Chapter 22
Dear Melody, Cameron, and Papa,
Forgive me for taking so long to send word, if you can.
I have only barely reached St. Kitts and have finally gotten a chance to write.
On my way to Leith, Patrice and I ran into Mr. Ashby and he has been kind enough to help us in our journey.
I know this has been difficult for all of you, as it was for me to part with you.
But I’m doing well and have found Graham.
He’s been through quite an ordeal; he was injured badly and was taken in by a generous patroness on the island.
However, due to Graham’s injury, he has lost his memories.
He knows only his name. He doesn’t remember me, Mr. Ashby, his mother, or Scotland.
Needless to say, I will be staying here until he can regain his memory.
Please send word about my niece or nephew. I fiercely miss you all, and cannot wait to meet him or her when I return. And I will return, I promise you that.
Always,
Elsie
It took a few tries to pen the right words to my family, and I still wasn’t satisfied with it.
But what else could I say? If I spoke about the mutiny, the storm, almost dying in that dinghy, or the pirates, it would only cause alarm.
If I wrote such things, they may think I regretted my choice to run away.
I didn’t. Whatever I’d gone through, it was worth seeing Graham again, even in his condition.
No, especially because of his condition.
I could be of help to him. Who else could restore his memory if not me?
I had every reason to believe that my choice to come here was providential.
The day seemed to drag on. Had I been on the Maelstrom only this morning?
It was now early afternoon, and the sun streamed in my window fully.
After folding the letter, I stood in the sunshine, the warmth seeping into my skin.
Nothing was quite as delightful as sunshine, in my opinion. Even as my burns still stung.
The letter must be sent today. So while I wished I could stay in the sun all day, I’d have to go downstairs and find out how to send it.
I inched the door open, peeking into the corridor.
Hopefully everyone was out accomplishing all the tasks Lottie mentioned.
Perhaps it was unnecessary to avoid Mr. Ashby, but I wasn’t ready to see him so soon after my embarrassing choice to grab his shirt like that.
Seeing no one, I walked down the stairs to find someone who would know where to send the post.
Walking through the first floor of the house, I noted how tastefully it was decorated.
Every piece of furniture must have been chosen for comfort over trends, a style I much preferred.
It wasn’t until I reached the library that I found someone.
Johnny Knox, or Whisper, as he told us to address him, sat atop a table with a newspaper held on his lap.
I cleared my throat to gain his attention. He didn’t even look up, but I saw him smile. “I heard you coming down the hall, Miss Findlay. No need to make yourself known.”
“You have very good hearing. How did you recognize it was me?”
He lifted his gaze. “I saw you come in.”
“Oh. That makes sense.” I sent him an understanding smile. Then I commented on his unique way of reading a newspaper.
“I don’t like to sit with my feet touching the ground,” he answered.
I laughed. “That’s very peculiar.”
“Indeed.” He jumped off the table and folded the paper. “So, is there something I can help with? You seem to be searching for something.”
“Ah, yes,” I said, holding up my letter. “I wonder if you can tell me where to post this? I need to send word to my family in Scotland.”
“You have met with the right person. I can take that to post tomorrow when I go to Basseterre.” He snatched it from my hand without waiting for my response, depositing it in his inside jacket pocket.
“Thank you,” I said, letting my hand drop. “Why are you going to Basseterre?”
He narrowed his eyes at me briefly before shrugging. “I might as well tell you. I am known as the spy for the mission. Traveling and learning the newest gossip, government movements, battles, staying up to date on business and policies. Newspaper can only tell us so much.”
“I see. So that’s why you are called Whisper?”
He touched his nose. “Clever girl.”
I laughed. “It doesn’t take a genius to put that together.”
He started walking out into the corridor and beckoned me to follow him. “What do you think of the island so far?”
“It’s very comfortable. Warm.” I hugged myself as we walked.
He nodded. “I agree.” I saw him glance at me. “I wonder if you’ll satisfy my curiosity. It’s an occupational habit, but I find it difficult to stop myself from asking impertinent questions. Would you mind answering a few?”
“I’m not one for secrets myself. Please, ask away.”
“Splendid. What I’m most curious about is why you came to find Graham?”
