Chapter 17
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
cameron
MY BODY WENT THROUGH a roller coaster of emotions every time I so much as looked at my phone over the next few days, memories of my conversation with Natalie fresh in my brain.
Conversation.
That sure was one way of putting it.
I hadn’t intended for that call to descend into phone sex, but as soon as we started to talk about the details of our arrangement, and her voice had turned breathier, and she admitted how much she liked having my hands on her during the deposition, I hadn’t been able to stop myself.
And there hadn’t been a reason to. At the time, I hadn’t had the foresight to realize what a distraction it would cause to know what she sounded like when she moaned through a speaker. Or whimpered. Or cried my name.
Every time a name flashed onto the screen of my phone, I hoped that it was Natalie’s. And then when it wasn’t, immediate disappointment washed over me. Which then sometimes turned to guilt, especially in instances, such as now, when the person who was calling me was my mom.
“Hey, honey!” she greeted, and I could hear the smile in her voice. “I don’t want to bother you at work, but I just have a quick question.”
“You’re not bothering me,” I assured her extra forcefully, maybe because of the aforementioned guilt. “I was just about to take a break to get lunch anyway.”
That was a lie.
I wasn’t planning on taking a break to get lunch. I usually ate at my desk and worked through lunch.
“Oh, good.” She sounded relieved, which made the guilt worsen. I should really take the initiative to call her more often. “They’re not working you too hard?”
Genuine worry wavered in her voice, put there because she knew how hard my dad had worked as a lawyer before he passed. She knew the toll this job could take, but I didn’t want her thinking too much about it.
“Of course not,” I said.
I’d spent a portion of my morning preparing for the deposition with Korey Abrams tomorrow, but it wasn’t my only upcoming deposition, so I’d switched over to review other cases a bit ago.
I was trying to strike a balance, and truth be told, it wasn’t exactly working.
I badly wanted to prove to Natalie that I had her case under control, especially in the wake of our new agreement, meaning I’d probably spent too much time on it and on her.
But the reality was that I still had more than a number of other cases I should be dedicating my time to, cases that Daphne would notice if I let them fall through the cracks.
“How’s that production going that you’ve been working on?” I asked.
“Oh, we don’t need to talk about that right now,” my mom replied, as expected.
Before I could try to convince her that I wanted to talk about it right now, she moved on.
“Are you free June twenty-fifth? It’s during the week, so I know you might be busy, but if you think you could take a night off work, I wanted to surprise Tony and Jay with tickets to a game at Fenway.
You guys haven’t had some quality time together in a while, and I think it would be good for both of them.
Maybe they could spend a night in Boston.
You know, get your grandfather out of the house for a bit. ”
I chuckled because I knew exactly what was happening.
“Is Pops restless and it’s driving you up a wall?”
There was a slight pause before she gave in.
“Oh my God, yes,” my mom groaned, a release of exasperation. “You know I love that man like he was my own father, but I just cannot talk to him about the weather or baseball stats anymore, Cameron. He keeps interrupting my smutty Sundays.”
I choked on air at my mom’s comment, laughing. I might have gotten my love of books from her, but that didn’t mean I wanted to discuss our taste in them.
“He and your uncle still act like they need to take care of me,” my mom continued, and I shook myself out of my head. “But I’m fine.”
My dad’s family really took my mom, my sister, and me under their wing after the car accident, and they’d been there for my mom ever since. Sometimes a bit too much, it would seem.
I leaned back in my chair, flicking through my digital calendar, which had already been open on my computer.
“I can clear my calendar that night, Mom,” I confirmed. “I’d be happy to catch a ball game and take Pops and Uncle Tony off your hands for a night.”
“Oh, good.” Her heavy sigh rushed through the speaker. “I’m very grateful for them. You know I am.”
“I know you are, Mom,” I reassured with a chuckle. “It’d be fun catching a game with them, though. Like old times.”
“Thank you, Cameron.” The relief in her voice was hard not to notice. “I know you’re busy, so I appreciate it. Your uncle and grandfather will, too. You know we’re really proud of you and everything you’ve accomplished, right?”
“I know, Mom.”
I stared at my desk, at the pens and papers scattered across it after the morning I’d had.
I was scatterbrained, jittery with the anticipation of seeing Natalie tonight.
And for the second time in a short while, guilt entered my bloodstream, and my eyes wandered to the photos on my bookshelf—to my parents, Collins, Pops, all of them.
My family had only ever supported me. They were my biggest cheerleaders, and I would never take that for granted.
But they also pushed me to succeed in a way that meant I didn’t know how not to succeed.
I’d been high achieving from the day we took our math minute madness quiz in elementary school and I got the top score in the class.
And the more I accomplished, the more it felt like I had to keep accomplishing, so I didn’t let them—or anyone—down.
My dad had been so successful in his career, before it had been cut short.
And a part of me felt like because it was cut short, it was up to me to continue it.
And while I knew my family wouldn’t disown me or anything like that if I didn’t get this promotion, it still felt like they expected me to be the man they lost.
Or maybe I just wanted to be the man that they lost, wanted to become everything that he’d been. I wanted to be there for my family, like he had been.
A flash of auburn hair out of the corner of my eye told me exactly who’d appeared in my office, slipping in through the crack in the door.
“I gotta get back to work,” I said to my mom with regret. “Can I give you a call later?”
Later, between whenever I finished my work and whenever I got a call from the most magnetic woman I’d ever met—the one woman I shouldn’t touch but was absolutely planning on it. Tonight.
