Chapter 12 - Joshua
Joshua stirred awake, feeling warm and heavy, his eyes still shut against the morning.
Kira’s scent wafted through his lungs, and he breathed it in greedily, content.
She lay in his arms, tucked in against his chest. He hadn’t meant to fall asleep holding her in her bed.
It was a full mattress, but there wasn’t much room for him to lie down, and he’d only meant to stay for a little while.
She had slept soundly after the application of the ointment, but she’d started shivering during the night.
At first, he had put extra blankets over her. It didn’t help, so he had crawled into the bed with her, sharing his body heat. When Kira had slid back closer to him, he wasn’t sure if she was awake or not.
But it had felt so good, so peaceful, he couldn’t pull himself away.
Apparently, he had ended up falling asleep.
Now, his wolf was curled up in his chest, content.
It had been a long time since his wolf had been pacing and restless the moment he woke to the end of the day.
He didn’t want to lose this peace. His eyes remained shut, and his limbs were so relaxed, it would be easy to drift off again.
Fuck, he had to tell her. There was so much he was holding back, and these secrets just seemed to be getting bigger and bigger between them. If he told her now, would she just see it as an excuse for his behavior?
She started to stir in her sleep, and Joshua’s heart thudded.
Somewhere in his half-asleep brain, he knew he needed to release her.
Let her go and slip away further so that he wasn’t holding her when she woke.
She wouldn’t like it. Would she? He pressed his nose into her hair, pulling in the last breath of her scent, his arms tightening despite himself.
There was a time when he thought this could be his every morning. Before he fucked everything up.
His eyes remained shut, and the heaviness of sleep threatened to pull him back under.
Just as he was about to let her go and move back, one of her hands moved, gripping his. She was still breathing those deep, even breaths of sleep. Even in sleep, she pressed back against him, pushing her hips back into him.
The leftover sleep was instantly driven from his mind.
His wolf perked up, and all his nerves were set alight by this simple motion.
He became painfully aware of all the places his body was against hers, the heat of her trapped with him beneath the blankets.
Her smell ramped up, turning into something like a drug he couldn’t get enough of.
A groan built deep inside of him, and he held his breath, refusing to release it.
Moving carefully, Joshua eased himself back. When Kira moved to follow him, he tightened his grip on her hip ever so slightly, stopping her. She was still asleep. She didn’t know what she was doing.
“Don’t leave,” she whispered, her voice cutting through the air.
Okay, maybe not as asleep as he thought.
His breathing became ragged as he wrestled with himself.
Pull away or stay. He needed to pull away.
He needed to put space between them. He’d done it before.
Just because she was asking him to stay now didn’t mean she really wanted him to.
She had run away from him. She had wanted him out of her life.
Was it because of me or because of what I did, though? He wondered.
“Joshua,” Kira murmured, and her voice was thick with desire.
It undid him. He couldn’t stop himself, burying his face in her neck.
He rocked against her, groaning as the contact ignited heat in his low belly.
Kira shivered, her hand tightening on his.
Her breathing hitched, making him draw to a stop.
He tested her reaction, waiting. Kira groaned and pushed back against him, the sound ripping through his chest.
“I want you,” Joshua whispered in her ear. “I want to be closer to you.”
Kira twisted in his arms. She hitched her knee over his hip and pressed herself tightly against him, clutching at him.
There was no sign of sleep in her eyes now, only a wild, yearning desperation.
It took his breath away. One hand remained on her hip, the other wrapped around her shoulders.
He held her in place as he shifted slightly away, giving them enough space to breathe and the situation to sink in.
“I want you to be closer,” Kira murmured, her fingers tracing down his chest. “It’s been… I’m so…”
Her voice trailed off, as though she wasn’t sure what she was saying or how to say it.
Her blue eyes searched his face, clear and bright.
A frizzy curl lay over her cheek, dark against her pale skin.
Joshua moved closer, meaning to brush it off with his nose, but she shifted toward him as he did so.
Their bodies aligned, melting into each other.
With a moan, Joshua rolled them both. Kira’s legs wrapped around his waist, and he settled against her.
His cock swelled against her core, the heat and friction of her driving him crazy.
He braced himself over her, careful not to put any of his weight on her bruises.
It was only then that he allowed himself to close the gap between them, to press his lips against hers.
Her hands tangled into his hair, and she tugged him closer, parting his lips with his tongue.
He responded in kind, the kiss deepening.
Goddess, but he missed this. Ever since that first and only time they were together, he had longed to be close to her like this again.
Longed to touch her, to hear her sighs, to taste her.
He pressed in a little closer, and she gasped, wincing. Joshua paused. Had that been from pleasure or pain? Had he pushed too hard on her bruises?
She was still recovering. The doctor advised her not to engage in any strenuous activity for a few days. This was too much.
He broke the kiss and eased back. Keeping his weight on one arm, he cupped her face with his free hand. “Are you okay?”
“Yes. I—” She cut herself off suddenly, her flushed cheeks draining of color. Her gaze darted down to his lips, and she started to lean forward, only to stop. A shaky breath rushed between them, and her hold on him loosened.
