Chapter Eleven
It was a cold, gray morning.
Wynter had been forced to share a bedchamber with Spring and sleep in the large, canopied bed with her, but sleeping with Spring was always an adventure because she kicked and flailed her arms around all night.
Wynter had spent the night defending herself against an offensive in her very own bed until she finally got tired of it, gave sleeping Spring a shove, and pushed the woman right onto the floor.
Then she lay there, pretending she was asleep as Spring ended up believing she must have rolled out of bed.
She climbed back in, promptly fell asleep, and the pummeling began again in earnest.
Therefore, Wynter had just a few hours of sleep at most. She was grumpy and exhausted, now watching the escort form with no hint of Gage in sight.
Brian, however, had come out to see them off and as she stood there, wrapped up in a blue cloak against the damp mist, he came over to her and smiled politely.
“I am sorry you must leave so soon after having only just arrived,” he said. “I fear my castle will soon be a bastion at war, so I hope you understand that it is safer if you go home.”
Wynter nodded. “I understand,” she said. “What will happen now? After we leave, I mean. Will you go to war today?”
Brian shook his head. “Nay,” he said. “Today is a day of planning and reconnaissance, but we will be moving out in the next couple of days. My army is ready and I’m sure de Soto’s army is already prepared to move out.”
“Will you fight?”
“I will.”
Up until that moment, Wynter had mostly felt indifference to him and the conversation.
But realizing the man was going to battle in a war he had no control over, she felt as if she needed to say something encouraging.
The man was going to fight, after all, risking his life for his home.
She would have been heartless not to have acknowledged that.
“Then I wish you well,” she said. “I hope everything turns out as it should. It is unfortunate that it had to come to this.”
Brian nodded. He had been looking at her, then distracted by some of the men shouting to one another, before returning his focus to her.
“I was wondering if I might ask a favor of you, my lady,” he said quietly.
“What is that?”
He scratched his cheek, rather nervously, before replying. “I was wondering if you would give me a token to carry into battle,” he said. “Knights often carry tokens from a lady they favor. It brings them luck and courage. I would be greatly honored if you would give me a token to take with me.”
Wynter stared at him. It had been a request she hadn’t been expecting, so she didn’t have an instant answer for him. She began to stammer.
“I… I do not have anything to give you,” she said. “I am not wearing anything I can part with.”
“A glove?” he said, noticing she had lambskin gloves on her hands. “I would be honored to take a glove.”
She looked at her hands. “Then what would keep my hands warm?”
He nodded quickly, as if his suggestion had been stupid. “Forgive me,” he said. “Of course. I was not thinking.”
He was becoming nervous and the entire situation was becoming awkward, which was normal between them.
He was such a nice man that Wynter genuinely felt badly about keeping him at arm’s length.
In fact, she’d spent so much time avoiding him that she had never really told him why.
That wasn’t something she’d ever felt the need to do, but she did now.
Perhaps she couldn’t give him a favor to take into battle, but she could give him something more than excuses.
Something that might help him understand.
They had reached that point.
She was going to have to make her position clear.
“My lord,” she said. “May I call you Brian?”
He nodded, almost eagerly. “Of course.”
She smiled. “Thank you,” she said. “I very much enjoyed our conversation at Ashleven, the one we had several days ago in my father’s solar. Do you recall?”
“With crystal clarity, my lady.”
“You are a good conversationalist when you are not being so nervous.”
He grinned broadly, averting his gaze. “Mere mortals are always nervous in the face of a goddess,” he said. “That is what you are – a goddess. At least, you are to me.”
It was a sweet thing to say but she didn’t want to give him any hope that his flattery was having an effect.
“That is kind of you,” she said. “And I realize you have been trying to court me for a couple of years with no luck. I will acknowledge that. But I want to be honest with you, Brian. I do not think I have ever been honest with you as to why I have been resistant. I hope I can tell you the truth.”
He grew serious at her sudden turn of honesty.
“I would be honored if you would, my lady,” he said.
“I always assumed it was simply because you could not tolerate me. I had hoped that if I continued to present my case, I would become a little less repulsive to you, enough so that you might believe I was worthy of your attention.”
