Chapter 27 #3
“I know,” he says. “I’m just telling you that when you can’t bury it anymore, I’m here.”
I clap my hand on his shoulder and pull him into me, emotion clogging my throat. I don’t say anything. I don’t need to.
He hands me the duffle bag, and I bring it over to the empty bed.
Billy moves over to Sam and lowers himself in front of her. I watch as he wordlessly pulls her into a hug. “I’m so fucking sorry,” he says, his voice strained with emotion.
She sags against him, breaking down in his hold. I turn my back to them and unzip the duffle, sorting through its contents before I find what I’m looking for.
I tuck my gun into the bag and stash it underneath the empty bed. Then I walk over to Sam and Billy. The lit cigarette in her hand is forgotten, burned almost to the butt now, ash drifting down onto her white comforter. I pull it from between her fingers and stub it out in the ashtray with mine.
“Here, baby,” I say.
She separates from Billy, lowering her gaze to my outstretched hand. “What’s that?” she asks, her eyes locked on the little blue pill in my palm.
“A Xanax,” I tell her. “Thought it would help you calm down. Maybe you could get some sleep.”
She sits up fully, leaning forward to take it from me. She doesn’t ask any questions, just brings it to her mouth and swallows it dry.
“Should work pretty fast,” I say, and she nods, reaching for another cigarette.
Footsteps sound from the stairs again, and Carson stops in front of the doorway. He moves his gaze over the three of us until it settles on Sam. He looks uncomfortable, nervous even. “You okay?”
She nods back at him. “You?”
He jerks his chin, mirroring the motion she gave him, but again, it doesn’t look convincing.
“What about Dad? Is he …?”
Carson tenses. “He … uh … he left.”
Sam hums a nonresponse as she brings her cigarette up to take a drag. Exhaling a cloud of smoke, she asks, “Has anyone called Cathleen?’
He shakes his head. “I didn’t know how to …”
I look between them. “I can do it,” I offer, glancing down at Sam. “Just give me your sister’s number, and I can call for you.”
“You don’t have to do that,” Carson cuts in, before she can respond. “And I don’t know if it’s a good idea for you to be here anymore.”
“I’m not leaving,” I say matter-of-factly.
He’s quiet for a second then surprises me when he looks to Sam and asks, “You want them in here? You want them to stay?”
I turn toward her, pushing down the pain in my chest at how fragile she looks, how devastated.
“Yeah,” she whispers. “I want them to stay.”
“Okay.” He nods tentatively. “But if Dad comes back, he might—”
“He left,” Sam interrupts sharply. “He didn’t even …” Her voice breaks. “He just left.”
“Yeah,” Carson says slowly. “Fuck that.”
She nods. “Fuck that.”
They watch each other for a moment, as if they’ve just come to some sort of unexpected understanding.
“I’ll be downstairs,” he finally says, turning to leave.
“Carson?” Sam calls out.
He stops and looks over at her.
She drops her gaze, grinding her cigarette out in the ashtray.
“What?” he asks.
They lock eyes, and she shrugs.
A sad smile comes to his lips, his eyes going glassy, before he turns and leaves the room.
I lower down beside her, and Billy takes a spot at the foot of the bed.
“You okay?” I ask. “I mean … not that you’re …” I shake my head. “I don’t know how to—”
She reaches for me. “You’re fine. And I’m …” She trails off. “I should, um … I should call my sister.”
I watch as she starts to move for her purse on the desk, but she stills when I hold out a hand.
“Like I said, I can call her for you.”
“No.” She shakes her head. “No, it should be me.”
I glance at the alarm clock on her desk, seeing it’s just past 2:30 a.m. “You could wait till morning.”
She drops back on her heels. “You think?” Looking between me and Billy, she asks, “That’s not bad? If I wait? I’m just so …” She blows out a breath, shaking her head. “I don’t even know.”
“It’s not bad,” I tell her, knowing she’s not in the space for anything else tonight. She just started to settle down, and I know this phone call will only tip her back over the edge.
“Not bad at all,” Billy confirms.
“I don’t know. Maybe I should …”
I take her hand. “It’s okay to give yourself some time. To not wake her up with this.”
She bites her lip, thinking, before she finally nods.
“Do you think you can sleep?” I ask. “Or at least try to close your eyes for a bit?”
“Maybe, if you …” She lowers her eyes to the spot beside her.
“I’m not going anywhere.”
She looks over at Billy.
“And I’ll be right over there.” He motions to the empty bed.
“Okay,” she answers. “Yeah, okay, I can try.”
I move the ashtray from the bed and slip off my boots before climbing in next to her, pulling the blankets over us.
Billy flicks off the light, and I hear him settle into the bed on the other side of the room.
Wrapping my arm around Sam, I pull her against me, lightly brushing my hand over her skin.
“Jamie?” she whispers.
“What, baby?”
“Thank you for taking care of me,” she breathes. “I don’t know what I would have …”
I lean into her, kissing her shoulder. “Always.”