Chapter 13 Natalie
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
natalie
BLAKE: Nat, you have that deposition today, right? Need anything?
Yep, I’m heading over to Gardner soon. I think I’m okay.
BLAKE: How about Lane and I drop off some dinner later for you and Chloe?
Sure, that’d be amazing. Thanks, Blake.
NOAH: I should have asked you at the Bellflower, but do you want me to come with you today?
Normally I’d say yes but we’re trying to make you seem less involved, remember?
NOAH: Yeah, still not a big fan of that.
I know. But it’s just for right now.
NOAH: I hate him.
I know that, too.
SULLY: Don’t let anyone try to convince you that you can’t be a high achieving woman and a kick ass mom, Natalie Noelle London.
You’re such a feminist, Sul.
SULLY: I believe in women’s rights and women’s wrongs.
SULLY: In case you wanted my permission to just get rid of the asshole in…other ways.
THEO: Love you, Nat.
THEO: Tell Chloe it’s been her turn in Words With Friends for like three days.
Will do, Theo. Love you, too.
Anxiety attacked my nervous system as soon as I stepped into the Gardner Law Firm office for my deposition on Monday morning.
Sure, I’d adequately prepared for it. Cameron and I had talked a lot about what to expect, and I’d gone through this before.
But right after the divorce, I’d felt so much more confident that the judge would favor me.
I’d done everything for Chloe, and Korey had done nothing.
I was divorcing him on the grounds of adultery. It all seemed so clear-cut.
And now he was moving further away and trying to make it seem like I didn’t have the time or the ability to take care of the daughter that he’d spent years ignoring. He wanted to take Chloe with him.
I was so mad.
And so scared.
It didn’t help that I couldn’t stop replaying the scene from the other night in my head.
It flashed through my mind on repeat, specifically Cameron’s tight expression when he said that he couldn’t recommend anyone.
The way his eyes had scraped over me, as though he wanted to take a little bit of me with him when he left, like he knew it might be the only part of me he could have, and he didn’t like it.
It was the first time I’d seen any emotion on his face that hadn’t been laced with understanding and patience. He’d expressed none of that when he’d walked away. It was like a dark cloud had moved over his face, his pupils dilating, his jaw tensing. And it made my whole chest ache.
I badly wanted to run after him, but not to ask what was going on. I knew, on the inside, what was going on. What I didn’t know was what Noah had said to him, what they’d been talking about in the back hallway. Did that have something to do with his stormy expression?
Cameron met me by the front of the office today, which wasn’t unusual.
He extended his hand to shake, like any lawyer might when meeting with a client, and I took it, trying desperately to ignore the spark of heat that traveled up my arm.
But it was hard, considering I knew Cameron felt it, too.
He dropped my hand like it had burned him, said a tight, “Good morning,” and then immediately turned, leading me in a different direction than normal.
We ended up in a conference room. Windows lined the outer wall, overlooking Boston’s financial district. The opposite wall was also made of glass, a viewing portal to the hallway that ran the length of Gardner Law’s office.
“Have a seat, Natalie,” Cameron said, his voice calm, maybe a bit subdued. He pointed to the chair that sat across from the video recorder set up on the conference table.
Trying not to feel spooked by that, I sat, smoothing the pencil skirt I wore and folding myself onto the chair.
Then I fiddled with my blouse a little, arranging it so the little strings that hung from the collar were straight.
It was a sunny yellow color, with little perforated flowers in the fabric that likely weren’t visible at first glance.
But I thought maybe if I made myself look like a wholesome kindergarten teacher, that might help my chances here.
I glanced up to find Cameron watching me, a glazed look in his eyes, like he was somewhere far away from here in his mind. When he realized I’d stopped moving, looking at him expectantly, he shook himself out of it and cleared his throat.
“You look great, Dr. London. And you’re going to do great today.”
I frowned at the distant note in his voice.
“Natalie,” I reminded him.
A noticeable tick appeared along his sharp jawline.
“Is everything okay?” I asked, knowing full well that everything was not, in fact, okay.
Cameron didn’t answer for a long beat. I thought he wasn’t going to answer at all, until he said, “Everything is fine. Depositions can be stressful, but you’ll do wonderfully.”
Cameron wasn’t stressed about the deposition.
I hadn’t seen Cameron stressed about his job once in the time that we worked together on this case.
He was always remarkably confident, in a way I didn’t completely comprehend.
He was still remarkably confident, unfazed about our meeting today.
But he was fazed about something. Something else. Something to do with me.
“I saw you talking to Noah the other night,” I tried again. “Did he say something to you?”
A vague question that I knew Cameron would understand. I’d seen my brother’s reaction when Chloe had brought up Annabeth. I was positive he had, too.
It took Cameron a second to respond, and when he did, his voice was tight.
“It’s very important to Noah that nothing jeopardizes your case, Natalie,” he said. “And I feel the same way.”
“What would jeopardize the case?” I ventured, wondering if maybe we should just discuss this tension between us openly.
Cameron scrubbed a hand down his face, not responding, so I decided to be even more candid. Because like he’d said before, wasn’t it best to just get things out there? Be transparent? Wouldn’t that be the best for our working relationship?
“Cameron…” I started, tentative, and he dropped his hand. “Do we need to talk about what Juniper asked you at the bar?”
“No, Natalie.” He shook his head and pinned me with a steady look. “We don’t.”
“Are you sure? Because you were either upset about that or whatever Noah—”
“Jealous,” he interrupted, causing every word in my brain to fall out of my head. My breath hitched, making it hard to reply, but I didn’t have to. Because he was still talking, making everything clear, putting things out in the open just like I’d wanted. “I wasn’t upset. I was jealous, Natalie.”
