tail. “Yes, of course! I... I get lonely back in my hotel room, so it’s nice to be invited to stay.”
My stomach sank like an anchor. He got lonely? Why the fuck didn’t he mention that before? If I’d known that, I wouldn’t have left him alone on the first night!
“You should’ve said something,” I grumbled.
Poppy rubbed his arm. “I didn’t want to be a bother.”
I sighed hard. Poppy’s eagerness to fall on the sword frustrated me sometimes. Didn’t he understand that everybody only wanted the best for him?
“So, what do you want to do?” I asked. “Saffron’s got movies we could watch.”
Poppy hummed thoughtfully. “Actually, I’d like some fresh air. Would you want to sit outside with me?”
“Sure.”
As we made our way to the door, Poppy waved goodbye to his friends, who wished him a good night. I didn’t look too close, but I felt some expectant gazes on the back of my head.
But what did they expect from me? Was there something specific they wanted me to do? Or were they wary I’d hurt Poppy’s feelings again like I did this morning?
The pressure crept in like choking vines. The weight—both of Poppy’s friends’ expectations and my brothers’ insistence on me finding my mate—bore down on me like a ton of bricks. Why did everything have to be a big deal? Why couldn’t I just enjoy Poppy’s presence, dammit?
“Viol?” Poppy prompted from behind the doorway.
I grunted, hurrying to meet him. “Coming.”
Despite my bitching, I felt refreshed after a few minutes in the cool evening air, and escaping the kitchen’s hectic noise helped my mood.
Poppy and I strolled in casual silence broken up by gently rustling leaves and the rhythmic waves of the sea.
Before I knew it, Poppy had led us to the beach behind the castle.
He tiptoed to the edge of the water, shuffled safely away from the water’s touch, then sat in the sand and craned his neck up to gaze at the stars.
He looked so... natural. Like he wasn’t a guest at all. Like he belonged here.
My chest squeezed. It was the same effortless aura that surrounded Poppy during dinner. It all felt easy.
Too easy.
I kept waiting for something bad to happen, to shred this idyllic scenario. For Poppy to be ripped away from me. Like the intangible thing I’d been running from for so many years would finally catch up and crush my hopes forever.
Poppy glanced over his shoulder and called, “You’ll come sit with me, won’t you?”
Immediately, I trudged over. I left a couple inches of space between us as I sat beside him. I hated the sensation of damp sand against my ass and my leather boots, but I hated the idea of disappointing Poppy even more. Compared to his joy, everything else was meaningless.
“A real beach,” Poppy said with a knowing look.
It took me a second to remember that old conversation. “Hah. Yeah. No shitty rocks to slip and crack your head on. But instead, you have to deal with sand in your ass.”
He chuckled. “That’s a good compromise.”
We both went quiet, listening to the sound of the wind and waves. As the breeze brought the smell of saltwater to my nose, it brought another familiar scent, too. I shuddered as Poppy’s scent wafted over, familiar and nostalgic. He always smelled good, but tonight he was especially intoxicating.
I swallowed as I suddenly remembered Jade’s comment. All my brothers were fucking horndogs during their seasons. They couldn’t even get through the damned Games before getting physical with their partners.
But then again... why should they? They were all fated mates, through and through. If they were certain of that fact, why wait to physically express their love?
My pulse began to quicken.
I can’t think about this shit right now, I scolded myself. Besides, Poppy’s not like that...
“The sky is so beautiful here,” Poppy murmured.
I raised my face to observe the sky. Stars sparkled against the deepening darkness.
Poppy tilted his head in my direction, still staring up. “The patterns are different from the ones back in the city. Or even in the tundra...”
I winced inwardly at the mention of his original home. Was it on his mind since he’d been telling his friends about it?
As the thoughts raced through my mind, I didn’t notice Poppy edging gradually closer until suddenly his head rested on my shoulder.
I went still. That little gesture sent a ribbon of warmth dancing through my chest. He’d done it of his own volition. It meant Poppy wanted to be closer. Not even my creeping doubts could argue against that.
Then... did he want to be touched?
Silencing my uncertainty, I slowly raised my arm and wrapped it around Poppy’s shoulder. He let out a soft sigh, relaxing against it.
My heart skipped a beat. This small gesture felt incredibly intimate. It wasn’t even racy—friends could’ve been in this position—so why was my pulse suddenly hammering?
I cleared my throat and asked, “Is this comfortable for you?”
“Mhm.”
For some reason, his wordless reply made my heart beat faster. Was he that content? Was a crumb of physical contact all it took to make him happy?
Thinking about that, I tightened my grip on his shoulder. More secure. Slightly more possessive.
Poppy leaned further against me in silent approval.
How did this happen? One minute, we were having a totally platonic dinner, and now...
This is still platonic, idiot, I berated myself. Friends can huddle against each other like this. It’s normal. Don’t get worked up over something so casual.
But that didn’t slow my racing pulse or the slow-building heat in my core.
This felt nice. Really nice. Yet I couldn’t push it any further.
I didn’t dare ruin the moment I wanted to savor.
So I remained still, accepting that a head on the shoulder was the furthest this could go. Even that was enough.
But then Poppy angled his face towards me.
My stomach swooped dangerously. His lips were close to my jaw, my neck. Any sudden movement and he’d brush me by accident. What was he thinking?
