Chapter thirty-four #4
“Well, thank you, Julian. I promise our daughter will be fully educated.” I giggle as I begin going through the selection, reading out the titles of each storybook. There must be at least fifteen of them here.
Julian straightens when he realizes what I’m doing, his eyes slightly widening, and the sudden change in his demeanor has me frowning, but I ignore him and continue on with my exploration until I reach the very last book.
“Guess How Much I Love You by…” I look up, realizing what this is and my gaze connects with his. “Julian Storm,” I whisper his name, gaining several people’s attention as they all gather back around to see what’s going on.
Julian groans loudly and closes his eyes, looking mighty displeased that I said it out loud.
I pull the book out from the bottom and let Shane remove the box from my lap as I look it over more closely.
On the cover is an illustrated cartoon drawing of Julian and a little girl that looks a lot like me when I was a toddler.
Tears coast my eyes as I flip the book open to the first page, where another drawing greets me of him holding my daughter as they look at each other, and I begin to read out loud once more. “My sweet Miss Stellina, can you guess how much I love you?”
“Must you truly read this out loud!?” Julian pinches the bridge of his nose. “If I had known this is how things would go, I would have simply discarded the book within the nursery for you to find later.”
I giggle, sniffling as someone hands me another tissue and I choose to ignore his comment and go on with the story.
“I don’t know, Uncle Julian. How much do you love me?
” Stellina asks him next as I flip the page once more and this time the image is of Julian at his desk looking at a picture frame of Stellina. “I love you more than my job.”
Jessie snorts. “Highly doubt that.”
A few laughs echo through the room as I continue to the next.
“I love you more than science and math. I love you more than my super strong little brother. I love you more than my smart-butted baby brother.” I let out a wet laugh while gazing over the artwork of Julian and my daughter hugging, with one image containing Jason flexing in the background, while the other has Jessie in front of a computer with stacks of books around him.
“I love you more than all the delicious cookies your mommy bakes. I love you more than all the disgusting food your daddy makes.” These ones have me baking on one page and Shane in front of the stove with the food on fire on the other, and beneath the image is written, “Definitely more than that!”
“I don’t think this is very appropriate for a child,” Shane grumbles with a frown aimed at his best friend who just insulted him in a book.
“Oh stop, it’s adorable.” I giggle once more and flip again.
“I love you more than the burning sun. I love you more than the greatest storm. I love you more than the biggest moon. I love you more than the brightest star.” These all hold illustrations of them holding each other as they stand outside, staring and pointing at each thing mentioned.
My voice begins to quiver and tears streak down my cheeks as I read over the last three pages.
“I love you more than the universe. I love you more than life itself. I love you more than you’ll ever understand,” I finish with a whisper, tracing my fingers over the drawing of Julian kissing my daughter’s cheek.
“Oh, Julian…” I cry quietly and look up at him, although he still refuses to meet my gaze.
“Oh, good grace. Why must I keep doing this to myself,” he mutters under his breath as I manage to pull myself up from the couch and walk as quickly as possible toward him, throwing my arms around his neck.
He stiffens instantly beneath my touch, but just like every time, he quickly softens and wraps his arms around me.
“Thank you so much, Julian. This truly means the world to me, and I can’t wait to read it to Stellina every night.
She’ll be the luckiest little girl in the world to have an uncle as amazing as yourself. ”
His hold on me tightens, head bowing slightly to rest against my shoulder, and this has to be the most human I’ve ever seen Julian.
I still don’t really know much about Julian since he prefers to keep to himself and never opens up, but one thing I’m certain of is that his coldness isn’t just a choice, it’s a shield.
If I had to guess, Julian has been depraved of affection for so long that now he feels it’s necessary to withdraw himself and doesn’t know how to respond when someone is willing to open their arms to him. He doesn’t mean to be harsh or distant; he just doesn’t remember how not to be.
“I swear, the more days that pass, the less I recognize him,” Jason chuckles in his usual deep voice. “I think your motherboard is experiencing some technical difficulties again, brother.”
Julian quickly straightens and I step back, understanding our moment is over. “Yes, it would appear so.” He clears his throat and walks off like he didn’t just need that hug as much as I did.