Chapter Fourteen
Violet nearly danced with impatience. She was so excited about her new dress. Cliff was taking her to the theater that night and she’d wanted to look perfect. For once she’d blown out her hair instead of leaving it casual. The soft curls complemented her more subtle makeup and subdued jewelry.
But the dress itself was the star. It was a vintage-inspired blue cocktail dress that fell to the middle of her calf. The fitted bodice was decorated with black jet beads, while the skirt was full with layers of tulle.
She’d found a beaded black evening bag at a thrift store and was wearing a pair of the Stuart Weitzman pumps she’d bought with Beth. For the first time in her life, Violet felt like a princess.
When Cliff knocked on the door, she had to bite her lip to keep from laughing with delight. She hurried to the door and threw it open.
“Hi!”
Instead of responding, he stared at her. “What are you wearing?”
She grabbed his hand and drew him into her apartment, then she spun in a circle. “Isn’t it amazing? I love this dress more than I’ve ever loved any piece of clothing in my life. I’m so excited we’re going somewhere I can wear it.”
But instead of looking happy, Cliff scowled.
“What?” she asked.
“Where did you get it?”
“The dress? At a consignment store.” Her pleasure faded a little. “Don’t you like it?”
“I know your style. You don’t dress like this.”
She stared at him, trying to read his emotions. But for once she couldn’t tell what he was thinking.
“I went shopping with Beth,” she said, trying to keep the hurt from showing in her voice. She’d done this for him, and somehow it had gone terribly wrong. “Jenna’s mother. She helped me buy a bunch of clothes. I wanted to dress better. I wanted you to be proud of me.”
Cliff’s shoulders rolled forward and his face relaxed. “You didn’t have to do that, Violet. I’m always proud of you. You’re always beautiful.” He smiled. “Especially tonight.”
She stared at him. “Why were you upset at first?”
He shrugged. “I wasn’t upset exactly,” he began, then shook his head. “Who am I kidding? I was jealous as hell. You looked so amazing and I know I don’t deserve you. I thought you were going to tell me you didn’t want to see me again. That it was over.”
“Why would I get dressed up to do that?”
“To show me what I was losing.”
Raw shame darkened his eyes, a wounded expression that told her somewhere in his past, something like that had happened. Someone had been that cruel.
“Cliff,” she whispered. “I would never do that. I bought this dress for you. I want to be everything you could want.”
He lightly touched her face. “You don’t know how much that means to me. I’m sorry I was a jerk.”
“It’s okay. I understand.” They’d both been hurt, she thought, going to him. They had that in common. The truth was Cliff wasn’t the most exciting guy on the planet, but she was just fine with that. He was safe, and that would always be the most important thing to her.
When a voice whispered that she couldn’t truly give herself to someone who didn’t know the truth about her past, she ignored it. If the price of being with Cliff was a sin of omission, then she was willing to accept the consequences.
* * *
Serenity sliced the coffee cake and set the pieces onto paper plates they used in the store. Jenna tasted it, fully expecting it to surprise her, and it did. The cake was moist and the cinnamon filling just spicy enough to counteract the sweet. Even the frosting was the right consistency.
“This is great,” Jenna said. “Are you going to have them prepare this during your next class?”
“I haven’t decided.”
Despite her initial concerns, the vegan cooking classes were going very well. They were always full, and the baskets of ingredients sold out every time.
Serenity looked at her. “This is exactly what I wanted,” she admitted. “The two of us working together. I imagined it in some form or another. Sometimes I would think about what it would have been like if you’d grown up as my daughter, living at the winery, always a part of things.”
While Jenna could understand Serenity’s need to have closure, she wasn’t comfortable talking about a life that had never been hers. No matter how she grew to enjoy spending time with Serenity, Beth would always be her mother, and she didn’t want that to change.
“It would have been different,” was all she could manage for a response. At least the store was quiet right now and they weren’t having this intimate conversation in front of twenty strangers.
“I had a lot of guilt,” her birth mother continued. “About giving you up for adoption. I used to wonder if I’d given in too easily. If I should have fought my parents harder. The past can be tricky. If I had kept you, and Tom and I had married sooner, things would have been different. I’m not sure how, but history builds on itself. Who knows where we would have gone? I wouldn’t have had Wolf and Dragon. There would have been other children, though. An alternate universe.”
Jenna could almost understand her slightly strange logic. “You don’t have to feel guilty. I had a wonderful childhood. You did the right thing.”
“Perhaps. I suppose we’ll never know.” She managed a shaky smile. “I’d always wanted a dozen children but never felt I deserved them.”
“Why wouldn’t you?”
“Because I’d walked away from you. I suppose it was my way of punishing myself.”
“I’m sorry you did that,” Jenna told her. “You’re a great mother.”
“Guilt comes at us in different forms.”
