Chapter Fourteen
Raven.
We get back to my grandfather's luxurious hotel where I spent so many summers growing up with Aleksi and Ivan in tow.
As soon as we enter the suite, we all collapse on the oversized, antique couches with groans. I need a shower. Badly. But Aleksi keeps eyeing me and I make a motion with my head to ask him what?
He sighs and pulls up his black backpack and takes out his laptop. He’s been looking at me weird since I left the interrogation room. I know Maverick was translating everything between me and my mother out loud to Damon so I know he heard it all. I refuse to be embarrassed.
Just like I refuse to let go of this symphony tapping against my temples.
I know whatever happens between Sofia and I will be just that - my burden to carry alone. I don’t know when that time will come, but when it does, I will be ready.
“I’m going to chop this up, edit it as best as I can and then post it. I’m really glad you said not to stream it yet because it would have incriminated you. But… the shit she said beforehand… it’ll ruin her.” He smiles but it doesn’t reach his soft brown eyes. I hate the pity in them.
“P…Post it.” I agree, looking away.
Like I knew they wouldn’t, my men don’t argue. Maverick puts his hand on my thigh and gives me a light squeeze as Aleksi works his magic and soon… “Done.”
It takes a total of fourteen minutes for all of our phones to ping over and over and over again. But it’s not just our socials. It’s media headlines. I scroll through them quickly.
SOFIA MONROE - FATPHOBIC
SOFIA MONROE FASHIONS - STOCK PRICES PLUMMET
SOFIA MONROE -
SOFIA MONROE -
SOFIA MONROE - RUINED
Maverick clears his throat and sniffs. “Well… I think it’s time for a nap.
Aleks, Ivan, there are two other rooms in this suite if you’d like to use them.
We’ll be in the primary if you need us.” He stands quickly, bends to scoop me into his arms without another word and takes me straight to the bathroom.
Damon turns on the faucet to the bathtub and Jonas helps me undress.
“... all you have to offer is the fat twat between your fat thighs.”
I can’t help it. I cross an arm over my naked chest and use my other hand to cup my naked, well abused sex.
For the first time in a very long time, I feel ashamed of my body.
Ashamed of the way my hips are wider than my shoulders and the cellulite on my thighs that stays there no matter how many squats I do with Jonas.
Ashamed of the pooch I have on my stomach that I can never get rid of.
Ashamed of the way my breasts sag just a bit thanks to gravity.
Fucking Sofia.
“Baby?”
I look at the ground through blurry eyes, the tears falling faster than I can make them stop.
But they’re not of sadness, they’re of anger.
I let her get in my head. I let her get in my head and at this very moment, I hate myself for that.
I was doing good. I was doing so good. I keep my head bowed but Jonas tenderly brings it up by hooking his finger under my chin and forcing me to look up at him. I snap my eyes shut.
“Baby, you gotta look at me.”
I shake my head violently, swallowing down all of these emotions as much as I can along with whatever snot wants to make its way out.
I was doing so good and she got in my head.
She called me out on my insecurities, vocalized them so loudly they burrowed beneath every layer of my skin like tiny insects.
“Siren.”
Dammit. “No,” I croak, still unwilling to open my eyes because if I do, I’ll have to meet all of their scrutinizing gazes. Their pity. I can't handle that.
“None of what your mother said was true, Amourette.”
But I nod, feeling the warmth of my tears trailing to the sides, beneath my temples.
And that’s where my hands go- into my hair so I can pull the words out.
I sink down on my haunches and tug harder, faster, feeling the strands tear at my roots.
I need the words out. I need them out of my head my head my head. OUT!
FUCK! I let out a frustrated scream when I’m forcibly stopped and sitting in Damon’s lap with my arms restrained at my sides and all I can do is struggle in his stronghold. My straitjacket. My anchor.
“Ouch. Fuck. Stop it Raven. Stop. It. I’m here.
Not in there. Talk to me, Amourette.” I don’t want him to use his doctor voice on me.
I can feel him shaking his head and I know he’s signaling to Maverick and Jonas not to touch me right now.
And I hate myself just a little more for letting them see this side of me.
The broken side. I choke out a sob and fall limp in Damon’s embrace.