“Poppy, are you okay?” I asked, trying not to sound hoarse.
“Ah. Yeah... This is nice.”
His breath was warm as it ghosted across my skin. I tried not to shudder. When he spoke, he felt far closer, like the gap between us was rapidly shrinking by imperceptible units.
Dammit, I hoped he couldn’t hear the way my heart hammered against my ribs like a fucking drum.
“Thank you, Viol,” Poppy murmured.
“For what?” I blurted.
Shyly, he said, “I like being able to, um... do this with you. Just us. Resting my head on your shoulder feels so safe.”
Heat surged out from my core and blasted my cheeks. Did he really just say that or was I fucking hallucinating?
“Yeah?” I asked. “That’s good.”
I tried to sound calm, but inside, I was freaking out. Poppy liked this? What part of it did he enjoy? The closeness, leaning on me, what? Was this all he wanted, or did he want more?
As the questions barraged my mind, Poppy let out a gentle sigh of contentment. It was like his tranquility was inversely related to my anxiety.
How is Poppy, the most anxious person I know, chilled out right now!?
I shut my eyes and breathed.
Fucking relax, asshole. Poppy’s just leaning his head on you, dipshit. It’s not even a big deal.
But it was a big deal to me. Because I’d missed him so fucking much. Because this was all I’d wanted for long, wasted years. The pressure in my chest fizzed and bubbled up until I couldn’t hold it in any longer.
“Poppy,” I rasped. “I really missed you.”
He angled his face up so that when he blinked, his eyelashes fluttered against my jawline. The feather-soft sensation rocketed through me, ricocheting around my body like a stray billiard ball.
“I missed you, too,” Poppy murmured.
My heart clenched as those four words stabbed me. Fuck, he had no idea how much that meant to me.
Encouraged by his reply, I opened my mouth. “Can I...”
But I didn’t have the courage to finish my sentence. I shut my mouth, feeling embarrassed.
“Go on,” Poppy urged gently.
I gritted my teeth. Now I couldn’t refuse.
Just spit it out!
“Can I hug you?” I barked.
Poppy lifted his head off my shoulder just enough to flash me a slightly bewildered expression. Then he broke into an airy laugh. “Of course you can. Why would you even ask?”
As his permission washed over me, so did a new sense of confidence. I didn’t waste a second. I threw my arms around Poppy and pulled him against my chest like I’d die if I let go. My heart thudded, hard and fast. I felt like I couldn’t breathe.
“Poppy,” I rasped. “I missed you real bad. Every fucking day of my life.”
His back tensed for a split second before it started to tremble. I could tell he was struggling not to cry. He nodded, burying his face in the crook of my neck.
“I know,” he whispered. “I did, too.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?” I croaked.
He slowly shook his head, his hair rustling against my leather jacket. “I don’t know... You didn’t seem to care.”
Fuck, that hurt.
“You never came to say hi to me,” Poppy went on, his voice small and frail. “You never seemed interested in reconnecting... You ignored me six times while I was here. So, I figured you wanted to move on and forget about me.”
I laughed, but it was bitter and self-loathing. “Gods, Poppy, I’m so sorry. I’m just a fucking moron.”
Poppy’s eyes glistened with tears as he faced me. His expression was even and serious. Something shifted in his body, as if gearing up to wriggle out of my grasp.
“I don’t... I don’t want to do this if you’re going to ignore me again tomorrow,” Poppy said, trembling. “I really can’t handle it...”
Fuck. I was despicable.
Poppy was right. Six seasons of the Dragonfate Games came and went, and I totally ignored him. I tried to pretend he didn’t exist.
But he misunderstood why. It wasn’t that he was unwanted. The truth was that I didn’t think I deserved him. At all.
“Poppy,” I mumbled.
His eyes flashed with fear. He thought I was going to turn him down. I grasped his shoulders firmly, holding him steady.
“It’s not that,” I promised. “It’s just... Me? Really? Of all fucking people?”
Poppy held firm as he quietly replied, “Yes, you.”
Guilt and shame flared inside me like gas thrown on a fire.
“I abandoned you.”
“You saved my life,” Poppy countered, soft but determined.
I couldn’t understand him. How could we have lived through the same shit and come away with such different perspectives? Why was Poppy so damned gracious?
I gave up with a sigh. I couldn’t untangle this right now. Knowing Poppy didn’t hate me was sufficient.
As if all the trauma of the day was suddenly dumped on my head, a wave of fatigue hit me.
I leaned forward, embracing Poppy again, relaxing when he stroked my back in return.
I wished we could stay that way forever.
Just us beneath the stars, pressed against each other’s bodies while the rhythmic waves lapped at the shore like a heartbeat.
I didn’t know how much time passed. At least an hour or two. We didn’t do anything except hug. The scene was almost silly: two grown men embracing each other without speaking. But it filled some invisible wells inside us. It was what we both needed.
Poppy shivered. “Ah, it’s getting cold.”
That roused me from my trance. I still had my jacket on, but Poppy only had a t-shirt. Untangling myself from him, I slipped the jacket off and draped it over his shoulders.
“There,” I said. “That’ll keep you warm until we get back home.”
Poppy flashed a tired smile. “Thank you.”
“Come on.”
I reached for his hand and took it without second-guessing myself. Without hesitation, he intertwined his fingers with mine.
Somewhere deep in my soul, a locked door had opened.