Chapter 32 #2
“I know,” I acknowledged, while gently circling my arms around her, giving her the opportunity to move away if she didn’t want this.
But she leaned in, seeking my touch. Thank God.
“I know what it was, and I don’t want to leave you alone right now.
” I didn’t want to be alone right now. Selfishly, I needed her just as much as I felt like she needed me. “Let me stay. Let me get you to bed.”
At that, Natalie wordlessly nodded. And then her entire body crumpled in my arms, and I caught her. Finally. Relief hit me like a freight train, making me realize just how badly it would have hurt to walk away. But she wasn’t making me. Thank fuck she wasn’t making me.
Scooping her off her feet, I brought Natalie to her bedroom.
She cried softly into my shoulder, creating a heartache I didn’t fully understand.
I’d never wanted to fix something so badly before without knowing how.
All I could think to do was follow the routine that she’d once told me, take her through the movements she usually did after work, and hope that provided some sort of comfort.
I walked Natalie into her en suite bathroom and lowered her to sit on the countertop.
Murmuring a few words of encouragement, I pressed a kiss to the top of her head and spun to turn on the shower.
The spraying water splashed loudly against white subway tiles, drowning out Natalie’s soft sniffles.
When I faced her again, she had her head leaning against the wall as she stared at her feet, and the blank look on her face frightened me more than I ever could have imagined.
“Natalie,” I breathed, afraid that if I spoke too loudly, it might spook her.
She lifted her gaze, meeting my eyes, and I immediately felt better.
I needed her eyes on me, needed to know she was there, that she hadn’t retreated somewhere I couldn’t follow.
Brushing her hair out of her face, I pushed my fingers into her thick honey strands, massaging gently, and her whole body sighed.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked.
She shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut in a way that squeezed my heart, too.
“Do you want me to leave so you can shower? I can wait in your room.”
She shook her head again.
“Do you want me to help you?”
A nod.
Good. Yes.
Natalie’s features twisted a little, like she hated that she needed help right now, and I didn’t want her to feel that way. So I jumped right in, dropping my hands to the hem of her shirt as I pressed more reassuring kisses to her face.
“Arms up,” I directed softly, and Natalie raised her hands above her head, letting me pull her shirt up and over. Then she let me unclasp her bra, dropping it to the ground as she stood, shimmying out of her pants.
“Good girl,” I encouraged, dropping my hands to her bare skin, massaging my thumbs into her hip bones for a moment as we stood face-to-face.
Natalie wiped at her tears, trying to get rid of them as she looked up at me, a pleading expression on her face.
What did she want? I would do anything, give her anything that I could, that I had.
I cupped her face. “Words, baby.”
“You?” she asked, her voice threadbare as her hands dropped to the buttons on my shirt, starting to undo them with shaky fingers.
“You want me to get in with you?”
She nodded, and I took over for her, unbuttoning my shirt and stripping out of it, along with the rest of my clothes.
As soon as I was done, Natalie put her arms up, hooking them around my neck, and I lifted her into my arms without hesitation, cupping my hands beneath her bottom as I walked her to the shower, slipping behind the curtain.
It wasn’t a very large space, and we hardly both fit beneath the spray, but steam rose into the air, and that, along with the flare of body heat as we wrapped around each other, kept us warm. Hot.
I put Natalie back down, letting her slide to her feet again. It was slightly torturous, the way her naked, wet body slithered down mine. But I wanted to free my hands so I could take care of her the way she deserved.
“Head back for me,” I rasped, and Natalie obeyed, letting the water coat her hair and stream down her back.
I slicked my hands over her head, pushing the wetness into her strands and away from her face before looking around the tiny shower for shampoo.
When I found it, I deposited a small dollop in my palm and then turned back to Natalie. “Can I?”
She nodded and twisted in my arms so I could reach better. I took my time, massaging the shampoo into her scalp. Natalie tipped her head back, handing me full control as the water sprayed over us.
I’d never washed anyone’s hair before, and I wanted to get it right.
It felt really important to get it right.
So I made sure her entire head was sudsy before I rinsed it off, slowly washing the soap away, and the day.
Then I repeated the process with her conditioner, pulling it through her hair and rinsing it off.
A little moan slipped out of Natalie as my fingers worked, a massage that I hoped was gentle and thorough.
It was hard to tell what kind of moan it was, though, if it had to do with my probing touch or if it was something more desperate.
“Natalie. Baby.” I wrapped an arm around her waist, tentatively pulling her against my chest. Her weight sagged in relief, like she’d been waiting for that, and I held on to her tighter.
She dropped her head back, tipping it onto my shoulder, her face tilting up toward mine.
Her eyes were closed, her expression slightly pained.
I brushed my lips over her hairline, whispering against wet, dewy skin.
“I’m not sure what exactly happened tonight, but I need you to know that you are the most brilliant woman I know. Brilliant and beautiful and strong.”
She exhaled, and I felt the heaviness of it. “I don’t feel remotely strong right now, Cameron.”
I drew a lazy circle around her belly button with my thumb, feeling the way her body relaxed beneath my touch, just how I’d been hoping. “Right now, you don’t need to be. That’s why I’m here.”
Natalie’s eyes opened, blinking rapidly at first, either batting away the shower water or her tears, I couldn’t tell.
But then her green gaze met mine in a moment of breathlessness.
She lifted her arm, circling around my neck.
