Alpha Wife (Married to a Monster #2)

Chapter 12

twelve

. . .

I woke up naked, licking Joe’s chest and inhaling his scent like I’d been starving for it, like I could live off it. I didn’t want to stop, but reality was real, and it sucked, because not only was I stuck with a werewolf who came out of my skin and decided to maul my traitorous husband with affection, I had leapt out of a moving car like a completely suicidal idiot, not like a woman with responsibilities, and that could not happen again. Ever.

I sat up and ran my hands through my hair, noticing the injuries that hadn’t completely healed yet, like my leg was sore, with a large scar running across the top of it, like it was months old, not a day, or an hour, or however long I’d been unconscious and prancing around like a wolf, or ripping things apart like a dark wolf. The accident had been really bad if I still had scars.

“Can we talk?” Joe asked, his voice the opposite of sleepy.

My head came up with a jerk as I stared into those warm eyes, eyes that were more tired than usual. “About what?” I glared at his face, refusing to look at the chest that smelled and tasted so incredibly enticing. “Do you want me to apologize for my lack of control and irrational behavior? Maybe you shouldn’t have turned me into a werewolf. I jumped out of a moving car! What kind of an idiot did you make me into? I have to take care of Sammy, but how can I do that when I can’t control anything? I want to chase squirrels, Joe! Squirrels!”

He frowned and cocked his head to study me. “That is concerning. If you caught one, you might eat it, fur and all, and as a human, that would certainly give you indigestion.”

“You aren’t taking this seriously, but my jumping out of a moving car into incoming traffic could kill even a werewolf. At least you should care about what the authorities thought if they were involved. What kind of damage that would do for werewolves in general, and your pack in particular? You’re the great alpha, so you should at least care about that if you don’t care about Sammy losing her mother.”

His eyes narrowed and his voice was a low, sexy, scary growl. “Caring too little isn’t my problem right now, Honey. You were publicly revealed to Drigo, and while I was dealing with that, Jane continued to put you in danger. You haven’t healed because of the blood you drank before you were hit by a truck.” He touched the top of my leg over my scar, his gentle caress making me suck in my breath while my whole body came alive and hyper-aware of my husband.

Husband? I mean, we weren’t divorced, and he was still wearing a ring, so… I’d probably have to get a divorce if I actually wanted to run away from him. Did I? That would be the responsible, adult, grown-up, not instinctively irrational thing to do. Even as not a werewolf, running had been my primary instinct. No, first was fight, then flight. I liked to fight. Like right now, I could pin him and…

I’d no sooner thought about it than I was straddling him, holding his hands above his head, staring down at the strongest, gentlest warrior you could ever want. I wanted him. How much I wanted him was part of the trap that he’d set for me, like the monster under my skin that I couldn’t escape.

I was so angry at him, at the cage, but throwing myself against the bars, or out of a speeding car, wasn’t going to help. I had to find or make a door and leave, but how could I when the cage was still baited with Sammy? I couldn’t leave without her. Now I was stuck, but in time, with financial independence and growing control over my wolf, I would eventually be able to get back on my own two feet, or four feet, because the wolf wasn’t going away.

“It was a truck?” I asked, frowning down at my husband. He felt so good beneath me, so strong and firm. It had been twelve years since… I rolled off him and gathered the sheet around me, leaving my back to him while I breathed too fast and wanted him too much. It was the human that was unravelling in the face of his relaxed concern.

“It was a truck and then a car,” he said in that same low growl as he traced a line across my back, another scar that apparently ran from one shoulder down to my hip. “I’m sorry that I allowed that to happen, but you’d prefer the pain or even death to being caged. All the same, I will put you in a cage for the sake of Sammy. She won’t survive her transition if she loses you.”

I shuddered at the thought of being confined in a real metal cage and turned to face him, wrapping the sheet around me so there were no scars for him to touch with those dangerously gentle hands. Such gentle hands for such terrible words. Sammy wouldn’t survive without me? How did that make sense? If she had Joe’s octopus smoothie, why would she need me? Of course she needed me. I was her mother. Children needed their mothers, whether they wanted them or not. I knew that because I hadn’t had a mother, just Gloria’s weird aunt and my foster siblings. “I agree,” I whispered while my whole body clenched up and my heart threatened to rupture. I needed to get over this whole cage phobia. If a cage would protect Sammy either directly or through my confinement, then I’d take it. I shook my head, trying to get rid of the irrational tension threading through my body. Joe wasn’t the psycho who had caged me for a year. He'd chosen to let me destroy his collection of art and weapons, to destroy his house rather than put me in a cage. Could I really trust him when he’d lied to me about turning into a werewolf? Probably. Fine, I had doubts. “Why is it a problem with me being revealed as your mate? Are you ashamed of me?” He was still wearing his wedding band, but maybe that was just to keep other women away, like Cynthia.