Jenna knew that was true. She’d wrestled with her own feelings of guilt about her marriage, wondering what she’d done that was so wrong. She’d felt guilty about resenting how he ignored her, about accusing him of cheating, although the latter had turned out to be true. It seemed to her that a large part of guilt was a complete waste of time.
Serenity rinsed the knife in the sink. “I wanted to come find you so many times over the years. I kept telling myself that you had to be the one to come to us. I was willing to wait for as long as it took. Only, things changed.”
And speaking of guilt, Jenna thought, there it was. Slapping her on the back of the head.
She wanted to protest that it wasn’t her fault that she hadn’t been interested in finding her birth parents. She’d had a life and a family. She hadn’t been looking for more.
“I’m not trying to make you feel bad,” Serenity said quickly.
“I know.” The kicker was, Jenna really did believe her. “We’ll make new memories when I come to Napa.”
“It will be wonderful,” Serenity promised. “I can’t wait for you to see our house. There’s a wall of glass looking out onto the vineyards. It’s beautiful and there’s a healing energy there. Wolf’s house is nearby. You’re going to love his wife. Jasmine is sweet and precious. She weaves her own cloth.”
Of course she does, Jenna thought, barely able to keep from rolling her eyes. “That’s time-consuming.”
“It is. She buys raw cotton from some farmers we know. Instead of a garbage disposal, Jasmine and Wolf have a pig. You’ll see their place and the vineyards and we’ll meet the neighbors. There are so many places I want to take you.”
“I’ll only be there for a few days,” Jenna reminded her, wondering if anything about the trip was going to make her feel trapped. “And I’ll be back. I don’t have to see it all at once.”
“I want to make memories,” Serenity told her. “As many as we can.”
Jenna wasn’t sure if that was good or bad. Or just a little bit scary.
“I’ve worked out a schedule with Violet,” she said. “The store will be covered.”
“Are you worried?”
“Not really. I completely trust Violet and we have the part-time help. My mom will come in every day.” Jenna chuckled. “I know her. She’ll hover, filling in wherever she’s needed.”
Serenity’s expression tightened slightly. It was only a faint pulling around the eyes and mouth, but Jenna caught it.
“She’s very good to you,” Serenity said.
The words were right but without emotion.
Jenna went over what she’d said, trying to find the place that had upset Serenity. Was it that she called Beth Mom? Beth was her mother in every sense of the word. Now that Serenity had come back into Jenna’s life, did she expect that to change?
Jenna excused herself to help a customer. A few minutes later, Serenity said she was going back to the apartment to pack.
Jenna handled the customer, then reached for the ringing phone. “Grate Expectations.”
“Jenna Stevens please.”
“I’m Jenna.”
“Oh, wonderful. My name is Tara Peters. I’m a book editor in New York. I specialize in cookbooks.”
Jenna was confused by the call. “Do you want us to carry more of your books?” she asked, not sure it was an editor’s job to promote sales.
Tara laughed. “That would be nice but it’s not why I’m calling. I just got back from an intriguing trip to Los Angeles. I met someone I think you know. Aaron Candellano.”
“I think we’ve met,” Jenna said drily.
“Don’t worry. I have an ex-husband, too. On my good days I only want his legs broken. Aaron’s been working with my assistant. He pitched a cookbook to us and we were interested. We have a relationship with the Food Network and were considering him for the show. However, it seems he’s not the creative genius we first thought. On my trip I found out very quickly Aaron is all flash. From what several people told me, you were the creative energy in the relationship.”
Jenna sank down onto the stool behind the cash register. She heard a faint buzzing sound and told herself this was a really stupid time to faint.
“Someone said that?”
“More than one person. In fact, the only employees I could find who liked Aaron were the ones sleeping with him. If I flew to Texas next month, could we talk?”
“About what?”
Tara laughed again. Jenna was starting to like the sound. “About a potential book deal and perhaps a show. I understand you have a store in Georgetown. From what I saw of it on your website, I think it would be a great backdrop for filming.”
“I, ah...” She sucked in air. A cookbook deal? A show? Her? “We could talk,” she managed to say. “Sure.”
“Great. I’ll be in touch in a couple of weeks. Oh, and Jenna? It’s none of my business, but I think you’re better off without him.”
With that, the New York editor hung up.
Jenna slowly replaced the receiver. It was Violet’s day off. Tiffany, a pretty, bright, blonde business major at Southwestern University, efficiently handled the few late-morning customers, leaving Jenna free to blink and breathe and wonder if she’d imagined the whole thing.
When Beth showed up a little before noon, she was grateful to have her to talk to.
“How are things?” her mother asked, then frowned. “What happened? Did Serenity do something?”
“No. It’s good, I think. Weird, but good. I got a call.”
Jenna told her about the short but unbelievable conversation she’d had with Tara Peters.
