Chapter 21
Casey
When Vivian got to work the next day, she didn’t have to use her psychic powers to know I wanted to talk. I was practically vibrating with need.
“Okay, spill,” she said, leaning against the counter—right where Bastien had fucked me the night before.
Maybe, I won’t tell her all the details.
“Bastien came over last night,” I said, fidgeting with the chain around my neck. I’d given my pendant to Theo to protect him, replacing it with one I sold in the shop. It didn’t have the same meaning, but it kept me safe and reminded me of my father’s words.
Trust your intuition. Remember your strength. Honor your dual nature.
I hadn’t shifted in years. But I had more pressing things to worry about than the last of my father’s mottos. Even so, my intuition told me to talk to Vivian.
“And?” Vivian asked, her eyebrows rising. “What happened?”
“Well—” My cheeks heated. I’d been bolder than I ever thought possible last night. It almost felt like a dream or some wild fantasy. “A lot happened.”
“As in—oh my goddess. Did you have sex with him?” she asked with a surprised smile.
My blush began to creep down my neck. I nodded.
“How was it?” she asked. “I bet wolf shifter sex is incredible. Tell me everything.”
“Okay, slow down,” I said, running my thumb over my pendant. “The sex was amazing. But that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about.”
“Come on, let me live vicariously through you,” she whined.
“Maybe another time. This is serious,” I said, shaking off the memory of Bastien’s body. I only intended it to be a one-time thing, but it was getting harder and harder to convince myself when I could still feel the ghost of Bastien’s touch. But the pain of what he’d done to me five years ago still lingered, even if it had dulled.
Vivian sobered, the mirth fading from her face. “Sorry. What’s up?”
I took a deep breath.
“I had a feeling that something was wrong last night and ended up downstairs. Bastien was at the door, and I could immediately tell he wasn’t okay,” I explained, replaying the night in my mind.
“Is that a fated mates thing?” she asked.
“I hadn’t thought about it like that,” I said. I didn’t know much about how the bond worked. My dad hadn’t given me the details. “I guess it must have been.”
It would explain my gut feeling when there was no threat to me or Theo. Had I been sensing Bastien’s distress?
“It sounds a bit like my psychic powers,” she said. “When I just know something.”
“Yeah, but I didn’t know what was bothering me. I guess I was picking up on his emotions,” I said, rubbing my cheek. “Anyway, he asked if it was true that I hadn’t betrayed him like he thought.”
“Wow,” Vivian said, raising one eyebrow. “What made him see the light after so many years? I’ll never understand how he thought you were capable of that.”
I shrugged. “I guess he just didn’t know me very well. And it turns out that his Alpha lied to him. Worst of all, he killed Bastien’s parents—or had them killed. And Bastien thought his mom had died because of the mate bond. That’s why he didn’t want a mate.”
“Oh, fuck,” Vivian said, leaning back. “Poor guy. So, all this time, he was so scared of losing you that he pushed you away?”
I hadn’t thought that far ahead, but Vivian was right.
I sighed. “Yeah.”
“Wait, and then you had sex?” She frowned. “How did that happen?”
“I don’t even know.” I shook my head. “One second, I was hugging him, and the next, we were kissing. Part of it was because I felt for him, you know? But a lot of it was just instinct. I didn’t want to resist the urge anymore.”
“An itch that needed scratching sort of thing?” she asked. I nodded in agreement. “So, are you two getting back together?”
I crossed my arms. “No, we aren’t.”
Vivian tilted her head. “Why not?”
It was a good question and one I’d contemplated since telling Bastien that we couldn’t be together the night before.
“I know why he hurt me, but it doesn’t change the fact that he did,” I explained. “I was nineteen. My dad had died a few weeks earlier, and his rejection was brutal. I raised Theo alone because of him.”
“Of course. And I’m not excusing what he did,” she assured me. “But did you really want to stay in that pack? Even before you found out the Alpha is a murderer, you told me they were super conservative and controlling. If Bastien hadn’t rejected you, you’d still be there. Maybe fate is at work here, bringing you together at the right time and place. There’s no way he’ll go back to the pack now, right?”
I blinked. Vivian was right. As painful as it was, Bastien’s rejection had probably been the best thing for me under the circumstances. But that didn’t erase my pain.
“I can’t see how he could return after what he learned. But I’m not sure I’m ready,” I said. “Or if I’ll ever be ready.”
Vivian pulled me into a hug. I’d never have met her if I stayed in the pack, and that would have been a terrible shame. She was the best—and only—friend I’d ever had.