“Ashamed?” His eyes danced with amusement. “My wife, the brilliant fighter accountant who has given me a daughter of my flesh and blood? Oh, Honey, never. I counted on a few months for you to adjust before we took our family public, but now we have until the weekend.”

He bit his bottom lip, and I wanted so much to be the one biting that soft skin that I growled before I swallowed and pulled the sheet up to cover me. Apparently, I couldn’t stop getting naked with him as a wolf, and as a woman, I’d spent months obsessing over how to get him naked. He wasn’t quite naked in bed. That was me, wishing I didn’t have my pride to hold onto along with the high quality sheet.

“What happens this weekend?” Maybe I’d have to do another fight for money. Hm. I definitely needed to do another fight for money.

He grimaced. “There is a function that requires formal attire, and that includes bare skin on one’s face.”

I froze up as a blanket of completely irrational fear swept over me, suffocating me. Shaving and a suit meant that he’d be putting on the other face, the one that you knew would betray you for fun and profit. It wasn’t a handsome face. Handsome gave an impression of moderate attractiveness. He was the kind of raw, chiseled, hard strength that was stunning, captivating, sensual, and absolutely indomitable. He looked like a centuries old alpha male who had never lost a battle, whose will was stronger than the bars of any cage.

And he wasn’t going to let me go. Because I was his mate and his wife and the mother of his child and I couldn’t breathe.

“You’re going to shave and put on a suit? Okay. That’s not such a big deal, because I don’t have to actually see you while you’re beardless, and I can focus on being productive, maybe helping Danny out in the dojo with the kids, or finding a new career that involves chasing squirrels so I can fund my next escape. Didn’t mean to say that out loud. Cool. It’ll be fine. Thanks for the warning.” Agh, I couldn’t breathe and the world was getting narrower and narrower until he pulled me into his lap and wrapped his strong arms around me, his eyes soft, sweet, mostly a lie, but not entirely before he tucked my head under his chin and I let him because I wanted to. He felt so good. Warm and strong without being too hard and unapproachable.

“A career involving chasing squirrels? That does sound dangerous. A suit and a shave aren’t quite the scope of the issue, although I know that it’s enough to send you into an all-out panic. You see, at Drigo’s pit, Jane set you up, using you to draw out certain individuals that are extremely interested in meeting my mate, my wife, the mother of my child, all of which is common knowledge now thanks to your public battle. So, I’m feeling upset with this situation, because it does put Sam and the rest of my wolves in danger, and now isn’t the best time to deal with interpack alliance issues when she’s struggling with her transition, and you’re struggling with the raging wolf and the betrayed human, but it’s done.”

I swallowed hard while a new fear blossomed in my chest. “She’s in danger? In what way? Just with the shifting thing or with outside politics? Tell me what’s going on, big picture please, so that I can understand.” I pulled away from him and raised my chin, channeling my professional aura like I wasn’t wearing a sheet and sitting on a man’s lap. “Explain the danger clearly so that I can know what I should do to help. Who is Carmel?” It was so hard not to be distracted by him, by the patterns of light shifting in my periphery, but if Sammy was at risk, then I would focus.

He gave me a tired smile. “East coast pack’s territory has been growing since the leader of the northeast pack took out a friend of mine five years ago and swallowed up his pack, making him a challenger for my west coast based territory and the whole country. I’ve been here, working peripherally to werewolf issues because the Grand Master asked me to do so, but serving the greater good has taken its toll on the growth of my pack as well as left me incapable of checking the east coast’s growth. It’s difficult to do more without full-scale war between territories.”

I nodded and tried to not look confused or freaked out. “Makes sense. Wars are terrible.” Right? Way to be validating. War was the worst thing for the defenseless people caught between the fighting, the women, children, the sick and vulnerable. Sammy. I was stupid and rash, even more than usual with the werewolf thing, but I was practically indestructible, or I’d have died in that accident. Did it count as an accident when I willfully threw myself out of a speeding vehicle?

“Yes, they are.” He spoke with the solemnity of someone who had seen more than his fair share of war. So much war. “Unfortunately, there will be war, because their alpha wants to take the entire country, and I’m not going to let that happen. I will need to introduce you and present a strong front in the face of our adversaries.”