Perhaps I was one for secrets. I did hope to keep this particular detail private for as long as possible. I took a deep breath. “I wanted to bring him home…no, that’s not exactly true. I wanted to find him and remind him of the promises we made to each other.” I glanced at him. “More?”
“If you wouldn’t mind.”
I nodded. “He sent me a letter saying he would break our engagement. I had been waiting for three years and lost contact with him two years ago. I couldn’t let him get away with ending our engagement without speaking face to face. So I ran away from home and made Mr. Ashby bring me here.”
“Fascinating,” Whisper said. Then his eyes seemed to brighten at something in front of us. “Have you told Graham about this letter?”
I paused then, because Graham had just appeared. I was certain Whisper had noticed him before I did. Graham was looking at me with wariness and confusion. “What letter?” he said.
Whisper sucked in a breath through his teeth. “Whoops.” And that was it before he disappeared around a corner.
That little instigator. I faced Graham with as much composure as I could muster. “I was just telling Whisper…about my reason for coming to the West Indies.” How much had he heard?
“And it had to do with a letter? Was it from me, by chance?”
My eyes widened slightly. “Yes,” I said, honestly.
“May I read it?” he asked.
Even if I had the letter, I would’ve hesitated to show it to him.
But then I realized this meant he wanted to know more about his past. I wished that I’d been in the right mind to take my carpet bag onto the Maelstrom.
Due to being starved and half-mad from sun-exposure, we had left our things in the dinghy. “I’m afraid I don’t have it.”
He nodded. “That’s a shame. It would’ve been nice to read something I wrote myself.”
I smiled softly at him. “I’m glad to hear you want to know more. I wasn’t sure if you would ever ask about your past.”
Graham glanced downward. “It isn’t an easy thing, to ask others for your memories.”
A thought that hadn’t occurred to me came out. “Because I may remember things differently than you would?”
“Aye, I worry about having false memories as much as I worry about not remembering anything.”
Staring at him openly, I tried to connect the man I knew with the man standing before me.
He looked the same, and also vastly different.
I’d noticed it on the ship, how altered his brown eyes were.
They used to brighten when he saw me. Now they were just…
brown. There was no magic in them. His height and build were impressive; that had not changed.
But he held himself differently. He walked with heavier steps, somehow.
I wasn’t sure if that was due to an injury, or a shift in mindset.
He also used to have a small tick in his jaw that happened whenever he was lost in thought.
I hadn’t seen that at all, and he had been thoughtful more than once since we reunited.
“What is it?” he asked.
I shook my head. “I’m sorry, it’s just…I’m trying to understand how much you’ve changed.”
He ran a hand through his hair awkwardly. “It must be difficult for you.”
I tried to keep pity out of my eyes as I smiled sadly at him.
“Not nearly as difficult as it is for you.” I took a step toward him.
“I want you to know, Graham, that you can trust me. I will do everything I can to help you regain your memories. I won’t try to push my own memories on you or pressure you to believe what I do.
” I clasped my hands in front of me. “That being said, I should be honest and tell you that the letter I spoke of…the one that drove me to find you…in it, you broke off our engagement.”
Graham blinked a few times, then shifted his weight. “Then why would you come find me? It sounds like our relationship wasn’t very strong.”
That was a blow to my heart, and my pride.
I gave a short laugh. “Yes, I suppose from an outside perspective that makes sense.” It was strange to admit he was now an outsider to our past. I sighed.
“But you’ve been gone three years. We became engaged before you left for the West Indies.
And we lost contact two years ago. The next thing I heard from you was this letter that you sent through your business partner, Mr. Ashby. ”
“I sent Arthur there with that letter?”
I nodded. “Yes, which made it worse. If you’d come yourself and told me that you no longer wished to marry me, I could’ve accepted it. But you wrote that you wouldn’t marry me because your business failed and you didn’t want to force me into poverty.”
“I see.” He rubbed his chin. “That sounds reasonable. Why would you wish to live in poverty?” His tone was flat, almost disinterested. He had no emotional connection to our conversation.
My mouth hung open as I stared at him. I closed it, then opened it again. “Because I didn’t care how wealthy you were. I wanted to marry you because I loved you.” Pausing, I realized my mistake. “I love you. I always have. And I always will.”
