1. Sabs #3
Contrary to what my Stella sisters say, I’m not totally oblivious to Drax’s feelings for me.
I know I’ve probably been unfair to him.
Okay, I’ve been really unfair. At times, I’ve led him on, and there’s no doubt I’ve been selfish.
I’ve let my own lust get the best of me, even when it came at the expense of messing with Drax’s head.
It’s been easier to pretend that I don’t see his feelings because a part of me wants to hang onto what we have.
“What do you mean?” I play ignorant, calling his bluff, hoping we can get things back on track.
“Don’t play dumb, Sabs. I know you, remember? You know exactly what I’m talking about.” His glare burns into me, signaling that a return to the dance floor is looking less likely with each passing second. “I’m done. I’m not your toy to play with whenever you can’t find an alpha to fuck.”
“Wow.” I flinch, his words hitting me like a sucker punch. “You really think that’s all you are to me? An alpha backup?”
“Aren’t I?” he asks. “Tell me that’s not the case, and I’ll stay.”
“I…” I flounder, the right words evading me. “You’re not a backup, it’s just—”
“I’m not what you’re looking for” Resentment and bitterness emanate from him. “I’ve never been enough for you. You’re so fixated on wanting a knot that you—”
“It’s not like that!” I poke his brick-like chest, almost breaking my finger joint because of how hard his pec is.
“I’m not some knot chaser! Our relationship is…
complicated. We’re friends. We always have been.
That’s what’s most important. We’ve always been there for each other because that’s what friends do.
There’s nothing wrong with two consenting friends having fun from time to time. ”
“Yes, friends.” He laughs dryly. “That’s all we’ve ever been to you.
” His expression turns deadpan. “Maybe it’s for the best that we end this friendship now.
” He kicks the sand, his lips turning down.
“I’ve been stupid, waiting around for you to realize that I can be good for you.
But now I see that it’s never going to happen. I’m not enough for you.”
Seeing him like this hurts, guilt clawing at my insides.
“Don’t say that.” I grab his wrist, desperate to close the distance between us. “You’re amazing. You’re—”
“Stop.” His eyes plead with me, his fingers gripping my skin as he gently pries my hand off him. “Just stop, okay? I know I’m not what you’re looking for. Why can’t you just be honest?”
“I…” I consider opening up, telling him that I’m afraid I’ll break his heart if I find a scent match and be forced to let him go, but I don’t.
Once again, I’m selfish, but I’m afraid that if I’m truthful, I’ll lose him for good.
Something I’m not ready for. So instead, I say, “We’re supposed to be having fun. It’s a party, remember?”
Lips pressed into a flat line, Drax shakes his head.
“Who cares about the fucking party? I’m trying to be real with you!
” Drax’s hands curl into fists the size of small bowling balls, his entire body shaking like a furious beast is trapped inside the body of the sweetest guy I know.
“I’m fucking done!” All his pent-up frustration releases in an explosion.
“Whatever this thing is between us, it’s over.
Enough is enough. We can’t be friends anymore. Not now. Not ever.”
I swallow down the lump in my throat, refusing to cry in front of him because I hate showing any sign of weakness. We’re not even together, yet this feels like a break-up.
“Fine, if that’s how you feel.” I raise my chin in defiance, finding it easier to act like a brat instead of letting the sadness take over. “I’m not forcing you to stay.” I sound like a petulant child throwing a tantrum, but I don’t care. “If that’s what you want, then go!”
“Fine.” He scowls. “I will.”
“Good!” I shout after him. Again, my petty childishness makes me feel even shittier.
Watching Drax march off, his arms pumping back-and-forth like a soldier on a mission, I bite my lip, willing the tears not to fall. Drax has never walked out on me before. Not like this. I half-expect him to stop and turn back, but he keeps going.
I follow his form as he paces along the beach until he disappears behind a house, sniffling as he vanishes.
I think about running after him to apologize, but my stubborn legs refuse to budge.
Maybe this was for the best. We couldn’t continue like this forever.
Yet I can’t help feeling like I’ve lost a part of myself as a vice tightens around my heart.
I straighten my shoulders, mentally telling myself to stay positive as I suck in a deep breath to stomp down my emotions.
I dig around in my purse for my compact then reapply my lip gloss, reminding myself that if life gives me lemons, I make some freaking lemonade.
Hiding difficult feelings behind my smile is something I’m great at as I decide to return to the party.
What better way to distract myself from thinking about Drax than by having fun?