Chapter 22 #2
They keep talking, piling on reasons and excuses, oblivious to how deeply they just speared my soul.
Aiden’s luna? Me? The thought hadn’t crossed my mind even once. Not until they dug a hole and planted it, and now I can’t get it out. A sudden wave of deep wrongness floods into my body, mind, and soul.
I could never—would never—be Aiden’s luna. Even if Oliver lived, even if fate dragged me there, I would’ve rejected him outright. I knew that the same way I knew the sky was blue. It would have never been. But even so …
Luna. The word rings in my mind.
“What do people think?” I ask, cutting off their rambling as I force my gaze back up.
“That you’re both acting as alphas,” my father replies without hesitation. “You run the pack together, and well. There is no reason to think you’re anything other than an alpha.”
“So, I have to ensure there’s no reason to doubt,” I say, reading between the lines.
“Continue as you are,” my mother says gently. “You are doing well, Julian. Very well. Just ensure that continues.”
“I understand,” I stand, stepping away from the poisoned table. “Thank you for telling me, for thinking ahead, but you still left without clearance.” My tone hardens. “Your penance will be pack maintenance. As you know, we’re building a new packhouse, and volunteers are appreciated.”
Their jaws clench, but neither argues. We all knew it could’ve been a lot worse—it should’ve been, but upsetting my parents only ever led to greater challenges in the future.
“Won’t you stay for breakfast?” my mother asks, rising too.
I stop mid-step. My frown deepens. “Why?”
“We want to spend time with you, Julian,” my father says, and my expression must reveal more than I intend because he winces. “I know that we haven’t built the best relationship between us, but we would like to change that.”
My heart thunders, beating too fast, filling too quickly, as if it can’t decide between hope and fury.
“You’re alpha now. You’ve done it,” my mother adds with a hopeful smile. “You’ve secured your place. We don’t need to worry any longer.”
I stare at the pair of them. I feel numb almost, but only on the surface. Inside, my soul is dragged into so much anger and sadness that it envelopes me without warning or mercy. Because this is all I wanted for so terribly long and yet, even placed before me, it doesn’t fix everything else.
I’d never wanted to be alpha. I’d never wanted to secure my place.
I’d told them as much during the endless nights of training, of being tested on my pack’s history over and over again in a quarter of the time Oliver had.
I’d begged them not to make me, and all I’d gotten was their anger as they told me to stop running from my responsibilities.
The pack came first. The pack came before our wants, and it came before our family.
They taught me that, hounded it in until nothing else was left between us, and now they wanted to create something new? To pave a new road as if the cracked foundations wouldn’t remain beneath it?
“I have to go,” I say, moving towards the door. “I have to visit the armouries today, and Beckett is waiting.”
“Okay,” my mother says as she follows after me. “Maybe you can come to dinner?”
“Maybe,” I say. But I won’t, and they know it.
I stare aimlessly at the blueprints in front of me while my pen taps my untouched notepad.
Baxton and Felix were updating us on the construction of the new pack house, but I hadn’t heard a word of it.
Aiden’s luna. My parents said no one thought that was the case, but if they could put it together, then others would too. If they hadn’t yet, there would come a time when they would. It would make things difficult, but I could get ahead of it and deal with it before it spread.
But that isn’t what plagues my thoughts. It’s imagining what would happen if Aiden heard of it.
What if someone, or time on its own, niggled the thought into his head? What if he stopped seeing me as an equal?
“Julian?”
I blink past my flaring thoughts to meet the questioning stares of everyone around me. When I look at my mate, his brows are drawn together above his shades.
“Sorry, what?” I ask, straightening in my seat.
“They’re proposing an extra floor for more rooms, mainly for orphaned kids who might need it,” Aiden explains smoothly, but I can feel the worry seeping into our bond.
I nod. “That’s a good idea, just be sure to include enough bathrooms for those extra numbers.”
“Already included in the blueprint,” Baxton says, smiling kindly as he taps the page.
“Right.” I pull the paper towards me so I can scan it. “Is there anything else?”
“No, I believe we covered it all,” Felix says. He looks between Aiden and me. “Unless you had any more notes.”
“I’m all good,” Aiden replies, his eyes still fixated on me. “Julian?”
“I’m fine, but these are some concerns and queries from the pack,” I say, tearing the page free I had forgotten about for the duration of the meeting. “If you’ve addressed some already, ignore them. For the rest, I’ll pass by the site tomorrow morning, and we can have a quick talk.”
“Yes, Alpha,” Baxton and Felix reply in unison before heading off.
The moment the door closes behind them, Aiden’s on his feet and coming towards me.
