Chapter Seven #2
“With me, it was survival,” she said, eyes flashing angrily as she looked at him.
“You do not want me there. I understand that. And I am certain you planned to cause me to fail the exercise, which would have put me out of Blackchurch. Well, I was not going to wait for that. I went out on my own terms, Munro. But I am very sorry I hit you so hard.”
He sighed, long and heavy. “Stop plucking,” he said, tearing the chicken from her hands and pulling her to her feet. “Come with me, you mouthy wench. And stop talking. I will do the talking from now on.”
But Athdara resisted. As Tay had discovered, she was strong for a woman.
She pulled away from him so hard that she stumbled back into the wall and hit her head.
He put his hands on his hips in frustration as she sank back against the wall in a defensive stance, as if afraid he was going to grab her again.
“Nay,” she said firmly. “I’ll not go with you. I think everything has already been said between us. I am sorry you came all the way here to find me, I truly am, but I told your man I would not return. You should have listened.”
Tay’s jaw twitched faintly. “So you are giving up,” he said, disgust in his tone. “You worked hard for four weeks only to give up on the first day you were a recruit. And I still do not know why.”
“I told you why,” she said with force. “You were going to render me unconscious so I could not continue my training. I could see it in your eyes.”
He lifted his dark eyebrows. “Do you know what you saw in my eyes?” he said. “Surprise. Astonishment. Regret. Yes, regret. Because I could not treat you any differently than any other recruit. I had been warned about you.”
She frowned. “Warned about me?” she repeated. “What do you mean?”
“Because you have some connection to Lord Exmoor,” he said.
“Do not deny it, for I know it is true. I was told not to be too harsh with you because it would displease Exmoor, yet you have run off, and he is going to think it is my fault. Did that ever occur to you? You are making me look bad, lady, and I do not take kindly to that.”
It wasn’t the answer Athdara had been expecting.
Honestly, she didn’t know what she had expected.
He should have been angry that she had hurt him, but that wasn’t the case.
It was his position at Blackchurch that he was in fear of, and although it made perfect sense, somehow, there was some disappointment, too.
Perhaps a small part of her hoped he might have come for her because he wanted to.
“I will send him a missive and tell him that you had nothing to do with it,” she said after a moment. “It was my fault. All of it.”
He shook his head. “You will have to tell him in person,” he said. “A missive can be lost or forged. Only words from your own lips would suffice.”
She conceded the point. “Then I will return,” she said. “But not tonight. Perhaps not even tomorrow. I have money to earn, and the tavern keep has offered me a job in the kitchens.”
He looked at her, dumbfounded. “You?” he said. “Working in a lodge like this? That’s madness.”
“Why?”
He gestured at her. “Because you are too fine for that,” he said. “You are a Blackchurch recruit. Do you have any idea how many people want what you are so callously throwing away?”
Athdara was weary, emotionally and physically. His words were starting to break her down, to make her doubt her actions. But she wasn’t going to let him manipulate her. Perhaps if he understood her predicament, he might leave her in peace.
“When we spoke last night, we spoke of destiny,” she said quietly. “Do you recall?”
“Of course I do.”
“I told you that I did not know what my destiny was, but I was going to find it.”
“I heard you,” he said. Then he stepped into the room and sat at the table, where dead chickens lay on the surface and feathers were everywhere. He looked at her seriously. “Tell me why you think you will find your destiny at Blackchurch.”
Heavily, she sat opposite him, moving a chicken aside as she thought on her answer. “It is not there,” she finally said. “I thought it might be, but it is not.”
“Why? Because you hit me in the bollocks?” he said. “Athdara, you ran at the very first test. If you were any other recruit, I would let you go and be glad to be rid of you, but you didn’t run because you were afraid, did you?”
“Nay. I told you why.”
“You told me that I was going to knock you senseless, and you did not wish to quit Blackchurch on those terms.”
“It is true.”
“I don’t think it is. Tell me why you ran, and do not lie to me. I do not take kindly to lies.”
Her eyes flicked up to him, sharply, the dark orbs glittering dangerously. “I am not a liar.”
“You are doing it now by not telling me why you fled.”
