Chapter 15 #2
please no, it’s fine.
I’ll send you a screenshot
Chloe
deal!!
The app logo is a little orange flame, which is pretty cute.
Before I put in any info, I’m prompted to curate my own photo gallery.
I select a couple of selfies, one of Chloe and me and one picture Chloe took of me after I got my tattoo.
The picture is right after I got it, and I’m turning around with a big ol’ dumb smile on my face.
Things were so simple back then. The profile is pretty simple.
You fill in your name, age, bio, and favorite song.
Annika, 20
San Diego, CA
Bio: If I’m not collecting used postcards, then I’m overthinking everything I’ve ever said. Libra.
Favorite Song: The State of Dreaming by MARINA and the Diamonds
After sending numerous screenshots to Chloe and ignoring her begs to change my bio to something sweeter, I begin to swipe.
The first guy is a typical SD surfer boy, tan, blond, troublesome smirk.
He’s cute but more Chloe’s type, so I swipe left.
This app is kind of fun. No wonder Chloe keeps talking about it.
I settle into my cafe seat and look up, suddenly self-conscious that everyone in the cafe knows I’m on a dating app.
I collect my camera and journal to head out.
I walk back to my car and decide to drive through the park.
I’m excited to find a quiet spot to swipe the faces of guys.
There’s a section of Balboa Park that has a big fountain and lots of benches surrounding it.
I find a bench against a wall and click on the little flame icon. Time to swipe.
George, 23
San Diego, CA
Bio: only chicks under 5’ swipe right
Favorite Song: Pretty Fly (for a White Guy) The Offspring
Swiping left, what an ass.
Griffin, 19
Chula Vista, CA
Bio: I enjoy short walks around my neighborhood and a tall glass of orange juice.
Favorite Song: The Motto by Drake
He seems sweet. I’ll swipe right.
Jake, 21
Long Beach, CA
Bio: You go Glen Coco
Favorite Song: Blank Space by Taylor Swift
A Mean Girls quote? I mean, Jake might be my true love, right?
I wonder when I’m going to get a match. I keep swiping left and right to a few guys and almost jump out of my seat when I get a notification.
“It’s a match!” I stare at the chat screen between me and Griffin.
Nothing. Do I message first? What is the move?
I’ll just keep swiping, and maybe he’ll message first. I get a little lost in the endless photos to swipe that I nearly drop my phone when I come across a familiar face.
Reid, 20
San Diego, CA
Bio: I’m probably already in love with you.
Favorite Song: All I Wanted by Paramore
I stare at his bio for what feels like hours.
His photos bring a smile to my face. His eyes are glowing in the second picture, where he’s cradling a pug in his arms. He’s grown a little bit of beard stubble in these photos which is really hot.
I listen to his favorite song, and my heart breaks in two.
I almost catch myself taking a screenshot but then panic that it might tell him that I did, so I don’t.
I should swipe left. I ended things. I should be confident with my decision.
But I want to know what he will do. Did he swipe right on me?
I can only know if I swipe right on him.
Swiping right…
It’s a match! Chat with Reid
My heart feels like it’s going to jump out of my mouth.
I’m fully leaning over this bench with my head nearly between my knees.
I stare at the chat screen. He might not say anything.
I guess that is the best case. I know my answer.
He does still like me. That’s why he swiped right.
Right? Or maybe he swiped right for the same reason I swiped right.
To see what I’d do. Three dots start appearing on the screen, and I audibly shriek, startling an older couple walking by.
They glare at me, and I wave in apology.
The three dots are still pulsing on the screen, and I might just collapse and die right here. Maybe he’s going to profess his love to me? This could be my second chance with him. Maybe I should just force quit and delete the app before he has the chance to message me.
Reid
Are you joking?
Is he saying that in a cute serendipitous way, or like he is upset with me?
Reid
What are you doing?
Why did you swipe right?
Shit, well, that answers my question. I think my second chance is gone forever. Maybe I can recover.
Annika
I wanted to see if you would swipe right.
Which you did.
Honesty is best, right? Well, I guess that’s not the full truth.
The full truth would be something like, “I fell in love with you when I was nine years old, and I’ve compared every guy to you since, and I can’t get you out of my head, and I think I still have feelings for you, but I’m scared to do anything about it. ”
Reid
Of course I did. I still like you.
You ended things with ME. You said you didn’t feel the same way.
Are you saying you were lying to me?
Annika
What? No, I’m sorry.
Reid
Sorry for what?
Why did you really swipe right Annika?
Annika
I don’t know why…
Reid
Well, figure it out.
- Reid unmatched you -
My eyes search the screen in panic. He unmatched me.
I didn’t even realize that was something that could be done.
I screenshot our conversation before it disappears and reread it.
“I still like you.” Present tense. He still has feelings for me too.
He’s right. I don’t deserve to feel his frustrations, his love, and his loss.
I’m not being honest with myself. I know why I swiped right.
I can't admit the full truth to him. But he would only swipe right if he wanted me to swipe right, too, right?
“Well, figure it out.” My life, my love life, my direction.
I need to figure it all out. I feel emptier than I did earlier today.
I should probably schedule another therapy appointment.
I start walking to my car and think of how to spend the rest of the day.
I’d like to do anything but be alone right now.
My thoughts feel like a cyclone in my head. Spinning around and around.
Bzzz bzz bzz
It’s a Match! Chat with Jake…
Jake
Hey ;)
You’re so sexy, my zipper is falling for you.
I nearly throw my phone into the fountain but instead, delete the app.
Finally safe in my car, I look out at the people around me.
I see couples smiling on benches together, having conversations with their arms draped around each other, exchanging little kisses.
I envy what they have. Then a group of girls passes my car with interlocked elbows and giggling.
I need to hang with my gals. I wonder if anyone is up to anything.
Bzzz bzz Well, isn’t that a terrifying coincidence?
Aimee
Hi girlie, u up for bar hopping in North Park tonight?
I know you usually tell us no but i figured I’d ask, anyway.
Annika
I’m in, what time?
Aimee
Omg yay!! Meet us at Grange at 9 pm.