Chapter 49 #2
“You didn’t really think that I’d let you get away with that,” I growl, licking the edge of his ear just to feel him shiver. My hands slide under his shirt, brushing over his chest, and I smirk when he jerks in my arms. “So sensitive.”
“Stop, Aiden,” he groans, trying to escape but not with any real effort.
“But look at how you’re reacting,” I protest while my free hand drifts down to knead the obvious bulge in his pants.
“No,” he stammers, pressing into me.
Julian squirms against me as though he’s an innocent incubus I’m debauching. Usually, I’d be more than happy to do just that, but there’s still that knot in my chest. I raise my hands in mock surrender and back away from his slightly panting form.
Swivelling, Julian turns those wide blue eyes on me as I step back, drifting just out of reach.
“You told me to stop, so I listened,” I say with a wink that makes his lips part.
Jewels, being Jewels, is way too proud to ask me to keep going, so he stiffly straightens his shirt, and resigns himself to a night of blue balls. He jogs to catch up, and mutters only one thing when he does.
“I hate you.”
I grin as we fall into step, our strides syncing like muscle memory.
We walk in comfortable silence around the desolate park, talking about nothing and anything and everything.
Through it all, Julian’s spirits stay high.
His smile doesn’t waver, even though he zones out a few times with that blank look in his eyes. He’s happy. I think. I hope.
If he is, I’ll let him have it for as long as I can. I know how quickly these things can slip away.
Our walk leads us to a large garden fountain that looks porcelain under the streetlights. The water runs, not from all of its weathered spouts, but it’s still stupidly charming.
I figure we’re just going to look at it—until Julian leaps onto the edge. He spreads his arms wide as he walks along the rim with the goofiest smile.
I trail beside him from below, pretending I’m not watching for the inevitable fall, until he beams down at me and offers a hand. “Come on.”
“I’d rather not,” I deadpan, but he’s already grabbing me and hauling me up. I realise I’ll probably never learn how to say no to him.
“Shit,” I hiss when we wobble a bit, almost tipping over as Julian clutches my arms.
“Scared?” he taunts.
“Never,” I snap back.
He chuckles as my hands land on his shoulders and his find my waist, and just like that, we still, keeping each other from falling.
Then he moves. He takes one step back, forcing me forward, and then forward again. I don’t notice the rhythm until we’re almost halfway around the fountain. He’s got us spinning around the fountain like idiots and we’re … dancing.
My lips tilt up, a smile stretching across my face, and Julian grins right back—bright, stupid, perfect. Then I’m laughing, the kind that bubbles up from your throat without any plans of stopping.
We keep going, stumbling through our makeshift waltz, dancing around the fountain with smiles on our faces.
“Would you be mad if I pushed you in?” he asks, making both me and my laughter freeze.
“Yes,” I say flatly. “Yes, I would.”
Julian’s smile drops and he nods in understanding—then the fucker begins to tilt. I notice too late and only catch a glimpse of his shit eating grin returning before he drops and drags me down with him.
“Julian!”
It’s the first thing I say when I resurface, teeth chattering and goosebumps all over my body as ice-cold water pounds the top of my head. By the time I escape the attack, he’s already waddling off like that’s gonna save him.
I slog after him, dragging myself and my drenched clothes through the shallow water to catch up to him. But when I grab his hand, Julian doesn’t pull away. He squeezes my fingers, clinging to my hand like it’ll keep him from drowning.
“I didn’t push you in,” he says before I can get a word out. “I fell in, and you decided to come with me.”
“Bullshit,” I mutter, looking between him and his death-grip on my fingers.
He chuckles until he spins and meets my blank stare. Then his voice turns nervous. “But no harm done, right?”
“My phone’s in my pocket, Julian.”
“That’s fine,” he dismisses quickly, confidence snapping right back into place. “You don’t need a phone. The link works fine.”
“Some of us have social lives, Jewels,” I remind him. “That was also our only contact with the pack.”
Julian’s mouth opens. Closes. Opens again. Before he finally comes up with, “… oh.”
“Yeah, oh,” I mock, but I’m not angry. How can I be when he’s happy enough to cause trouble? “What’s going on with you tonight? You’re strangely happy.”
He raises a brow. “Am I supposed to be depressed?”
“No,” I reply honestly. “But this is different for you.”
He just rolls his eyes. It’s dismissive, like I’m the one being ridiculous when we both know it’s the truth. Maybe I am, but that look reminds me that this night can’t last forever, and as much as I want Julian happy forever, it’s not guaranteed.
