Chapter 34
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
natalie
IWOKE THE NEXT morning alone. It was something that I was used to, of course. I woke up alone during my marriage to Korey. I woke up alone after the divorce. I’d been waking up alone for years.
But this morning, I ached with loneliness for the first time in a long time.
I didn’t mind being a single mom. There were many parts of it that I loved—the freedom, the bond between Chloe and me, just two girls against the world.
So I knew I didn’t wake up feeling lonely for any other reason than that Cameron wasn’t here with me.
I’d fallen asleep in his arms, and I woke to an empty bed. And after all the tenderness, care, attention he’d given me last night, finding myself here without it was suddenly gutting me.
I knew what he’d said was right; I didn’t need him. I would have managed through the night without him. But I also knew that I would have woken up this morning feeling a hell of a lot more broken if he hadn’t been here to put my pieces back together again.
Yesterday was one of the most traumatic shifts I’d ever worked.
Dealing with trauma was my job. It was, quite literally, part of the job title. And there was a part of me that had grown desensitized to it over the years. Not necessarily a good thing, but it was the truth, and it took a lot to break me. Blood, broken bones, burns—I’d seen it all.
But last night…there was just so much. It wasn’t one devastating injury; it was a never-ending cycle of them. It wasn’t over, either. Today, I had to be ready to dive right back into it all.
And while, sure, there was an ache of loneliness this morning, if I hadn’t had Cameron last night, I’d feel even worse waking up. He’d known what I needed, and he didn’t hesitate in giving it to me, even after I tried to push him away downstairs.
And then there was the shower. The sex. The kisses in my hair. His words before I fell asleep, the ones I’d badly needed to hear.
I’d had no idea about the accident with his parents. And now that I did, I was so glad I trusted my gut and let him stay. Because I think he needed it, too. Inadvertently hurting Cameron would have only made all this worse; it was something I never wanted to do.
Last night felt like proof that our relationship was shifting—crossing a line, moving from a place with distinct boundaries and rules to something lawless and without borders. And I didn’t know what to do about it.
“Mom?”
Chloe’s quiet voice broke through my thoughts. She cracked the door open, her movements soft and tentative—something I was sure was very hard for her.
“I’m here, honey,” I said, rolling to the edge of my bed before remembering I was naked. So I rushed to add, “Just give me one second, okay?”
Chloe paused, and I searched the ottoman at the foot of the bed frantically. I remembered throwing my robe on it when rushing to leave the house yesterday.
Finding and slipping it on, I went to meet my daughter by the door, opening it wider.
She smiled at me, again with an odd, slight hesitation.
I suspected she knew that I was going to tell her I had to go back to work, and she wasn’t looking forward to it.
But I gave her an encouraging grin anyway and ushered her down the stairs for breakfast. Chloe peered around the living room at the bottom of the steps, clear curiosity in her gaze.
“Where’s Cameron?”
“Oh, he left last night, sweetie. After I got home.”
And after a shower, sex, and cuddling. My insides flipped at the memories.
I’d never been treated like that before.
When I locked myself in the bathroom to cry after shifts while married to Korey, he’d never once come to check on me.
He let me grieve alone, whereas Cameron wouldn’t even allow the possibility.
I had a feeling that if I locked him out, he’d break down the door to get in.
“Oh.”
Chloe nodded, but clear disappointment swirled on her face. Which caused me to blurt, “He wondered if maybe you wanted to go to work with him today, though.” Chloe’s eyes—no, her entire face—lit up. “I have to go back to the hospital, but if you wanted—”
“Yes!”
“It might be a little boring. You know that, right?” I said, making sure she understood what she was getting into. “Cameron has an important job with a lot of things to get done, and he might not have time to hang out with you much.”
I wanted Chloe to slow her thought process a little bit, think about this, but it was likely a lost cause.
Just like I was. I should slow down. I should be thinking more about how excited Chloe was to spend time with Cameron, how she’d been looking for him this morning, how Cameron had said last night that she was suspicious, and shit.
Yeah, we were both going down roads that might lead to hurt, which was exactly what I hadn’t wanted.
But it was too late for that today. I’d already dangled the opportunity in front of her, and I couldn’t take it away now.
“I’ll bring my book!” Chloe announced, rushing upstairs to get it, I was sure. “And my tablet!” She was still shouting when she made it to the top of the stairs. “And my own snacks!”
I laughed, shaking my head, wishing my heart felt a little less like it was going to explode.
It had happened, hadn’t it?
Chloe was attached.
I was attached.
But I couldn’t quite get myself to feel bad about it. Couldn’t quite get myself to believe that doom was really on the horizon, even if logic might say it was.
Instead, when I picked up my phone to text Cameron about taking my daughter to work, all I could feel was that lingering dose of hope.
Too bad it wouldn’t last for long.
“We need to talk.”
It was the first thing Gemma said to me when she opened the door later that night, when I arrived at her and Noah’s apartment to pick up Chloe after skating.
My brother and his fiancée were still making the slow transition to the new house in the suburbs—a good thing for me that they hadn’t entirely relocated yet.
“What’s going on?”
I frowned, taking in Gemma’s huddled posture, the quick glance over her shoulder as she let me inside. Anxiety made a swift arrival, sinking in my gut.
“I don’t want Chloe to hear,” she said, and that sinking feeling only worsened. “Noah’s with the girls on the couch.”
