Chapter Seventeen
She was waiting for him when he walked in the door.
Tay had barely entered the cottage when Athdara was on him, slanting her lips over his and wrapping her arms around his body.
He responded instantly, with more passion than he’d ever experienced, and it was a kiss that was heated and sensual, delicious and naughty.
As he lost himself in her warm embrace, all he could feel was surrender.
His.
There was no resisting the woman.
Somehow, they stumbled into the common room and ended up on the couch. But Tay put too much pressure on it when he sat down and pulled Athdara onto his lap, and one of the old legs collapsed, sending them onto the floor.
They laughed as they spilled onto the cold wood, and Athdara ended up flat on her back, gazing up at the ceiling. But she was still laughing as Tay rolled to his knees and pulled her up, against him.
“I’m so very weary,” she said, snaking her arms around his neck and kissing him gently. “But I could not go another moment without feeling your touch, my darling. I’ve missed you all day.”
He returned her kisses. “And I’ve missed you,” he whispered. “I’m training men, and all I can think of is you. You’re with Fox, and all I can think of is the next time I shall see you. You are driving me mad, lass.”
They lost themselves in another heated kiss.
He licked at her, prying her lips open and invading her mouth.
He had his hands in her hair, holding her head steadfastly as if fearful she’d pull away.
Carefully, he laid her on her back again, against the cold and hard floor, and things began to grow heated.
Now, she was his captive.
Normally, being unable to move would have sent Athdara into a panic because it reminded her of the bounty hunters and others who had tried to confine her.
She didn’t like being restrained in any way.
But with Tay, she was a willing victim. He moved his mouth over her chin, her neck, suckling her gently and sending rivers of excitement coursing through her as he pinned her down with his body.
When his big hand moved to her breasts, she didn’t flinch away from him. She welcomed it.
She had for weeks.
Tay gently fondled her right breast, which was full and warm.
As her breath came in unsteady gasps, Athdara untied her belt and lifted up her tunic.
It was enough for Tay to get his head under her clothing, and he clamped down on a tender nipple as Athdara gasped with the pure pleasure of it.
She groaned softly as Tay suckled her, feeling the familiar heat bloom between her legs.
It had happened many times before, and Tay told her that it was her body preparing to mate.
When she’d given him permission to do just that, he’d declined, but not because he didn’t want to—he assured her of that.
Athdara wasn’t sure if it was on moral or some other grounds, but it didn’t matter.
So he didn’t want to mate with her—yet. She had patience.
Meanwhile, she had never felt safer or more cherished. For the first time in her life, she knew a man’s touch, and she wasn’t afraid of it.
She was learning to crave it.
His hands were everywhere, touching her gently, while his mouth seemed to nibble every bit of exposed flesh it could.
Athdara was absolutely helpless against his onslaught, her hands on his broad shoulders, feeling his strength in her palms. She shifted, parting her legs, and he slipped between them so his weight wasn’t completely on her.
When he went back to suckling her left breast, she wrapped her arms around his head and held him fast.
He feasted.
But it didn’t last much longer. Somewhere in the distance, a sound roused them from their haze of passion, and Tay pulled his head up, alert for Marina’s imminent appearance.
He was positive that he’d heard her voice.
Pushing himself up, he pulled Athdara’s tunic down and lifted her into a sitting position.
“Forgive me for cutting this short,” he whispered, kissing her yet again. “Marina will be here any moment, and I do not want her to catch us like this.”
Athdara watched him as he rocked back on his knees, holding out a hand to help her to her feet. But she ignored the hand, her gaze trailing to the enormous erection straining against his breeches. She lingered on it.
“Tay,” she said, eyes glittering as she gestured to his arousal. “Your body is calling for mine. Why do you not answer the call? I have given you permission to do so.”
He looked down at himself. Truth be told, it was becoming increasingly painful to force down his erections after he touched her.
There had been times when he’d had to stroke himself simply to release the pressure.
He’d much rather have Athdara do it, but he didn’t want to cross that line. Not yet, anyway.