“I told you the truth.”
She was being evasive and stubborn, and that only served to irritate him. He’d done as much pushing as he was going to, and if she wasn’t willing to give, then neither was he.
Abruptly, he stood up.
“Then you are not only a liar, you are a coward,” he said, growing hot.
“I have tried to be kind. I have tried to show understanding. Yet you continue to lie to my face, and you continue to run. If that is truly your character, then Blackchurch is better off without you. I thought you had something different, something strong. I was wrong. I will not trouble you any longer.”
With that, he stormed out of the chamber, leaving Athdara sitting there, feeling scolded and ashamed. Nothing he said was untrue, for the most part. She’d been so concerned what he thought about her that she had created misery of her own making. She really was a liar and a coward.
Shoving the chickens aside, she bolted up from the table and went in pursuit.
Athdara didn’t catch up to Tay until they were both out of the lodge and he was heading for the livery. Rather than run up behind him and possibly startle him into drawing his weapon, she stood by the rear door of the establishment and called to him.
“My father was the Duke of Toxandria, a duchy my family has held for over eight hundred years,” she shouted over the cold night air.
“I am his only daughter, Athdara de Ghent, Lady of Scheve, Mistress of Ghent, and Daughter of the Two Rivers. Two years ago, my father’s brother summoned a secret army and overran my father’s castle.
My father and elder brother were killed.
I escaped with my younger brother, the heir to Toxandria, and I had to fight all the way to England because my uncle had bounty hunters following us.
They are still following us, I believe. You are, therefore, wrong on both accounts—I am not a liar, nor am I weak, so do not return to Blackchurch and tell everyone I was a coward.
I am the most un-cowardly woman you will ever meet.
But I am a survivor, and I am not ashamed of that. ”
Tay was almost to the livery door, but he came to a halt.
He stood there, his back turned to her, listening to her tell him who she really was, and he had to admit that he wasn’t surprised.
The moment he saw her, he’d known that she was fine and noble.
Eight hundred years of breeding had perfected an example of womanhood.
By the time she finished, he had turned around and was looking at her.
He could see her breath hanging in the air as it came in steady pants.
She was anxious; he could see it. Finally, a barrier had been broken and the truth was coming out.
He shouldn’t have cared, but he did. God help him, he did.
He didn’t know why this woman interested him so, but she was becoming like the lure of a siren. He couldn’t resist.
Slowly, he closed the gap between them.
“Then why did you run from Blackchurch?” he asked quietly.
Her lower lip began to tremble. “I ran… I ran because I had hurt you, and I couldn’t stand what I had done,” she whispered.
“I could not look in your face and see what anguish I had caused you. I did it to survive, that is true, but once I had done it, I couldn’t stomach it. It was enough to cause me to run.”
That made a hell of a lot of sense to him. Clearly, she was a woman of deep feeling, and, truth be told, he was touched. Very touched. She was strong, and she was a fighter, but she still possessed a tender heart. The killer instinct in her hadn’t hardened it yet.
With a heavy sigh, he went to her, put his arm around her shoulders, and pulled her back inside.
This time, she didn’t resist him. She simply let him pull her along until they ended up back in that chamber with the chickens. He set her down in a chair while he resumed his seat on the opposite side of the table. Tay found himself looking at her lowered head.
“You did not have to worry about hurting me,” he said, his voice a gentle growl. “You did what you were told to do. There is no shame in that, Athdara.”
She took a deep, pensive breath. “You tried to take me out by the knees.”
“I did.”
She looked up at him, and he could see the thoughts rolling through her head. Those glittering brown eyes conveyed much before the words ever came.
“Do you know why I came to Blackchurch?” she finally said, and watched him shake his head.
“My father served with St. Denis de Bottreaux years ago when they were both in France, fighting against Henry of England. My father saved St. Denis’ life in battle, and St. Denis never forgot.
Through their friendship, my father learned of the Blackchurch Guild.
He wanted to send my older brother there, but Milo would not leave Toxandria.
My father hoped to send Niko, my younger brother, but when Breda Castle fell, I was the only one to escape with Niko.
He is my father’s legacy, and I will protect him to the death. ”