“Gemma, what’s wrong?”
I needed her to tell me before I lost it. It had been another long, intense day at the hospital, and I wasn’t sure I could handle any more trauma tonight.
“I’m sure you’re incredibly tired, and I wish I didn’t have to bring this up right now, but you need to know.” She took a deep breath, scaring the living shit out of me while giving me a sympathetic, caring look. “Korey came to skating tonight.”
“Oh, God,” I muttered, rubbing my forehead in preparation for whatever else Gemma was about to say. Because I was sure there was more. “He’s trying to suck up and look like he actually cares about his daughter before the trial.”
Gemma nodded, agreeing. “Chloe was…mostly happy to see him,” she added. “She seemed a little worried he was taking her home with him. The first thing she said was, ‘I thought I was going home with Gemma.’ Korey didn’t like that.”
My stomach tightened, keenly aware of just how much that probably bothered my ex.
“But as soon as I cleared things up for her, she was fine,” Gemma said.
I nodded. Okay, that was good.
Except I could tell Gemma wasn’t done.
“And then Korey asked about her day,” she continued hesitantly. “And Chloe was maybe a little too excited to spill everything. Specifically, about Cameron. And going to the firm with him. And last night, when he babysat her.”
Oh, shit.
I leaned against the wall, suddenly feeling a little faint. I had no doubt Korey would try to use this information in ways I didn’t even want to think about.
“Why don’t you come in?” Gemma asked gently, noting my reaction. “Sit down for a little bit. Can I get you anything?”
“No, no,” I assured her. “I’m okay. Really. It’s just…” I sighed, shaking my head. “There was an emergency yesterday at work, and Cameron offered to help, and then he offered again today, and Chloe was so excited. She really likes him, and—” I broke off with a groan.
And I really like him.
Gemma nodded, understanding. “She told Korey that, too. How much she likes Cameron.”
“Shit,” I cursed under my breath. “How did Korey react?”
She winced, which wasn’t a good sign. “Not great. He wasn’t mean to Chloe or anything, but he was asking her all these questions about Cameron, and I could tell by his expression that he wasn’t happy, and I’m just worried for you and the case and Cameron’s promotion.”
“I—Cameron’s promotion?”
Gemma cocked her head to the side. “Yeah, Noah told me a bit ago that he’s hoping to make junior partner soon.
I figured he might have told you since you’ve been working so closely.
I guess his chances are really good, as long as…
” She trailed off when she saw my expression, the blood draining from my face. “Nat?”
Why the hell wouldn’t he tell me that? Why would Cameron not mention how close he was to a promotion when we were doing things that could very much cost him that promotion?
Oh my God. I was going to cost him a promotion, wasn’t I? Korey was going to do something that would cost Cameron everything, his dreams of following in his dad’s footsteps, and all because he wanted to help me and Chloe. All because he was a better man than Korey ever was.
“I just—” I shook my head, still reeling with that information. “I just didn’t know.”
“I’m sure it’s fine.” Gemma was quick to reassure me, but I wasn’t so easily convinced. My stomach roiled with guilt, hot and heavy in my gut. “I mean, you haven’t done anything wrong. He’s just been helping out a bit, right?”
I bit down on my lip, flashed her a shaky grin, and said, “Right.”
“Oh.” Gemma stared, blue eyes wandering my face and taking in every inch of it. She saw the guilt, I was sure of it, especially when her eyes popped a little wider. “Oh.”
I grimaced and tried to wave away her clear worry. “We’re not dating or anything.”
What we had been doing might be worse than that, though. At least where his job was concerned.
Gemma gave me a look. “Kind of like how Noah and I weren’t dating for months?”
“Yeah, maybe like that.” I huffed a humorless laugh, remembering how obvious it had been to me that my brother was a lost cause for his friend’s sister.
How Noah had claimed to be helping with her pregnancy just because he wanted to be a good roommate.
How he’d come to Chloe’s skating practices and pace around the edge of the rink with worry, watching his niece’s pregnant coach.
How the two of them would steal glances at each other when they thought no one was looking.
All of that had been happening when they were supposedly just friends—with benefits, I’d learned—but it had been clear to me from the start that it was so much more than that.
Maybe, just maybe, Cameron and I could be so much more than that, too.
But now, with Korey involved…
Fuck, everything was a mess, wasn’t it?
Gemma laughed, but it was warm and soothing.
She squeezed my arm. “Starting things in secret isn’t always a bad thing, you know.
It’s a little bubble of time when everything belongs to just the two of you.
Everything will work out, even if the bubble pops.
And Korey doesn’t know anything for certain, right?
I didn’t even realize. I mean, I suspected something when Cameron started showing up at the rink, and it was hard to miss the way he was looking at you at our engagement party, but…
” She trailed off and flashed a gentle, compassionate smile and, with the tiniest whisper, added, “I’m happy for you. ”
“Don’t be,” I said, shaking my head. “Not yet. We might not—it’s not totally like that, even.” Gemma flashed me a look of disbelief, but she didn’t get it. “And there’s still so much at risk and—”
“Everything will work out,” Gemma reinforced.
And God, I’d never wanted to believe someone more.
I didn’t really know what to do with all the information she had given me or the feelings swirling in my gut, but I knew one thing that would help. That wouldn’t make it worse.
And even though I hated to do it, I knew it had to be done.