Chapter 23
Chapter twenty-three
Sebastian
Daddy's arms hold me so tightly, it almost suffocates me. I don't mind. If I could, I'd bury myself under his skin and become part of him.
I'm finally feeling like myself.
The fog from earlier and that oppressive darkness no longer have their claws in me.
I know I scared Daddy, but I didn't expect him to waltz into my apartment. How did he even know where I live? Before I ask anything, I suppose I owe Daddy an explanation.
No. Owe isn't the right word. I hate owing people. Usually, they owe me things. That way is much more fun.
I poke around in my feelings, trying to figure out where this desire to explain myself comes from. It's a foreign feeling. First time I've felt it. Fascinating.
I love new experiences.
Especially when they're connected to my Daddy.
After a few minutes, I realize that the answer is simple: I just want to share with my Daddy.
That's it. I want him to know the real me.
Even if I have to buy a house, tie him to a room, and keep him there because he'd be terrified of me.
I pout at the thought of Daddy being afraid of me.
He has nothing to be afraid of. I would never hurt him. I can't say the same about anyone else.
"Daddy?"
"Yes?" he croaks the word so quietly, like he's afraid to speak louder.
"I didn't try to kill myself. I wouldn't. Not when I have you." Maybe that last bit scares him because he shivers, but keeps holding me.
"What… what happened, Sebastian? Why- why did you hurt yourself?"
I sigh and search for the words I never needed to use before. I bite my lip, the sure sign I'm nervous. Fuck it. Daddy already claimed me. There's no going back. I would do anything for this man, even if I'm not sure he'll stay once he sees all of me. Not that he'll have another choice.
"Sometimes I have these dark moments and thoughts."
"Dark moments?" Daddy starts to stroke my head. The motions soothe me.
"Yes. They can be triggered or come from nowhere. But the two are different. Tonight it came from nowhere."
"Can you share more? I want to understand you better, little one?" Swoon. My heart is melting.
But the topic we're discussing makes me pout.
"The darkness comes out of nowhere. It's very oppressive. It consumes me, and no matter what, I can't shake it. It brings a haze in my mind like I'm me but not really."
We sit in silence for a bit before Daddy softly asks, "Does it happen often?"
"Not really. From time to time," I shrug because I don't keep a record. "But this oppressiveness, the darkness, the hollowness, the fucking haze… I hate it. The only way I can get rid of it is to get it out from under my skin."
Daddy shivers and cradles my head like he can keep the darkness away.
"Is that why you cut?"
"Yes. I've done it before and it always works," I say, almost cheerfully.
Daddy pulls back and looks at me. The lights are on, and thank fuck for that because I can see my Daddy clearly. His eyes are glassy.
I jump in bed or try to, but Daddy holds me in place.
"What's wrong? Why are you crying?" I ask, panicking.
"I'm not," he rasps.
"You're on the verge. Tell me why and I'll take care of it."
"Are you worried about me?"
"Of course I am!"
He presses his lips to mine, and while I expected the kiss to be soft, it's anything but. It's rough, fast, claiming, and there's even delicious biting. When we break apart, danger burns in his eyes.
"From now on, you won't cut yourself," Daddy commands.
"But-"
I need it.
It's the only thing that works.
Just the thought of drowning in the darkness without a way out makes me spiral.
Daddy wraps his finger in my curls and pulls. My eyes widen at the hard lines of his face, at the strength and sweet threat in him.
"When the darkness comes, your first thought should be Daddy. Your first action is to find Daddy. From there, I'll take over. Do you understand me, Sebastian?"
"But Daddy, I need…"
"I know what you need. And I'll be the one to give it to you. You know why?"
"Why?" I rasp.
"This skin," he says, touching the plane of my waist, "is mine. If you want release, I'll give it to you. But I decide how. I'll be the hand that inflicts it and the hand that soothes it."
The promise is a knife's whisper across my skin. I don't want words of consent. I want the fact that he'll witness it, take control, and won't let me fall apart alone.
"You would do that? For me?"
"For you."
I attack his lips, feeling ravenous and wild. My Daddy is the best. Always has been, always would be.
I've never had anyone see one of my darker episodes. It'll be interesting to see what it's like with Daddy by my side. But that's fitting, isn't it? Because he needs to be always by my side, just like I would be always by his.
I giggle and look down at him. His smile is fond and a little confused.
"Why are you giggling, boy?"
"Because you'll be by my side and I'm happy and I want to suck your cock now."
"Boy. You can't switch topics like that. And there would be no sucking tonight."
I pout, hoping to change his mind.
"Why not?"
"Because you need to rest."
"I'm totally fine!"
"No," Daddy says with finality. "When I have you, you'll writhe in pleasure, and not an ounce of discomfort. Now close your eyes and let me hold you."
His bossiness settles something inside me. This is what I wanted: to belong. To be bossed, protected, possessed.
I'm so freaking happy.