“But you should be fine because you like to collect pretty women so that you can lure the strong wolves to you.” I nodded like that was perfectly logical. Infuriating, yes, logical, no. I growled slightly at the thought of my mate collecting other women. “Who is the Grand Master, and why do you have to obey him? Do vampires rule wolves?”

He blinked at me. “Excuse me? I collect what?”

“It doesn’t matter, that’s just what someone said, that you collect pretty women, which is why I’m such an excellent choice for your mate. I’m not really following the logic along those lines, but that’s probably the whole werewolf shifting thing.” I rubbed the scar on my leg where it ached. “Did I break the bone?”

“You broke fifteen bones, and I don’t collect women.”

Fifteen bones? And I was only slightly sore? Not having hospital bills was nice, but it would be even more nice if I could keep my mind focused on one thing for longer than three seconds. He’d said that I had to do something terrible that I was trying not to think about, something involving him shaving his face. “I don’t remember breaking bones or healing.”

“No, the memories will come together after you’ve accepted?—”

“Who I am now. I know. Jane gave me the talk right before I jumped out of a moving car. Let’s skip that talk for now, because I want to eat your face off, but I’m working at control. I’m so hungry. Why are you here if you have war stuff to deal with? And you need me to go with you to this formal thing to announce me as your happy mate where you won’t have your beard hiding your dangerous face? Yes. I need to eat a lot of food, and ice cream, and something like raw meat, probably. Yay. Wow, this is a fun, sketchy conversation. So glad I’m a werewolf with attention deficit disorder on steroids. I was always slightly distracted, but this is ridiculous. So do I have something to wear for this presentation thing, or do I have to go shopping? I’m not a great shopper, should probably send Celeste, because she’s so stylish, and beautiful, so she’s probably worked really well with your plan to strengthen your pack through men who you choose to be your second rather than women, not that you’re chauvinistic, but it comes with being seven hundred years old.” I wrinkled my nose at him.

He put his hands behind his head and watched me like I was truly fascinating. “All right. Let me try to gather the threads of this conversation before we lose them. The dress, yes, Celeste will go shopping for it unless you would like to, but she’ll measure you this time. I’ve been having her shop for you for the past thirteen years, so there’s probably already something in a closet for you to wear, but it will be good to get something current, fashionable. I bought you clothing for presents for your birthday, Christmas, and our anniversary, along with jewelry and weapons, although I picked those out instead of her. What else did you want to know? Ah, about beautiful women in our pack. First off, all women are beautiful. I couldn’t have a second who is a female, or she would be looked at as my mate, and my dark wolf wouldn’t allow anyone to be my mate until I met you. So, now you are my mate, and my second if you choose to take that position. Celeste and Jane are enforcers, which are powerful positions in their own right. I do attract females to my pack because I make a point of protecting women, making sure that my pack provides safety to anyone who feels used, hunted, or oppressed by other packs or wolves, and that does tend to attract males who want healthy and happy females, but I think that the real reason my pack is healthy and keeps growing is because I feed the wolves very well. You mentioned eating, and of course it would be my pleasure to cook for you, or hunt for you, or provide for you any kind of nourishment that you desire.”

I shivered and wanted so much to bury my head under his arm and stay there, shivering, licking him and smelling him until the world made sense. But he was a traitor, and I wasn’t going to eat anything he made me because that was another kind of enslavement.

I frowned and tried to remember the important points of this conversation. Thinking was so hard when he smelled so good, and would cook anything I wanted, that I wouldn’t let myself eat. “And the Grand Master?”

“He keeps the zombie queen in check. It’s a very important role that no one else can do on their own. He and his subjects have different objectives than werewolves, so there isn’t a hierarchy of who rules who. The Grand Master has no interest in ruling werewolves or taking part in any of our skirmishes. Other vampires would always avoid any territory alpha’s rage because they would most likely die, and their numbers aren’t anywhere near as high as werewolves. The Grand Master is more than a vampire, more dangerous than any other creature I know and can command his vampires to come together when they’re usually solo or in small units. I’ve been here as the grand master’s go-between to other groups, including the Pix and the magi, because I have a solid reputation, but it is not pleasant work.”

I nodded, but I couldn’t really compute what that meant. “You’re going to present me to the other alphas? What about Carmel? Jane said that he’s the second to this east coast alpha, so what was he doing hiring a pix to steal from you? It seems like this Alpha, who has to be shifty if he recruits psychopaths, wants to go to war with you, but the Grand master doesn’t want war, and I don’t want war if it messes up Sammy’s transition.”

He nodded with a slow smile that I desperately wanted to taste. “Very good. Mordecai is a very shifty guy, at least these days. He used to be my second hundreds of years ago, but times change, and we must change with them.”

