0123
Neah
The twins didn't wake up once. Not one single time. It was a good thing, I should be happy, but a part of me had hoped that their first night in their own room wouldn't be so perfect. And while they slept, Dane made up for the lack of time we had been alone since their
arrival.
So much so, that I could still feel the aftermath this morning.
"It's a good thing they slept." Raven mutters as she bounces Evrin in her arms
"I know, I'm just being....." I sigh.
"You are being a mum." Her dark eyes flash up to mine and I knew the question was coming. "You're really meeting with her?"
"Yes."
"Are you worried?"
"Worried that I will shift and kill her." I joke but she stares at me, alarmed. "I'm joking, I'm joking. I kept calm when Blair was here yesterday. I can do it again, I think." "Damien said that he...."
"I know, and I'm grateful, but this is something I have to do alone. I have been fighting with my head and my heart over this for so long." I sigh, because I didn't talk about it to anyone. As far as everyone was aware, I hated Mallory. But that wasn't true. I just didn't trust her and her motives.
"You never said."
"I... I feel like I'm supposed to hate her. I mean, I did. She almost killed me. She thought she had killed me. I thought I would never see her again" I shake my head as I pull Logan from the high chair. "I could have killed her several times, but I haven't. She's Damiens best friend. He sees something in her that I don't or maybe it's just because he has known her for longer." I shrug my shoulders. "I thought I would give her this one chance. To get everything out in the open." "If you need anything." Raven mutters. "You know where I am."
I sit Logan on the floor with a bunch of toys and kiss him on the top of his head before kissing Evrin too. "You sure you are okay to watch them?"
"Of course."
Taking a few deep breaths, I pull open the back door and head towards Mallory's house.
Mallory flings the door open. A big smile plastered on her face. Her dirty blonde hair tied up into a half up, half down style. Dungarees covered her body with a white vest underneath. A cleaning rag in one hand. "You actually came." She seems genuinely surprised and tosses the rag out of sight
I nod and she steps back to let me in. I had stayed as far away from her small house as I could until now.
Her eyes dart behind me. "Uh, no Damien?"
"No."
"Oh." She sucks in her cheeks.
"I wanted to come alone."
"Right." She gestures to the small wooden table. A steaming teapot sits in the middle with some cups and biscuits.
"I didn't know what you would prefer. I have coffee too." She gestures to the pot on the kitchen side. It was the most nervous I had seen her. A far cry from the bitch she once was.
"Please sit." She whispers, chewing on her bottom lip. "You can ask me anything and I promise, I will tell you every single detail."
I took the chair that faced the front door.
She slips quietly into the chair opposite me. Her brown eyes don't settle on me right away. Like she is trying to decide how to start the conversation.
"You ran away." I mutter. "After you thought you killed me, you ran away."
She nods. "I always promised myself I would never end up like my father, but it happened and I knew when I stood over you as you were bleeding out, that my life was over. I had become just like him and I hated myself."
"It's something that we have in common." She adds quietly, "Neither of us wanted to be like our parents."
I swallow the lump forming in my throat, trying to bury the irritation that rose from her thinking we were the same. "You killed your father?"
"I had too." "After me?"
She nods her head and sucks in her cheeks. "I had become the very thing that I least wanted. At the time, I was more bothered about that than becoming a monster. Becoming a Lycan was supposed to have been a fresh start for me. To become part of a pack that wanted me, a pack that saw my value."
I snort but she continues. "In reality I became more of the very thing I hated. So I hunted him down and killed him and then ran away."
"You watched your father kill your mother?"
"I saw more than that growing up. He raped her. He beat her." Her tone grows darker by the second but tears prick at the edge of her eyes. "He put cigarettes out on her. There was even one time where she dropped a plate of his food on the floor and he made her lick it up. The list goes on and on."
The bottom of my stomach drops out. That was degrading and one thing I was never made to do.