After a moment, he shook his head. “It is of no matter,” he said, holding out a hand to her again. “Come along, love. Stand up.”
But Athdara didn’t move, at least not to take his hand. She rose to her knees next to him and put her hands gently on his arousal. He flinched as if she’d struck him, quickly moving her hands away as he stood up, out of her reach.
Athdara looked at him, hurt and confused.
“Why do you not let me touch you?” she said.
“You kiss me and you touch my body, but you will not let our passion take its natural course. I am not a fool; I know that men and women couple. While I’ve never done it before, I know it is usual when a man and woman feel something for one another. When they love… one another.”
Tay sighed heavily, feeling uncomfortable and torn. “I… I do not know what you want me to say, Athdara.”
“I want you to tell me the truth,” she said pointedly. “Clearly, we feel something for one another. You are all I can think of, and I am all you can think of. You only wish to kiss me, yet you tell me you find me desirable. I do not understand your reluctance to do anything more than kiss me.”
He knew that, but he wasn’t entirely sure he could put it into words, mostly because he didn’t understand it himself. All he knew was that it had something to do with the fact that she was destined to leave him.
Perhaps that was the entire problem.
“The truth is that I cannot take from you that which will belong to the man you marry,” he said. “If you do not think it is painful for me to say that, then you would be wrong. To think of you in the arms of another man eats at me like a cancer. I cannot stomach the thought.”
“Then don’t. I love you.”
He froze, still looking away from her, and closed his eyes tightly. They’d implied their adoration and admiration for weeks now, but no declaration of love. Frankly, that scared him to death. But there it was.
Out in the open.
He sighed again. “Athdara…”
“I love you, Tay Munro,” she said, more forcefully.
“I love you, and I shall never love another. Why do you think I let you kiss me? Why do you think I’ve responded to you all these weeks?
Do you think I was playing some sort of game with you?
Did you think I was doing it so you would convince your friends to train me?
I do it because I love you and I want the touch of the man I love. You are the man I want to marry.”
He looked at her sharply. “Marry you?” he gasped. “Athdara, I cannot marry you.”
“Why not?”
He held up his big arms, indicating their surroundings. “Look at where I live,” he said. “Look at what I do. I am a Blackchurch trainer, and, for all intents and purposes, we are monks. No one is married. No one has a wife at home, waiting for him.”
“Why not?” Athdara demanded, nearly shouting. “You are not a monk. You are a knight.”
“I am a Blackchurch trainer,” he said, trying not to raise his voice. “I have worked my entire life for this position. I am the elite of the elite. Don’t you understand that?”
Athdara shook her head. “Nay, I do not,” she said. “I do not understand why you are not permitted to love and take a wife. That is cruel and barbaric. Why should you give your life over to a guild that requires that?”
“They do not require that,” he said. “It is a choice we made when we accepted the position. Nothing is more important than Blackchurch and what it stands for.”
That was the wrong thing to say. Athdara stared at him for a moment, and as Tay watched, he could see the light drain from her eyes. He could see everything drain from her face.
It was as if someone had just blown out a flame. She’d gone dark.
“I see,” she said hoarsely. “So all of this… the kissing, the touching… all of this meant nothing to you. I was simply something to play with.”
He shook his head firmly. “That is not true,” he said. “I never said I did not feel something for you.”
“Do you love me?”
He balked. “You simply do not ask something like—”
She cut him off, enunciating every word slowly. “Do you love me?”
Tay stopped resisting. He simply stood there, looking at her, an expression of intense nausea washing over his features.
“I cannot answer that,” he rasped.
Athdara didn’t say another word. She turned on her heel and headed to the stairs as he stood there and watched her go.
When he heard her chamber door slam overhead, he let out a pent-up sigh and collapsed in the nearest chair.
He couldn’t move, couldn’t think. He couldn’t even remember to breathe.
All he could do was feel pain he’d never felt before on a level he’d never experienced before.
Do you love me?