Chapter 17 Ezrah
Chapter seventeen
Ezrah
After mauling Sebastian in my office, I force myself to send him back to work. We are slammed, and I need a shred of control before I lose myself completely.
Because if I'd let him stay – if I'd kept feeling his cock grinding against mine, hearing those broken moans spilling out of him – I wouldn't have thought rationally.
I would have given him everything. And I can't afford that.
Not with him. Not when he's the one person who's seen me wrecked before, the one person who could break me all over again.
Part of me keeps wanting to push him away.
I spent the whole day yesterday thinking about Sebastian.
From the second I saw him in the bar again, he ignited a fire in my veins. I want to do things to him I've never wanted to do to another man.
He may think he knows me, but he doesn't.
He used to, just like I used to know him, at least to a degree. We were never close, yet he saw me at my lowest two years ago. But a long time has passed since then. I've changed, and so has he.
The one thing that hasn't changed?
Him calling me Daddy.
It used to be casual, innocent, almost mocking. His way of casting me as some half-twisted guardian when I was not.
But now, the word slips almost like a confession. Fragile and aching. It's not just a title. It's a plea and a promise.
And the worst part? Something in me wants to answer it, even though I know stepping into that role might cost me more than I can give.
I've been called Daddy in bed a few times, but the word has never hit me the way it does when Sebastian says it. Because for him it's not sexual, at least not only. It's so much more.
It's how he says it, the warmth in his voice. The reverence. It's the way he looks at me like I'm the only one deserving of being called that.
Hearing him call another man Daddy almost made me drive my fist through the guy's gut. Never Sebastian. Never. But in a way, I punished his lips for it, and he fucking loved it.
We'll need to talk about what's happening between us.
I refuse to hurt Sebastian, and our past could easily become the very knife we bleed on if we just dive in without talking.
I pull out my phone and send him a quick message.
Me: After your shift, we'll go to my place. We need to talk.
His answer comes immediately.
Sebastian: Yes, Daddy!
Fuck.
I adjust my dick and take several deep breaths, reminding myself that I'm at work and this behavior is extremely unprofessional. I also need to check what Ethan thinks about relationships in the workplace.
Relationship?
Is this really what I want with Sebastian?
The short answer – yes.
The more complicated one – I want more. But can he handle the desires within me, the ones most people would run from?
The rest of my shift drags. I don't think I've ever had such a slow night. There was work to be done, but I was too distracted by a sexy little angel. Fuck, I could come just from watching him swirl his ass in these shorts. And the makeup he's wearing? Fucking gorgeous.
Working in a BDSM club means you're bound to see plenty, including outfits that could make anyone salivate. But I've never seen anyone as sexy as Sebastian. There's just something about him that draws me in.
And the more time I spend with him, the more I taste his lips, his skin, the more possessive I'll get.
There's a reason I only did hookups after my divorce. And it wasn't because I was still hung up on my ex.
Finally, at three in the morning, our shift ends. I don't try to hide that I'm leaving with Sebastian.
"Ready to leave?"
"Yes, Ezrah."
I narrow my eyes at hearing my name, but I don't say anything. Instead, I place my hand on his waist and guide him to my car. The ride back to my place is quiet, but not uncomfortable. Sebastian hums softly under his breath, and I think he's content.
Once inside, I let him settle on the couch.
"Do you want something to drink?"
"Water would be fine, thank you."
I bring two bottles and sit beside him. He squirms in his seat, biting his lip.
"We need to talk about earlier," I start, but he cuts me off.
"I'm not some package you try and return if you don't like it. I'm a claim-once-and-you-can't-get-rid-of-it deal. So there's no going back."
"Is that so?"
He nods earnestly, wide-eyed. "Yes."
"I didn't have any plans to try and return, boy."
"You mean it?" His voice is softer than usual, hesitant, and so unlike his boldness at the club.
It makes me realize there are so many sides of Sebastian I still don't know. Sides I want to learn about.
I cup his cheek, brushing my thumb across his skin as I say, "Yes. I mean it."
His eyes flutter closed, and he sighs like he's been waiting his whole life to hear those words.
"Why now? What changed?"
I pull my hand back, taking a moment before answering. I'm still sorting through these new feelings, and admitting them out loud isn't easy.
"I know it seems sudden, and frankly, it is. It's probably weird in your eyes too. I mean, I was your brother's husband, for fucks sake."
He looks away and asks, "Would Aziel's ghost always linger between us? Would you always see me as Aziel's little brother?"
"It's been a while since I last saw you as his brother. But I forced myself to, kept reminding myself you were his brother," I admit.
"Why?"
"Because it felt wrong."
He finally looks back at me, his eyes full of emotions I can't decipher.
"Does it still feel wrong?"
I swallow, part of me terrified, but another yearning for me to say the truth.
"No. Kissing you, being with you doesn't feel wrong."
He moves fast, climbing over my lap and claiming my mouth. I sink into the kiss, his lips soft and insistent, his tongue tangling with mine. His small frame on me feels so fucking right. How did I ever think it was wrong?