Holding on. Her fingertips scraped my skin, a graze, yet it felt like she was digging into me, hooking something inside me. Holding on.
She tipped her chin further, making it clear what she wanted.
And how was I ever supposed to say no?
The kiss was achingly deep, like we were trying to reach the place that we felt tethered, a reassurance that it was there.
That we were here, in the same place. It ignited something in me I wasn’t used to, that went beyond the skin-crawling want, the disastrous need to have her.
Something that felt raw and untouched by anyone but Natalie.
“Sunshine,” I breathed against her lips, forcing myself to pull back, to retreat from feelings that were so big there wasn’t space for them here, not right now. Not when Natalie’s feelings were the priority and mine were a mess. And that meant not getting swept up in a kiss I couldn’t control.
But she blinked up at me like all she wanted was more. More of me, more of my touch, more of this, of us. So I asked, “Will you let me wash the rest of you?”
She nodded, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth and testing my restraint.
That mouth—fuck.
I regretfully dragged my gaze from Natalie’s, if only to find the body wash.
But as soon as I had what I needed, my eyes found hers again.
They were still watching me, inspecting every inch of my face.
She felt calmer, like my kiss had taken some of her grief or heartache or whatever she was feeling.
Maybe that was why it had felt like that. Because we were sharing parts of ourselves that didn’t have words yet, the emotions she didn’t know how to say aloud tonight.
Natalie’s lips parted when my hands slid back onto her skin, washing the plane of her stomach.
The faintest whimper escaped them, and my heart hammered in my chest, my pulse racing as I worked my palm over her body, sculpting it to her form.
I stayed in safe areas, washing her back, her sides, her arms, but when Natalie gave me a heated look over her shoulder and the tiniest nod, I wandered beneath her breasts and then over them, cupping her in my hands.
Natalie arched her back, pushing into my touch, asking for more.
And God, I wanted to give her everything.
“Cameron.”
My name left her mouth on a plea, and it nearly broke me. Natalie squirmed in my arms, pushing her ass into my cock, which had been rock hard since the moment I’d pressed her naked body against mine. I’d just been ignoring it—trying to ignore it—hoping she would, too.
She wasn’t, not anymore.
Her breathing was ragged, her stare blazing, her fingertips begging as they dug into my skin.
My hand dipped between her legs, and she gasped. Her pupils dilated, ringed with something unnamed.
“Please, Cameron.”
I shuddered at the sound of her desperation.
“What do you want?” I choked. “What do you need? I’ll give you anything.”
“You,” she whispered.
I swallowed hard, slipping my hand from between her legs, letting it wander to her hip, gripping hard. It was all I could do to keep myself together until I knew exactly what she meant by that.
“How do you want me, Natalie?” I dipped my head, finding her ear.
“I need you to be explicit. Because I’ll happily wrap you in a towel and hold you all night long if that’s what you need right now.
We can talk or not talk. We can start a movie.
I can watch you crochet until you can’t keep your eyes open.
Or I can fuck you, but you have to tell me. ”
I saw her lick her lips before letting words through them that destroyed me. “Please fuck me. I need—I need to feel—” She broke off, unable or unwilling to say it. “Please fuck me.”
I closed my eyes, breathing in. Breathing out.
Her words echoed in my brain, bouncing off the walls.
Natalie made an eager sound, her body slipping against mine in a way that was so utterly erotic. She turned in my arms, her hands dragging down my front, fingers exploring the muscled V that led to my pelvis. My cock brushed her stomach.
“Cameron?”
Opening my eyes, I found hers. They were bright, eager, needy. But they were also wanting. Not hungry—starving. She was looking at me like maybe she didn’t just need to be fucked; she needed me to be the one to do it.
I hoped to hell that was true.
I understood I’d offered myself up, said I’d give her anything I could.
And while I didn’t regret that, I also hoped she felt the way I did right now.
I didn’t simply need a release, didn’t want to lose myself in just anyone.
It was her, all her. I needed Natalie. This was so much more than sex for the sake of sex, and all I could do was cross my fingers that there was a distinction for her, too.
It really felt like there was, and that was what I would hold on to until I knew for sure. Because now was not the right time to ask. I’d just have to trust.
“I’m here,” I promised, eyes fluttering as Natalie boldly wrapped a hand around my cock, pumping it up and down.
Heat unraveled at the base of my spine before traveling up it.
God, the things she could do to me. It was unparalleled, nothing like anything I’d felt before.
She had no idea how fast she could take me to the brink, so I grabbed her wrist, stilling her. “Fuck, Sunshine. Slow down.”
Natalie pressed herself closer, her wet tits sliding against my chest. I groaned, and she lifted onto her tiptoes, dragging her body up mine as she reached to kiss my neck, scraping her teeth over my collarbone. Her puffs of air grazed my skin, and I felt her shake her head. “I can’t. Please.”
Jesus fucking Christ.
“Condom,” I grunted, but Natalie continued to shake her head.
“I don’t care. I don’t need it. Just—” She moaned as I rocked my hips into her.
“You do care,” I reminded her. “You told me you cared that first night, Natalie. It’s okay, baby. I’ll be inside you soon.”
Before she could argue, I turned off the shower, scooped her into my arms, and walked us into the bedroom, snatching a few towels on my way.
If what Natalie needed from me tonight was to forget and to feel and to get lost in something that wasn’t her own mind, then that was what I was going to give her. And hell, I was going to get lost in her, too.