Wynter was coming to feel some pity for him.
“I want to be very clear,” she said. “You are a very nice man. You are kind and considerate and you have the patience of Job. I should know because I have seen how you are with Spring when she dumps veils on your head. You are truly a man of great patience.”
Given that he’d never heard compliments come out of her mouth where it pertained to him, he was unprepared for the praise. “I hope I am always patient and tolerant, my lady,” he said. “I consider them virtues.”
“They are,” Wynter said. “In fact, you are a fine example of a man. I have never told you that, but you are. Any woman would be very lucky to have you as a husband. I say this because I want you to know that my resistance to your suit has nothing to do with my personal regard for you. I think very highly of you.”
He was looking at her in shock. “You do?”
“I do,” she said. “My resistance comes from the fact that I simply do not wish to marry at all. There was only one man I ever wished to marry and no one can take his place. Mayhap that is a weak excuse, but it is my reason, nonetheless. I could not marry you if my heart belonged to another. That would not be fair to you at all. Does that make sense?”
Brian nodded faintly. “It does,” he said. “It is far more noble a reason than I imagined.”
“It is not noble. It is stupid and futile, but it is the truth. I could not do that to you, Brian.”
He was quiet for a moment and she heard him sigh. “It is de Reyne, isn’t it? Gage, I mean. It’s him.”
Wynter wasn’t surprised by his question.
It wasn’t a secret that she’d always been fond of Gage, but she found that she could only go so far in confessing things to Brian, mostly because he would be facing battle with Gage and she didn’t want the man harboring ill feelings towards a man he was supposed to be allied with.
That wouldn’t do either of them any good.
Also, it really wasn’t any of his business.
“It does not matter who it is,” she said. “He has decided that he shall never marry and neither will I. Mayhap you do not understand that, but it is how I feel.”
Brian knew it was Gage no matter what she said. He couldn’t decide just how cheated or jilted he felt at the moment.
“I understand how you feel,” he said quietly.
“I understand because my desire to marry you has nothing to do with the fact that you’re Ashington’s heiress.
You could be a pauper and I would still want to marry you, so if you do not wish to marry, then I do not wish to marry, either. I have only ever wanted to marry you.”
She looked at him with some disbelief. “But why?” she said. “We have never enjoyed a close association. Up until a few days ago, we’ve never even really had a proper conversation. What on earth should make you want to marry a woman who keeps you at arm’s length?”
He smiled thinly. “Because I have known the woman for years,” he said.
“She was a bold, sassy girl who has grown into a glorious young woman. She is brilliant and beautiful, and she is not afraid to make a fool of herself for the sake of her art. I have watched many of her plays and I have come to know her through her performances. Did you not realize that? Every time you perform one of your plays, I learn more about you. I think I know you pretty well by now.”
That had never occurred to Wynter, but the way he phrased it made sense. It was quite intuitive, actually. She put her heart and soul into her playacting and he had seen it. He had learned about her one play at a time.
Even the Dance of Veils.
That made her feel foolish. All the while, when she had been trying to thrust Spring at him, he had only been watching her. Watching and learning. She was ashamed that she couldn’t say the same thing about him.
But that still didn’t change the situation.
“Brian,” she said, reaching out to put a hand on his arm. “You honor me. I feel stupid that I did not realize the depth of your character. I have always known you were a good man, but that is not superficial. You are much deeper than I gave you credit for and I apologize.”
He appeared a little embarrassed by her praise, feeling her hand on his arm like a brand. It was the first time she’d ever touched him and his heart was racing.
“You needn’t apologize,” he said. “I know I have been making a nuisance of myself, but it was with a purpose, I swear it. I wasn’t trying to be annoying just because I could.
I did it because I have been interested in you for longer than you realize.
I just wanted you to know that someone in this world thinks you are the best woman a man could ever have and I want that man to be me. ”
Wynter was feeling increasingly sorry for him. He was quite genuine and she could see, in this brief conversation, how poorly she had been treating him. A man who had only wanted to worship her, someone her father had been pushing her towards. John had known all along.
But Wynter had overlooked it.