22. Logan
Four MonthsLater
Getting into my car wasn’t easy anymore with my protruding belly almost pressing against the steering wheel. I had to recline the seat and then struggled to reach the pedals. Clipping the seatbelt in, I started the car and checked my surroundings before pulling out of the grocery store parking lot. Tonight, I was going to make Jaxon a romantic dinner. His sister-in-law, Kenna, had told me his favorite meal, and I’d bought all the ingredients for it.
Merging into traffic, I noticed a big, white truck following my movements. I wouldn’t normally think anything of it, except my gut was twisting with anxiety. A little on edge, I changed lanes, and the Tundra followed. Swallowing thickly and trying not to panic, I took the next exit to jump on the highway. The truck let another car between us, but my muscles were tight. The truck was definitely following me—just kept at a distance.
Reaching for my phone in my bag, I blindly patted around for it. Once the cold device was in my grasp, I called Jaxon.
“What’s up, sweetheart?” His voice eased some of the panic clawing at my throat. Checking my rearview mirror, I saw the truck was now right on my bumper.
“J-Jax,” I stuttered, pressing my foot harder on the accelerator and changing lanes again.
“What’s wrong? Is it the baby?” There was panic in his voice now, and my heart raced, no longer calm.
“Someone is following me. I can’t see through the windshield. It’s—but maybe it’s him…” I trailed off, remembering Richard’s face when he’d been dragged away after his last game with the team.
“Where are you now?” There was a loud commotion in the background, deep voices asking him questions that fell silent quickly.
I told him my location and changed lanes again when he began to give me directions.
“Stay on the phone with me. How fast are you going?”
Glancing down at the digital speedometer, I cringed. “85, and he’s on my rear. If I brake, he’ll hit me hard.” Jax’s phone connected to his truck, and I heard his friends in the background.
“Don’t panic. I’m comin’, okay? I won’t let anything happen to you, sweetheart. You’re going to be safe. He won’t hurt you ever again.” His truck roared through the speaker as he accelerated.
I merged into the fast lane between two cars, where the white Tundra couldn’t follow me. He roared past me and rolled down his window. Richard’s crazed eyes gleamed at me. Sweat gathered at the back of my neck, and my fingers shook where they grasped the steering wheel.
“It’s him. Oh, God, he’s going to run me off the road, Jax!” Fear was ripping my throat apart, and I could no longer control the panic that was slowly seizing my body.
“Fuck. Be calm, Logan. Can you hear me? Listen to my voice. I’m not goin’ to let him hurt you or my son.” His truck revved loudly as he rushed to get to me.
My heart was racing, pounding so loudly that I couldn’t hear him over the blood rushing in my ears. His voice wasn’t calming me. All I could see was my increasing speed and Richard’s angry expression.
“What do I do?” I whispered, slowing down when the semi in front of me suddenly slammed on the brakes, traffic coming to standstill. Richard was next to me, boxing me in. And now, he was opening his door and getting out.
“I’m here.” I couldn’t see Jaxon’s F-150, but suddenly, he was at my door, trying to yank it open. I shakily unlocked the door and unclipped my safety belt, relief flooding my veins at the sight of him. He pulled me into his arms, pressing a kiss to my forehead. “He won’t hurt you, Logan. The boys are back there. Go with them.”
Luke, Jax’s best friend, was standing there at Jaxon’s back, arms crossed over his chest, glaring at Richard over the roof of my sedan. Jax pushed me toward Luke, and I tripped over my own feet, straight into him.
Luke’s hand gripped my forearms, pulling me in front of him as he walked us back a few cars to Jaxon’s black F-15. I slid into the backseat with two of the Braves players Jax had befriended.
“Hey, boys.” My voice shook when I spoke, but they smiled.
“Hey, Logan. Sorry about that dick, but you don’t have to worry. We’re here now. You’re safe with us,” Luke said from the front seat where he was gripping the steering wheel.
I watched through the windshield as Richard raised his hands up and pointed at the truck where I was sitting, rage coming off him in waves. I didn’t know this side of him. Never once had he shown an ounce of anger to me in all the time that we dated. This side of him was terrifying.
“He’s going to hurt, Jax,” I whispered, biting my nails worriedly.
“Cops should be here any minute. We called them on the way,” one of the guys beside me spoke up. I forgot his name, but in this moment, it didn’t matter because he smiled softly. “Everything is going to be okay, Logan,” he assured me. Everyone kept trying to assure me, but nothing felt okay.
True to his word though, a cruiser pulled up, red and blue light flashing. The officers immediately restrained Richard, who had shoved Jaxon up against my car.
They took my statement, and then Jax demanded a restraining order to keep Richard away, especially with our little boy due any day.
An hour later, Jax was driving me home in my car, and Luke was behind us in the F-150.
“How come Luke is here?” I asked, playing with the hem of my shirt, trying to find any distraction because the silence in the car was killing me.
“Came to visit,” Jax grunted, his body stiff, both hands on the steering wheel. “Why weren’t you at home? You know you shouldn’t be drivin’.”
I glanced out the window at the city. The buildings hid the setting sun, and I wished we were anywhere but here. He mentioned going to visit his family, but with the baby due so soon, we hadn’t really had a chance to go back, and he didn’t want us to be so far from my doctor in case the baby came and there were complications.
This man was always worried about something going wrong.
“I spoke with Kenna earlier and wanted to make your favorite dinner. I was getting groceries.” His body softened, and he placed a hand on my bouncing knee.
“You still up to cooking lasagna after all that?” There was a small grin replacing the frown that had been pulling his lips down.
“Depends on if you’re up to helping and giving me a foot rub.”
He cracked a grin. “Oh, that can be arranged, sweetheart. I’ll do anythin’ for you; you know that.”
* * *
Everything was ready.