“Ah, so he’s the war specialist? You definitely shouldn’t go to war against him, then. And he couldn’t change with the times?”

“Oh, he changed, just not the same way that I did. He became obsessed with creating the ultimate werewolf, a war machine, and I became interested in leaving a legacy of deliciousness.”

Ah, if that was the only side of him. “Huh. So, he went crazy. And he’s in charge of the entire east coast?”

“Many of those werewolves left those packs and found others, like mine, but many stayed with him and embraced his philosophy of ultimate domination, ruling the country and then the world.”

I sighed. “That sounds exhausting. That’s not your philosophy?”

He smiled slightly. “I came to this country to get away from the violence and the constant struggle for territory. I’m into order, the protection of the weak, and the freedom to create beautiful elixirs and scintillating meals.”

I frowned at him while I thought about it. Honestly, for a powerful werewolf like him, going for the calm, peaceful, live-and-let-live thing was probably more mental than megalomania. “I’m going out on a limb and saying that you’re pretty weird for a werewolf.”

He laughed and slid off the bed, the movement of his arm muscles so beautiful, that I forgot what I’d been saying or thinking, not that I wasn’t constantly forgetting everything. “The cycle of war mongering is exhausting, constantly raising troops only to watch them get mown down.” He stroked his beautiful beard, which made me want to lick it, or have him pet me, probably both at the same time. Of course I did, because he had chained me to him with the worst kind of bindings, desire, appetite, and as my alpha.

Somehow, I got my mind to go back over our conversation. Some warlord was making his way across the country taking territory until he’d come up against Josiah’s pack, who had stopped his hungry progress. He was about creating the ideal werewolves? Was that breeding or something else? I shook my head. “You’re also all about defense, the tech, the armor, and the weapons. You aren’t pretending that there isn’t war. You’re still preparing, but you aren’t going after it. You aren’t an idiot or you’d be dead already, so this guy’s not as big of a threat as he’d be to someone else.”

He smiled at me in a way that made my insides turn to butter in the hot sun. “I like to think so. What do you want to do today?”

I swallowed, because thinking about what to do with my fresh werewolf self for a whole day was overwhelming. “Eat.” I definitely needed to eat, not that it was any of his business. “I need to figure out this wolf shifting thing, so I can control it and not end up naked in bed with you again. It’s not what I want.” Fine, it’s what most of me wanted, but I didn’t want to want it, and that should count for something.

“That’s going to take time, but I fully commend you for wanting to become one with your wolf and accept your new birth.” He bowed slightly, but no way he wasn’t mocking me. “For today, Samantha is worried about you, so I think that you should spend time with her doing something normal. I will have to be with you, because I’m not currently trusting Jane with your health and happiness.” His eyes grew hard for a moment. Yep, not just out there to deliciousify the world. There was also some vengeance he enjoyed indulging in.

“You’re mad at her because she took me to a fight club, or because she broke my back? Everyone’s got their own priorities. Did you throw her in the stocks or something?”

“She’s working in the café for the next few days until we host the packs on the weekend. That’s what she wanted, to draw out the East Coast pack leader and hasten her vengeance. I’ll need all of my enforcers for that, even the overeager ones. Without Jane breaking you so thoroughly, you wouldn’t have survived your transition, so I am angry and grateful. And angry again.” He rubbed his beard again.

We were hosting the packs this weekend and the beard would go along with my ability to forget how dangerous he was. My heart fluttered at the thought of Joe without a beard. After a struggle, I swallowed down the panic. “All the packs in the country?”

“All the territories over a certain size in the world.”

“World. Nice. And that’s when you’re going to shave your beard.” I was such an idiot that something so small would make such a big difference for me, but I couldn’t help the shivery panic. I wanted to hide in his beard, but it would be gone so soon.

“That’s right,” He said softly. “I wish that we had more time to gently ease through this transition, but we only have a few days before everything will most likely escalate. What do you think Samantha would like to do today that would help both of you feel normal?”

I choked on my bitter laugh. “Oh, yes, let’s do something normal, like a normal family outing at the zoo. We’ll go visit our relatives in the wolf pen. Maybe heckle them for being in cages while our chains are made of something so much more sophisticated and magical.”

He raised a brow. “The zoo sounds like an excellent idea, in spite of your sarcasm. I’m telling you that Samantha needs to feel some stability right now to help her with her transition. You know how difficult it’s going to be for her, because you got to experience the speed version of it. If you don’t feel that you can support her right now, I understand that. Believe me, I do.”