“Yes, yes,” my mom rushed to say. “No need to call back. I don’t want to take you away from anything else! Just wanted to check on that date. Love you, Cameron.”
“I’ll put it on my calendar. Talk soon, Mom. Love you.”
Putting my phone on my desk—face down so I wasn’t tempted to see if Natalie had texted me every five minutes—I turned my attention to Julian. He looked a bit sheepish as he dropped into the chair across from my desk that clients usually sat in. “Didn’t mean to interrupt, sorry.”
I shook my head. “It’s fine. She just had a quick question. How can I help you?”
He lifted a brow. “What is this, customer service? I’m here to see if I can help you.”
My lips tugged into a frown as I watched Julian drape an arm over the back corner of the chair and sling one of his long legs across the other.
“With what?”
Julian was a great attorney. I’d known he would be from the moment we connected in law school, thanks to my sister.
She described him as the campus big brother at their university in California, said he reminded her of me, especially since we were both law school–bound.
Actually, I was already in law school when she first mentioned him, and when she realized he was headed to the same Boston college I was already at, Collins immediately ordered me to take him under my wing.
There hadn’t been much need for that. Julian got through law school just fine on his own, but I’d been the one who got my foot in the door at Gardner Law first, after my advisor put in a good word for me with Daphne. And then once I’d established myself a bit, I’d done the same for Julian.
Julian was a big brother. Literally, considering he had five sisters.
He was always looking out for people, being overprotective when he didn’t have to be, putting his foot where it didn’t belong sometimes.
He tended to fix problems that weren’t his, and sometimes it was annoying, but it was also because he cared.
With me, though?
I was possibly the only person whose problems Julian didn’t fix. Our relationship had always been the other way around. Even though I was barely older than him, I’d been a couple of steps ahead of Julian in a life where we had similar trajectories, and he usually came to me for advice.
So it was weird to see him sitting there, asking me if I needed help.
Help with what?
Julian shrugged. “Just checking on you. You bolted the other night at the Bellflower. What was that about?”
I leaned on my arm rest, giving what I hoped was a casual shrug. “Just seemed like a family thing going on. I didn’t want to intrude.”
“Come on.” Julian frowned. “You didn’t have to leave. You know you’re always welcome.”
“I wasn’t sure if Natalie would be comfortable having her lawyer there,” I said, thinking of the thing that might be the most logical. “Didn’t want to make anything weird.”
“The only weird thing was you bolting out of there.”
I sighed and leveled him with a look that he delivered right back.
I assumed that Juniper would have told Julian what happened before I left, but maybe she didn’t.
I picked my words carefully. “Natalie was talking with the other girls about her…personal life. Specifically involving men.” One of Julian’s eyebrows cocked. “I didn’t think it was an appropriate conversation for me to be involved in, considering I’m her legal representation.”
Also considering that the only man who I could stand the thought of her getting personal with…was me.
I knew it was a problem, being that she had instigated a five-night limit on our arrangement.
I was well aware that she wanted lessons so she could use what she learned about herself in the future, possibly with other men she decided to date when she was ready.
And I was also well aware that I wanted to be that man, too.
I didn’t really want to teach her what she could have in bed with men.
I wanted to teach her what she could have in bed with me.
If it weren’t for what she’d gone through with that asshole, I’d be making that very clear. But as it was, I understood her reasoning for wanting to be careful about jumping into anything too fast. I knew why she had boundaries, and I’d respect the hell out of them.
Even if it killed me.
For now, I’d just be there for her in whatever ways I could be.
God, if I didn’t just want to take care of her.
It wasn’t too unlike the internal need I’d seem to have to take care of everyone since my dad’s death, but I hadn’t expected to feel that so intensely with Natalie.
I suspected it had something to do with the knowledge that if I didn’t show up for her in the few ways she was ready for me to, I might lose her entirely. Before I even had her.
“I see.” Julian tapped his chin thoughtfully. “How very professional of you, Cam.”
His lips twitched, but I refused to give him the full satisfaction of what he was looking for.
“I’m nothing if not professional, Julian,” I said seriously.
God, I was going to hell.
Julian made a little show of clasping his hands, giving me a meaningful look. “I mean, yeah. You usually are.”
I narrowed my gaze. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Except I knew what it fucking meant, and today of all days, I did not need a reminder.
Julian lifted one shoulder and glanced around my office instead, not meeting my gaze. “Nothing.”
“Did you talk to Noah?” I asked, wondering if there was really a point in beating around the bush.
But Julian gave me a cryptic look when his gaze returned to mine. “You’re going to have to be more specific. It’s not like I don’t talk to Noah all the time, considering he’s one of my best friends, the father of my niece, planning to marry my sis—”
“You know what?” I cut in, making a show of returning to my work. “Never mind.” I threw a pen at him. “Get out.”
He laughed, dodging the pen by one single ginger hair.
Too bad, honestly.
“Okay, okay.” He put his hands up in defeat. “I’m just reminding you, again, that I’m here to help if you need it.”
I sighed, knowing he was trying, knowing he meant well.
“I appreciate it,” I said honestly. “But it’s not necessary.”
“Noted,” Julian said with a nod before he stood, making his way across my small office to the door. “You know I’m always rooting for you, Cam. In more ways than one.”
I took a deep breath, feeling the weight of his words on my shoulder. I had all the support in the world, so many people counting on me. And fuck, I knew I should care more about that.
But there was only one person on my mind whom I didn’t want to let down.
Someone I refused to give up.
And I told myself it would all be worth it in the end.