“It doesn’t make sense to me that you would cross an ocean for someone who ended your engagement.”
“Of course it wouldn’t make sense to you.” I felt myself getting irritated. This entire conversation was humiliating. He made it seem as if I were a naive, irrational person. “We were truly in love. At least…that’s what I always thought.”
He watched me with sad eyes that seemed to show a mixture of pity and guilt.
“She’s right,” Mr. Ashby said as he joined us in the corridor. I almost jumped from his sudden appearance. Seeing him so soon after our regrettable mistake made my stomach clench. He glanced at me, then spoke to Graham. “I know better than anyone how much you loved Elsie Findlay.”
Graham looked between us, nodding. “Then can you explain to me why I would end our engagement?”
“I can tell you what you said in your letter, but I can’t fathom why you would discard someone so…special. To you.” My heart stuttered at his words.
We couldn’t finish our conversation, because a half dozen more voices grew louder as they entered the house.
It seemed the crew had returned from the mission as well.
Graham bowed to me briefly and then joined them.
I turned to watch him go and felt Mr. Ashby beside me.
It was a strange sensation, to be close to him after what happened.
Like the air between us was filled with static. It made my skin buzz and my heart race.
I couldn’t continue to stand there with him in that small corridor, so I moved toward the group gathered at the entryway.
Captain Whitmore, Elizabeth, Mary Bowers, Nathaniel Ward, and Mr. Weiss and his wife were happily speaking with each other.
Lottie came to insist they take their shoes off, as the floors had just been polished that morning.
Indeed, everyone’s shoes were covered in muck—whether it was mud or manure, I couldn’t be sure.
They seemed to have trudged through difficult terrain.
“We are so pleased to have you here, Mr. Weiss,” Mrs. Bowers said to the bishop. “And you, too, Mrs. Weiss. You’re very brave to cross the sea with your husband.”
Mrs. Weiss stood straighter than she had on the ship, when she was overcome by fear. “I admit to being a bit of a coward,” she said, laughing lightly. “But I couldn’t let my Henry come all the way here doing the Lord’s work without me.” She hugged her husband’s arm.
“Why don’t you rest in the sitting room while we ready everything for the celebration?” Mrs. Bowers motioned toward the sitting room to the right of the front door.
“Celebration?” I asked.
“Oh, Miss Findlay, there you are,” Mrs. Bowers greeted me.
“I was just about to send Lottie up to get you.” She took my hand as easily as if we’d known each other for years.
“We’ll have a grand celebration tonight for Mr. and Mrs. Weiss.
We came back from the mission to get ready for it. Will you join us?”
“I’d be delighted,” I responded. “I’ll find Patrice and let her know. Is there anything I can do to prepare?”
Mrs. Bowers thought for a moment. “Can you sing?”
I laughed. “Very poorly, I must admit.”
“Then never mind. You can just sit and enjoy it.” She squeezed my arms and turned away to speak to someone else.
Before I left to find Patrice, I noticed Graham standing with Elizabeth.
They were smiling so widely at each other, I had an awful suspicion it was an intimate moment between them.
No, that couldn’t be. Graham couldn’t have fallen for another, even if he had lost his memories of me.
I turned too quickly and bumped into Mr. Ashby; I hadn’t realized he was so close behind me.
I looked up into his face. He must have seen what distressed me, for when he glanced toward Graham and returned his gaze to me, I saw his face harden.
He looked as if he would march right over to Graham and protect me from heartbreak.
Of course he knew taking action wouldn’t help anything, so he didn’t move. Instead, feeling his adamant disapproval of whatever their relationship might be caused a sort of calm to settle over me.
“Do not fret, Miss Findlay. He will soon discover what he has lost, and nothing else will matter but you.” He met my eyes again, this time with the kind of sympathy one receives from a partner. Someone who understands your innermost thoughts and feelings.
“Thank you, but I’m not worried about anything. Excuse me, I’m going to find Patrice. I’ll…see you at the celebration.”
He nodded and I walked away from him, half hoping he’d follow and half dreading it. He stayed there, however, and I went to fetch Patrice on my own.