Sammy. Yes. She was the priority, of course she was, but I was still upset about the lies and the wolf thing. I needed to give Sam the stability she needed, so I had to get the wolf thing under control, along with stability in the financial situation. I glared at him when I remembered the money I’d had tucked in my shorts. “Where’s my money? I earned ten thousand dollars, but it’s not in this sheet.”

He laughed, showing his perfect teeth. “I have it in my other pair of pants, the ones that you shredded off me.” His eyes twinkled like wasn’t this so fun to have a psycho fresh werewolf ripping off your pants?

“Where are they?”

“I’ll tell you after you tell me whether or not you’d like to go to the zoo with our daughter.”

“My daughter.”

His mouth tightened, the first sign of serious unhappiness he’d shown. “Our daughter. She has my eyes and is my responsibility to protect.”

We glared at each other until I looked away, mostly because it was either that or tackle him down and show him who was boss, but from vast experience, me tackling him down would lead to me showing him other things as well, things that had gotten me pregnant in the first place.

“If she needs to get out, I guess I can do that. I did okay at Gloria’s house, didn’t eat her like I wanted to, but there will be more people at the zoo, more distractions, and Sammy will probably ask questions. I don’t want her to feel bad about me being a werewolf.”

“I infected you.”

I frowned at him. “I don’t want to lie to my daughter.”

His lips tightened again at the omission of his role. “It isn’t a lie. She infected you, it’s true, but it wasn’t strong enough to have gotten you through your shift on the full moon, so I infected you more fully the first time you came into my shop. When I licked you, I also bit you.”

I stared at him while rage and hunger swept through me over and over again, leaving me a trembling mess. “Her infection wouldn’t have turned me, so you had to do it?” I felt so cold and delicate, breakable, and I’d shatter into a werewolf monster that would rip up the rest of his house and skin.

“That’s right. Her infection would have killed you.” He gave me a hard smile. “I am an arrogant ancient alpha who chose for you, life over death, even if that life is as a monster. I’d do it again. A hundred thousand times. If I could have suffered for you, I gladly would have done it, but I couldn’t, so I watched Celeste and Jane break you, allowed it, because you would have died otherwise, and that I could not allow, not as long as I had a choice.”

I gripped the bed and leaned over him, trembling with the urge to rip out his throat, and there was only part of that urge that wasn’t strictly violent. I couldn’t attack him, or it would feel too good to touch him, and I’d lose track of my anger. “How lucky to be an alpha with choices. I think that we’re done talking. Let’s go to the zoo and see how much fun we can have before someone bites someone.”

He smiled beautifully. “Biting can be a lot of fun.”

I snarled at him and backed up, yanking the sheet so it ripped before I turned and stalked towards the nearest closet.

I got dressed with my back to him, but when I turned around, he was gone. How had I missed the sound of him moving around with my exceptional werewolf hearing? How dare he leave me without asking permission? I followed my nose to his kitchen, which had two ovens, two stove tops, and wide stretches of white marble counters that he quickly filled up with ingredients.

I stalked over to him. “What are you doing?”

“Cooking. I’m even better than I was twelve years ago.”

I shook my head and took the ingredients away from him, chopping onions and mushrooms, then cracking eggs messily in a bowl while he leaned against the island, arms crossed, watching me.

“I was going to make you a steak first, barely cooked, along with steamed greens and eggs with a glass of fresh juiced vegetables. You’re doing an omelet?”

“Is that too basic for you? Don’t worry, I’m not making you anything. Steak and greens? Where’s my intestines and octopus shake?” I asked as I whisked the mixture together in a cast iron pan that was much lighter than it should have been.

“That’s more medicinal than is required for most wolves who are past the full shift. Humans aren’t really designed to eat fast food or chemical laden snacks, but they tolerate them well enough, which is similar to werewolves, a wide tolerance of what we can get nutrition out of. Are you sure you don’t want me to help you with that while you sit down and relax?”

“I’m a werewolf. Werewolves don’t relax until they’re a couple centuries old, and it’s the pretended part of their personality.”

“You think that you’re insulting me, but I’m too relieved that you’re alive to be angry; there’s nothing you can say that can dampen that. Werewolf instincts make one prefer to take down prey and eat while the heart is beating, but we can still absorb nutrition from a wide variety of sources that have been dead for a long time, as well as plants and nuts.”

“Good to know,” I said as I flipped the omelet onto a plate and carried it to the table, like a normal human or something. It wasn’t as good as it would have been if he’d cooked, but I was a werewolf, and before I knew it, my plate was empty and my stomach was still growling.

