Chapter 36
Days passed, and Mr. Ashby’s letter was the only thing I wished to read.
His confessions and feelings were constantly on my mind, and no matter how many times I read his words, I never tired of them.
My own feelings had undergone such a transformation as to receive his confession with more than gratitude or flattery.
After battling through the disappointment regarding how things had ended with Graham, I came to several realizations as I read through my own letters that Graham had returned to me.
First, my love for Graham had been real and sweet.
Second, his love for me had been genuine.
Third, I had romanticized our connection over the three years he was gone.
The memories I wrote about were rosy and far too perfect.
The naivete with which I wrote those letters became more evident as I reviewed them.
I had believed we knew each other deeply and that our time together at Edleroy could sustain us forever.
And while he had meant it when he said he loved me and that he wished to marry me, his love was not unchangeable.
As he’d admitted, his love for me could not weather storms. And it hadn’t. But neither had mine, not really.
The love I held for Graham had turned to fixation over time.
I was entirely obsessed with the idea of marrying Graham Anderson, and with my personality, that meant all of my decisions would be dictated by that one focus.
I twisted every emotion to support my conviction of marrying Graham.
When I felt sad, it was because I missed him.
When I felt angry, it was because we weren’t married yet.
When I felt lonely, it was because he wasn’t there beside me.
Whatever I was going through, I’d blamed it on my constant waiting.
Because if there was ever a man for me, it was Graham Anderson.
It had become an adage, a proverb, something I repeated to myself to calm my spirits.
To convince myself I was doing the right thing by waiting for him.
But I’d become a shadow of myself, waiting in that tower for someone who may never return. I began to hate myself. Love shouldn’t do that; it should have given me another reason to love myself.
And the most important epiphany I had: when I felt most like myself, I was falling in love with Arthur Ashby.
I hadn’t realized it at the time. How could I, when my mind was preoccupied by something I’d repeated to myself for over three years?
Kissing Arthur had been my heart trying to tell me who I truly loved.
I recalled with perfect clarity how I was the one who’d initiated the kiss.
He blamed himself, but it was me who’d pulled him in.
It was me who’d gotten lost in that life-changing moment.
For it had changed my life, even if the effects were not immediate.
It had been a catalyst in preparing my heart to accept Graham’s decision.
That kiss had been the reason we parted amicably, the reason I could let go of that all-consuming obsession.
I did love Arthur Ashby. Very dearly. And the moment I admitted that to myself, I sat down to write him a letter.
Dearest Arthur,
There are a hundred ways I could start this letter, and while thanking you seems insufficient, I have to thank you for staying in St. Kitts to allow me time to untangle my heart.
I read and reread your letter so many times I fear the words became blurred.
But as I pondered upon your feelings, and my own, everything fell into place.
I love you, Arthur Ashby, more than I imagined possible.
Your humor, your unfailing belief in me, your expressive face that tells me exactly how you feel at all times, your deeply blue eyes, and even your unique love of bookkeeping all made me fall for you before I even knew it was happening.
I believe my fixation with marrying Graham blinded me as to what was going on within my own heart.
You told me that if I loved you, you would come to me.
Well, I am asking you to come to me, and much more than that.
I wish to marry you. Will you grant me such a favor?
Don’t think I am asking you hastily, for I’ve considered my feelings from every angle, and the conclusion I have come to is that I never wish to be parted from you from this day forward.
To achieve that aim, I believe marriage may be our only option.
So, finish the work you must do at the mission and come to Edleroy. I cannot wait to see you. If you do not hurry, I am liable to run away and come find you. Waiting and I are not on friendly terms.
Always,
Elsie
I folded the letter and smiled at his name on it.
He would come as soon as he read this letter.
With every part of myself, I knew he would risk everything to be with me.
It was something Graham could never do, but I had wished he would—how did I cling to that love when he’d disappointed me so much and for so long?
It was clear to me now that I had not loved him enough to follow him until I thought I’d lose him and all my waiting would be for nothing.
I grew more impatient to see Arthur with every passing day.
For I knew, deep down, that he was equally impatient to hear my answer and see me again.
Days turned to weeks. Butterflies filled my stomach and made me smile daily as I thought of him.
At times, my chest would not contain my excitement and a laugh would burst from me.
I received more than a few strange looks from my cabinmates.
Then, just as I thought I would actually go mad, Marianne announced our arrival in Scotland was imminent. “We will be arriving at Leith in a few hours,” she said.
“That is excellent news,” I replied cheerfully. “Will you be as glad as I to be on land again?”
She smiled softly. “Indeed.” With that, she left the cabin to rejoin her mother.
I went to the top deck and stood next to my father. We were already so close to Leith I could see buildings and many ships in the harbor. I exhaled a long breath at the sight. Home. I was almost home.
“Are you certain about this decision of yours?” my father asked me, watching the land as I was.
We had spoken about my feelings for Arthur, and I’d told him of the letter I planned to send as soon as we docked.
My father was against it at first, but I’d taken the time—because we had much of it aboard the ship—to explain why I’d fallen in love with him and why I wished to marry him.
I told him how we respected each other, admired each other, and worked well together.
I explained the difference between my feelings for Arthur and my feelings for Graham.
“I have never been more sure of anything,” I responded.
He sighed. “I have heard that before, you know.”
