Chapter 41
Julian
“Aiden,” I whisper while I give his shoulder a hesitant shake. “Aiden.”
“Ugh,” he groans, shaking me off.
“Aiden,” I say a bit louder, but he doesn’t move.
My hand hovers over his shoulder, and for the first time in a long time, I’m not sure what to do.
Aiden’s in a funk. No, a mood. I don’t know. What I do know is that something is wrong.
It’s not the pack, it’s not our friends, and for once, it’s not our parents. Life is good—better than it’s ever been, I’m sure, and yet, he’s … different, and different is the last thing I expected after he told me he loved me.
Love. That isn’t something I’ve had much of, and coming from him—my partner in crime and the man who owns the other half of my soul—it undid me.
Down went my walls, along with every lingering fear about our past. I was his. All his, and he was mine. He was supposed to be mine.
And he is. It’s not like this just happened suddenly.
We had a month of bliss after that day, where everything just clicked into place.
I got back into school, continuing classes with Aiden at my side, mostly.
He started skipping, but that was fine when we did everything else together.
At home, we watched movies, cuddled, cooked dinner.
and went for runs. And outside of it, we were the alphas we spent so long preparing to be.
My parents finally got the message to stay out of my business, even if they refused to hear the one that said I wasn’t ready for whatever relationship they wanted us to have. Even so, it was fine, better than fine.
And then, a week ago, Aiden just changed.
It’s like his light got smothered out. Since then, he’s been a stagnant, immovable brick that lounges around the house or sleeps his days away.
It’s such a stark contrast from the man who got me a telescope and said those words.
“I love you.”
I hadn’t heard those words in years, so long that I’d learnt to live without them, and then, there they were again.
“I love you.”
It’s funny how drastically things can change in such a small amount of time.
One moment, I was the happiest I could ever remember being, even when Oliver was still here, and the next …
Aiden tightens his grip on his blanket, pulling it over his head, shutting me out.
I let my hand drop. With anyone else, I’d give up and wait for them to get a hold of themselves, but Aiden’s not just anyone. He’s my mate and my friend, and abandoning him isn’t an option. If the roles were reversed, I know Aiden wouldn’t.
Actually, I know exactly what Aiden would do.
“Aiden,” I wail before I throw my upper body over his.
I lay my head down right beside his and watch as annoyance seeps into his pores. For a second, I think he’ll snap, but instead he closes his eyes and huffs. He means to go back to sleep, or pretending to sleep, but that just won’t do.
I poke his cheek, twisting my finger into the skin until red eyes flare open.
“For fuck’s sake, Julian!” he groans, sitting up so fast that I have to back away to stop myself from falling off the bed. I settle on my knees and try to look anything other than guilty as he finishes his one-sided fight against the sheets he’s cocooned himself in.
“Morning,” I say with a crooked smile.
Aiden’s eyes darken with unmasked annoyance, and I struggle to hold the smile.
“The whole point of days off is to sleep in, Julian,” he mutters, dragging in a breath.
It’s the phrase I’ve heard a million times now—his most beloved mantra since this shift began.
“Let me be happy,” he pleads, and my heart clenches. That’s all I want too.
I would’ve been fine reading beside him while he slept if I didn’t know, in my bones, that something was wrong.
At my silence, he tries to sink back down, but I slide onto his lap and swiftly hook my arms around his neck before the bed can claim him. He tenses, and it’s only for a split second, but it’s enough to twist my insides.
Was something wrong with him, or was something wrong with us?
Aiden never liked people touching him much.
I’d noticed it ever since we realised we were mates.
But oddly, he was just fine with touching others.
A hand on the shoulder, a shove, a hug; he doled them out like they were nothing, but when it came to him being touched, he tensed up.
How much he reacted depended on who it was.
Emitt? Barely. His parents? Majorly. Me? Nothing.
Or at least, it never used to be that way.
“I spent the whole day on my own,” I whisper. He opens his mouth, but I push on before he can say a word. “I did what you said. I went out and saw Beckett. I finished my book and started a new one. I even went for a run. And I come home and you’re still in bed, Aiden. It’s three in the afternoon!”
“I could’ve made it to five,” he says, slumping against the headboard. It can’t be comfortable, but he doesn’t move. His hands are limp at his sides.
“Too bad,” I mumble while I stare at the hands that should be on me.
“I want to go back to sleep,” he says, shutting his eyes.
“Aiden.”
“Om. Saddley om Pom pommmm,” he sings, humming the gibberish to drown me out.