Only a few seconds later, he slid a steak onto my plate, juicy, bloody really, but that’s exactly what I craved. I ate it like a monster before I could stop myself, with teeth and hands, ripping off chunks of flesh like a savage until there was nothing but juice dripping off my chin and fingers. It was so good, so perfect, so much like everything he made that I was refusing to eat. I glared at him where he leaned on the counter, watching me eat like it was the most beautiful thing in the world. He looked so good in his maroon t-shirt, bulging at the arms, abs a lean line down to his sexy dark jeans. I licked my mouth and drooled as his scent swirled through the flavor of blood, his delicious, perfect scent that I wanted to lap onto my tongue. See? This is exactly why I couldn’t let him feed me.

“Mom! Celeste said that we’re hanging out today!”

I stood up in time to catch Samantha when she threw herself at me and almost knocked me over. She smelled so unstable, so delicate, so sickly. It was terrifying to smell what I tried to deny. She was closer and closer to death, and worry wasn’t helping. She really did need something normal, something that helped her forget her fears.

“Hey, Sambo,” I said, holding her back so tight, listening to her little heart pound while her scent brought alive my determination and concern. My baby. I would do anything for her well-being, sacrifice anything I had, and I wouldn’t ever quit fighting for her life and safety. I could smell her struggle, the war between the human and the wolf making her weak. I wanted to lick her hair and face, but managed to kiss her forehead instead.

“Mom, I haven’t seen you since the full moon, so I thought that something happened to you, like death. Why didn’t you see me right away afterwards?” She sounded so desperate, so terrified.

I pulled away and smiled at her while I brushed her hair away from her eyes. “I wasn’t in the best shape, so I had to take a bunch of magic potions that helped heal me, and they had interesting side-effects, like hallucinating tentacle beards and demon gamblers.” I would lie for her happiness. Did that make me like Joe?

She pulled away to frown at me. “But you are okay? Also, what are you wearing?”

I smoothed down the top and slacks that had smelled more neutral than most of the clothes hanging in the first closet I’d opened. “Clothes. Celeste bought them, so they’re probably too classy for me.”

She gave Joe a suspicious look where he was washing dishes, cleaning up for me in spite of definitely having people who could do that, like me. “And who paid for that hideous shirt? I could do better using sparkle paint.”

I looked down at it for the first time and noticed the sequins, rhinestones, fringe, and general Texas queen theme. Huh. Maybe I shouldn’t choose clothing by scent. The pants were office wear that didn’t remotely match the style of the blingy top, the one being turquoise the other dark green. but it was better than a sheet, and I wasn’t going to think about Josiah buying me presents for the years I’d been gone, waiting for me to come back, not if I was staying angry and not losing control.

“We’re going to the zoo, so casual is fine.”

“You aren’t going to the zoo. You’re in terrible shape.” She frowned at me and turned my face back and forth. “Although there’s not nearly as much bruising as there was before. Let’s see you walk.”

I rolled my eyes, because that’s what I said to her when she claimed that she wasn’t too sick to go to school. I walked around, limping slightly from the thigh injury and the opposite ankle, which was tender. “See? I’m fine.”

“Limping isn’t fine, but the zoo? We could really go to the zoo today instead of another day stuck here playing ninja with Danny?” Her eyes brightened so hopefully.

I laughed and pulled her into another hug. She felt so good, so right in spite of her struggle. I licked her head, but she didn’t notice through her hair. Should I tell her that I was a werewolf? I might freak out at some point and urinate on something. Naw. What was the fun if you took the surprises out of life?

“Come on then,” she said, voice high, excited, a bit piercing, but still delightful as she dragged me towards the door. “It will be so nice to get out of here for a few hours, away from all the freaks.”

“Hey, you can’t call them that when you’re becoming one. Also, Joe’s driving.” Growl.

She stopped abruptly, her excitement magically transforming into a mulish expression that I knew very well. “What do we need him for?”

“Ah, well, my leg and my ankle, not the greatest in spite of all the magical things I’ve been eating that make me feel so much better, so he has to drive, and also, in case you suddenly get sick, he can carry you home.”

“Uncle Danny can do both of those things.”

“Ah, but, um…” I turned to Josiah for help. Should I just tell her that I was a werewolf? I’d have to say it eventually, but I’d rather she didn’t feel guilty until later, when she was feeling better overall. She smelled so delicate.

“The animals in the zoo might react badly to you, and I might be able to calm them down with my dark wolf magic,” he said with a completely straight face, although it sounded totally made up.

She said, “Whatever. I guess you can carry the loot.” I swear greed lit her eyes as she studied him like he was her own private piggy bank. “Will you pay for the zoo?”

“It’s free.”