'Fucker.' Nyx mutters
"Her miserable life ended when he killed her. And maybe that was one good thing that came out of their marriage." Her shoulders drop and her hands shake as she fills her cup with tea. "I certainly wasn't."
It takes me a second to realise what she is telling me. "You... you were a product of rape?"
Her shoulders hitch up as she takes a deep breath and bobs her head.
"Did he...did he ever....."
"No. There was one time, where I thought he was going to hurt me, but he turned on my mother instead. Do you see why I thought Cassandra was offering me a better life? She made me promises. She made me feel worthy. She made me feel safe." Exactly how she made me feel before her and Trey set me up and destroyed me.
"I know now that she was a bitch to you. But at the time, she gave me the opportunity to have something better. To not be waiting for the day when my father finally decided I was old enough for him to rape me. And I took it. And that is when everything fell apart." I could feel Nyx's sorrow as we listened to her story
"I believed every ounce of information that she fed me. I believed every damn lie she told me about you. I should have been smarter. I should have realised after my upbringing that trust is more than bribes. I see why you don't trust me, Neah. I see why you don't want to trust me. I wouldn't either but I swear that I will never stop trying. You can keep hating me. You can keep acting like I'm the scum of the earth. But I will not stop trying to make up for what I did."
"I don't hate you."
Her hand taps the table, my words catching her off guard. "You...you don't?"
"I used to wish that you had actually killed me. That you ended my existence."
"I'm sorry." She reaches out to take my hand, on instinct, I recoil and she she looks heartbroken.
"The hardest part of having you here, is that you are a constant reminder that you could have ended my suffering and you didn't." I shake my head, half a smile creeping across my face because my reasoning sounded ridiculous. "Stupid right? Especially when my mate is the Alpha of this pack. If you had killed me. My sons wouldn't exist."
"No." She mutters, her brows knitting together. "No, it's not stupid. You were looking for a way out. Even if the way out was death."
We fall into silence. Mallory nibbles on a biscuit as I try to find a way to move forward with this uncomfortable conversation.
'We should give her a chance.' Nyx mutters
"Was killing your father what turned you Rogue?" I splutter
"No, it was what I did to you. I had already turned by the time I killed my father." She smiles. "He tried to repent for his sins as I tore him apart. Fucking bastard thought that praying to his stupid God would save him from all his crimes."
She jams the rest of the biscuit in her mouth as I see the moment of enjoyment on her face.
I wasn't the one to say it was wrong to enjoy it. There is just something satisfying about taking the life of someone who doesn't deserve one.
"There's something I don't understand. You told me that Damien was the only one you had helped to turn back, successfully. Who helped you?"
She scrunches up her face.
"Rogues love the lifestyle. It's a simple life. I'm sure Damien has told you that. The darkness drags you in. For me, something just felt...wrong. Like my darkness wasn't natural. Like I was trying to be someone or something that I'm not. If you ask Damien, he will tell you that apart from me being able to shift, I'm more human than most."
"I don't follow."
"Cassandra turned me because I told her exactly what she wanted to hear. I wanted to make sure she didn't pass me up. So I did what I needed to do to ensure it would happen. I had to pretend to be someone I wasn't. When I hurt you, something else took over. I think more than anything, I was trying to prove a point to her. Now that's stupid."
'It sounds like she was brainwashed.' Nyx mutters. 'Cassandra played on her desperation.'
I had been there. For years I thought Trey was my brother. For years I believed that I had been solely responsible for my parents death.
Her brown eyes flicker up to me. "You wish that I had killed you back then. I wish I had never met Cassandra."
"You wouldn't be a Lycan."
"I know." She shrugs her shoulders again and I stare at her, surprised by her announcement.
"Hurting you and letting Cassandra bite me are two of the worst decisions I have ever made in my life and I can't change either of them. But I can use one to help you in any way I can, if you let me. Starting with that bitch that calls herself your half sister."