We’d painted the room a soft blue and decorated it with too many tiny baseball signs to count on one hand. Jaxon had found a giant mitt for a rocking chair, and even had a sign made with our son’s name on it, which was hanging above the crib.
I spent hours with Scarlett in every baby store, buying all the cutest clothes, stocking up on diapers, and more things than I could ever possibly need.
Jax and I packed my bag two weeks ago, and then, we packed the baby’s bag. Everything was waiting by the door for a quick grab when the time came.
We’d debated on his name for weeks, throwing random ideas around until suddenly, one day, it all just clicked.
Everything was ready—except me.
Pacing the apartment frantically, I rubbed my swollen belly and willed the nerves to leave. Thousands of women gave birth every day, every hour. Surely, I could do this, too.
Is it normal to be having an anxiety attack every time I think about pushing this baby out?
Jaxon came through the front door, sweat dripping down his flushed face, his dark hair longer than when we first met, and his beard thicker, too. God, I loved this man.
His caramel eyes latched onto mine, and he smirked. “Are you freakin’ out again, sweetheart?” he teased, closing the distance between us with three large steps. His tan, calloused hands latched onto my waist. He flexed his fingers, each one setting a part of me on fire.
“Maybe a little,” I whispered, looking up at him through my dark lashes.
“Come have a shower with me, and I’ll get you nice and relaxed.” He grinned, knowing exactly how much I had been loving our showers. There were so many spots I couldn’t reach anymore...but Jax could.
“Tempting, but you go on. I’ll wait for you in bed.” We’d both been trying to get as much sleep as possible, knowing any day now, we’d be begging for these days to come back.
“Go rest, sweetheart. I love you.” He kissed my nose and pulled away, leaving me in the middle of our home, completely and utterly in love.
He joined me not long after in bed and brought me impossibly close, his arms wrapped around me, big hands palming my belly, my back to his warm chest.
“We’re having a baby, Jax,” I whispered, closing my eyes.
“We are, sweetheart.” He chuckled, lulling me to sleep.
A sharp pain woke me hours later, and I struggled to sit up, his heavy arm weighing me down. “Jax, wake up. Wake up!” I shoved him, and he bolted upright, eyes wide in alarm.
“What? I’m awake,” he groggily slurred.
“It’s time. He’s coming!”
* * *
“He’s perfect, Logan,”Jax whispered, cradling our tiny son in his big arms. “I can’t believe we made him.” Jax only had eyes for Kane, and I couldn’t blame him. He was precious.
“Me neither,” I tiredly whispered, wishing more than anything I could record this moment—our first time together as a new family. I wished I could capture Jax’s face, but looking at him now, seeing that smile, and the way his eyes softened, I didn’t think I would ever forget this anyway.
Jax came over and sat on the edge of the bed so I could look at Kane. After twelve hours of labor, I could barely even lift my arms, but Jaxon did it for me, holding him out in his strong arms so I could admire our beautiful sone. Kane had my dark hair, but he had his daddy’s nose and mouth.
A nurse came in, holding a clipboard. “Alright, Mom. Time for the first feed. Do you want to breastfeed or use formula?”
I’d done enough research to know that breastfeeding was the best route, but I couldn’t imagine finding the strength to hold him.
Times like this, I longed for my mother. She would know what to do.
Jaxon also knew what route I wanted to go, so he spoke to the nurse, and she nodded, jotting down some notes.
“Why don’t you help Mom here and hold him like this.” She helps me unbutton the stiff gown and propped me up. Jax held Kane, and after a few attempts, Kane was suckling with his father supporting him.
“He’s doing it!” I whispered in amazement, watching his sweet face as he softly suckled, making the tiniest moans of enjoyment.
“I love you, Logan. Thank you for givin’ me this.” I looked up at Jax. Tears were welling in his eyes as they shifted between me and his son. “I am such a lucky man.”
Using the only ounce of strength I had, I raised my hand and rested it on his arm. “I couldn’t do any of this without you. Thank you for being my strength, for helping me through the last few months, for holding our son to my breast when I’m too weak. We are just as lucky to have you.”
He pressed the softest kiss to my temple. “I am so proud of you. I know you wish your mom was here, and I’m sorry I can’t make that happen. But I’m here, Logan, and I promise I’m not goin’ anywhere. I’m kinda crazy about you.” He grinned—that teasing grin I had come to love—and if I didn’t already love him with my entire heart, I would now.
Once Kane had enough, the nurse taught Jax how to burp him, and I stifled giggles while watching my big husband hold our tiny little boy on his shoulder and tap his back until he burped. The grin that took over his tired face was worth all the pain.
“That was a big one! How does that feel, buddy?” Jax cooed to our son, lowering his deep, husky voice to speak to the infant.
I wanted to spend the rest of my life loving this man.
“Hey, sweetheart, you think you’ll want another one?” Jax asked once he’d rocked Kane to sleep. “So far, he’s a piece of cake.”
“Ask me again in a week,” I whispered, fighting my own exhaustion.
“Even if he turns into a terror, will you want another one with me?” He hesitated on the question, but I couldn’t get my eyes to open, so I blindly reached for his hand.
“I want everything with you, Jax.” He intertwined our hands, and everything was just right.
“Good because I want three more.” He chuckled, and by some miracle, my eyes flew open.
“Three?!”
His grin was priceless, and even if he wasn’t so goddamn sinfully handsome, I’d probably still give him as many damn kids as he wanted.
“I need a little girl that looks like you and a few more boys to keep her safe.”
“You’re crazy, Dexter.” I let my eyes fall shut again.
“We’ve already established that. Now, sleep, my beautiful girl, because this little man is a Dexter, and we don’t sleep much.”
Our little Kane Dexter.
I wanted to be a Dexter, too.