Joshua knew the moment had broken even before Kira moved her hands to his shoulders, pushing lightly.
He moved off her, his body thrumming with desire.
Kira whimpered, and he almost lay back over her, especially when her legs tightened around his hips.
He took a deep breath and pulled free. He didn’t want them to go too far and end up with more regrets.
“I’m sorry,” Kira murmured, covering her face with her hands.
“For what?”
“Leading you on.”
Joshua opened his mouth to tell her that it wasn’t her fault, that he was leading her on, too.
But the words got caught somewhere in his throat.
He closed his mouth and nodded, even though her face was still hidden from him.
He reached out, almost unconsciously, and brushed stray hair from her forehead.
Kira lowered her hands and gazed up at him, desire warring in the clear blue depths of her eyes.
“How are you feeling? Did the ointment help?” Joshua asked. He pulled his hand back, chiding himself for touching her in the first place.
Kira’s gaze tracked his hand, and she started to reach out, as though she wanted to take his hand in hers, but stopped herself. She planted her hands on the bed and pushed herself to a sitting position, gasping as she did so.
“It feels better than it did yesterday.” She started to pull her shirt up, then stopped. The light in her eyes darkened, and she swung her legs out of the bed. “I’m going to have a shower.”
“Are you sure you should do that alone?” Joshua asked, worried she wasn’t steady enough. The last thing she’d want from him was to go into the shower to help her when she was naked.
Kira’s spine stiffened. She leapt to her feet, then winced and put a hand to her chest. All the while, she glared at him. “I don’t need you hovering or helping me with my body!”
“Whoa, that’s not what I meant,” Joshua said sharply. There was enough tension between them without her misunderstanding his intentions. “What I meant is that maybe we should call Gwen or the doctor to come help you.”
“I… Oh.” Kira’s shoulders slumped slightly.
Joshua sucked in a deep breath through his nose. He shouldn’t have stayed the night. Shouldn’t have crawled into bed with her. Shouldn’t have touched her, shouldn’t have kissed her. It was all just one clusterfuck of mistakes. His jaw tightened as he started to straighten the blankets on the bed.
“It’s probably a good idea to call Gwen to help,” Kira said after a minute.
“Okay. You can call her then, and I’ll contact the doctor for a shower chair.” He finished straightening the blankets. “And I’ll step out so you can check your bruises.”
Half an hour later, Kira reported that her bruises were visibly improving, though still sore, and she had decided not to shower, as the ointment was meant to last for twenty-four hours.
Besides that, Gwen was busy and couldn’t take the time to come help her just yet.
The doctor promised to have a shower chair for Joshua to pick up later that day.
For the time being, Joshua cooked breakfast for both of them.
He was concerned that Kira needed extra energy, so he made high-protein pancakes with maple syrup and whipped cream, along with an egg white and spinach omelet, and a blueberry smoothie.
He cleaned up after himself as he cooked, and when the food was ready, he set it in front of Kira.
“Thanks,” she mumbled, not looking at him.
Joshua put his own plate across the table and slumped into the chair.
The silence fell awkwardly between them.
His mind churned over what he should say.
Apologize for the morning. And yet, he didn’t want to apologize.
His actions had spoken the truth; he wanted her.
To apologize would make it feel like a lie.
No, what he needed to do was tell her the full truth.
“Kira,” he started.
“Thank you for taking care of me last night,” she interrupted. She cut a piece of pancake and omelet and speared them together, then eyed him warily.
Joshua cleared his throat. “Don’t think anything of it. I will always take care of you. Which is why—”
“This is delicious,” she said, shoveling the food into her mouth. She chewed with it on one side as she continued, “I normally don’t like pancakes, but these aren’t too sweet. What did you put in them?”
“Protein powder.”
Kira nodded, overly enthusiastic. Her tongue darted out, flicking over a crumb at the corner of her mouth. “Oh, I can taste it now. That stuff that we got kind of tastes like ice cream. Don’t you think?”
He stared at her lips as they moved. If he kissed her right now, she’d taste like ice-cream pancakes and maple syrup. It made his wolf pace restlessly. After the closeness they’d shared that morning, it wanted more. It wanted to be closer to its mate.
“Kira, we need to—”
“You’re not eating.”
Joshua looked at his place. Clearly, she wasn’t interested in what he had to say. He frowned but shook his head. Okay. If that’s what it had to be, then that’s what it would be. They’d have more time to talk, right? She was injured, which meant they had the day to spend together.
As soon as they were done eating, Gwen called Kira. Kira wasted no time in asking for a ride to her place to start testing out healing spells.
“Kira,” Joshua protested.
“I’ll be back tonight. Thanks for supper again,” Kira said, pushing her chair back. She hesitated, then sighed. “With any luck, Gwen and I will be able to figure out how to make this go away faster. You want that, right? For me to heal?”
That wasn’t fair. His protests had nothing to do with not wanting her to heal. Joshua nodded, his jaw tight. “But we have to talk.”
Kira headed for the door, not answering. Joshua watched her go, his chest tight with frustration. So what now?