When things start to heat, I pull back. My voice drops, "We need to talk, Sebastian."
"Talking is overrated," he sasses, chasing my lips.
I chuckle and lean back. "No, boy. We will talk first."
"And then?"
"And then we'll see."
He huffs, looping his arms around my neck but staying put. "Fine. But we're talking with me in your lap. It's where I belong."
"That's right." I grip his thighs and squeeze. "It's where you belong from now on. On Daddy's lap."
"So what else did you want to talk about?" he asks, impatient.
Chuckling, I need a moment to sober and focus on what we need to discuss.
"We have a history between us that I know could make things weird." He shakes his head, but I hurry to add, "It can if we allow it. I don't want that to happen. I want to be fair to you."
"Fair?"
"Seeing you only as Aziel's little brother wasn't fair. Not then, and not now. I'm sorry for that."
"I don't get it. Why would you apologize for the past?" He seems genuinely confused.
"Because all I ever saw you as was Aziel's little brother. I didn't see you as a teenager who needed a friend or family support. When you grew up, I didn't see you as a man figuring out what he wanted from life. Most of all, I didn't see you as a human with feelings. Just Aziel's little brother."
Sebastian holds my gaze, and it starts to unnerve me, but I refuse to look away. I would understand if he's angry.
Back then, I thought we were a family, but I followed Aziel's lead when it came to his brother.
Maybe it was normal. But when I think about it now, it leaves a bitter taste.
I yearned for a family where everyone could be themselves, be seen, and belong.
I thought I had it. The truth is, I didn't. Not really.
"And what about now? How do you see me now?" Sebastian asks.
"I'm afraid if I tell you, I'll scare you," I confess.
Looking straight into my eyes, he whispers, "Nothing you ever say could scare me. Nothing."
I swallow hard. This is it. The moment I decide to bare myself and hope I'm not making a mistake.
"The second I saw you in the bar, before I even knew it was you, I wanted to fuck you." His eyes darken with heat, but I rush on. "When you turned around and I saw that it's you… Sebastian, it felt like being punched in the gut."
"In a good or bad way?"
"I don't know. I just… I was shocked. The memories I had of you didn't reconcile with the man standing in front of me. I remembered the past. Being with Aziel. And later, you staying with me that month after the breakup."
I force myself back to the present. Back to the man in my lap.
"Then you called me Daddy, and something twisted inside me in a way it never had before. I tried to shove it down, but every time you called me Daddy, it roared back."
"And what was that?"
"Hunger. The hunger to hear you call me Daddy and mean it. Hunger to claim your body, to mark you as mine, to take care of you, and so much more."
His lips tremble as he whispers, "Daddy."
God. That one word slices straight through me. My body reacts instantly, greedy for him. But under the heat is something else. A tremor I haven't felt in years. That one word can bring me to my knees. It makes me want to protect, claim, and be needed. Not by just anyone. But by him.
I want him to be my boy.
And if I let him call me Daddy again, I wouldn't just fuck him. I'd give him the part of me I swore no one would ever touch.
That's why I need to slam the brakes.
"No. Not so fast. I want us to do this the right way, Sebastian."
"The right way?"
"Yes. I want to ask you out on a date. I want us to get to know each, on a different, deeper level." I take a deep breath and confess, "I want to share with you who I am now, because I'm not the man you remember. There are things about me that could make you run."
"Impossible. I won't ever run away from you."
I smile. I can't help but wonder whether that will be the case.
"Still. Will you go out on a date with me tomorrow, Sebastian?"
"Yes, Daddy!"
His smile is blinding, and despite everything, it pulls one out of me too.
Fuck, he's beautiful.
"Oh, and boy?"
"Yes, Daddy?"
"No sneaking into my room to suck my cock at night."
Sebastian's jaw drops, and I chuckle at his expression. It's precious, shocked, and innocent at the same time.
"You- you were awake?" he stammers.
"I wasn't at first. But I woke up with my cock between your lips and the sound of your soft whimpers. It was the sexiest thing I've ever experienced."
"So… you liked it?"
"I did." I brush my lips against his cheek. "I want to possess your body, but I don't want you to be just someone I fuck. That's why I'm putting the brakes on tonight. Do you understand?"
He nods, smiling. "It's okay. We have forever. We'll go at your pace, Daddy."
Forever?
The word scares the hell out of me.
Deep down, I've always dreamed of my forever. I thought I had it once, until it burned to ash and left me scarred. I rose again, but not the same. My forever now looks darker, like something most would never dare to touch.
Forever feels like an illusion I'll never have.
But holding Sebastian in my lap, I wonder if maybe, just maybe, it's possible.
Even if it makes me a terrible man. Even if he deserves someone who feeds his light instead of trying to possess it.
Because the truth is, I don't think I can ever let him go. Not unless he tells me to. And even then… not without a fight.
Somewhere along the way, Sebastian became the center of my focus. And now it's too late to go back.
I don't even want to.
All I want is to do right by this angel in my lap.
Even if, in the end, I make him fall, and tarnish his light with my darkness.