I press my lips together, wanting to pull my hair out—or maybe his. I’m not used to Aiden being like this. Annoying, sure, but not dismissive, especially not after how close we’ve gotten. He claims he’s enjoying his time off, and “hibernating,” but it doesn’t feel like that.
It feels like he’s hiding from me.
“Don’t you want to do something together?” I ask quietly, my voice sounding more desperate than I intend. “We’ve barely spent any time together lately.”
His gaze drifts down, lined with what looks like shame. “We’re together all the time,” he mumbles.
“You know what I mean,” I argue, resting my hands on his chest. “I … I miss you, Aiden.”
“Don’t,” he hisses, grabbing my wrists and dragging my hands away like I’ve burnt him.
He curses under his breath as if he didn’t mean to do it, but it’s too late. My chest contracts, then threatens to cave in as he eases me off so he can escape.
“Aiden,” I call, but he doesn’t stop. “Aiden!”
“What?” he snaps over his shoulder while he grabs his discarded clothes from the floor.
“Talk to me,” I beg, dragging myself to the edge of the bed. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong,” he says flatly. “I just wanted to relax. To do nothing for once, and you can’t let that be.”
The jab hits its mark, but I place it aside to deal with later. Right now, he needs me.
“I know that’s not it,” I whisper carefully. “Not fully. Something’s wrong; I just wish you trusted me enough to tell me what it is.”
Aiden stops. Shirt in hand, back straining with each breath, he stands still.
Now more than ever, I want to see his face. I want him to look me in the eyes so he can see for himself what he surely feels—that he can trust me. But he doesn’t give me that.
He doesn’t give me anything.
“Nothing’s wrong,” he mutters at last, tugging the shirt over his head before heading out the door.
“Aiden,” I try, but he’s already gone.
“An entire week and no mate!” Isabel says loudly enough for anyone passing to hear.
I should tell her to quiet down, remind her that I don’t necessarily want anyone in the pack seeing their alpha drinking in the woods, but I can’t summon the energy.
“You didn’t even want a mate,” I mumble as I palm the mug in front of me.
“That was before everyone got one and made it look like the best thing on the planet,” she retorts.
“It’s still early.”
“It’s been an entire week, Julian,” she snaps. “It took me half that time to check every guy in the pack.”
“Maybe he’s hiding from you,” I mutter.
When no sniping retort comes, I glance up and sadness clouds Isabel’s eyes before she takes a swig of her drink.
“Hey, you know I’m kidding, right?” I whisper, but she shakes her head.
“You don’t make jokes,” she mumbles. “I don’t think he’s in the pack.”
“Probably not,” I admit, earning another scowl, though I’m not sure what for.
Isabel’s birthday passed last Friday, and unlike the rest of us, her mate hadn’t been there waiting. She’d flipped the pack over looking for them, and still nothing.
“You’re supposed to be supportive,” she scolds. “Help me out, give advice, be a decent friend.”
“I told you he wasn’t in this pack the day after your birthday, but you didn’t listen,” I reply, and I hear it—the disregard—before hurt etches itself into her usually cheerful features. “Isabel, I’m sorry.”
“You’re not. You probably don’t even know why you’re apologising,” she snaps after another mouthful of liquor. “It’s fine, I guess. You’re just speaking your mind.”
“I don’t always have to,” I whisper, slide my hand onto her knee. “I didn’t mean to make you upset.”
“Well, you did,” she deadpans. “Don’t you think it would hurt someone if you told them that their mate was hiding from them?”
I wince. “I do—”
“You all got your mates from day one,” she continues with an angry shrug. “Yeah, it started in a shitty situation between you and Aiden, but at least he was there. Now, Emitt has Beckett, and they’re so deep in love it’s a wonder they weren’t together before they were even mates.”
Tears gather in her eyes as she speaks, and no matter how hard she tries to blink them back, her lips start to tremble.
“I just thought I’d have mine too,” she admits in a broken whisper. “Even if it was a shitty situation, I thought maybe the luck ran in the group. Guess I fell short, huh?”
“Hey,” I say, abandoning my mug as I stretch over to hug her.
Strong arms wrap back around me as she cries quietly into my shirt. I rub her back, cursing myself for talking so carelessly about something every wolf wants.
“How about I contact some of the alphas from nearby packs? Your mate might be in one of them,” I offer as she pulls away and rubs at her puffed eyes. “I’m sure they’ll let you look if I ask.”
“Yeah,” she mumbles with a forced nod, but I can tell her hope is a failing thing.
“It’ll be okay, Isabel,” I promise as I give her hands another squeeze. “You will find your mate. I know you will.”
She searches my face for a long moment before managing a small smile.
