Chapter 11 #3
Jamal had tried to maintain his distance; give her the space she needed. But as soon as he saw the tears start to roll down her cheeks, he pushed away from the kitchen island and was at her side. Relief sank into his bones when she allowed him to wrap his arms around her.
She buried her face against his chest, her shoulders shaking with her silent sobs.
“It’s as if I’ve lost both of them,” she murmured.
“I’m so sorry,” Jamal whispered against her hair. He smoothed his hands up and down her back, providing comfort the only way he could. “You and your mother were close. I could tell just by looking at the two of you today.”
“When I was in grade school, she would just show up out of the blue with a pan of brownies for the entire class. It made me very popular,” she said with a soft chuckle.
It was the first hint of levity Jamal had heard in her voice in weeks. He loved hearing her laugh.
“I miss having my parents in my life,” she continued. “We were such a close family. Mom considered herself the disciplinarian, because she said I had my dad wrapped around my little finger from the minute I was born.”
“Did you?” he asked.
“Oh yeah. When it came to my dad, I could get away with just about anything.” She sniffed and wiped the cheek that wasn’t nestled against his chest. “I swear I would give anything to take back that last conversation we had. Not a day goes by that I don’t regret it.”
Jamal pulled her slightly away so he could look her in the eyes. “You know he probably forgave you the minute you walked away from him, right?”
“I know he did,” she said. “That’s just the type of person he was.
But it doesn’t change how I feel. I hurt him.
And it just kills me that the last words we shared were filled with so much anger.
” She looked up at him, her eyes pleading and filled with self-reproach.
“Don’t make the same mistake I made. I know you and your dad don’t see eye to eye, but living with this kind of regret is soul sucking.
You need to talk to him. Just get it all out in the open and forgive each other. It’s not worth this kind of pain.”
Jamal’s back stiffened, but he neither acquiesced nor dismissed her plea. Instead, he gently lowered her head back onto his chest and trailed his hand along her hair.
He stood in the middle of her kitchen for a long, unhurried stretch of time, holding her, infusing strength, providing solace. After a while, Phylicia disengaged from his embrace. She swiped at her tear-streaked cheeks and grabbed a paper towel, using it to wipe her face.
“I’m sorry about that,” she said, pointing to the spots of moisture she’d left on his shirt.
“No need to apologize.”
She looked so exposed, so vulnerable, that Jamal wanted nothing more than to pull her into his arms again.
God, he wanted to hold her. His body burned with the remembered feel of her against him.
Less than two feet separated them as they faced each other, and the charged air circulating in that space was saturated with a bevy of unspoken emotions. But the one that surpassed everything else was desire.
He felt like a complete dog, wanting her the way he did after everything she’d been through today.
But he couldn’t help it. His body yearned for hers, for the comfortable bed just down the hallway, for the pleasure they could both give each other if only they could erase the tension from the past few weeks.
God, how he wished they could go back to the afternoon when they’d explored each other’s bodies underneath that oak tree. What he wouldn’t give to eradicate what happened when they’d returned to the Victorian to discover her mother’s painting room destroyed.
If only he could erase it. It would make everything in his world right again.
Her next words had the effect of an anvil crushing his chest.
“You should probably go,” she said in a quiet but firm voice. “Thank you again for coming with me today.”
“Phylicia—”
She held up a hand. “Don’t, Jamal. It’s just not a good idea.”
“Yes, it is.” He knew he wasn’t being fair, was probably crossing a line that he shouldn’t cross, but dammit, he missed her.
“You can’t tell me you haven’t been miserable these past few weeks.
I dread even going to the house in the morning, because it’s so damn hard to work near you and not touch you.
To have you ignore me. Do you know how much that kills me? ”
She pulled her trembling bottom lip between her teeth. “You’re going to hurt me,” she said in a small voice. “You may not even realize it, but you will. It always happens.”
He captured her hands and brought them to his lips. “Not this time. I promise you, Phylicia. I will never, ever do anything to hurt you.”
She pulled in a deep breath and blew it out in a rush. “This is such a mistake.”
“Stop saying that,” Jamal pleaded. He leaned forward, pressing his forehead to hers as he looked into her eyes. “Nothing about us being together could ever be a mistake. The two of us together…it just makes sense.”
He could tell when she relented. The rigidity in her limbs eased, and she melted against him.
He captured her chin and tipped her face up, sealing his mouth to hers as he ran his other hand down her spine, to her soft, perfectly shaped rear end.
He pulled her more firmly against him, nestling his hardening body against her soft warmth.
“Don’t make me regret this,” she pleaded.
“Never,” Jamal whispered against her lips.
Without another word, Phylicia took him by the hand and led him to her bedroom.