Chapter 1
Chapter one
Sebastian
Even in high school, I knew I was messed up in the head. If I went down the road of psychological analysis, I could probably trace back the beginning. Where and how did everything went so wrong with me? But truth be told… I don’t want to.
Guilt is something I haven’t felt since I was a kid.
But anyway, why am I writing all of this? I’m preparing a grand gift of love for you, my Daddy. And what better way than to write letters to you? Too bad that anything I try to write ends up sounding psychotic, and I don’t want to scare my Daddy.
I pout as I stare at my handwriting. This doesn’t sound right.
Who starts a love letter by admitting they’re not right in the head?
I need some advice. Now.
Me: Fluffy, I need you. ASAP.
His response comes immediately.
Fluffy: Let me guess. It's something about your Daddy.
Me: How did you know?
Fluffy: It wasn't hard, trust me. Just look at our previous messages.
Alright. I may or may not have talked about Daddy Ezrah a tad too much.
To be fair, Fluffy is my best friend. My only friend. Of course, he deserves to hear everything about my man. Not too much, of course, or I'd have to kill my best friend, and that's something I don't want to do.
Me: I was trying to write a love letter, but it isn't working. *crying emoji x3*
Fluffy: One crying emoji would have been enough.
Before I can explain that this situation clearly requires more than one crying emoji, his next message pops up.
Fluffy: Have you thought about not writing love letters?
Me: What? You think my love letters are a bad idea?
Fluffy: No, it's a great idea… just maybe save it for later on.
Fluffy: You know when you're together and you have more things to write about.
Me: Ooooh, I haven't considered this. Thanks, bestie. Ttyl
Fluffy: Always. Ttyl
Fluffy's idea is a good one. When we're together, I'll have so much more material to write the perfect love letters. More inspiration, too. Not that I need more inspiration when it comes to my Daddy.
Since I don't plan to write the letters now, I busy myself with cleaning the house. It needs to be spotless, just in case he decides to visit me.
I mean, we haven't spoken in two years, so I doubt he'll visit so soon. But you never know.
As I bustle around, I think back to the day Aziel, my brother, first brought Ezrah home. I was only twelve years old then.
"Hey, kiddo. I want you to meet someone," my brother says.
I'm busy watching an animated movie.
"Not now," I grumble.
This is my time.
Everyone knows not to interrupt my time.
"Only this once. He's someone special to me. Please."
I'm feeling irritated, on the verge of exploding. Taking a deep breath, I remind myself of what… my teacher (I don't dare even think his name) taught me about anger and how to control it.
When I feel more like myself, I turn to my brother to tell him to fuck off, but my eyes fall on a guy with a strangely guarded expression and a soft smile.
"Hi, I'm Ezrah. Nice to meet you, little one."
My training kicks in, and I smile politely.
"I'm Sebastian. Nice to meet you, big one." I couldn't help the jab. Instead of pissing him off, he laughs out loud.
"I like your brother," Ezrah says to Aziel.
"He can be a menace sometimes."
I could be many things, none of which my brother was aware of. But here we are, pretending to be a normal family. Which, yeah, maybe we are, but also not. Even my little brain knows that. I might be twelve, but I'm far older mentally.
"Sebastian, this is my boyfriend. He'll be here from time to time, and I hope you get along."
The pointed look from my brother says it all. Or else you'll suffer.
I don't mind one more person in the house. His boyfriend, at least, doesn't look like an asshole.
I shrug and turn back to the TV.
I hope they'd leave me alone.
Little did I know my life would change after that encounter.
Aziel and I are four years apart, so he was only sixteen when he met Ezrah. When I grew up, I was envious of my brother. Why wasn't I the older one? Why didn't I meet Ezrah first?
It wasn't fair.
Not that what I did was fair either.
My brother isn't a bad guy. He was actually pretty chill. Most of the time. Except when we fought like brothers do.
Maybe.
I mean, I don't have a point of reference. Maybe I should choose two brothers at random and study them from afar, see if what Aziel and I had was normal or not.
I don't want to think about my brother anymore. He's off living his best life, and I plan on doing the same.
Checking my watch, I see that it's five in the afternoon. Perfect. I have four hours to get ready. And yes, I'll use all four to make myself perfect.
All for my Daddy.
Always, all for my Daddy.