I shove my face into his neck and take a few shuddering, calming breaths, letting my limbs fall limp at Damon’s scent in my nostrils and lungs. But the tears still fall. They still crash. “I w-was doing s-so good.”
“You are still doing good, Little Bird. You are still… you. The you I love. The you I married. The you I will love far beyond eternity.”
“She said-”
“I know what she said and I’m telling you none of it is true, Amourette. I will not let you repeat any of those horrific words.” He growls firmly, no longer using his doctor’s voice. “Christ, if anyone should have never become a mother let it be known it’s Sofia fucking Monroe.”
I let out a hiccupping sigh as he loosens his grip around me. Embarrassed, I brush my hair out of my face and behind my ear. “Need… to be alone.” I rasp, still unwilling to look at them.
Damon’s chest rumbles with a deep, unhappy growl.
“Fine. But I’m leaving the door unlocked.
” He thrusts one arm under my bent knees, the other cradling my back, impressively gets to his knees without a grunt and stands, setting me down in the bathtub.
“And just so you know, I was quite excited to get into this tub with you and get you all kinds of sudsy and different kinds of wet.”
I bite back my whimper but I do shiver even though I’m in warm water.
He hums, placing a kiss to my temple. “I love you, Amourette. Toujours. And never forget my vow, Raven. Your precious mind is as mine to care for as your heart, your body and your soul. I take my job very seriously, as you know.”
I sigh at that and finally look up to see those twin silver flames of his staring back at me, heart caught in my throat. With wet hands I reach up to touch him. “Mon Ancre.”
He kisses my thumb then nips at it, standing to leave me be.
The door closes behind him and I stand in the water, carefully getting out of the tub and to the full length mirror in the corner to stare at myself.
From my ankle where the bottom of my tattoo begins, to my leg where the vines crawl over the surgical scars left behind where my leg was broken you can’t see even though I feel them.
My eyes slide up the side of my thighs where my quads are defined.
Strong. Next I look at my hips, my stomach, the silver scar where I was stabbed.
I turn to the side to look at the #19 tattoo on my ribcage- the same place where Jonas has his Syndicate brand- below the heart.
I raise my arms, a little flabby but show signs of muscle from over a decade of playing cello and currently a little more refined from working out with Jonas.
Strong. I turn forward and gander at my breasts, my clavicles, my chin, lips…
and I settle on the scar at my temple, where silver hair like the silver scar there sprouts.
That was it. I tell myself. That was the last time you hate yourself for what was done to you.
It is the last time you see your body and not love it.
Soon, there will be a baby in here- I place my hands on the swell of my stomach- and it will change again and you will love the changes it brings.
Maybe not during and maybe not all of them…
but the changes mean you’re happy. And you deserve that.
Besides, Sofia won’t be alive much longer…
she’ll never get inside of your head again.
I turn away to go back to the tub but see Jonas peering at me from the doorway curiously.
He steps inside, closing the door behind him again and approaches me with caution.
His big hands find purchase on my hips. Where I want to squirm and get away from his touch, I don’t let myself.
Jonas loves me with a pure intensity. Unconditional and wholly.
I deserve that, too. Just like he doesn’t deserve to be rejected just because I currently hate myself.
So I stay where I am, allowing my husband to love me just a little harder. “Do you see it now, baby?”
“Tr-trying to,” I reply softly.
“Get in the bath. I’ll remind you later.
” He kisses my cheek and then lowers his voice.
“By the way, I’m totally ruining the next surprise ‘cause I promised no more surprises. Maksim called Maverick while we were dancing at our reception. He invited us to his family’s villa in Verona and that’s where we’re going on Wednesday so we can spend the weekend with Bri.
Okay? So, act surprised when Maks calls again to invite us. ”
I scowl then put my hands to my cheeks and make a surprise face.
Jonas laughs. “Yeah, but a little better than that. That was really Home Alone so tone it down a little.”
I glare at him.
He laughs again, puts his hands up in surrender and walks backwards. “Okay, okay, I’m going. I love you.”
“My soul.” I call after him in a hoarse whisper. For a moment, I think he doesn’t hear me as his fingertips touch the knob of the door. He stands to his full height then turns to face me.
Sunset eyes lock with mine. “My heart, baby.”