“Then you should buy some merchandise to help support it.”

“Good idea. I believe that you can sponsor penguins to help support their habitat.”

She gave him the most disgusted look. “Seriously, I mean stuffed penguins.”

“I don’t think that we should hunt the penguins at the zoo,” he replied deadpan, “even if stuffed penguins would add something to the décor.”

I laughed and smoothed Sam’s hair away from her face. “I’ll buy you some toys if your dad’s morally against it.”

We both flinched, but the word had come out automatically. “That’s so weird to call him my dad.”

Agreed, but still, he was her father, and I did want him to help protect Sammy, particularly from her illness. “What else do you want to call him, Alpha-Joe?”

“Whatever. Let’s get this over with.”

It was a nice day to go to the zoo, particularly when we bought the little electric fans with water spray we could carry around and have low-key water fights with. Joe didn’t join in, just watched us mess around while he held his own fans out, two of them to get a nice cross-breeze.

None of the animals freaked out, but there was a lot of space between us and them, so maybe that was it. The turtles were strangely active, one particularly big turtle trying to chase down a female.

“Ugh, that’s so gross. Reminds me of Uncle Danny. Good thing all males aren’t like that. Dr. Soares is much more subtle.”

Yeah, because I could totally figure out dating now that I sprouted fur and fangs.

“Come on, mom! Let’s ride the merry-go-round!” She dragged me through the crowd to the line, leaving Joe to follow us at a more leisurely pace, but the last ride ended, and a rush of people came out, cutting us off.

I paid for the tickets absently while I kept my focus on Joe, who was helping someone pick something up, and then we were ushered on the ride, and I only had a second to grab an open animal, an ostrich, before it lurched into movement.

Sammy laughed and pointed at me. “The ostrich goes with your shirt. So classy, mom!”

“And you’re a monkey,” I retorted, because she was riding a monkey, but I glanced over, because we were on a ride without Joe, too far to smell him very well, and that made me anxious.

“Stop looking for him, mom. It makes you so pathetic. Don’t forget Dr. Soar?—”

“I’m not dating Dr. Soares!” I snapped while I struggled not to bare my teeth at her. It was so hard to deal with all these instincts, most of which revolved around claiming Joe and licking him for the rest of my life. I took a deep breath and said more calmly, “I’m not interested in him, and I never will be.” I was a werewolf, and pretending I could ever try to be normal was frustratingly futile. I glanced back to try and find Joe, sniffing like I’d be able to pick up his scent.

“Fine, date someone else, like one of Clarissa Rowling’s ex-husbands, but don’t get sucked back into his beard just because he cooks for you. I know that I have to be part of that world for a little while until I get things under control, but you don’t, and if you get trapped there, I know you’ll be miserable. There’s nothing more important to you than your freedom.”

A lump stuck in my throat while all the sounds and smells swirled around me, like a horror movie, too loud, too intense. “No, Sammy,” I said, barely loud enough to be heard over the music. “You’re more important to me than anything else. You’re worth any sacrifice I ever have to make.”

The ostrich rose and fell while we came around, and there was Joe, standing on the side, looking at me, his eyes so soft, so steady, so reliable. I let out the breath I was holding and my heart started beating more slowly. I believed those eyes, no matter how many times he’d lied to me. Was it really so bad that he’d infected me to save my life? I’d fight for my life, so why shouldn’t he? I wanted him to hold both of us tight and never let us go. I wanted to lean against someone, particularly when Sammy was so sick, and I didn’t know how to save her.

We went around again, and he waved that time, his slight smile sending a rush of delight through me that also depressed me, because I was chained by my attraction to him along with the beast inside of me. I wanted to howl my sadness, but I just clung to the ostrich and tried not to act weird. I felt too many things, too many conflicting emotions that I needed to get under control.

On the next turn, a woman with a shortage of fabric to her outfit was talking to him. He nodded at me and Samantha instead of looking at her, but his mouth moved as he said something to her. Could I hear him? I strained my ears and leaned towards them, trying to hear, but there was too much other chaotic noise. I whined before I caught Samantha looking at me strangely.

I needed to be fine, totally fine, and I was, except that the whole next revolution, I was scraping the bar with my nails, telling myself that she’d be gone, and it wasn’t a big deal if her cleavage was bigger than her head, or that her shorts showed her twenty-something butt cheeks hanging out.

When he came into sight, he was still standing there, but his face was turned towards her while she grasped his arm and leaned forward so her cleavage was barely not falling out of her top while she balanced on one foot, doing something with her shoe while he held her up with his perfectly muscular arm. She was touching him? My mate? My husband? The father of my child? Oh no, she wasn’t!