Cameron had yet to look away from me, his gaze blazing as he repeated himself.
“And I’m sorry,” he added with a sigh. “Really, I am. I swear I’m trying my best here. I don’t want anything for you but the best.”
I could tell he meant it. He really, really meant it. And that should make everything better, but it made it all worse. So much worse.
Guilt seeped into my bones, filling me with so much remorse and regret.
If I could have just trusted him a little more from the beginning, if I could have let him in six months ago, we probably wouldn’t be here.
Or at the very least, I could have walked out of his office that first day I showed up with my brothers and asked for another lawyer.
But I’d wanted him as my lawyer, and I hadn’t known it would be like this. I didn’t realize that a simple attraction would be so hard to ignore.
Cameron seemed to read my mind, like he always appeared to have the capacity to do. He gripped the back of the chair next to me, leaning on it and lowering his voice.
“Look, I don’t blame you for pushing me away that night because you weren’t ready.
And I don’t blame you for hiring me as your lawyer because I’m a damn good lawyer.
” His voice dropped another degree, and there was something so gritty and sexy about it, causing goose bumps to prickle my skin.
“And I certainly don’t blame you for wanting to rekindle your sex life, Natalie.
But I don’t think I can handle hearing about you fucking other guys when I am so viscerally attracted to you and can do absolutely nothing about it, even if it was what you wanted. ”
My lips parted in surprise while my brain played Cameron’s rough voice and the things he’d just said on a loop. I shook my head, trying to comprehend. I knew there was attraction, but Cameron sounded destroyed by it.
“Don’t look at me like that, Sunshine,” he breathed, his voice softer now. “You know it’s true; you know I am.”
“You’ve been professional,” I said, feeling the odd need to come to his defense. “Mostly.”
Maybe we’d been a little more…comfortable with each other than was customary, but there were other factors involved.
We had the same social circle. We’d met before.
There had been circumstances, like running into each other at restaurants and me signing the wrong name.
It wasn’t like he was showing up at my house unprompted.
Cameron nodded, like he was agreeing with everything I was thinking.
We’d explored the line, the one we could cross. But we hadn’t crossed it, and that was what was important here. Right?
“And I’m trying so hard to keep it that way, okay?” he assured me. “I just had a momentary lapse of control of my emotions when I heard…” He pressed his lips together like he didn’t want to repeat it. “I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”
He fell silent, but his gaze was anything but that.
He didn’t look away, trying to convince me with those deep, brown eyes that he meant every word he said.
It made me feel hot from the inside out, causing my breathing to quicken, forcing me to wonder what else might happen if I let this man more than look at me, considering what he seemed to be able to do to my body with just a stare.
I wished I could find out.
And I owed it to him to be honest, just like he was to me.
“What if I said it is what I want?” I asked, keeping my voice low. “That I wish it could be you?”
Warning flashed in Cameron’s gaze.
“Natalie, don’t.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. “Why can you voice things aloud, but I can’t?”
Cameron’s eyes fluttered shut, like he was disarmed by my words.
“You’re right. But when you say things like that, it chips away at my resolve.
And I need…” He released a shaky breath, like he was preparing himself to look at me again.
His eyes flashed open, hitting me with heat and want and so many things that felt so good. “I need to hang on to something here.”
“I understand, and I’m sorry,” I breathed.
“I just…” I shrugged, forcing myself to look away, to sever the connection.
Except I could still feel it, the heat on the side of my face.
Maybe I could convince myself it was just the sun streaming through the windows, the effect of a cloudless day.
But I’d know it was a lie. Boston was miserably wet outside today.
“I just have a feeling…that I could trust you with this. Like you’d respect me.
And my boundaries. And trust is so hard to come by. Hard for me to find.”
I looked down at my hands, folding them on the table and twiddling my thumbs in the wake of laying my vulnerabilities out for him to see.
Cameron was silent, stewing or something.
I wasn’t sure. I tried not to care. I glanced up at the glass wall instead, watching as people walked by, unaware of the conversation we were having.
I supposed people in law offices had tense conversations all the time, right? This wasn’t any different than that.
Except a minute later, Cameron leaned down, so close that his lips brushed my ear and the delicious notes of sandalwood filled my senses, his cologne wrapping around me.
“I would take such good care of you in the bedroom, Sunshine. I would give you everything that you needed and more. You know I’d be so fucking good to you. ”
And then he stood, so quickly that I almost wondered if I’d imagined the last few seconds.
But then everything became clear when the door to the conference room opened, and in walked a tall man whom I immediately recognized as Korey’s lawyer.
He was the same lawyer he’d used in the initial proceedings, which did strike me as a little odd, considering those proceedings had not exactly gone the way he’d wanted them to.
Cameron walked over to meet him, shaking his hand. That was good. Distance between us was good. I needed a second to regulate my body after…that.
But a second was all I got. Because then Cameron was walking back, taking a seat beside me, once again distracting me with his proximity and how good he smelled and the warmth of his presence.
He reiterated the process aloud of what was about to happen, things that were not new to me but felt new to me, especially after that conversation.
I took a shaky breath, refocusing on the goal here today.
“Ready, Natalie?” he checked.
His voice was steady, professional. Somehow, Cameron had managed to revert his demeanor in a blink of an eye. He was back to being my supportive lawyer, ensuring that everything about the process would go to plan, impressing me as usual. Why did he have to be so impressive?
I drew in a breath, steeling myself. I pushed my shoulders back, spared a quick glance at Korey’s lawyer, and then looked into the camera.
“I’m ready.”