Chapter 1 #2
I rein in my pheromones, fish out my contacts, and take a steadying breath before I pry my lids open. I blink past the sting that comes each time the lenses dull my transparent gaze into an uninspired, human blue.
It’s a small thing, hardly painful, but masking who I am never sits right.
Oliver had to go through this for so long …
Shaking my head, I rid my thoughts of him too before the burning behind my eyes worsens.
The car locks behind me as I head toward the bland stone building, and into the flow of students milling around. It’s still jarring how many bodies they squeeze into this one place, but I’m used to it—enough to slip through their groups without drawing attention.
Forming relationships with humans isn’t wise. Or permitted. It’s one of my father's strictest rules, and one of the few I don’t particularly mind since I’m not the most social wolf.
Friends aren’t exactly my strong suit, but that’s not to say that I don’t have them—if two count.
“Fix your face, Julian. You look constipated.”
Beckett’s deep timbre finds me just before his arm slings around my shoulder and tugs me to him. I’ve removed it too many times to count, but it always finds its way back, so I leave the heavy slab he calls a limb in place as we walk into the crowded hallway.
“Must you be so loud in the morning?”
“Must you be so depressing?” he counters mockingly. “Aren’t you excited for the coronation?”
“As much as I can be.” I sigh. “I’m guessing you are?”
“I am!” he shouts, turning a few heads our way—none of which he notices—as he beams at me. “It’s going to be legendary. You, the brooding yet cunning alpha, and me, your wildly charismatic beta.”
“You’re charismatic as spoiled meet is flavourful,” Isabel says, appearing behind us. “And stop yelling before you scare the humans.”
“Please, the humans love me,” he scoffs.
Isabel and I roll our eyes.
Beckett has been my best friend since we were seven, and my only pick for a beta once I realised I’d be alpha. It was only natural that he came with me to school. Seeing as Aiden’s beta got to do the same, my parents begrudgingly agreed, but not without assigning Isabel to join us.
Isabel’s a pack scout and soon-to-be delta with instincts that no one in the pack ignores, so she was the obvious choice. She was also, thankfully, amazing.
“We were just talking about the coronation,” Beckett says, filling Isabel in as we walk on. “You losing your shit yet?”
“Just a little,” Isabel admits with a chuckle. “Honestly, I’d be lying if I said I don’t piss myself every time I think about officially becoming a delta.”
“You’ll be fine,” I promise as we head towards my first class, with the two of them on either side of me.
“What about you?” She asks. “You seem more worried about Physics than running a pack.”
“I’m not.” I am. I can’t admit it, but I’m enjoying our astrophysics a little too much at the moment.
“A smart alpha’s nothing to complain about,” Beckett says, ever the optimist.
“True,” Isabel agrees, slowing as we reach the doorway. “Alright, I’ll see you both for lunch.”
I nod, and she skips off to whatever class she chose for when she’s not stuck in mine.
Isabel and Beckett can’t be with me for everything—not without drawing attention—so they split the difference. Beckett joins me for half my classes, Isabel for the rest.
Beckett trails closely behind as I slip inside. We fill our usual seats, and while he surveys the room as if a witch is about to jump out, grimoire and all, I ready myself for my favourite hour of the day
“This vegetarian madness has gone on long enough,” Isabel protests from across our tiny table. Her nose wrinkles while she eyes my bowl like it might detonate. “You’re a werewolf, for crying out loud. You need meat.”
I ignore her and I finish my butternut squash soup.
“As long as I can still take any one of you down in a fight on peas and oats, I don't need meat,” I say, swallowing the last spoonful before shoving the bowl aside.
“You know I don’t care what you eat,” Beckett says around a mouthful of a dripping burger. I grimace as he licks his fingers and pushes a crumpled stack of papers across the table. “But can you do this for me? It’s due next period.”
I scan the pages, immediately recognising the math assignment we were given last month.
“You haven’t done a single question.”
“I get busy,” he says, already moving on to a KitKat.
“Jerking off and playing video games is not being busy,” Isabel says flatly, making Beckett choke mid-bite. “You know we have to keep grades up to stick with Julian.”
“I get busy!” He insists, voice cracking.
I let the two fight while I get started on Beckett’s assignment.
I could yell too, but I know that even if he were to put in the effort, Beckett wouldn’t be able to finish this.
He’s just not a ‘structured education’ kind of guy—he was meant to roam and explore, not sit at a desk.
And since he’s always been there for me, I don’t mind taking the load off now and then.
“Here.” I hand it back to him. Lunch is almost over, and my fingers are cramping a little, but it’s done. “I answered a bunch wrong so you could land a believable sixty-three per cent.”
“That’s sad,” Isabel mutters with a snicker.
Beckett flips her off as he stands. “Have I ever told you how much I love you?” Beckett groans, already circling the table.
