Chapter 6 Sebastian
Chapter six
Sebastian
Bad, bad Sebastian.
Sebastian bad, bad.
Punishment. You need punishment.
Pain for pain.
Agony for agony.
Eye for an eye.
Inflict pain. Don't look back.
Unworthy. Bad. Wicked. Rotten. Corrupted. Vile.
So vile. So twisted.
Broken.
Crazed eyes. Racing heartbeat. Fog before my eyes. One goal. Only one.
In a haze, I stride toward my bedside drawer. Inside, I'm greeted by a mess, and the urge to scream claws at my throat. I rummage through everything, laser-focused on finding one thing.
My salvation.
My punishment.
The one thing I need. The only thing that can save me.
My fingers brush against the small packet, and if it were any other time, I'd smile. But my lips are made of stone, carved into a thin line.
I pull out one of the razors, reveling in the weight of the small blade in my hand. It's still wrapped in protective paper. I drag my fingertip over it, shivering as need burns through my rotten veins.
I don't look at Mr. BoBunny. I can't. Even if I did, I wouldn't see him.
Bad Sebastian. Bad.
Yes, I've been bad.
Pu-nishment. P-unishment.
Yes, I need a punishment.
My legs shake as I cross the room and collapse into the chair by my desk. I toy with the wrapper, stretching out the moment. Prolonging this moment, leading to what I deserve and what I need. Two sides of the same blade.
Hurry. Hurry. P-punishment. Now. Now.
Yes, it's time.
I strip the wrapper away, my gaze locked on the silver glint between my fingers. I trail the blade over my fingertips. I don't cut. Not yet. I'm just feeling the sharp kiss of the edge.
Will it bring relief? Or will I dig myself another grave and fill it with shame?
Shame on you.
Yes, shame on me.
Undeserving bastard. Worthless. Unworthy.
With steady hands, I guide the blade to my left arm. This is new. I've marked my right arm and other hidden places no one sees, but not here. Not the left. But it feels right tonight.
I glide the edge over my skin, featherlight. Not deep enough to cut, but enough to sting.
Yes. This.
This is what I needed.
This is what you deserve.
True.
But just like everything else, I twist it till it bends to my will. Punishment is what I deserve, and I'm delivering it, but I'm also gaining from it. The physical pain takes away everything else, leaving me with the sting, the soon-to-be torn skin, and the promise of blood.
Punishment delivered. Punishment twisted into relieve.
I'm the winner at the end.
Even in punishment, I win.
Bad Sebastian. Twisted. Everything you touch withers.
I slide the blade lower, over my thigh, just below my underwear. This time, I don't waste time. I cut deep.
One line.
Blood.
Red skin.
Torn flesh.
Sweet, sweet blood.
Flow. Flow freely as I stay a prisoner to this mind.
I drag the blade again. Another cut. Another punishment. One that I deserve. Again and again and again.
Terrible creature resembling a human, wearing human skin, but nothing more than a monster.
Yes. Yes. But even monsters bleed.
And me?
I bleed beautifully.
Just like the monster that I am, I'll paint this skin with blood and relish the masterpiece I create.