Chapter 8 - Joshua
Joshua didn’t get much sleep that night. He lay in his bed, staring at the ceiling, his thoughts chasing themselves around in circles. The last words his father said to him before he’d headed home kept coming back. You don’t have to push her away to protect her.
That was what he was doing. Pushing her away, hoping that the distance he created would be enough to keep her safe.
It had to be exhausting and confusing for her, seeing how he kept doing this damn back and forth.
He wanted to be near her so much it hurt, and yet every time they started moving together, he found some way to put another wedge between them.
When morning came, he was exhausted but had made a decision. He was going to stop this. Kira deserved better than to be jerked around. He was going to tell her the truth. He just had to find the right timing.
When he heard her starting to move, he got up, showered, and dressed.
It was meant to be a wolf-heavy day, so he wore a tracksuit, something easily shed at a moment’s notice.
Then he went downstairs, bracing himself for what he’d decided.
Kira was at the stove, making herself some eggs.
She glanced at him and silently returned to his work.
“Morning.” Joshua checked, then asked, “Do you want some coffee?”
“No, thank you.”
He could get hypothermia from the cold breeze coming off her. He tried again. “Any plans for the day?”
“Lots.” She switched from fried to scrambled eggs, turning herself slightly so her back was toward him.
Apparently, he had done more damage the previous night than he realized. “I’m sorry. For last night. I shouldn’t have reacted that way. It’s just that I came to Mark and Susan when I was five. So it just brought up some… memories.”
At least, that’s what he ought to have said. But even thinking about it made him wince. Nope. He couldn’t reveal that much. So instead, he settled on something else. An olive branch. Something they could discuss and make solid plans about.
“So you want to have children?” he offered.
Kira turned off the stovetop and dumped her eggs onto a plate. “Not with you.”
“There are donors. Or adoption,” he said awkwardly, his stomach twisting. She still wasn’t looking at him. Her body language practically screamed at him to leave her the fuck alone.
Finally, she lifted her head. She met his eye. “Not with you.”
Oh. Joshua turned quickly to the cupboard and grabbed his favorite mug.
His wolf whined, and he tried to ignore it.
He wished he could go back to last night, to when she was smiling and asking questions of his parents.
When she was being open and warm and… well, he was never going to be on the receiving end of that smile.
It was his fault she was like this toward him. It wasn’t going to be so easy to undo his mistakes in the past. He had to earn her trust.
But how in the Goddess’s name was that even possible?
His cup of coffee finished brewing. He threw out the used pod, then dumped the coffee into a thermos. The oppressive atmosphere was too much for him to think in. He could try to explain, but how could he do that without ending up making it even worse in his emotional state?
He stuffed a protein bar into his pocket and screwed the top onto the thermos. Kira kept shooting him questioning looks, her jaw tight, but remained silent. She served her eggs onto a plate and set it at the table, accompanied by an orange on the side.
“I’m going to be out all day. We have a lot of business to attend to today. Don’t wait up for me,” he said.
“I wasn’t planning on waiting up for you,” Kira shot back. She seemed almost pleased with her steady comeback.
“What is—” Joshua started, but cut himself off in time. If he wanted to work his way into her trust, yelling at her wasn’t going to help his cause. So instead, he turned on his heel and marched out of the kitchen. Kira scoffed at his back.
His mood didn’t improve as he headed for the town hall.
He, Michael, and Rafael were meant to have a meeting about the special ops, but it wasn’t starting for another hour yet.
He scarfed down his protein bar and mourned the creamer he’d planned on having today as a special treat for himself.
Oh, well. There was milk at his office, and he’d just added it to his coffee. He didn’t particularly like it black.
The hall was quiet when he arrived, so he went to his office and did some paperwork while he waited. When Rafael and Michael arrived laughing, his wolf growled. What were they so happy about?
Joshua pushed from his desk and headed to the hallway. Upon seeing him, Rafael grinned. “Josh! Lianne shifted last night. She’s got a big, strong wolf. She took a chunk of my arm out, see?” He proudly showed off the bandage on his arm.
“That’s great,” Joshua replied. It came out sounding sullen. He winced. “No, it is great. I’m just… having a bad day.”
Michael snorted but waved them both into Rafael’s office. “Let’s get to business, then. We’ve got quite a bit of stuff to go through. There were some issues with the last payments to the special ops in our training program.”