“Julian,” I start, and something in my voice must give me away because he looks at me immediately, and there’s a sadness in his eyes that I know he’s been trying to hide, not just tonight, but for a while now.
Letting go of his wrist, I touch his cheek. “What’s going on?”
“I’m fine,” he says too fast, like an automated response he doesn’t even realise he’s blurted out.
“Julian,” I repeat, gentler this time. His eyes dart between mine, caught in some quiet struggle. His eyes glisten, and the mask cracks.
The joy drains from him all at once. He starts to shake, and I know it’s not from the cold of the water. I pull him into my arms as his lips tremble.
“Julian,” I whisper.
“It’s Alex,” he finally breathes.
The world, like our bond, darkens the moment he says it, and there’s no more room for ignorant smiles and hopeful sentiments. Max howls with frantic alarm.
I swallow, forcing myself to remain calm even as the world eclipses around us.
“What happened to Alex, Julian?” I ask it carefully, not letting my voice shake for him even when my insides feel like they’re splitting open.
Julian stares at me, lips quivering, unable to speak. His eyes shine wet, hollowed by something I can’t fix. Then his voice breaks.
“He’s gone,” he sobs with a soft cry.
My heart stops as Max’s howling grows louder, his distress matching the panic that seizes my chest.
“He’s not speaking to me.” Tears stream down Julian’s face, each word torn out of him like a secret he never wanted to share. “He’s not … with me. I can feel him, b-but only a little, and I thought if I fixed us, it would fix him but … he’s gone, Aiden.”
I try to stay calm for him, but I fail despite how desperately I try.
I’ve heard of peoples’ wolves leaving them, and no matter the cause, it never ends well. One couldn’t survive without the other, and if Julian’s been doing this all alone this whole time, he must’ve been in hell.
“When did this happen?” I croak.
“A little after you left,” he mumbles.
Fresh guilt tears through Max and me.
“He couldn’t take being away from you and Max. It was killing him a-and I wasn’t doing well. He tried to keep us together,” he sobs. “He tried so hard, and then one day, he just …”
Julian doesn’t finish. His sobs stop him from getting another word out as he falls against me, clinging to me so desperately that it sends us to our knees.
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper, trying to hug him to me as if that could protect him when the wounds are already gaping. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
“It’s okay. W-we’re okay.” He says it like he’s trying to convince himself, like it’s his very last hope. His misery pours into me, showing me just how much damage I’ve caused to my mate.
“It’s not okay,” I rasp, holding him tighter. “I won’t ever leave you again. I promise, I—I’m sorry, Julian. I’m so sorry.”
“I was happy tonight,” he whispers into the crook of my neck. “I wasn’t pretending. We had dinner, and we laughed and talked like we used to. I-I was so happy, and I just wanted it to last because I don’t know … I don’t know what’s going to happen.”
“Nothing’s going to happen,” I say, too fast, too sure. I pull back so I can make him believe it, but when I meet his vacant eyes, a sudden weight settles in my chest.
“I can feel it already,” he confesses, voice trembling. “What it’s like without Alex. It’s wrong, Aiden. Everything feels so … empty. I can’t focus on things sometimes—sometimes I forget what’s happening …”
“Julian,” I try, eyes filling.
“I try not to,” he whimpers as fresh tears spill down his cheeks. “I try, Aiden. But I don’t know how to stop it.”
“Hey.” I grab his face, wiping his tears with my thumbs. “Everything is going to be fine. You’re going to be okay.”
He shakes his head, crying harder. “No, I’m not,” he says. “Not without Alex.”
Julian sobs in my arms, and my heart clamps down on itself as I watch him unravel. I can’t stop it. I don’t know how to make him believe me.
“I won’t be okay. I’m … I-I don’t even feel like me, and I hate myself for letting it happen. I want to be happy with you—every night, every day, all the time, but—”
“Stop talking like that!” I snarl, gripping his shoulders like I can keep him here by force. “You’re always going to be you, Julian. My Julian—my stubborn, perfect Jewels—and you’re going to be fine.” It’s half promise, half prayer.
“You still feel him. That means there’s still time. We’ll find a way to fix this, so stop,” I beg as I rest my head on his chest to hide the tear that escapes from the corner of my eyes. “Stop. Please … just stay with me.”
Julian stops. He doesn’t say a word as his hands slide over my back, rubbing slow circles like I’m the one who’s lost. His touch is awfully gentle, his heartbeat slow—tired like the rest of him. And that breaks me.
But it doesn’t matter what it does to me. Not when we’re caught in this wreckage of what I’ve done to him.
I broke my mate … and I hadn’t even realised.