“She wants to come here and talk to me. She thinks Aaron is all flash.” Jenna couldn’t explain how validated she felt without admitting to her mother how broken she’d been when she’d returned from L.A.
“I love smart women,” Beth told her. “Good for you. This is great. You’re going to write a cookbook and people everywhere are going to know how amazing you are. You are so talented.”
Beth hugged her.
Jenna held on, appreciating the familiar sense of love that washed over her.
Beth straightened. “You know Serenity is going to take credit for this,” she said with a sigh.
“How can she?”
“You get your creativity from her.”
“I guess. There’s plenty of cooking on her side of the family tree.”
“Something to talk about when you go visit.”
Jenna touched her arm. “Mom, are you okay with me going to California?”
“Of course. It’s important for you to get to know them. Aren’t you excited about the trip?”
“In a cautious way. Serenity wants to cram everything into a five-day visit. I’m more in the ‘let’s take it slow’ camp.”
“She wants to make up for lost time.”
“That’s what she said.” Jenna paused, wondering how much it was safe to share.
Her mother smiled. “It’s all right. I know the two of you talk. I know you’re developing a relationship. I think that’s a good thing. If you’ll remember, it was my idea.”
Jenna decided to take her at her word. “We’re getting along. She’s not as strange as I first thought, so that’s good. And you’re right—we do have things in common. Biology can’t be denied. The cooking seems to come from her side of the family. I want to meet Wolf and his wife and see the winery. But I don’t know what to say when she talks about feeling guilty about giving me up for adoption. I’m happy she did.”
“Is that what she said?”
“Yes. I think she regrets it. She was talking about how she should have fought her parents more and kept me for herself.”
Beth pressed her lips together. “She has other children. Isn’t that enough?”
“Apparently not. She mentioned that she wanted to have even more kids but couldn’t get past the guilt.”
“Oh, please,” Beth snapped. “She was irresponsible as a teenager and got pregnant. It’s been happening since the beginning of time. She gave up her child for adoption and got on with her life. Doesn’t this all strike you as dramatic? Just another bid for attention?”
Jenna stared at her mother. “What do you mean?”
“Serenity is quite the drama queen. Everything is about her. Haven’t you noticed that every conversation is about her feelings or her holistic ways or her connection with the universe?” Beth used her fingers to make air quotes around the last word.
“She never talks about anything that isn’t directly related to her,” her mother continued. “She doesn’t ask about anyone else. She’s myopic and narcissistic.”
Jenna was stunned. “You really don’t like her. I thought you did. I thought you two were getting along.”
“She’s fine, in her own way,” Beth said grudgingly. “As long as you don’t mind only talking about her. And that’s not even what bothers me. What pisses me off is her assumption that you would have been better off with her.”
“She didn’t say that.”
“It’s implied in her guilt. As if she’d left you at the side of the road. What is there to be guilty about? You were loved and nurtured every second of your life. Is she saying she could have done it better? That we were lousy parents?”
“I don’t think it was about you at all,” Jenna said slowly, feeling odd about having to defend Serenity.
“Of course not—because that would mean thinking about someone other than herself.” Beth shook her head. “She’s good, I’ll give her that. She’s managed to weasel her way into every corner of your life. She even picked your boyfriend.”
“It wasn’t like that.”
“Really?”
“You wanted me to get to know her.” Jenna couldn’t figure out what they were fighting about.
“I know and I still stand by that.” She sighed. “She’s just so damned annoying. Now you’re going off to see the winery they named after you. If you were so precious to them, why didn’t they get in touch with you before? Why didn’t they contact us when you were younger?”
Jenna had wondered the same thing herself but not with Beth’s energy. This probably wasn’t the time to admit she’d started to like Serenity and appreciate having her around. Watching the vegan classes had opened her eyes to cooking possibilities. She couldn’t deny that Serenity had inspired her in some important ways.
“Do you not want me to go to California?”
Her mother took a deep breath. “Of course you have to go. It’s important that you see whatever it is they want you to see.” She looked at her. “I’m fine. Most of the time I can deal with her but every now and then she rubs me the wrong way. Like I said, it’s the drama thing.” Beth paused and looked down. “You’ve been the center of my world so long, it’s difficult to share.”
“Finally,” Jenna said, putting her hands on her hips. “All this time I’ve been telling you the whole thing is strange and you’ve been pushing me toward them. It took you long enough to feel threatened.”
Beth laughed. “Well, I am. I know it’s irrational, but I can’t help it.”
“Mom.” Jenna hugged her. “I love you so much. I’m not going anywhere.”
“You’re going back to California. You might adore it and want to stay there again.”
“Different circumstances, I swear.” She paused. “As for Ellington, Serenity didn’t pick him. She introduced us.”
“A subtle difference. You weren’t interested in meeting anyone I mentioned.”