“I’m sorry for being so tactless,” I sigh, cradling my mug again. “I didn’t mean to be.”
“Mate trouble?” she guesses, and we both laugh.
“Yeah,” I mumble before draining what’s left of my drink.
“Woah,” Isabel breathes as I toss the mug aside. “Who stole your favourite dildo?”
“Aiden,” I blurt, then freeze. “I don’t mean he stole my dildo. I don’t have a favourite dildo. Not saying I love them all equally—I don’t even have any to love—”
Isabel puts a stop to my rambling as she bursts out laughing. Banging her fist against the ground, she cackles until tears stream down her cheeks again. Skin warming, I reach over for her jug to refill my cup. At least these tears are happy ones.
“I love you, Julian. Oh my Goddess,” she weeps, wiping her cheeks. “That was good.”
“Yeah, whatever,” I mumble as I swirl the cup before taking another sip. Still awful.
“Okay, I’m back,” she says as she sobers. “What happened with Aiden?”
Any pleasure I felt a moment ago evaporates. “Aiden’s being an idiot,” I spit as hurt, frustration, and rage spark anew, only to sputter out a moment later. “He’s ignoring me.”
“Aiden?” she echoes, surprised, and that just makes it hurt more.
“He’s always in bed now, and when he’s not, he’s distant,” I mumble, fingers tightening around the handle. “He’s not speaking to me, and we got in a fight today. At least I think we did.” I shake my head with a hollow laugh. “It’s weird now. We don’t even argue anymore, so I can’t tell.”
“I’m sorry, Julian,” she says gently, giving me the same pity I’d just aimed at her.
“It’s fine.” I shrug as I take another sip. “We’ll get through it. It’s a stupid problem.”
“It’s not stupid. You’re mates—friends. You need him, and if he’s not paying you enough attention, it’s bound to make you feel like shit.”
I nod. “Like shit” is exactly how I feel.
“Is that why you agreed to come out here with me?” she asks with a devious smile. “I thought it was weird that you wanted to get wasted.”
“I just needed out,” I admit. “A night to get my mind off things.”
“Well, in that case …”
I glance up, meeting Isabel’s gaze, and it only takes that look for me to know she’s up to no good.
“Why don’t we sneak out again?” she whispers.
“What?” I bellow, shaking my head. “No.”
“Why not? We know the way,” she retorts, eyes gleaming. “And I’m not saying we go to a party or do anything crazy like set off a million fireworks—”
“Hey! I told you that in confidence.”
“I’m just saying,” she says, hands raised. “Let’s go out properly. Find a bar or something and drink.”
“The humans’ alcohol isn’t as strong as this,” I say, lifting the concoction of our very own moonshine.
“The humans’ alcohol had you screaming ‘fuck school’ into a mic, last I checked,” she says. “I bet we can get free drinks if we team up.”
“I don’t think you’ll need me.”
“Are you kidding me? You’ll be carrying this,” she throws back before tilting her head to one side. “Sometimes I forget how oblivious you are. Doesn’t matter. Let’s go out.”
I glare at her, willing her to let this go.
Sure, we’d been out more times than I could count over the last few months, and it wasn’t as scary as it used to be, but that didn’t mean I was willing to be careless.
“We’ll be safe,” she promises. “I won’t even let us get drunk.”
“Isabel,” I groan.
“Come on, Julian,” she begs, gaze imploring. “I need this.”
“Shit,” I whisper, and she immediately cheers. “No more than an hour, and we are not getting drunk out there.”
“Deal,” she agrees, already on her feet and forcing me up with her.
She barely lets us grab our drinks before we’re off. We don’t bother with the car, going by foot so there’s no chance of slamming into trees as we slip past patrols and head out into the open world.
I’ve barely crossed over the border before the bond swells and Aiden’s voice is in my mind.
What are you doing? Where the hell are you?
Out, I answer shortly.
Out where, Julian?
Planet Earth, I deadpan.
Julian … he growls my name this time.
So now that I’m not home, you want to talk to me? I spit as my anger rises, bringing my temper with it. Now you care?
I know you’re mad, but—
There’s no ‘but,’ Aiden! I yell back. I tried to talk, and you walked out on me! All you’ve done lately is walk out on me. If you were going to regret saying those words to me, then you shouldn’t have said them!
What words? he replies. Fearful worry skips through our bond, chilling it at its core. Wait—
I force the channel shut between us before he can say another word, blocking him out as I stomp along beside Isabel.
Aiden can wait, and whether the one I find will be the man I fell in love with or this withdrawn version of him, I have no clue. And for now, I don’t care.
For once, I can take some time for myself, and I fucking will.