When I looked up at him, he was watching me skeptically. I would forgive his doubts, as long as he supported me. And it seemed like he did, surprisingly. It was not as if Arthur had much to offer me in regards to fortune or title.
But if I’d learned anything about my father over the past few weeks, it was that he truly cared for my happiness, a truth I had not known until now. So I smiled at him. “You’ll see.”
He nodded, turning back to the harbor. “If he’s as good a man as you say, I will accept him as my son-in-law. But I’ll not have you waiting for him. You’ve become yourself again, so I won’t allow you to pine over another man.”
I laughed. “Don’t worry, Papa. If he makes me wait for too long, I shall give him up entirely.” Or I will go find him myself, I thought silently.
I was almost home, where my journey had begun with a letter delivered by the man I loved.
I couldn’t wait to meet Melody’s new baby and learn how everything had gone with the birth, and I also couldn’t wait to regale Melody with my adventures and tell her everything about Arthur.
She would be extremely surprised, but she would understand me just as she always did.
This homecoming would be special indeed, as so much had happened in our separate lives.
Running into Melody’s waiting arms was the pinnacle of being home.
She hugged me so tightly I felt I was losing the air from my lungs.
But it only brought laughter. We rocked back and forth for several long moments before releasing each other.
Her blue eyes were as bright as ever and filled with joyful tears.
She wiped them away quickly and grinned at me.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Father approach my brother and clamp hands on both of his shoulders, saying something to make my brother smile widely. Then my father went inside before us.
“You have tanned, Elsie,” Melody said. “And you seem stronger. What have you been doing all these months away?” She pulled me into an embrace once more.
I laughed. “I have much to tell you. So much that you’ll never believe me.”
“I’ll never believe another word you say, El,” Cameron said from behind his wife. He came around her to embrace me and kissed me on my head. “Never scare us like that again.” He looked into my eyes with complete seriousness.
Logan ran right to me and hugged my legs. I scooped him up with slightly more effort than I used to. He had grown far too much in just a few months. I kissed his soft cheeks.
“Let’s go into the house,” Melody suggested.
“Yes, let’s.” I took her by the hand while putting Logan down. “Show me your baby!” I exclaimed.
Melody laughed and walked with me into the drawing room, where my father was holding a little bundle. He smiled at me as I approached them. My father tipped the baby down so that I could see the face, and Melody introduced us. “Aunt Elsie, meet your niece, Kenna.”
She was just as precious as Logan had been at her age, but with an added sweetness for being a girl. Her eyes were wide and blue, framed in thick lashes. Her hair was a deep rusty red, just like her father. I grinned at Melody, then at Cameron, who threw an arm around my shoulders.
“I’m glad you’re back, little sister.”
“I am sorry I was gone, simply because of her. Otherwise, I hardly missed you at all.” I cooed at the sweet baby girl.
We all spoke quietly as the baby slept, and then I began smelling myself and knew I had to clean up before I could continue.
I bathed, changed, and brushed out my long hair.
Just as I pulled the brush through one last time, I heard a knock at the door.
Melody came in before I could answer. I turned and smiled brightly at her.
She sat on one of the chairs near the fire, beckoning me to follow, and I sat on the other.
“Tell me everything.” Her eyes glowed with intrigue, and it made me reminisce about all the times we had sat together telling secrets and sharing our thoughts with one another. I had missed this more than I expected.
“Where to begin?” I sighed and leaned back, rubbing my forehead thoughtfully.
“How about Graham losing his memories?” She leaned forward, placing her elbows on her knees and her chin in her hands, waiting for my stories.
I decided to explain my journey from start to finish instead of skipping right to Graham. Melody listened with wide eyes, asking questions and sympathizing with me along the way. It was the first time telling my story and it sounded ghastly to hear it out loud.
When I came to the end, I sent her a sad smile and pulled up a shoulder. “He remembered everything and we ended our engagement officially. It was hard for me to accept, but I have come to be very grateful that things happened the way they did.”
“Truly?” Melody tilted her head to one side in question.
A smile spread across my face. “Because I fell in love,” I said honestly.
“With Mr. Ashby?” I nodded and she laughed lightly.
“Have you told him your feelings?”
“I wrote a letter and sent it when we docked. But you have to read his,” I said, holding out his letter to her.
The parchment was bent and worn from the numerous times I’d read it on the ship.
She glanced at me, then took the letter and read it through.
When she read certain lines, she gasped and looked at me with an excited smile.
Finally, she finished and set it down on her lap.
“Oh my, Elsie. Your Mr. Ashby is incredibly romantic.”
I laughed. “He is, isn’t he?”
“And he just let you go?”
“Yes, he had to stay. He was needed there. Besides, I know him well enough to understand that he was giving me time to realize my own feelings.”
She handed the letter back to me. “Well, after reading that opus, I wholeheartedly approve.”
Before I could respond, Cameron came knocking on my door with Kenna and Logan.
They wanted their mother, so Melody left after telling me to meet them downstairs for dinner in an hour.
We could have continued talking all night, no doubt.
But she had a family, one that had grown even larger since I left.
I lay down in my bed and placed Arthur’s letter on my bedside table.
Oh, how I’d missed my bed! But I felt listless.
After meeting my niece and telling Melody everything, I felt like I’d done everything I needed to do at home.
What else was left for me to do at Edleroy?
No, I couldn’t think that way. There was still much I could accomplish while being home.