“Of course there were,” Joshua groaned. “Can’t anything go right for once?”
Rafael frowned at him. “Having a bad day doesn’t excuse you for acting like an asshole.”
Michael nudged his brother. He ushered them into the office, and as Rafael studied Joshua and Joshua glared out the window, he pulled out some fruit from the minifridge. “Here. You sound hangry.”
“I’m not—” Joshua started, but his stomach rumbled. Huh. Maybe he was hangry. He unpeeled the banana, grunting out a, “Sorry.”
“You better be,” Rafael replied, frowning. “Anything you want to talk about?”
Joshua grimaced. “No.”
“It’s Kira, isn’t it?” Michael asked, his voice lowering. “Please don’t tell me that you’re taking it out on her for not wanting to be married to you.”
“Of course not! It’s just… complicated. In ways I don’t want to talk about,” Joshua said shortly.
He turned back, struggling to get his expression in check. Michael and Rafael shared a look. They might as well have broken out into the Macarena, changing to the words to some variation of, ‘he’s being an idiot, right?’ Joshua ground his teeth as his wolf snarled.
“Have we had any more updates on the demon sightings?” he demanded.
Rafael opened his mouth, a deep furrow between his eyebrows, but Michael spoke instead. “No. There’s been no sign of further activity, either. It’s possible that the recent sightings were someone’s mistake.”
“We can’t even entertain that thought,” Rafael interrupted, shaking his head.
“I agree.” Joshua folded his arms. “I thought I would take some of the special ops on a more thorough… what?”
He narrowed his eyes at the brothers as they shared yet another look.
At his demand, Rafael grimaced. “I received a call from Alpha Bael. Apparently, a couple of the special ops team wandered into his territory on patrol. He’s not taking it well and doesn’t believe that it was an accident. I need you and Michael to meet up with him and calm the situation down.”
Joshua closed his eyes and dropped his head. Michael was far better at being diplomatic than he was, but his birth father had been a member of Bael’s pack, and Bael knew that. It meant that Bael trusted him more than the Buchanan brothers, even if Joshua never lived with Bael’s pack.
“Today is a terrible day for that,” he muttered.
“Yeah. But it’s necessary,” Rafael said. His tone was hard, brooking no argument.
Joshua nodded reluctantly. It was for the good of the pack.
And it would give Kira some extra space, he supposed.
After a bit more discussion, he and Michael headed out.
They met Alpha Bael on the border of the pack territory.
Bael leaned against the side of his pickup, wearing a red flannel shirt tucked into a pair of ripped jeans.
“You’re late,” he said crossly.
“Our apologies,” Michael said smoothly as he dipped his head toward Bael. “There were some pack issues that we needed to take care of.”
Bael pushed away from the truck. “You’re still late. I don’t want any of your special ops boys in my territory. I’m not going to let demons be your excuse to invade.”
“We’ve spoken to the wolves in question, and I assure you, it was an accident,” Michael said.
Bael didn’t even look at him, instead leveling his gaze at Joshua.
“It was an accident,” Joshua said, then added, “but we have had some demon activity recently, and would like permission to have our teams come into your territory. We can arrange it ahead of time and start training your people to track and fight the demons. But the demons are a threat to all of us.”
Bael grunted as his dark eyes darted toward Michael. “Your friend here doesn’t look happy that you said that.”
Joshua glanced at Michael, who was grimacing. “That’s because we were sent solely to smooth over this business with the two idiots who went into your territory. But I don’t have the patience to placate anyone when there is a clear danger in the works.”
“Huh.” Bael rocked back on his heels as he looked Joshua up and down. “I don’t like you.”
Joshua shrugged. “Most people don’t. Which is why Alpha Rafael sends his brother to do these sorts of things rather than me.”
Bael studied him a moment longer before turning to Michael. “What are your Alpha’s suggested terms?”
Michael took over, explaining what they had discussed while warning Alpha Bael that this was still in the early stages and they hadn’t intended on presenting a half-formed plan to him.
Bael listened, alternatively scowling and nodding.
In the end, he agreed to allow one patrol per day into his territory, as well as meeting in neutral ground to start training his people how to track demon activity.
But only if Joshua was present at all times.
“Speaking of.” Bael turned back to Joshua. “Rumor has it you married one of the witches in your pack.”