“You okay?” he asks. “You’ve been zoning out all day.”
“I’m fine,” I say, gathering the papers in front of me. “I’m just tired, I guess.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, Aiden. I’m sure.” I reach to stack his papers, but he slides his fingers over mine.
I look up and see the worry etched into him.
He’s tense in the shoulders, and that’s for me, but there’s an anxiousness too that’s been there for days now.
Ever since his dad called him out, Aiden’s been on edge, as if he’s waiting for something to go wrong and wants to be right there to stop it.
“What happened with your parents this morning?” he asks, softening himself the way he always does when he brings them up.
“They were weird. Slightly apologetic, but full of excuses.” I shrug. “We talked and then I left.”
“What did they say?” he presses, and my fingers twitch. It takes effort not to tug my hand from his. “Did they give you shit?”
“No,” I answer too fast. “They were fine.”
“Then why are you looking at me like that?”
“Like what?”
“Like you have something to say,” he says, and I know him well enough to recognise the tension in him. He’s nervous.
I don’t want to make him scared, but I also don’t want to share what they said in case it puts any ideas into his head and ruins this. I can’t lose this. It’s the one thing I have.
“What—” I start before taking a moment to choose my words. “What are we?” I ask carefully. “I know we’re mates, but besides that … what are we?”
His brows lift, surprise taking the place of worry, before confusion takes over, and I can’t blame him. I don’t even know what I’m asking. Only that something sharp in my chest won’t let go, a thorn lodged there since my parents said the word luna.
“Um,” he drawls, blinking slowly as he settles himself on the seat beside me, his hand still over mine. “Besides mates …” His head tilts. “I don’t know,” he replies honestly. “I mean, I guess we’re dating now? But what does boyfriends even matter when we’re mates?”
He looks at me, clearly hoping that answer was sufficient, but the thorn remains where it is. He frowns, and it’s cute watching him gear up to try again.
“We are us, I guess,” he states finally.
“Us?” I deadpan, lips twitching.
“Yeah, us,” he repeats, firmer this time.
“Us ‘cause I don’t know how to put it in one word,” he admits.
“Before we were mates, I hated you, but I also grew up with you. You’re the one constant in my life.
And now I care about you more than anyone else in my life,” he whispers, sliding his fingers between mine.
“So you ask me what we are, and I don’t know—because I don’t know how to confine us to a word. ”
His words, and the tenderness in them, make my heart swell so fast it forces the thorn out.
“Technically, by saying that we are ‘us,’ you are confining us into a word,” I reply, grinning when he scowls.
“Smartass,” he snipes, but I can feel his amusement in the bond.
“But I understand what you were trying to say, so thank you.” I squeeze his hands in mine.
His expression turns sharp again. “Were your parents asking about us?” he sneers, already at ten.
“No, not really.” That is the truth. “They were fine today, which is why it was so weird. They were … nice?” I say, laughing at the bewilderment on his face. “Yeah, I know.”
“If you’re okay, then I don’t care how weird they are,” he says, smoothing his hands over mine.
I’m not okay, but it feels like I might be when I’m here with him, his touch bleeding the tension from my bones. It always does. With him, I feel safe and happy, and when he touches me, it’s even better.
But maybe that has to do with the whole luna thing. Maybe that’s why I submit to him so easily when we’re intimate—because I wasn’t supposed to be his alpha, but his luna.
When have you ever submitted to Aiden? Alex cuts in with a growl. There is no reality where we let him walk all over us.
But when we’re together—
It’s different in bed, Alex dismisses with more conviction than I can muster. Like Aiden said, what you like in bed has nothing to do with who you are, and it’s between us, no one else. You aren’t anyone’s luna, so stop thinking that before I take over and slap us.
I snort a laugh, and Aiden frowns, looking so adorably confused that my laughter builds as I slide my other hand over where ours are already clasped.
“I’m okay, Aiden,” I promise, leaning over the table. “I just had a long day, and I’m tired.”
He nods, shoulders relaxing a bit before he sits up too, bringing himself closer to me. “If that’s the case, how about we call it a day and I order in for us? I can get something from that Chinese place you like.”
I smile. “You mean the one I keep telling you to stop ordering from?”
He smirks proudly. “That’s the one,” he muses. “Sweet veggie noodles, right?”
“Yes,” I admit, laughing as Aiden kisses each of my knuckles before he pulls me up with him.
“Come on. We’re done for today, which means tomorrow’s stresses are for Future Julian,” He leads me out of the meeting room. “Tonight, I want you to myself.”
“What about the noodles? Won’t they be joining us.” I tease, and his smirk doubles.
“I’ll make an exception.”