“You know I’ll support you no matter what,” Vivian said as we parted. “The way he hurt you was horrible, and I’m not excusing that. But do you really want to live the rest of your life without your mate? He was made for you. And now, you know why he behaved so cruelly. At what point are you punishing yourself instead of Bastien?”
I sighed. Vivian was picking apart all my carefully constructed reasons—or excuses—to stay away from Bastien.
“And then what? We just play happy families?” I asked.
She gave me a sly smile. “Would it really be playing?”
“I have Theo to think about,” I pointed out. “Bastien doesn’t know he’s Theo’s father, and Theo has lived without a dad for this long.”
“So, take it slow,” she said as if it were that simple.
I was out of arguments. “Do you have to know everything?” I complained.
“I’m a psychic, babes.” She smiled. “You should be used to that by now.”
“Is this advice based on a vision or feeling?” I asked.
“Just my natural wisdom.”
I grinned and shook my head, but I felt lighter having talked to her. I could take it slowly with Bastien and see how things unfolded. I didn’t have to commit. There was still his pack to consider, although I was pretty sure he wouldn’t return to them.
“I’ll think about it,” I said, grateful for such a supportive and smart friend.
“Just don’t think about it for too long,” she said with a mischievous smirk.
“Why’s that?”
“Because he’s outside,” she said as the doorbell tinkled.
I turned to find Bastien walking inside. He didn’t look as haunted as he had last night. He smiled when we locked eyes, and a wave of desire ran through me.
“I’ll leave you guys to talk,” Vivian said, excusing herself and disappearing into her room.
“Hi,” Bastien said with a soft smile. His hand twitched like he wanted to reach out to me.
“Hey.” My heart rate sped up. “What are you doing here?”
Less than twelve hours after you fucked me over the counter.
“I wanted to let you know that I respect everything you said last night,” he said, his expression earnest. For a six-foot-four, muscly guy, he sure looked like a puppy dog. “But I’d love to make up for what I did. I don’t expect anything from you. Even if we become nothing more than friends, I’d love that. Will you give me a chance?”
I curled my fingers around my necklace. My intuition told me to agree. Maybe I’d been fighting my gut the whole time, letting my pain control me.
“Okay,” I agreed. My wolf approved of my decision and wanted me to nuzzle against Bastien. But that wasn’t going to happen. At least for now.
A smile spread across Bastien’s face like the sun breaking through rain clouds.
“Are you free tonight?” he asked. “I thought maybe I could buy you dinner.”
“I’d like that.” His face lit up even more. “But I don’t have anyone to look after Theo.”
I’d never needed a babysitter for Theo at night. Maybe some women who became moms at twenty would have lamented not going out, but I wasn’t a partier. A quiet night in with my son was my idea of a good time. Sometimes, when he fell asleep early, and I wasn’t exhausted, I could even watch a movie that wasn’t animated.
Oh my God. Maybe I need to get out more.
“That’s all right,” Bastien said easily. “What about over the weekend? If you don’t have someone to look after Theo, he can come with us. We could do something he’d enjoy. I just want to spend time with you; it doesn’t have to be fancy.”
He’s taking this apology seriously.
“Why would you want to hang out with a kid who isn’t yours?” I asked, the guilt about my lie eating away at me. But I wasn’t ready to drop that bombshell. Not until I understood how I felt about Bastien and where things were going with us. That genie would never go back in the bottle once I released it.
Bastien shrugged, his eyes crinkling like Theo’s.
“Because he’s yours.”
He said it so simply, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. My heart clenched.
“All right,” I agreed. “Theo really likes the beach. Maybe we could go together.”
“In this weather?” he asked. Mid-November was rarely warm, so I understood his skepticism.
I shrugged. “What can I say? My son is obsessed.”
“Then we’ll go to the beach,” he said as if he were planning some major operation and not an outing with a four-year-old. “I’ll pick you up on Sunday at ten?”
“Sounds perfect,” I replied, anticipation buzzing through my veins.
“Great,” he said. “I guess I’ll see you then.”
“Yeah.” I almost didn’t want to wait so long. “And if you’re in the neighborhood before then, you could always stop by the shop.”
“I’ll do that.” He grinned. “See you.”
He left the shop with a backward glance and a smile. I watched him go, hoping I made the right decision by allowing him back in.
“Oooh, somebody’s got a date,” Vivian said, exiting her room.
“Were you listening the whole time?” I asked.
“Of course,” she replied shamelessly.
“Then you know it’s not a date,” I shot back.
She laughed. “Uh-huh, keep telling yourself that.”
I was relieved when a customer came in and interrupted the conversation. I had a lot to process about Bastien before the weekend.