I frown, confused, until I realise what he’s going to do too late.
Beckett pulls me into a hug, and I immediately stiffen.
My arms stay glued to my sides while he envelops me in his warmth with such ease. It’s nothing to him. Just a hug. But I’m rigid, torn between discomfort and the urge to soak in every second I can of contact.
My parents have never been the affectionate types. Even before we lost Oliver, their touch was scarce. Oliver wasn’t like that, but without him … well, I can’t remember the last time someone hugged me.
Some packs are tactile—closely-knit and doting, like our beloved neighbours—but mine resembles my parents. The few wolves who differ, aren’t comfortable enough with me to even try. Not that I blame them. I’d probably push them away.
But this was nice—so nice. Too nice.
I pull away first, nearly toppling as I stumble to put space between us.
Beckett eyes me, knowing something’s wrong, but I can’t quite meet his eyes. I feel strangely off-balance, my chest horribly tight. I grab my things, shoving them in my bag.
“No,” I command when they move to follow me—only because anything else won’t work. “I need a minute.”
Beckett and Isabel nod reluctantly, staying behind as I rush out of the cafeteria. The halls are empty. I thank Goddess for the respite and try to calm myself.
I don’t talk about it—don’t really know how—but affection isn’t something that unsettles me.
It’s something I crave.
From my pack. From my family. From my friends. And, if I’m lucky, one day from my mate.
Every wolf, no matter their lineage, knew of the Goddess’s greatest gift.
We were told the same stories as pups—how our Goddess formed each new spirit, split it in two, only to place each half in separate vessels as they entered this universe. If you found your other half, your mate, you’d know. You’d feel it.
I wanted that. To find the person who fits with me in every way. And while I knew it wasn’t likely, and still struggled with something as simple as a hug, I hoped for it.
“What are you daydreaming about, Jewels?”
Goddess, grant me your patience and mercy.
Reluctantly, I raise my gaze to the source of the vomit-inducing voice that’s dragged me back to reality. Aiden.
He’s standing only six feet away with that smirk I want to tear from his face. Black hair, black clothes, black tattoos—Aiden looks like spilt ink. And as always, the sight of him ruins my day.
He wears his usual tinted shades, the kind I thought were ridiculous until I saw a poorly sighted human in a similar pair.
Whether Aiden needs them or not, I don’t know, but they look as foolish as the rest of him.
Legs spread and chin lifted, he stands there as if he were Goddess’s gift to this Earth.
“How many times do I have to tell you to stop calling me that?” I growl. That stupid nickname’s always been a trigger. “Is it that hard to understand with the limited number of brain cells you possess?”
“Woah! Who snuck a bunny into your breakfast this morning?” he quips, thick eyebrows pulling together in feigned concern. “Or are all those vegetables finally getting to you?”
“No, that would be that repulsive odour you call a scent.”
Aiden only laughs. Teeth gritting, I step forward, meaning to pass him, but he mirrors the movement. I glare at him and his grin widens.
“Get out of my way, Aiden.”
“Or what? You going to force me to eat my carrots?” he steps closer.
I hold my ground. His grin stretches again.
“You know, it still astonishes me that you’re going to be an alpha. You of all people.”
“I’ll be an excellent alpha. Don’t mistake restraint for weakness just because I choose not to go around killing like a wild mutt.”
Something burns behind Aiden’s shades, growing hotter as his lips fall into a flat line.
“You want to say that again?” Another step.
I take one myself, a warning growl riding my words. “Why? You didn’t hear me the first time? Or are you still struggling to comprehend basic sentences?”
It’s my turn to smile as Aiden’s entire body stiffens, his anger scalding the waves of pheromones he pumps out. I only return them in full force.
We hold each other’s gaze for a bloated moment before Aiden closes the final gap between us with one last step. If we were in either of our packlands, we would’ve shifted already—canines clashing at each other’s throats.
“Because of our fathers, I won’t tear you limb from limb,” he whispers through his teeth. “But when we’re alphas—when I’m in charge—you won’t have your daddy to protect you.”
My jaw locks, and my fists clench. He watches me struggle, smug.
“Watch your back, Julian,” he calls, walking past me to ruin someone else’s day.
I fight the urge to free my claws and carve through flesh and bone, to feel him bleed under me. By Goddess’s grace and my better judgement, I keep myself where I am.
Chest tight, I watch him stomp off before I turn and try to retrace my steps, but the bulldozer’s already rammed through and done its damage. The thought of mates barely lingers in my mind, but with Aiden at the forefront of it, pity soon bombards my chest.
But it’s not for him.
Goddess has a sick sense of humour. And if her track record holds, and someone gets stuck with Aiden Calderon of all people …
Well, I pity the poor soul who ends up mated to that mutt.