Jenna winced when she realized her mother was right. “I will. When I get back you can set me up to your heart’s content.”
“I thought you liked the naturopath.”
“I do.”
“So why would you want to go out with anyone else?” She shifted her handbag over her shoulder. “It doesn’t matter. I want you to be happy. That’s the most important thing.” She glanced at her watch. “I need to run. I’m getting all my errands out of the way so I can stop by the store every day and get in Violet’s way.”
“You won’t be in her way.”
Beth ignored that. “You’re leaving day after tomorrow?”
“Yes.”
“Give us a call when you arrive.”
“I will.” She hugged her mother again. “It’s only for five days.”
“I know. I’m happy you’re going. Really. You’ll have a wonderful time.”
The words were right, as was the tone, but pain darkened her mother’s eyes and something that might have been fear.
Jenna watched her leave, then rubbed her forehead. Nothing about this was turning out how she’d planned. The last thing she’d wanted to do was hurt Beth. Ironically, she was only going because her mother had suggested she give Serenity a chance.
Relationships were complicated, she reminded herself as she turned to answer a customer’s question. Complicated and unpredictable.
* * *
Tiffany left at five, so Jenna was alone as she shut down for the day. After locking the front door, she closed out the cash register, then started stocking shelves. She wanted to leave the store in good shape when Violet arrived the following morning. She was just about to turn off the lights and head out the back when she heard a knock on the front door.
Why people couldn’t read a Closed sign was beyond her, but it happened more often than not, she thought as she crossed to the front of the store. But instead of a customer, she saw a familiar dark-haired man. He was only a couple of inches taller than her and slim. When he saw her, he flashed a smile that used to have the power to bring her to her knees.
Yesterday she would have been terrified to see him again, worried about what he would say and how he could hurt her. It was amazing what a short phone call could do to change a woman’s perspective.
She opened the door and smiled. “Hello, Aaron.”
“Sweet Cheeks,” he said, sweeping into her store and lightly kissing her. “You look great. And this store. Amazing. How are you? I’ve been thinking about you, so I decided to stop by and see how you’re doing.”
“L.A. is about twelve hundred miles away.”
He gave her his best smile, the sexy, slightly lazy one that had always made her want to push him down on the kitchen table. Now she saw the smile for what it was—an act.
“I miss you, Jenna. More than I thought I would. I miss us.”
“Really? You haven’t called. Oh, wait. I take it back. You did call to tell me that someone you’d never met was trying to find me. You gave out my personal information. That was nice.”
“It wasn’t bad, was it?” he asked, sounding horrified. “God, did someone try to hurt you?”
“No. It was fine. So why are you here?”
He drew in a deep breath and took both her hands in his. “Let’s go have dinner. Or we can stop by a store and pick up some ingredients. We’ll cook together. I miss that, Jenna. Us cooking, side by side. You were always so brilliant.”
“Um, I don’t think so.”
He blinked in surprise. She could almost hear him thinking, “But hey. It’s me.”
“Don’t you want to spend time with me?” he asked, sounding more petulant than sexy.
“Not really.”
“But we have things to talk about. Jenna, you can’t be happy here. A store? Really? Your heart and soul belong in a kitchen. We did so much together. I hated it when you left.”
She pulled her hands free of his. “Hated it? You told me you’d never been faithful and that I was holding you back.”
“I was drunk.”
“It was ten in the morning, Aaron.”
She knew she could let him keep talking, get her pound of flesh, so to speak. Or she could be mature and tell him he was too late. It was the mature thing to do.
Besides, being mature was going to feel really good.
“You don’t have to pretend,” she told him. “Tara Peters already called me.”
He stiffened, then relaxed into a smile. “Did she? Good. Then you know about her idea for us to work together. I think it’s great.”
“No, that’s not really what she said. She’s interested in working with me, but she didn’t seem that impressed by you.”
The friendly facade slipped. “What the hell did you tell her?”
“Nothing. She was doing all the talking. Oh, wait. I said yes.”
He glared at her. “I never thought you would play the bitter ex.”
She felt happy and free and filled with possibilities. “That would make me a bitter woman with a book contract, Aaron. You probably want to leave now.”
He started to speak, but she didn’t stay to listen. Instead, she walked to the front door and held it open. “Have a safe trip home.”
He stalked past her, then turned. “You’re nothing without me. This store is ridiculous. It can’t possibly support a book deal.”
She stared at him, wondering what she’d ever seen in him and why she’d ever thought his opinion mattered.
“You know the best part?” she told him. “I don’t even care if the book thing works out or not. I’m happy here, Aaron. I’ve made it work and you can’t take that away from me.”
He was still sputtering when she closed and locked the door.
As she turned out the lights and walked into the back to collect her purse, she had to ask herself why she’d thought he was so special. She’d finally figured out she’d been wrong about him.