I was on the third row from the edge, but that didn’t stop me from leaping onto Sam’s monkey, then to a lion and some little kid, then off the ride and onto the bimbo who I was going to tear limb from limb.

Joe caught me and swung me around, trapping my arms against my sides while he carried me away, tucking my face beneath his beard against his neck while I snarled and struggling against his strength, but he felt so good, and his neck smelled like the sweetest nectar. I licked his skin, inhaling deeply while he held me. I started hyperventilating as he filled my senses until I was dizzy with him. I scraped my teeth over his neck and then nibbled and bit while licking and sucking. Fine, I was necking him, struggling to free my arms so I could hold him, touch him, make sure that he didn’t touch another female ever again, caught up in the instincts, completely incapable of rational thought. He felt so good. I needed him and his love, his protection, his care. For me and our baby.

He rumbled and stretched his neck so I had more access to his sweet skin. I happily pressed my tongue against him and would have wagged my tail if I’d had one.

“What’s going on?” Sammy shrieked, grabbing the back of my shirt to pull me away from my mate.

I turned to her snarling, baring my teeth, because the awareness that she was my daughter was buried by the desire I had to drown in my mate’s skin.

Her eyes were enormous, and she took two steps away from me while he held me against his chest.

“What the heck, mom?” The scent of her betrayal was stringent enough to cut through the aggressive ‘my mate now’ thing. While her life was falling off a cliff, how could I go crazy? She needed me to take care of her, to give her the stability I’d fought so hard to make sure she had that I’d never known. How could I have forgotten my own daughter? She would be so hurt if she knew that she’d bit me, although it really was my fault for not contacting Joe sooner. Everything was my fault. A wave of exhaustion had me sagging against him.

“Um, I was necking with Joe. It’s because he’s shaving his beard this weekend, so I need to take advantage of it while I can.” I sniffed twice then sneezed, because the woman’s perfume was clinging to him. Maybe I could lick his arm unobtrusively until he was free of her touch.

“Your eyes are golden,” she said, taking another two steps away from me before she snarled at Joe, a red glow flashing in her eyes. “What did you do to her?” She threw herself at him, nails going for his eyes, which snapped me out of my wolf brain and self-pity.

“Hold on, Sammy,” I said, struggling to get out of Joe’s grasp to protect her.

He turned slightly and caught her up under one arm, still managing to keep hold of me. “Ah, my girls, we’re having such a fun family time.” He sounded genuinely happy, his voice rumbling with pleasure.

“You monster! You turned her into a werewolf!” Her shrill voice was absolutely piercing. I flinched away from her while Joe started moving quickly through the people who had turned their attention on our group.

I needed to help bring this whole thing down a notch before we were all committed. “Just because you can’t have the wolf plushy doesn’t mean you need to cause a public scene!” I made my voice loud so I would be heard over her squeals. He held both of us so well, that I didn’t accidentally rip the scalp off the woman whose perfume still saturated his skin as we walked past her, or Joe carried us would be more accurate. You’d think he dealt with tantrums and mindless jealousy every day.

“How could you let her touch you?” I snarled and snapped at his chin through his beard. I struggled to not be angry and jealous, because he was trying to trap me, but I physically couldn’t help myself.

“You can’t want him after what he did to you!” Sammy growled, and then her face got furry.

Joe moved even faster after that, picking through the crowd until we got to the giftshop with the exit on the other side.

You’d think that he’d have his hands full, but somehow he grabbed plushies, stuffing them into our arms before he threw some bills at a clerk and dragged us outside.

A limo was waiting for us at the curb, the coffee guy holding the door open. Joe got all of us into the backseat with the plushies in spite of the thrashing, the snarling, the scratching.

He released us once the door was closed and locked, the kind of locks you couldn’t undo from the inside, and then Sammy was full-out wrestling him, grabbing him in a headlock while fur came out of her face and ears sprouted, kicking me onto the floor.

I lay there surrounded by stuffed wolves and penguins while she tried to kill him.

He had his eyes closed and a slight smile on his mouth while he let her maul him, like it was a cute game.

“Monster! How could you turn her when you know that she had no intention of staying with you? That’s what it is, isn’t it? She was right to think that all along you wanted to put her in a cage! It doesn’t matter if she’s a werewolf, she’ll find someone besides you to love.”

He frowned slightly, but then his face smoothed out. “Of course, she’ll always love you most.”

She shrieked, and I flinched from the sound. It was too much, too much chaos, too much everything. I burrowed down into those plushies, closed my eyes, and fell asleep.